Stuff that makes you disproportionately cross

Gawd.. I had the same thing quite a few years ago… I was on jobseekers allowance after a lay off and had found a new job.

I call them to cancel my benefits.. “you’ll have to come into the job center at XX..”

Errm I can’t… I’ll erm, be at work?

“if you don’t attend your benefits could be cancelled”

OK.. Sounds like it will work itself out then?

I signed on when I lost my job and got another job a couple of days later. I got in touch to get it all cancelled and all I could get from them was the armageddon they would release if I fraudulently took any of their money, but nothing about how I stop the process. In the end I popped into Abergavenny JC+ and spoke to a human who said bank the cheque, and the next one if it arrives, because there was actually no way of intervening in that workflow in the first month! My not turning up to sign stopped it for month#2.

I have an amazon kindle, I really like it. But I also have paper books. I just finished reading a paper book, switched back to the kindle and suddenly I got a notification "Congratulations on your 3 day streak! Keep it up!" ** there has literally not been a day since I was a teenager when I didn't read a book, go * yourself.

Also everything about the Universal Credit system is designed by psychopaths. Had all the stuff above, now in the middle of "we think we've overpaid you by about £20 so you have to give us statements for every bank account, credit card, savings account, investment, also your paypal, plus proof of how you pay your rent and council tax and electricity and gas, back to the start of your claim, and provide on demand details of any transaction on any of those accounts for all of that period.". All on a system that's specifically supposed to handle people who are unwell. Like, I can pretty much handle it but obviously a lot of people just couldn't.

(A few years back while I was between jobs they made me go to a group meeting thing, in which some poor tired out manager dude sat in front of about 15 people and tried to help/convince/force/inspire people back into work. And it was just kafkaesque, there was a dude there who could barely speak because of anxiety, a guy who'd worked in one job for 40 years til his entire industry ended and now had no useful skills at 60, a bunch of ****less kids just playing the system (one in pyjamas of course), a couple of single parents just doing their best, and me just to cap it off going "yeah I have a degree and useful experience so I'm pretty sure I'll get a job as soon as I really put any effort in but also I have a redundancy settlement to live off". Like it was built to destroy people.)

The last time I had to sign on was in 1986 when the Job Centre was a hideous place, decorated in that government cream and green with a thick coating of tar from the fog of tobacco smoke that was a permanent feature. The staff were behind glass to protect them from attack.

I had to go back with our Ukrainian guest a couple of years ago, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much more civilised the place appeared to be. I soon discovered that despite those appearances, it was a place of shattered dreams (that was the staff) and Kafkaesque nightmares for the clients. And no jobs to be seen. The utter waste the whole thing represented made me cross, but I suspect not disproportionately.

Yeah, that's an extra level of sadness for the whole thing, pretty sure everyone I've ever dealt with at the job centre is a good person doing their best who has empathy and wants to help people and then one day they woke up and realised they work in the sorting office of hell. And tbf I used to do some hiring in a previous job and I don't think I'd hire anyone that had spent any time working in that system. And it's completely adjacent and equivalent to the job we did, in theory, so the exact same people could just as easily have stepped into my job by some quirk of fate instead of the soul crushing machine.

Previously I had to go to one that was in a fairly shitty area and it was the whole deal, armoured glass and security on the door and people getting frisked and all the seats bolted down so that you couldn't throw them and you couldn't get in til the exact moment of your appointment because of course you were a threat that would destroy things but if you were 10 seconds late you couldn't even get in the door and got written up. It wasn't far off the experience of visiting someone in jail. Now I'm in a fairly nice area and it's just a completely normal office, still has a security dude but it's a big fat bloke who looks like he'd die if he ever had to deal with any stress. And that itself is just completely ****ed, the difference in experience that people have on day 1, you get postcode lotteried into being treated like a person or an enemy

But I really mean it about the kindle.

pretty sure everyone I’ve ever dealt with at the job centre is a good person doing their best who has empathy and wants to help people and then one day they woke up and realised they work in the sorting office of hell.

Our local job centre wasn't too bad - being a quaint market town it wasn't too bad.

The staff ended up feeling sorry for a good mate of mine though. They just couldn't figure out what to do with him, so he got given the keys to the place and they paid him to come in every morning and clean before they opened!

I'm aware that this is going to make me sound like my dad, but **** it. Driving standards.

Since when did everybody (else) decide it was ok to sneak one or two cars through an actual red light? Since when did it become standard not let peds cross the road - I was flashed at from behind this morning for letting a couple of school kids cross a busy road? when did we all decide that we're not letting folks out at junctions? Or blocking side streets if we're waiting in a que of traffic? Folks ignore the keep clear instructions painted on roads, yellow boxes seem anathema to most folks. As for basic stuff like speed limits, indicators, tailgating; clearly only an amateur would pay any mind to any of it.

Bah! mutter mutter, grumble grumble...

MrsMC: can you move your car so I can get mine out? (She can’t drive my manual car)

Looks like you need a new one .... 😉

I’m aware that this is going to make me sound like my dad, but **** it. Driving standards.

You can add "why does everyone seem to think their vehicle is 16 foot wide?" to your list. So many times I'm stuck behind someone who won't drive through a gap, even though something like a tipper lorry has just gone through it in front of them.

Bicycle serial codes hidden away on the bottom bracket.

It’s a disincentive to actually register the thing.

especially with the added weight of e-bikes.

Why not embrace  the uniqueness of your bike and just get the manufacturers to laser engrave the number onto the top tube.

Looks like you need a new one ….

It's a nice idea, but probably easier just to change the car.

It's been a while since I signed on. My memories of it resemble nothing like what the tabloids have always portrayed it to be. A utopian land where you get paid more to not work and wallpaper your house in flat screens. My experiences were thoroughly depressing and demeaning to say the least. The money given, a pittance you could barely get by on. As far as I can tell it hasn't changed and is still amongst the lowest standard of support in the EU!

Circlips - little bastards.

It’s a nice idea, but probably easier just to change the car.

How the **** did Cougar get a like for explaining my joke?

That makes me  cross! 🙂

Poe's Law.

Circlips – little bastards.

They're designed specifically to fly off suddenly and become lost forever due to their tiny size.

-----

As to the coffee in the sugar bowl. What is worse is people who take a spoonful of sugar, then put it in the cup and stir it, then decide to put the now wet spoon back into the sugar, so you get brown hardened lumps.

Circlips – little bastards.

Known here as "Ping****its" after the noise heard when removing them.

Anyway.

"Mirror" - noun
Device for making perfectly attractive women think they look terrible.

For those annoyed at people who dawdle in supermarkets... I've gotta try this:

Fesshole @fesshole@mastodon.social

As students, my bestie and I used to go around the supermarket putting really expensive luxury items into people's unattended shopping trolleys. Then we'd watch whether they removed them at the till or politely paid for them because they didn't want to make a fuss

Could go crazy and dump an air fryer or a no-brand telly or something in there for extra giggles!

Could be an interesting sport!!

Yeah, it's a common student prank is that. We used to do it with things like KY Jelly and Anusol.

When your employer refers to roles in the Change team as "Firelighters".

That's going to be a very disappointing calendar...

I have probably said this before, but glass bottles dumped in the road.  I got out of my van on Sunday morning in Bristol and someone had obviously been having a little party during the night and they had left an empty vodka bottle in the road.  Littering boils my pee anyway but if they'd thrown it on the grass verge it would have been slightly more considerate.  It blows my mind.

When your employer refers to roles in the Change team as “Firelighters”.

What the hell in the world of batshit cooperate buzz word bulshittery is that...

I'd start referring to them as arsonists just to make a point.

Management speak in general. We're going to go through a lot of changes for the next 5 years so we're all to do a managing change course. As part of that I'm in the "imperfect manager" group. Got the book read part of the foreword and the dedication on inside cover. I expect the B ark invitation any minute.
What utter codswallop.

I’d start referring to them as arsonists just to make a point.

With the emphasis on the first syllable.

Management speak in general.

Years ago, like late 90s, I worked for a civil engineering company. It was in many ways a very strange culture. The MD was a man who had taken to IT like a duck to petrol.

We were in a meeting one time, my colleague was providing an update about how we'd replaced a router or updated the firewall config or something, the MD suddenly exploded going "why do we have to have all these jargon terms that no-one understands!" My colleague shot back "well that's what it's called, would you prefer 'the thingie'?" Then after the Uncomfortable Dust had settled, the MD changed the subject to talk about 60mm t-piece reducing flanges or some such.

Car crashes.

Not the crashes themselves, terrible for all involved but the clean up.

Presumably someone is tasked with coming along and picking up the written off car(s).

So why do they always seem to leave a huge bumper, undertray, numberplate and smashed bits of plastic in the verge/side of the road?

Take all of it ffs.

My own inability to plan ahead.  It's my girlfriend's birthday this weekend and I know she'd like some face stuff as it's expensive and she's running low.  There's been a jar of whatever it is in my bathroom for a couple of weeks and I took no notice of it.  Now it's not there I have no idea what said product was so can't buy her a new one.  Mister Pillock!

Sitting in a small 'coffee bar' waiting for my wife to finish her interview. I'm sitting on a bar stool in the window, to people watch obviously, and there is no bar to put my feet. The choice is to squeeze them on to the small bar of the stool, causing my ankles to press against the stool leg, or let them dangle in the air like a toddler swinging on a chair!

Don't get me started on the flimsy plywood 'table' that bends downwards every time I lean on it to put my over priced and very sub standard coffee down

To add to that....myself. Why can't I make a decision. Looking for a new laptop, my current one is 9 years old and has a cracked case, plus who doesn't like new things ?

But can I make a decision? 3 times I've been in to look at physical items and I still walk away without buying. Then I start looking at other things, or a tablet, or a MacBook, but still don't buy anything!

Colleagues who ordered a McDonald's for themselves and didn't feel the need to ask the other members of staff if they might have wanted anything.

They both then decided to take a nice unscheduled break , waft the smell of sausages and egg muffins around while the other members of the non inclusive breakfast club picked their work .

Tossers

Continental hotels.

Would it really kill you to provide a usb A and C socket?

Probably higher up most people's wish list than a shower cap .

Probably higher up most people’s wish list than a shower cap .

I'm always disappointed now when there isn't a shower cap as I like to take them home for protecting rotors whilst washing and lubing my bike (which happens around twice a year).

I’m always disappointed now when there isn’t a shower cap as I like to take them home for protecting rotors whilst washing and lubing my bike (which happens around twice a year).

They're also handy to cover the bowl when you're proving dough.

Web 2.0 page rendering.

Ie, a web server provides content which the browser immediately displays, before the page layout is fully formed. So you're presented with an article you think "ooh, that looks interesting" and then the page reflows and it ****s off the screen somewhere never to be seen again. Or, you think "I'll just click on this" and then the page goes "surprise!" three picoseconds before your finger falls and you click on something else entirely.

Or, you think “I’ll just click on this” and then the page goes “surprise!” three picoseconds before your finger falls and you click on something else entirely.

Shouldn't this be in the issues with STW sticky thread 😉

But yes, this, many times over.

My mouse has an extra thumb button on the side, which is mapped to "go back a page" on internet browsers. I will never intentionally click this. From time to time I accidentally click it but always without fail I will click it and still have it clicked, and realise my mistake, and I then have to keep my thumb pressed down on that button to stop it going back a page.

Yes I'm sure I could turn this off in its software, except its software is now an app that doesn't work on my PC and when you contact them they say "yes, there is a known issue where the app doesn't work sometimes, we don't know why LOL, have you tried reinstalling windows or buying a new mouse?"

Colleagues who ordered a McDonald’s for themselves and didn’t feel the need to ask the other members of staff if they might have wanted anything.

Had a similar experience when during a regatta, the boat owner(Jeff)- when the work was to be done at the end of the race, bu66ered off and came back 1 hour later nonchalantly reading a sailing mag and eating an icecream

It was summer, hot and we'd all done considerable work and did he ask if anyone else wanted an icecream ? Did he fk

Pissed me the fk off so i stormed up to the shop, bought enough for the entire crew and handed them round.

All took except Kevin, who said he didnt want one.

You're ****g taking it i snarled as i thrust the icy confection in his direction. Principle had become invoked, and everyone one was getting one whether they wanted it or not. Or there would be hell to pay lol

Eating House or Eatery.

When people refer to a socket as a plug.

Colleagues who ordered a McDonald’s for themselves and didn’t feel the need to ask the other members of staff if they might have wanted anything

Reminds me of an ex-colleague, we’d arrange to meet, and I’d drive us to site in the company vehicle, he’d be late more often than not. Not hugely but 5 mins or so..

He’d either turn up with a shop bought coffee, or want to stop at the services “for a piss” and come back with a coffee and/or snack fo himself.

Disrespectful knob.

He didn’t last very long with us as, ok I’ll give him 5 mins quickly turned into bollocks to you, you’ve had 30 secs and training you actually makes my day harder anyway.

.

dyna-ti has modelled himself on Tony Soprano thrusting the ice cream in Kevin's face

If you are ever invited to a poker evening at his pad be very wary

Forgetting to pick up my actual wallet, remembering I haven't set up a Google wallet on my phone, and realising the change in my pocket is only good for a meal deal for lunch or a posh frothy coffee, not both.

My most first world out of touch problem of the day.

Festive themed...

• Fairy lights where the "Steady On" mode requires 17 pushes of the button. It should be the default.
• Pound Shop sticky tape.

Mini-roundabout at a small crossroads.

Two cars come at the same time from opposite directions, both wanting to turn to their right.

Great! This is what mini roundabouts are made for, right? We can both go around each other in a glorious ballet with barely a pause.

BUT NO

I get halfway around just as the muppet opposite decides to cut the corner, going around the wrong way. We both screech to a halt, nose to nose, and stare at each other. After a second I gesture to him to circle the roundabout clockwise and shrug, he tuts (yes I can see it, THAT kind of tut) rolls his eyes shakes his head and goes around.

Idiots are idiots and the roads are full of them. It's the attitude that makes me so cross.

Buying a cheap game (because it's cheap) for a Nintendo Switch only to find out it requires a subscription! In the bin the game goes.

You can add “why does everyone seem to think their vehicle is 16 foot wide?” to your list. So many times I’m stuck behind someone who won’t drive through a gap, even though something like a tipper lorry has just gone through it in front of them.

I use a semi secure multistory place when i'm at my partners. The speed that some tiny hatchback driving plonker rolls through the 2.6m wide door, because it's at a "slightly" funny angle is infuriating. Get two or three of them in a row and it causes gridlock because it's just off the roundabout. I've even seen one person backing up for another go, in a Polo.

You can get a large SUV through there without issue.

I know you can.

Because i've done it, repeatedly.

Because i’ve done it, repeatedly.

Must have been a thrilling Sunday afternoon.

Must have been a thrilling Sunday afternoon.

Absolutely gripping! Couldn't tear myself away.

People that don't know how to merge at roadworks correctly.

There's some long-running roadworks near where I work that takes a dual carriageway (40mph road not that it really matters) down to a single carriageway (left side closed) about 200 metres after a roundabout. So many idiots block both carriageways off the roundabout or just a bit on by trying to merge straight away. And then people in the right-hand lane think anyone in the left lane is trying to queue jump. So rather than it working efficiently and people zip merging at the cones it's utter carnage and I usually have to queue even to get onto the roundabout (frequently nothing moves as the roundabout is traffic light controlled and idiots coming from the right just block the roundabout (it's yellow hatched but there's no enforcement cameras).

They need a TV ad campaign along the line of the old space invaders one where they get the message across everyone should merge in turn (although at least 75% of drivers seem to be complete morons so it likely wouldn't help)...

Police force round here did a social media ad explaining how zip merging should work and bellends still argued the toss. With the Police RPU.

Should be 6 points and £100 fine!