The best one liner ever….

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  • The best one liner ever….
  • Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    A line can contain multiple sentences. This one, for instance.

    (Though yes, I broadly agree. A “one-liner” isn’t a one-line punchline to a joke that takes a paragraph to set up. Otherwise you could call Ronnie Corbett’s tales one-liners.)

    Junkyard
    Member

    They very least you would need to do for a one liner is have ONE LINE
    other wise its self evidently contains lineS

    That one liner is three sentences and three lines

    Worse than that the punchline is crap 😉

    One may accept a one liner includes a [very short] set up- Morecambe’s required the siren for example- so I agree with the sentiment if not the argument

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I’ve just seen Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg in the supermarket. He looked at me and said “Have to love Easter, baby!”

    As fans of the James Bond movies, my friends all decided to dress up as the man for charity, only for roger Moore to appear in person.

    Well that raised a few eyebrows!

    badllama
    Member

    Me and my mate who is 6′ 5″ standing at the bar in our local 2 young ladies came in and stood next to us to order drinks looked like on there way to a club with low cut tops on.

    Turns and looks up at my mate
    “I bet your getting a good view from up there”
    My mate
    “Don’t flatter yourself love”

    😀

    tjagain
    Member

    When I told my teachers I wanted to be a comedian they all laughed. Well they are not laughing now!

    Bob Monkhouse

    Premier Icon Pook
    Subscriber

    Junkyard – lazarus
    They very least you would need to do for a one liner is have ONE LINE
    other wise its self evidently contains lineS

    That one liner is three sentences and three lines

    Worse than that the punchline is crap

    One may accept a one liner includes a [very short] set up- Morecambe’s required the siren for example- so I agree with the sentiment if not the argument

    Peak STW right there

    kaiser
    Member

    Bob Monkhouse was never really a comedian .
    probably being dense but don’t get the “Pistols” one ..please explain gently!

    Ramsey Neil
    Member

    If you think Bob Monkhouse was never really a comedian then you have little chance of understanding any joke .

    Premier Icon Drac
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    Bob Monkhouse was never really a comedian

    What Bob Monkhouse the stand up comic and comedy writer?

    Premier Icon chakaping
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    Bob Monkhouse was the name that popped into my head when I saw the thread title.

    “I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”

    kaiser
    Member

    fair enough re Bob ..got a bit confused as only just woken up !Yes he had some good lines.

    branwell
    Member

    There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    probably being dense but don’t get the “Pistols” one ..please explain gently!

    http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/nearly-had-fisticuffs-this-morning

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, “Thanks.” I said, “Don’t mention it.”

    Premier Icon AlexSimon
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    More Tim Vine:

    I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny, you couldn’t swing a cat in there.

    Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly

    I decided to sell my Hoover… well it was just collecting dust.

    Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes

    Premier Icon epicyclo
    Subscriber

    Reply to a snotty tourist who complained that that the local beauty spot was the arsehole of the world.

    Local “…and you’ll just be passing through, I presume”

    nicko74
    Member

    From Jimmy Carr’s pre-show:
    My town’s holding its annual incest competition, so I entered my sister

    Premier Icon P20
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    Regarding Bob Monkhouse:
    Last Stand on iPlayer

    nealglover
    Member

    Can’t remember where I first saw or read this but I thought it was pretty good . In response to his partner saying that he never gives her compliments she is told ” For a fat bird you don’t sweat much . “

    Chubby Brown.

    edlong
    Member

    Who knows whether the joke police will allow a one-line response given to someone else saying something but it’s very short (two words), very funny, and I found out about it the other day from the put downs thread:

    MP 1: I am a country member..

    MP 2 (the one liner): I remember.

    birky
    Member

    Say what you like about paedophiles, they always drive slowly near schools

    Nipper99
    Member

    Not a one liner as such. The Inbetweeners having just reached mid Wales. The Camping Trip episode.

    Jay: this cow was standing up firing milk out of it t**s

    Will: udders

    Jay: yeah, there were loads of them.

    😀

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