So another STW failed marriage on the cards

I often enjoy reading between the lines of posts to insult people too, but I try and keep it to threads where it isn’t tasteless.

Good to hear you’ve turned a corner, OP! Keep it up and keep venting all you want 🙂

Doing what you want when you want is the best bit. For 50% of my free time I can now go out on the bike ,go out with my mates and do whatever I please. And when I do have my kids with me, I am much more involved with them as a consequence. 🙂

Some links:

http://www.andrewgmarshall.com/i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-paul/love-is-a-verb_1_b_1940731.html?ncid=

The Dream of Happily Ever After

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/14007-i-love-you-deeply-but-im-not-love-you-anymore.html

Be strong, it will get easier. Good luck.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/27426-what-ive-learned-past-year-good-news-story.html

Okay only read first page …

To OP,

If it is intimacy that is causing the problem shouldn’t you initiate some new “positions” or “styles”? I mean perhaps make yourself look like Brad Pit or some of the adult star first? I mean she keeps herself fit but perhaps you have let yourself go a bit? No?

Thanks chaps – @sambuka some great stuff in those links, although some of those people are a bit weird – that’s the internet for you I suppose 🙂 It doesn’t make any difference to me if my wife is cheating, what’s done is done in my opinion. If she is, she already is so needs to deal with that herself – me installing keyloggers on her computers and planting voice recorders in her car is a path I will definitely not be following! But thanks for the links, some really informative reading.

So I really turned a corner last night. Sat her down and had a good chat. Told her I no longer fear losing her and we decided she is to move out into the flat we are renting. Told her that if down the line we can work things out, great, but I am not going to be a doormat and will just get on with my life. I think this hit her really hard and she wasn’t expecting it – I have been moping around feeling sorry for myself but suddenly the fog has lifted, I feel like a new man.

Today I am smiling and getting my mojo back, it’s like a river of confidence flooding into me. Yes this isn’t a great situation, and yes I will get through this 🙂

Tomorrow I have a DH uplift day booked followed by a couple of beers with my mates, sweeet!

Good for you. All the best, sounds like a horrible situation.

Good man.

My ex had a baby this morning. Thought it’d make me feel weird, but it doesn’t; it’s actually the fact that I don’t feel weird about it that I feel weird about. Basically, it (clearly 🙂 )shows that you do move on.

I was out having a beer with a mate last night.Both he and I separated from our wives a couple of years ago and we were chatting about how things are now.

He seems to quite like his single life, I have a girlfriend and we are both quite happy with life.

Both of us still talk to our exes who in both cases have new partners. Our cases are both very different to many who have long acrimonius separations but we both agreed that we are quite happy about how things are now.

In both cases I think our marriages finished at a point before it became messy which is always better in the long run.

I have been moping around feeling sorry for myself but suddenly the fog has lifted, I feel like a new man.

Best thing I’ve read all day 🙂

Maybe it is her that has the problem and I’m the unfortunate patsy

Obviously we’ve only got half a story, but it does seem that way.

“I have a problem with you and with our relationship” – “ok, sorry about that, I’d no idea, let’s try and sort it out” – “no, I don’t want to.”

I could only speculate on what her reasoning is, maybe it’s just that people change as they get older, but on the face of what’s presented here it does seem to be predominantly on her shoulders. Not that you may be entirely blameless; you mentioned control issues and you could be a grade one arsehole for all I know, but her lack of communication and her reluctance to want to try and fix things (in a marriage with children) just rings massive alarm bells for me.

Glad you’re getting somewhere, anyway.

OP – Dunno why but only just picked up on this thread.

Went through something very similar last/this year and the ar5e dropped out of my world.

If you want to chat about owt, drop me a line. Email addy in profile.

🙂

Thanks fellas!

It was my birthday yesterday. After she failed to get me a birthday cake (hey it might have been nice for our daughter to blow out the candles and sing happy birthday to her dad) I ordered us a takeaway – once this was consumed she decided she couldn’t bear to watch the new Batman with me so spent the night upstairs reading. Oh well.

Tonight she is angry and not talking to me because I am going out for a drink with my mates instead of 1: sitting at home ignoring each other, or 2: sitting at home arguing or 3: going out together and without doubt having a massive argument. I don’t want to go out for a drink or a meal with who I consider to be my soon-to-be-ex wife thanks. I don’t think I was being brutish or unkind bringing these facts to her attention, given the mess she is intent on causing, but she is furious.

Starting to feel like I may have had a lucky escape 🙂

loving your ;ast post EXELLENT stuff keep it up been there a couple of times and it does flush through you like a new lease of life, chin up and get exited about your new future

Great stuff mate, you’ve really got a bit of momentum going so stick at it. Remember if you hit a bump down the line keep focused stay off the booze. Love your last post mate, I think that shows how far you’ve come, and where she is.

Good man!!!

Shortly, you’re going to be sitting there in shock, having felt the full force of a woman scorned. Get legal advice now. “The Mental” is not a force to be messed with.

Well done for getting some control back on your life; it’s going to make her a bit grumpy as this means she has lost some control over the situation. You probably need to start thinking a bit like a single parent when wanting your daughter to enjoy events and occasions particularly when they are events around you. This isn’t a dig of any kind, just speaking from my own experience. If you do all you can and prepare for them you and your girl will have fun, blaming the wife will just lead to more rows and missed times with your girl. Might seem a bit odd having to sort things like your own birthday etc, but but it can still make it great for your daughter.

Starting to feel like I may have had a lucky escape

Just a reminder that you won’t truly be able to escape for a long time, given that she is the mother of your child. Your relationship with her is going to be very important for a number of years, regardless of whether the split is permanent. Whilst your comments about not wanting to spend time with her are understandable, at least one of you needs to be the better person in the long term for your daughter’s sake. If it can’t be her then you have to MTFU, or all three of you are heading for misery island 🙁

Good p

Good point above

Separation and divorce are all very well – but if you want to remain part of your kids’ lives you have to maintain some kind of functional relationship with your ex

It can be very hard sometimes. Things can be rattling along ok, but IME it takes very little for the pair of you tone fighting again like old times

But well done for being positive. The fact that your wife is annoyed about you going out without her suggests she is a tad confused – isn’t she about to move out? I think the pair of you need to decide if you are proactively working as a couple at fixing things, or negotiating your exit strategy.

Some really spot on advice above.

If you had decided that she is moving out, then do it quick, don’t wait as things could go down hill. The space will do you both good, and make the times that you do see each other more productive.

You should seek some legal advice, just to get a picture of where you stand, even if its just a 30 min chat with a family lawyer.

Good to hear you are so positive, but remember to keep the line of communication open, it vital for so many reasons all stated previously.

Good luck.

So

It turns out some of you were right – against my better instincts I checked her facebook messages tonight (first time ever; something, a gut feeling, compelled me) – turns out she has been having a relationship with some bloke from the gym.

what the actual ****

Ask her again. Just say you know
Dont say how. Itll give her an avenue at distraction rage at ‘snooping’ otherwise. Dont be smug-she wont talk then. Leave your male pride at the door and talk.

Get it out and see where you can both go. Talk. It may be a positive outcome.

Affairs can skewer reality. They are temporary empty things where you kid yourself. Dont judge her-talk.

Out of interest how many times aweek do you ride? Mrshora can resent me if its both days at weekends.

Out of interest how many times aweek do you ride? Mrshora can resent me if its both days at weekends.

Not relevant, Hora!

yetanotherone – I am really sorry to hear this. Stay rational, stay put. You are still in control.

I read this thread a few days ago and thought to myself “she’s got someone else”. Same thing happened to me, eventually my wife confessed on my birthday a year ago. I tried for months after to make it work, but in the end we split up (after 23 years). We’re now divorced, but amicable. The thing is an affair isn’t the cause of a broken relationship, it’s a symptom. It’s awful, but it does get better.

I’ve booted her out, she’s gone to her mum’s (apparently, I can’t trust anything she says any more)

edit double post

Try not to get too upset, I know it’s difficult but anything you do or say now can have enormous implications later 🙁 As I said, I’ve been there. It’s terrible, but don’t make it worse by behaving badly yourself.

To the OP – I’ve just read through the posts, am really sorry to read that it’s turned out this way.

I can only wish you the very best of luck…with a child between you, you’re going to have to find a way of rising above whatever she’s done and appearing to be the better person here.

There’s always light at the end of the tunnel, if you’ve some good mates and plenty of things to do you’ll get through it.

Thanks fellas, I’m strangely calm at the moment. I need to steel myself.

Do what you need to do…spend time with the little one, see your mates and find some new hobbies. It’ll come out in the wash.

Sorry to hear that fella. Try and get hold of a close family member or a good mate who can listen, then offload a bit. Things will be OK, they’ll just be different for a while.

Oh, mate – its going to cut you up something proper, but try and keep it together, and be strong for your daughter, as she’s the one who needs lots of love and to know you care a lot about her right now.

Keep an eye on Netmums for the inevetable “I left my husband and now my boyfriend doesn’t want to know, AIBU?” thread 🙂

going through a simalar situation at the moment(only no kids).married 10 years together 13.After months of distance,i found out she was having an affair,with a guy who works for the same company as me.she said it was a one off ,but after ending our marrige,she has admited its fairly serious with this guy.
I myself feel alot more together since we split up,blamed myself,for a while,but not anymore,have no malice towards her,(very different towards him).as previous posts have said be strong for your daughter.

Yetanotherone. Feel free to pm me, i work with this sort of situation as part of my job. All will be well in good time.

Yetanotherone. Feel free to pm me, i work with this sort of situation as part of my job. All will be well in good time.

Yetanotherone. Feel free to pm me, i work with this sort of situation as part of my job. All will be well in good time.

You really want to talk to him don’t you!

😆 😆 ^^

Tonight she is angry and not talking to me because I am going out for a drink with my mates instead of 1: sitting at home ignoring each other, or 2: sitting at home arguing or 3: going out together and without doubt having a massive argument. I don’t want to go out for a drink or a meal with who I consider to be my soon-to-be-ex wife thanks. I don’t think I was being brutish or unkind bringing these facts to her attention, given the mess she is intent on causing, but she is furious.

Your wife has a personality disorder. Don’t take it personally – as you said your the patsy.