i_like_food

Aged 14 I thought “what will happen if I hold this camera flash up to my eye and set it off”. So I did. What happened is I went temporarily blind then, after about 20 minutes, only green came back. Felt like such an idiot that I didn’t tell anyone. Took a couple

I did similar, sawed open a bunch of shotgun cartridges in a vice, bundled the gunpowder up in paper, and then put it on a flat rock, and chucked a concrete block onto it. Massive bang, couldn’t hear a thing, ringing in my ears for an hour, wandering about thinking “I’m deaf, Mum is going to kill me”

Many years ago when I was a young commis chef at an Oxford college. Opened drain tap on floor standing deep fat dryer and drained old oil. Cleaned inside of dryer. Poured in a significant amount of fresh oil from big drum of oil. Watched as new oil flowed out all over kitchen floor.

I had a kitchen mishap, though it wasnt me, but the veg delivery guy.
Was working as commis forward slash breakfast chef(dogsbody) in a hotel and veg guy asked being 6am if he could make himself a bacon sarnie. Sure I says.
Next thing I hear a scream and the range explodes into fire.
He’d seen a frying pan sitting on the range and decided to grab it by the handle. The all s/steel pan handle was as hot as the rest of the pan and the oil in it and it was a big pan. Up goes the pan, oil all over the range and floor and it all goes up flames 😆
I had to leave him to his pain while I employed every fire blanket to smother the flaming oil. I then got him a big pot of cold water and phoned his boss. Poor guy kept apologizing for it, when I suppose I was also partly to blame as he wouldnt have known the pan on a range is all hot, not just the oil. I’ve tried lifting a 150-200c pan handle myself and know how long it takes to heal. Instantaneous pain.

we had doubled up on everything apart from a belay device.

Hardly a huge fail if you own a big screw gate krab. Doesn’t do the rope much good though.

I cleaned my bike today. Afterwards the front brakes were rubbing, so I took off the wheel and squeezed the levers to move the piston for a clean.
Squeeze … nothing
Squeeze … nothing
Squeeze … nothing
Squeeze … out pops the piston, and brake fluid pours everywhere. Oops.

The piston seems undamaged, and slipped back in easily enough – have I done insane amounts of expensive damage, or is this rescuable?

In my early days of gas welding I kept a lit candle nearby for torch lighting purposes (I didn’t have a sparker). One day I was lying on the ground welding a sill on my car and I noticed my knee was getting quite warm. This prompted me to turn the torch off to investigate. When I looked down at my knee it was obvious that my overalls were on fire. Thankfully some vigorous patting and blowing got the fire out with no damage to my jeans.

It turns out that the candle had set fire to my knee 🤐

I bought a sparker the next day 😊

taking pedals off my gravel bike to put some road pedals on. I checked everything for direction, but the pedals were just on there too tight. No probs, a quick tap on the end of the pedal spanner with my rubber mallet to get them loose…. but because the pedals have two flats on them the angle is such that the tap with the hammer is just turning the crank instead, and I can’t stop the other crank by holding it.

But, I think – if I hold the other crank with my hand between the crank and the chainstay that’ll stop it moving. And a quick tap with the mallet…….

Yep – in essence I just hit myself on the knuckle with a mallet. I don’t get much benefit from the mallet being rubber, I swapped that out for a crank. I did manage to magnify the force using the leverage effect of 2x175mm cranks and a park tools pedal spanner, so maybe half a meter or so of leverage.

Yes, it hurt. A lot.

Had a great old day on the Innerleithen uplift. Thought we had done last run of the day. Went back to van, took off jacket, let the dog out etc. Girlfriend phones me “are you getting on this last bus with us or what!?”. Queue much flapping, running back to bus. After said run, came back to van:

Problem 1 – no keys, in flap had forgotten to zip pocket, keys lost somewhere on hill
Problem 2 – forgot to put dog back in van, pals parked beside had kindly looked after her

Not my best day!

I got some grease on my favourite Rab shorts yesterday. They are worn every day. No problem, just give them a quick squirt of Vanish then pop them in the washing machine. Except I forgot to pop them in the washing machine. Came down this morning and the Vanish has literally burned through the shorts like acid. They are written off so I’ve just had to spend £50 buying replacements.

Reversing into an entrance between two substantial gate posts in a works van, to find out that its actually two entrances with another gate post between the two i can see in the mirrors. Thankfully the third gate post was very sturdy and the tow bar took most of the impact.

Servicing a set of Fox 32 Talas forks, and releasing the pressure of the inner chamber thing like a shot gun going off accidently in your face, to find that it should be refilled with nitrogen…er nope.

Going sailing for a week with a new untested repair to the inflatable tender, which you then find doesn’t hold air and your a long way from anywhere which sells glue, and very few places you can get alongside to get off.

The piston seems undamaged, and slipped back in easily enough – have I done insane amounts of expensive damage, or is this rescuable?

Unlikely, you’ve got to take pistons out to replace and it does no damage to them or the seating.
Probably easier to clean them that way.
Just mind when replacing to lube them and push them back in as straight as possible.

Cutting the steerer on my new forks whilst forks are attached to the bike. Cut through and watched the freshly cut bit of steerer drop on to the top tube of my shiny new frame. Nice bits of bare metal showing through. Heli tape to the rescue!

Lighter won’t light. I’ve tried 10 times in a row. Shake it – there’s gas in it. Perhaps the nozzle is blocked? I hold it up to my ear to listen and it lights.

And that’s why I had short hair in the 80s.

Reversing into an entrance between two substantial gate posts in a works van, to find out that its actually two entrances with another gate post between the two i can see in the mirrors. Thankfully the third gate post was very sturdy and the tow bar took most of the impact

A ‘friend’ once reversed a nearly new Ford Escort van with gusto (for that gutless thing) up a carpark ramp. Unfortunately there was a divider between the up and down ramp which lined up between the two rear windows. From ‘my friends’ view it looked like one ramp, so ‘the friend’ gave it beans.
Bent the vans floor a lot. Was a company van so was reported as hit whilst parked.

Reversing into an entrance between two substantial gate posts in a works van

I had a very near miss reversing onto a museum floor, the entrance was barely an inch clear either side of me, ideally I’d have taken it right back up into the exhibition space but the entrance wasn’t wide enough for my mirrors.

When I looped round into the room from the other door on foot there was a display cabinet about 2 feet from the rear that I hadn’t been able to see. had I been able to fold the mirrors in I’d have reversed clean over the cabinet with the very very old, very very expensive, irreplaceable stuff in it.

Hot off the press yesterday – received new pivot bolt to replace failed one on my FS. Installed and torqued. In the process of ‘taking it up to 10nm’ alu pivot bolt rounds out.

Cue head scratching and discovery that my torque wrench only operates as a wrench with reverse thread – that I was tightening.

Doh!

Earlier this week I somehow managed to get my DU bushing tool wedged in my shock’s eyelet, just being a bit dozy as I removed one of the bushings.

Hopefully some creative use of my vice will get it out again, but I may be back with another tale of hamfistery.

Some years ago now, road trip from Harrogate to Tignes in my brand new Mk4 Golf GT TDI pd150, for a ski trip.

Filled up in Calais, no problem.

Fuel tank down to 1/4 somewhere in the middle of France, in the middle of the night.

Started filling up with the same colour nozzle in Calais, noticed that the fuel price was significantly different to the price in Calais.

It was petrol!!!  At this point the fuel mix in the tank was approx. 50/50 petrol and diesel.

So, what to do given the location and timing of the situation and my minimal grasp of the french language?

Brim the tank with diesel and crack on to Tignes at high speed, stopping at every fuel station on route to keep on topping up the diesel and flush though the petrol.

The engine didn’t miss a beat for the rest of the journey to Tignes and the return to Harrogate.

(I later destroyed that engine driving through floodwater but that’s a whole different story.)

Earlier this year I fell head over heels in love. Having done it a couple of times before, you’d think I would have known better.

Got into the jump plane last weekend to go and do a 4 way jump with some friends. Formation groups are normally first out, but not this time, so it was only after I was crammed in the plane halfway back that I remembered I had not put the booties on my suit over my feet.

I normally spend the lift up to 4000m going through emergency procedure (0 – 1500m), then the jump from exit to breakoff (1500 to 3000m). Instead, I spent pretty much the whole time thinking about how the hell I was going to get my booties on before it was our turn at the door. Managed it, but it rushed everything and I hate having the jump start like that.

My roadie’s been tubeless since I got it but the shop put no goo in so it was flat every time I came to ride it, decided I’d use tubeless goo.

Good weather, got a chair out, music on, life was great then broke the bead to put the tubeless goo in then suddenly thought…. I was meant o just out it through the valve!!! Don’t own a compressor.

It got worse, put it back together with a tube, pumped it up and it went flat straight away. Checked, piece of glass in the tyre that I never saw! Tyre= done, tube=Done! New tyre and tube fitted this week, money paid and balance restored!

I used to be known for my gaffes, get to a festival, go to the entrance, go to get the tickets for my brother and I out my pocket, oh no…. they’re 50 miles away back home! My brother didn’t speak to me all the way back home and nearly full on fought me, we laughed about it once we were in the festival 2 hours later!

You know that little tab on the rear mech that prevents you mis routing the chain? The one where everyone gets it wrong once, hears it rubbing, fixes it and never does it again? Well after 25 years I’ve done it again – the reason the downshift was rubbish is because the chain was rubbing on the tab, not old age of the SP41 as I’d convinced myself.

You know that little tab on the rear mech that prevents you mis routing the chain? The one where everyone gets it wrong once, hears it rubbing, fixes it and never does it again? Well after 25 years I’ve done it again – the reason the downshift was rubbish is because the chain was rubbing on the tab, not old age of the SP41 as I’d convinced myself.

In a similar vein I completely stripped and reassembled one of my bikes a few months ago in an effort to chase down a rogue creak. Everything greased and tightened up with not a creak or squeak to be found I patted myself on the back and went riding, only to find that there was a funny grinding noise when on the smaller cogs of the rear cassette.

Yep. I’d routed the cable for the rear mech around the inside of the seat stays.