So How Long Does it Take to Get Over A Failed Relationship?

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  • So How Long Does it Take to Get Over A Failed Relationship?
  • hitman
    Member

    Well, being dumped anyway! Waiting impatiently for the time I no longer think about the ex but it doesn’t seem to be happening!

    Steelfreak
    Member

    About as long as it takes to pull another bird…

    tails
    Member

    just go and get **** up on booze/a class a few times, go ride your bike a bit reckless and hang with your mates. maybe 1 to 2 months

    hitman
    Member

    About as long as it takes to pull another bird… 🙂

    grizzlygus
    Member

    It depends how long you were together, but it can take 2 years to get over it completely. Of course it gets better fairly quickly, although be warned that it will get worst before getting better 🙁

    I reckon after a couple of months the emotions such as anger, hopelessness, and “why” start to noticeably subside.

    The only certainty is that time will heal. And that’s an absolute certainty.

    grizzlygus
    Member

    Oh, and if you only listen one piece of advise, let it be this : “avoid all alcohol”

    joe1983
    Member

    As grizzlygus said, took me nigh on 2 years after a 3 year relationship to properly get over the ex. All good now though. Good luck fella (don’t give in to the hitman tendencies)

    hitman
    Member

    Isn’t the rule something like: “the length of time you were together multiplied by two”?

    joe1983
    Member

    But contra grizzlygus I got smashed quite regularly!

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    One step at a time but nobody said it would be easy. Emotions can not be flicked on and off like a switch.

    I’ve pulled several since but still think all the time about the one …

    “the length of time you were together multiplied by two”?

    15 year marriage 5 year recovery for me.

    aleigh
    Member

    about 2yrs!

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    In which case I’ll be dead!!!

    winky
    Member

    No guideline. i had a Raleigh Chipper when i was little and i still miss her!

    aleigh
    Member

    CG – men are not worthy of us taking two yesr to recover so being single is the way to go 😆

    catfood
    Member

    reckoned to be about a third as long as the relationship

    tails
    Member

    **** hell get a grip people, ya canna rely on others for happiness. go and visit some new place – in fact there are so many places to visit i often think i’d be happier on my death bed knowing i’d seen so many thing and places rather than just owned some 4 bedroom place in a commuter town with a wife and two kids

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Gotta agree aleigh! Life really is too short so it has to be filled with lots of bike rides with fun people!

    How are you?

    aleigh
    Member

    yeah i’m ok! got the girls this weekend but will defo come and see you next weekend…..hopefully you won’t be out of action still 😆

    hitman
    Member

    tails
    good advice – I’m off to Berlin and Amsterdam next week to catch up with some old friends and generally have a good time 😀

    Peregrine
    Member

    I still have fond memories of many partners, however getting over each one is easier the more often i do it. The way i view it – the world is full of people to share your life with, choosing the right one can take a while. Enjoy the search.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    tails – people can find happiness with a partner but sometimes it doesn’t last. We’re constantly evolving so do we ever know what we really want?

    aleigh – appt next week, will keep you posted but … I have been a very naughty girl …

    tails
    Member

    sorry if i sound a bit heartless i’m really not. you may well have answered the question CG, whilst i am only 24, i really don’t believe i want a monogamous relationship ever.

    grizzlygus
    Member

    And the “failed relationship” comment betrays some serious, although very typical, negative thinking. It was never a “failed relationship”. If it had been, then you would never have gone out with the person in the first place.

    It was a relationship which came to an end. But up until that point, it was simply a “relationship”.

    If you want to speed up the recovery period, I suggest dump all negative thoughts and start looking positively about things. Not easy I know, but work on it otherwise you won’t be able to move forward.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    tails – keep an open mind rather than avoiding. Someone will come along and you will feel differently 🙂

    gus talks a lot of sense (waves to gus – how you doing?). Don’t let yourself feel like a victim, life isn’t a test but I truly believe that riding a bike and plenty of fresh air works wonders.

    corroded
    Member

    Like Peregrine, I take the positives from each relationship. I remember the good times, I feel thankful that I was lucky enough to share someone else’s life for however long but I never forget that there are many other fantastic people out there. Life’s too short to be bitter and twisted.

    TheYeti
    Member

    Depends how long it takes you to learn the lessons that episode had to offer. Once you have converted the pain and upset into personal growth and greater self-awareness you will be “over it”. It can take a long time to get over someone. You never really completely forget though, and you know what? – that’s ok too. Exercise and time spent with friends is always good :O)

    Alternatively, just bury it, go out, get pissed and pull a new one and make all the same mistakes all over again – fun! :O/

    grizzlygus
    Member

    I remember the good times

    He he – some different opinions on here ! ……… don’t do that ! That’s probably all that you can remember right now.

    Well don’t, and try to remember all the sh1t instead. There was plenty of it, right ? Well concentrate on that – and remind yourself that you don’t want any more of it. And move on.

    I’m fine CG – well apart from a work related injury which is going to stop me riding this week-end 🙁 You’ve been quiet on here recently I’ve noticed…..

    Premier Icon igm
    Subscriber

    How long? B*gg*red if I know. That said I’ve been with the same lass since I was 22 and I’m 37 now (15 year on Paddy’s night you know) so I’m probably one of the lucky ones.

    I’ve seen people in a duff relationship for ages, walk out of it and find someone spot on for them ten minutes later and I’ve seen people falter and stagnate.

    I personally I never forget anyone – they’re part of what makes me who I am today (and on that basis they’ve proably got a price on their head, but not by me). I’m just glad to be where I am.

    Life is a journey, and like all journeys its about where you’ve been, where you’re going and who you’re traveling with.

    Gus – I liked you third post. Though the second I’d take issue with on principle.

    CG – people evolve but you can evolve together.

    (pissed hippy bit noew over back to middle class idiot pontification – you hadn’t noticed the difference?)

    Iain

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    gus – that’s not good, nothing unfixable I hope? Had no internet for 3 weeks and that was my challenge for the year! Am making up for it now though 😆

    zaskar
    Member

    It depends on your neural make up and personality.

    Could be now, tomorrow or yesterday etc.

    Closer you were then the harder it gets. Grief, rejection, happiness -manic highs or lows.

    Best Staying postive and keep your self-esteem high.

    Go for ride-take pride in yourself. Learn to love yourself

    Set new goals in your life. You will be fine-you’re alive and this is another experience in your vast life.

    Like L’oreal you’re worth it! 😀

    johnhoo
    Member

    oh and whatever you do, don’t listen to Joy Division or The Cure 😉

    zaskar
    Member

    Or the Smiths or Morrissey.

    Buy some bling for your bike!

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Second the bling suggestion! Can recommend a mid-life crisis bike 😯

    corroded
    Member

    Fair point GG. Maybe not immediately! But after a break-up I’d feel even worse if I thought I’d just wasted x rubbish years; I’d prefer to think that it was time well spent and we both got something out of it. I think if you can accept that some things must pass (those rare lifelong happy relationships notwithstanding – they do exist) then you’re in better frame of mind than if you think you’ve just lost your one and only chance at happiness.

    GNARGNAR
    Member

    Well, it might not help you totally get over your ex but…..finding a hotter younger model, who’s better in the sack with bigger adornments will take your mind off things in the short term. I promise you, I speak from personal experience.

    grizzlygus
    Member

    Yeah, I know what you mean corroded – that’s why I suggested that it shouldn’t be described as a “failed relationship”. It’s just that humans can have very selective memories, and I’m sure that right now hitman can only remember ‘the good times’ as he’s desperately missing his partner, and has quite conveniently blotted out any ‘bad times’. This will reduce his ability to move on imo. He needs to remember that it wasn’t all a bed of roses and that he can still a worthwhile, and possibly even better, relationship with someone else.

    hitman
    Member

    grizzly
    Very true – TBH wrote “failed relationship” without really realising I had done so! At the moment I don’t think about said relationship all the time, but youre right when I do, it tends to be through rose tinted glasses, remembering the good times, rather than some of the more negative aspects

    hora
    Member

    It works both ways. I finished my ex over 16yrs ago. I still think about her very fondly but it had to be done.

    macmclaren
    Member

    Sorry for your pain mate, i have been on both sides. The only thing that got me through were some really good mates. Although being blokes we dont really talk about feelings and the like it was good just having them around taking my mind off everything. Having a good female friend worked wonders as i felt talking to her was so much easier than talking to anyone else.

    Now im about to split up with my long-term partner (9 years)

    We both have known that its being going downhill for a good long time but we have just muddled on for some stupid reason. It took a bit of a kick up the arse recently that im not going to get into to make me realise how much of my life i am wasting.

    dark days ahead but you have to focus on what you want and what makes you happy.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    I did the smashed nearly every night thing it was great got over it in about 24 hours and enjoyed going out every night on the drink.

    It’s a personal thing really but keep your mind occupied with other things and it’ll be easier.

    Premier Icon Bunnyhop
    Subscriber

    I find that Women who can chat to each other and open up to their friends tend to get over things better that way.
    Men however tend to bottle up stuff and don’t/won’t talk about their ex. which hinders the recovery.

    I have a male friend who, after 9 years still hasn’t got over his wife leaving.
    Yet my cousin who’s wife died ,he had an intense period of grieving and met someone else within the year.

    I hope the pain starts to heal soon.
    As the others have said, riding the bike is good.

    It does come with time hitman. My ex finished with me when I was 23 and its was teh end of my world – she was all I had. I honestly felt like I had a hole in my chest. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I became a different person, more confident, developed a new group of great mates and my life just got better and better. Sometimes it takes a bit of a knock to improve things. Might not seem like it now mate but this could be good for you in the long run. Spend plenty of time on the bike and have plenty of lines for those hot chicks when you bump into them. Good luck mate.

    As stated above it really all depends on the individual.

    Sounds like you were pretty deep in.

    I have been going through a ‘similar’ episode since 6 months back and up until last week I should have been on suicide watch!

    Something just clicked though and I’ve turned walked away from the abyss.

    But how long until I’m ‘over’ god only knows.

    Things will get better though (can they get worse?)

    Try concentrate on the positives…

    Good luck.

    Hey good for you darkness

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