stop being so angry

So, i get wound up at the slightest thing and for the sake of my blood pressure I need to reign it in. Can you actually change your behaviour like this? I don’t mean just bottling everything up until something goes “pop”. How do you stay calm?

What do you get angry about? Or in what circumstances?

(If the answer is ‘When people ask me questions’ then sorry 🙂 )

Stop giving a crap. It all becomes quite amusing after that 🙂

Let me guess, mid thirties by any chance?
Most people go through it, you just need to change your approach to what bothers you, I mean why the **** would a kid young person on **** **** speaker **** phone ,make you so angry you want to kill the little **** **** mother **** little shit?

And breath…

How do you stay calm?

The pillars of a temple give it great strength, but it is the emptiness inside which gives them their purpose.

Om shanti

Nothing wrong with a full on rampaging blood orgy of destruction and pain.
I think it very therapeutic.

Or you could go to your quiet place and let the voices in your head drown out the colours

Sometimes a cup of tea helps

This sounds hippy admittedly but along with some counselling, going to my local Buddhist centre helped me stop being the arsey curmudgeon I had become a couple of years ago. I don’t think anyone there aside from the monks would actually call themselves Buddhists, they go along for the tranquility. The reasoning in the teaching helps with the anger as you look at how your own insecurities are leading to resentment of others, and then question why you give a toss about it in the first place. It was all echoed in the counselling with “shouldy” thoughts – I should have a career/savings/family/car etc etc. So you’re constantly mentally on the defensive about this litany of perceived shortcomings that in actual fact don’t matter in the least.
I’m Much less of a **** these days
(kadampa Buddhism by the way, where the teachings are essentially common sense lectures. No real experience of the hummy kind)

My guess is it’s your liver – it’s struggling.

We should have had a revolution about 10 years ago.
Keep your anger up, hopefully one will arrive soon, then it will be an asset.

Stop giving a crap. It all becomes quite amusing after that

^^^^^^^^^^^
Pretty much this, you hit a kind of calm point where you see everyone running round getting all worked up at stuff that means shit all.

Have to feign giving a crap at work though. Human Remains departments like to think you give a crap.

I think I’m wired like the OP. mountain biking and Brazilian Jiu-jitsu keep me calm and sane I think.

Stop reading the Daily Mail?

If anger is an actual issue for you, then some of what the brethren share, above, will apply. But so will CBT, even more so. Check it out.

Black humour, sarcasm, avoiding print media and a cute pet rabbit. He makes it very hard to stay annoyed!

I also find rock climbing is a good destresser but appreciate it isn’t for everyone. The feeling of potential death puts everything else into perspective and the absolute focus required clears the head beautifully.

One day I will lose the plot though and burn down a seat of government. I just have to remember to enjoy myself between now and when I get shot by SO19 trying to go one better than guy fawkes.

Get on MTB. Kick pedals round as hard as possible for an hour or two. Open beer, drink.

There, all better. 😀

In the words of David St Hubbins: “I’m sure I’d feel much worse if I wasnt under such heavy sedation”

I’ve found that the closer I get to death, the less I give a shit about anything. I now even find that I can nearly listen to George Osbourne blathering on without immediately wanting to kick the telly in. Nearly. Another few years and maybe I’ll get there.

As above CBT is a technique that enables you to recognise your default reaction then challenge it, ending up with something more appropriate. It’s a bit mechanical to start with but can make real changes after a while.

there’s a girl at my work (well, there’s lots but for the benefit of this post, i’m talking about one specific one) and each time i see her leaving the building she has both hands clasping her iphone, with her face buried in it (more or less- she seriously holds her phone about 6″ from her face!). now, this used to wind me up A LOT for no real reason other than that it’s stupid behaviour in my opinion, and a recipe for disaster when walking down a busy city centre street.

until saturday afternoon.

i was walking to my bank, and happened to spot said girl on the other side of deansgate, unsurprisingly with phone pressed into her face as per. and then she walked straight into a traffic light. hit the deck, phone smashed to pieces she was flat on her back.
and i laughed. yeah, i know, i’m probably a bad person.
but you know what? i felt a weight off. i think that at that moment, i subconsciously just took the decision to not give a toss what idiots do, or what they think about me, so long as it’s not harming me.
and i feel so much calmer for it…

I went full radge at the idiot who runs our payroll office last week. Now I feel better and she’s doing what she’s told. The lessons seem clear here.

Every time you get a negative reaction, have a word with yourself. Tell yourself to stop being a grumpy c*nt.

I’m blessed with very neutral emotional response levels and an ability to reign in the slightest negative chain of thought, but at the slightest thing that could upset my balance, make a point of telling myself “hold it together – don’t let an external thing impact your effectiveness”.

You own your emotions and responses, not the other way round. Equally, you can’t control everything that happens around you, but you can control your response – every single time.

Yep as about – there’s peak “giving a shit” in your mid-30’s when you’re old enough to have learned the world isn’t as fair and full of joy and opportunity as you thought it was in your 20’s – by your late 30’s most people acknowledge the futility of trying to change it and there’s a lovely warm resignation of it when you just stop caring about things you can’t change and really deep down don’t effect you as much as you think they do.

Case in point – Dad jokes, when I was a kid I thought my Dad was a total loser, telling silly jokes to make us think he was still cool, but no one found them funny it was just sad.

Turns out I was wrong, someone did find them funny – he did! He’d laugh his arse off, not giving a single shit whether we found it funny or not. It was entirely for his own amusement and as for “being cool” when you get to 38 being cool is the last thing on your mind – “cool” people never do or say anything. They just stand around looking moody desperately trying to impress others whilst acting like they don’t care. Once to stop caring, you can just please yourself, it’s much more me fun.

Have a few near death experiences and perspective returns.

Trouble then becomes how to get angry.

Bike shop takes 6 weeks to fix a bike under warranty – Yeah, okay guys. I know it happens.

Find the guy on your stolen bike – Here’s £20 for the bike. You are living on the street and need the money more than the bike

Woman crashed into the hand built car 5 days after it comes out of the paint shop – Are you okay? No-one is hurt and I can always design and build another car.

Now when I try to get angry it just sounds false

Go visit someone less fortunate than yourself for a day and help them in any way you can.

Stop saying yes at work and chill.

Do some volantry/charity work, make a commitment, not just a one off.

Book a week or two to make a positive impact to a friend or family member.

Join a kick boxing, karate or boxing club, chanel that anger into something positive.

Make new friends.

All the above helped me chill 😉

There is a point, however, where not giving a crap is a cop out – a lot of the situations that wind people up are caused by inconsiderate gits who don’t give a crap.

Oooh – recursiveness… 😉

Thanks for the suggestions. I do miss my muay Thai sessions. Need to try to get back to it. And try to block out the little things that wind me up. JnrOath on top form when I got home from work. 2hrs spent digging a hole in the garden. Time will spent!!

There is a point, however, where not giving a crap is a cop out – a lot of the situations that wind people up are caused by inconsiderate gits who don’t give a crap.

Thing is just apply the classic “Can I change this right now?”. If yes, change it. If no, cast it out of your mind.

I know people who have lost their jobs after “losing it” so bear in mind actions can have consequences.

I used to struggle with a short-temper but a period of illness, mainly due to stress, forced me to rethink my priorities. I now work just the minimum hours, don’t stress about my “career” and more considerate of those around me. 11 years on, I look about 5 years younger than my peers, fitter than the proverbial butcher’s butcher’s dog and simply enjoying life’s rich tapestry without making judgements on what everyone else is doing.

Just remain reticent man. Nothing really matters, not in the grand scheme of things. And of the things that suck and matter to you, identify if a) you can change it, or b) you can learn from it, then do so. If not, it’s c) time to get over it and move on. It’s not worth worrying about.

Edit; oh and remember rule number one; Be Nice. Statistically, people who are nice to people are more likely to experience niceness in return. Which is nice.

Horse tranquilisers?

Your anger is a gift, with training, and practise, it could make world a better place.

See Malcolm tucker/ Dr whatsisface from scrubs for inspiration.

Similar thread last month…some good stuff discussed.

Linky

Thing is just apply the classic “Can I change this right now?”. If yes, change it. If no, cast it out of your mind.

I agree, but some people behave how they do, purely because they think that NOBODY will address them over it. If we all ‘cast it out of our minds’ the situation will never improve. You have to bear in mind that behaviour might be annoying, but the feeling that society is willing to tolerate it is more annoying.
It is a matter of balance, though.

My anger day:

People talking in the corridor outside my hotel room at 6am this morning.. I’m trying to eek out every minute of sleep time FFS!

Hotel door that won’t shut without having to SLAM! it. Tut.

Stupid a-hole that parked his car so close to mine in the hotel car park that my shirt untucks trying to squeeze in. Sigh.

Swipe card at the office that wouldn’t allow me access to the room – the room that it was given to me to access.. WTF????!

Person in front on me in the dinner queue gets the last portion of chips so I stand in line like a numpty whilst the other dinner lady coughs all over the food. “You should get some medicine for that” one says to the other ..
“You should freaking stay at home whilst dying of Ebola!!!” – I want to scream at her.

Man on my training course clicking his laptop mouse, constantly, despite us all being asked TO IGNORE MOBILE PHONES AND EMAILS DURING TRAINING COURSE!! RESPECT THE TRAINERS WISHES AND QUIT WITH THE CLICKETY CLICK YOU PRICK!!

Leaving office and stuck in traffic.. Leave gap for driver to merge in front – he essentially ignores my very existence, not even a hateful glance of thanks – NOTHING!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH TOO!!!

Back to hotel room. GODDAMN DOOR! STILL GOTTA SLAM IT!

Cleaning lady has turned my Bluetooth speaker on in my absence!? WTF?? DONT TOUCH MY STUFF BIYATCH!!

Sunny out today. was a good day.

Congrats to SlimJim, I think you have just won the internets for the day 😆

There is a plant that grows naturally all over the world that would I believe aid you Op. Go & see your local man who can.

Used to think everything mattered and got wound up over everything. Then for some reason I just shrugged and went “meh”. Now I don’t give a crap generally.

Work to live, never live to work.

Later I discovered the world of freelance. Best thing I ever did in the world of work. Office politics out the window. Just do the job, get paid, and go ride bikes.

I do still find really trivial things stress me out while major meltdowns don’t bother me. Nothing I’d get angry about as it’s never about other people.

Exactly what WCA said. Stuff happens, lots of ‘meh’.

‘orrible little people though, in whatever ‘orrible way their shittiness manifests; they still bug me..can’t summon the mental stuff to think ‘ah, it’s not their fault’. It is their fault in my head still – I struggle to not want to hit them with a fish.

A shark preferably.

I now even find that I can nearly listen to George Osbourne blathering on without immediately wanting to kick the telly in. Nearly.

For what it is worth, my blood pressure improved noticeably when I stopped listening to the Today Programme in the morning. Unless I look out of my window and see soldiers in unfamiliar uniforms or a volcano erupting, my news comes from reading weeklies now. It helps to filter out a certain amount of the chatter, irritation and the feeling of being patronised. I think I have N.N. Taleb to thank for that insight.

🙂

I find cycling to work and not owning a car helps.

binners – Member
In the words of David St Hubbins: “I’m sure I’d feel much worse if I wasnt under such heavy sedation”

I’ve found that the closer I get to death, the less I give a shit about anything.

Yup.