I particularly like the moments when your head says “no, don’t do that, XYZ will happen” then 2 seconds later XYZ happens and your head says “I just bloody told you!”.

I also love a good drive to get to a ride, emptying the car, setting up your bike, packing your backpack, slurp of water, foook….. Left my helmet at home.

Bloke turned up to the club ride one day with spds and no shoes, just the crocs he was wearing. Someone produced a roll of duck tape and we taped his crocs onto the pedals, which gave him a weird pair of dignity diminishing toe clip style solutions.

Apparently they mainly worked fine although the soles are not great for power transfer or hot spot prevention. And you get wet feet if you put a foot down.

Another time, an after ride work with a couple of colleagues. This time flats but no shoes, so a Surrey Hills circuit was undertaken in MTB kit and a pair of polished black Oxfords.

got drunk and burnt my coat to keep warm

Never has this GIF felt more appropriate:

The first time on a camping holiday with a roof-box fitted. Went for a day trip with it still on and drove into a multi storey car park that was just a teeny bit too low! Had to do a full circuit of the car park with it scraping the car park roof.

When I worked for Coca-Cola I drove my work van into a multi-storey, I knew it would be tight but cleared the barrier. Did my work, which included unlading the van which was brimmed full of multipacks of Coca-Cola. When it was time to leave the unloaded van no longer fitted under the barrier.

Idiocy by proxy. 7 yr old son was in A&E this morning till 5 am after swallowing a magnet at around 9 pm last night. :facepalm:

I’m sure there was a story in my internet news feed about a little lad who swallowed about 20 little neodymium magnets to see if he could make stuff stick to him.

Your son needs to up his game!

Story. 

Oops, no it was 54. 🤣

I’ve had a couple of rides when I’ve been completely unable to judge anything quite right, clipped every tree, mistimed every edge, usually as the ride goes on I get more annoyed, a slowly building crappy headache and sometimes a bit nauseous until I give up, head back to the car/home only to realise my clear lenses are still in the case and I’ve got photochromic ones in.
So it turns out that my prescription is just strong enough that wearing contacts and prescription glasses at the same time isn’t immediately obvious but really ruins your day.

@timmys, @tthew

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/mar/30/astrophysicist-gets-magnets-stuck-up-nose-while-inventing-coronavirus-device

I’m one of those people who learned to drive later than usual in life at like 33 or something and shortly after passing decided to surprise my wife by picking her up from Stockport train station.

She was happy to see me after a work trip coming home from London but this changed when I was pulling out of the station car-park and crashed her own car straight into the ticket barrier whilst she was in the passenger seat and got it stuck there blocking the whole car park from exiting.

@tthew, @theotherjonv

It was only one magnet luckily, so it’s just a matter of letting nature take its course. I’m pretty annoyed at my wife for not managing to get a copy of the x-ray.

– Thought I’d booked a plane ticket to San Jose, California, but somehow ended up in San Jose (I think it was a long time ago) in central america and being robustly interviewed by gun toting drugs officers. They genuinely could not believe I’d been so stupid. Luckily I was able to convince them that I was in fact an idiot.

Variation on this: I booked our honeymoon flights to Costa Rica, 2 days before the trip the Tour company we’d used for the in-country stuff called to say I’d booked a flight to San Jose, California instead of San Jose, Costa Rica. Cue 3 hours of pleading with American Airlines on the phone who initially insisted we’d have to cancel with no refund and pony up $1500 for the correct flight. Luckily, after finally reaching a manager, they cancelled and re-booked us on the correct flight for only $250 extra! Was extremely relieved at that.

spds and no shoes, just the crocs he was wearings

Did this on an xbike ride in the cheviots (not crocs, obviously *shudder*) I was effing and blinding wondering how I’d follow my faster mate with just trainers, when a kid who;d been orbiting us on a bmx said his dad would lend me a pair, which was very nice of him. On the plus side his dad was landlord of the local pub, which we were therefore obliged to spend a bit more in after the ride than we otherwise might’ve; and he also recommended us a route. On the negative side, the shoes were a size too small, and the route took us past an army exercise which involved tracer fire and a tank.

A friend asked me to come to his birthday party in Ireland and would I mind Djing. I exitedly called from Dublin airport to tell him I’d arrived, “thats great mate, but I live in Belfast”.

That covid magnet story is brilliant, I love that he blames it on running out of magnets.

Early one for me. 1997 or 98 my mates Dad had taken us over to watch the DH racing at Inners. Think we must have rode in the morning as we had our bikes. As it was a really hot day i was worried about leaving my helmet inside the car, mistakenly thinking it might melt or be damaged by the heat somehow. So instead I stashed it on the ground behind one of the car wheels! The inevitable happened and i was pretty gutted. The potential for crackhanded mistakes hasn’t left me.

On the flip side we saw mad skills from Will Longdon to beat Steve Peat, and also got Peattie’s autograph.

My old boss booked cheap flights for him and his missus to Biarritz, for a late winter weekend break.

Which was all well and good, except in his head he’d got it mixed up with St Moritz – and they had been wanting to go skiing.

I have, Laurel-and-Hardy-style, stood on the head of a sweeping brush, causing the handle to flip up and fully crack me in the face. It gave me a proper black eye I could barely see out of.

Didn’t think it was possible in real life until I did it.

Light a fire and you’ll be warm for the night. Set your coat on fire and you’ll be warm for the rest of your life

First night at Glastonbury, met up with friends I’d not seen in a while, it got messy, I got back to the tent completely off my head.
I got confused with the 2 zips on the sleeping bag that allow you to open from either end, so I decided to fix it by breaking off both zippers.
Not satisfied with fixing my own sleeping bag in this way I did exactly the same to my girlfriends one.
She was less than pleased with having to spend the next 3 nights in a sleeping bag that wouldn’t do up.

For some reason decided that the sensible route from Brighton to Dover is along the coast not via the motorway. Got to Dover to see ferry leaving the harbour. Thought no worries there’ll be another in an hour or two. Except that I’d saved money by booking with Speedferries who only had one boat so it was 4 hours to the next boat but the boat broke down and could only use one engine so it was actually 6 hours. And the boat was still broken so the crossing took 3 hours instead of two. Landed in France at 1600 instead of 0900. There was very little to do in Dover at 0600 on a Sunday 20 years ago.

About to trade in a Volvo 480 with knackered water pump. Gave it a wash and topped up the oil before going to the dealer. Drove from Doncaster towards Sheffield, pulled off the M1 north and got stopped at the lights on the junction.

Oh, what’s that smoke? Hadn’t put the oil cap back on. Somehow the cap had fallen off the engine and stuck between the sump and a plastic undertray. The engine bay was quite understandably dripping oil *everywhere*.

Eventually plucked up courage to restart it and drive to the nearest supermarket where I put 4l of oil into it… Didn’t make it to the dealership that day!

got drunk and burnt my coat to keep warm

Never has this GIF felt more appropriate:

Posted 3 hours ago

I’m known for my drunken good ideas. As a side note, magic mushrooms were legal to buy over the counter back then.

I’d felt some play in the Maxle on my forks for quite a few rides – the older-style that looked like a QR lever. Thought I’d solve it with brute force and ignorance by tightening it up so it needed more force to close. Promptly snapped the lever clean off. On the summit of Mont Jovet at 2560mtrs.

Held it all together with a strip of velcro and cable ties, which surprisingly lasted not only for the descent that day, but for the remainder of our 2-week hol.

I have, Laurel-and-Hardy-style, stood on the head of a sweeping brush, causing the handle to flip up and fully crack me in the face.

You are Sideshow Bob AICMFP.

You are Sideshow Bob AICMFP

😀

The broom incident was while working in the kitchen at an American summer camp.

Not me, but another member of staff at the same camp. We made Gatorade (from a powder/water mix) in 240 litre bins that sat on little wheeled carts so we could move then around – there was a *lot* of kids and staff at this camp.

Pushing said cart the staff member managed to tip over a full bin, creating a tidal wave of ‘fruit punch’ flavour Gatorade that flooded the kitchen and a good part of the dining room. It looked like the red sea.

Later that summer a bear broke into the kitchen and raided/destroyed multiple fridges.

Ten mile drive to local loch to try out my new, expensive three piece fly rod. Built it up , gave it a few appreciative flexes and then set it in the open car door against the hinges to don the waders ……cue gust of wind and brand new three piece fly rod is now a pretty crappy five piece….. Much hilarity, but not from me …

Set myself on fire
Burns really hurt
Still got a ride back in ambo with the blue lights on and and the hospital did a great job with dressings and i managed to keep my incredible good looks

Bike related… took Jase McCs Specialized for a play to Beddgelert early 90s fitted pedals only to realise forgotten spd shoes… shredded an inner tube and tied to pedals… pretty grippy for flats. Bought first set of DX spd pedals late 80s Xmas present off parents opened them Xmas day only one steel backing plate there, fuming got to shop as soon as it opened on 28th… for the guy to slide the two plates apart.. film of oil holding them together..

Typing this in A+E having fainted twice in work this morning, 2nd day in new job … feel a right dick! And panicking they’ll just lay me off!

Riding Monday night at Stile Cop Cannock Chase, hammering down Ridge Run with gusting winds, I pondered just popping the table. Changed my mind and decided to try to clear it = Idiot.

Heavy gust sent me sidewards in the air and crashed hard, just missing the tree. Made a mess of my left arm, bashed my shoulder to the point I can barely change gear in the car and damaged my helmet.

The bike is mostly ok barring a split grip.

Turned up at Bristol airport to fly to Bilbao. Shame our tickets were for Bilbao – Bristol. My fault.

Turned up at Bristol airport to fly to Barcelona. Shame our tickets were for Budapest. Not my fault.

Early 90s at work. My boss had just picked up a new range-topping MTB and offered me a go. I decided the brake cable adjuster needed winding out a bit so grabbed an adjustable and proceeded to back off the weird little hex adjuster while squeezing the lever. Suddenly all this oil came spurting out…

Ride done, bike dismantled put in boot, reversing on full lock, that didn’t feel right? Got out looked and the wheel that was left propped by the near side rear of car was proper mangled and in the process damaged the wheel arch and sill of my new car……

Very expensive oops was that 🙄

I am surprised at the absence of I-Spec confusion stories here. Surely I’m not the only one.

Driving 324 miles to the B&B we’d booked in Innerleithen, only to find out I’d got the date slightly wrong and we’d arrived early. The B&B owners were lovely though – they didn’t have a vacant room, but they called around friends in the area who owned cottages and B&Bs and got us sorted for the night.

Or breaking an ankle in the middle of the first lockdown because I was trying to beat my own Strava time. It was a tame uphill bridleway, but the front wheel slipped into a rut and I went over. Rode home nearly 4 miles on a broken ankle, because I hoped that I’d just twisted it. Three months in a cast, followed by 6 weeks in a moon boot. ****.

Got back to the car after a ride, wheels off, frame and front wheel in back of the car, got in, reversed and felt a godawful bump. Got “that” feeling as I realised what I’d done.

Yep, I’d left my lovely 6th element carbon rear wheel propped against the car and had reversed over it. Miraculously, apart from the rotor being all kinds of bent, the wheel survived unscathed with just a light scuff, still running true 6th months later, A testament to the strength of 6th element carbon rims!

My son is experiencing this today as his trainers are in the boot of my car and he has PE.

Last night he and his sister had a fight about who was going to bring in the stuff from the car.

As her trainers are also in the boot I assume that they didn’t resolve the situation satisfactorily.

Was out for a recce of a local winter fell race (Marsden to Edale, so not exactly a gentle park run). Realised I got to the start of the recce point and left my fell shoes at home about an hours drive away. So ran the entire recce, about 2 hours up on to Bleaklow and back, in a pair of white Adidas Sambas. The Park ranger we came across on the Pennine Way gave me a somewhat stern look of “WTF are you doing up here in winter in those”.

Went for an after work ride in the North York Moors, about 45 min drive. Got there, got changed, went to get my bike out of the boot, realised I had left my bike at work. It was a Friday so I had to go to work on Saturday and get security to let me in so I didn’t miss a bank holiday weekend of riding.

Not exactly stupidity… But kinda.

Back in the late 90s I was doing a degree in animation. Spent all day hunched over a rostrum camera, then went for a well earned pint and game of pool in the students union. Parts of what happened next are a complete blur, others are vivid to this day.

I bent over the table to take a shot and felt something ‘ping’ in my back. Apparently I went completely white, then went off to the toilet. The next thing I remember is sitting on the throne in absolute agony, unable to stand up and asking myself why on earth I’d gone to the toilet.

Somehow managed to prise myself up, out the door and back to the union, where I picked up my (first) pint and tried to act like everything was fine. ‘Cos no one likes a fuss right?

Cue very concerned friends and bar staff asking what was wrong, and me pretty much uncapable of speech I was in so much pain.

Ended up being ambulanced to A&E, pumped full of industrial painkillers (what’s it called when they inject your spine?) and a good week of being incapable of moving any further than the sofa.

No lasting damage, though I’ve had recurring back troubles and had to be quite careful about exercise and stretching.

honourablegeorge
Full Member
Didn’t affect me as such, but I do remember that feeling when my mate took his bike out of his van, with the forks I’d just serviced for him, and I spotted the crown was back to front.

Saw a bloke out on course at Clic24 with a brand new fox fork fitted…backwards.

He told me it was “what the pro’s did”

Obviously! 🤣