Snowboarders ?

Question time….Why are boarders so much cooler than skiers and always play nice with other boarders ? Its like we are one big family when you get on the slopes. 8)

Its because you have more time to bond with each other whilst you sit on your rrrs (in the middle of the slope) watching all the “less cool” skiers fly by!

It’s that extra special close male bonding you only get with snowboarders when they have to double up on the T Bars.

Play nice? Hmmm.

Classic, childish article by Chris Moran in Whitelines:

Is it just me, or does anyone else hate the word ‘boarder’? I don’t believe I’m alone. When did you hear Terje refer to our wonderful sport as ‘boarding’? When did Jenny Jones last say, “I go boarding all winter long”? And when was the last time you read in this very magazine the words, “we had a great time boarding around the three vallees”?

I’ll tell you when: never. NEVER!

NEEVVVEEERRR!

And why? Because no self-respecting snowboarder on Earth should ever – ever! – refer to this life-changing sport by that filthy, utterly depraved moniker that is: ‘boarding’.

Eurgh, just typing it makes me want to kill ants.

I know I’m inching towards being a ****, but I don’t care. My pride is long gone. I don’t mind being ridiculed, but I don’t want to be a ‘boarder’ any more. I’m a snowboarder. I ride my snowboard and am therefore also a rider. And I’m damned proud of it. Here are some points you can choose to read or not read, depending on whether you’re a ‘boarder’ or not.

Why shorten it anyway?
“I remember talking to someone in a pub and they asked me if I’d seen the footie last night,” said comedian and famed football pundit Frank Skinner in a recent interview, “and I knew straight away that this guy wasn’t a fan. If anything, he was a ****.” The quote says a lot. Why do sport names need to be shortened anyway? Point to remember: don’t call it boarding.

It just sounds wrong.
No-one has any idea how these things work, but poetically, boarding just doesn’t sit well. Consider this – in English we call two-way radios Walkie Talkies. But in France they call them – and don’t laugh too loud – Talkie Walkies! Ha ha! How ridiculous is that? Now yes, technically there’s not much in it, but come on, Talkie Walkie sounds ludicrous. It makes them sound like a toy! Point to remember: don’t call it boarding.

The Daily Mail refer to it as ‘boarding’.
And they tried to ‘Ban This Killer Craze’ back in 1992. **** them. Point to remember: The Daily Mail newspaper was originally conceived in order to count the number of **** in the kingdom. The figure is printed on the front under ‘circulation’.

‘Boarding’ as a verb is already common currency.
Genuine people who ‘board’ are usually living at a public school because their parents hate them so much they’ve shipped them off for a couple of years. Here they will undergo a course of buggery and peer-group torture and be deluded into thinking it’s all good tuition on how to run a country. But the truth is their ‘boarding’ is simply a device so their parents can get some peace and spend a bit of time organising some decent wife-swapping parties. Point to remember: don’t accept an invite to stay at an aunt’s house in Dorking unless you know for a fact that the paintings don’t have moving eyes. And don’t call it boarding either.

It’s not cool.
People who think they’re cool say things like “yeah, I’ve just had a fantastic week ‘boarding’ out in Verbier. I did all the blacks by Wednesday” Point to remember: don’t call it boarding.

Want to sound like a snowboarder? Call it riding.
I ride a snowboard. I’ve been riding in France quite a lot, I rode down the Vallee Blanche last year and it was flat as ****. I avoided all the black runs in Chamonix because any self-respecting snowboarder knows they’re utter shite. I met some boarders in Bar’d Up. They were a bunch of utter ****. Points to remember: the pen is mightier than the boarder.

Famous boarders.
Simon Cowell – salopettes pulled up to his nips with a bulging crotch from the self-wedgie he’s inflicted – would try and chat up some chalet slags using his enormous wealth and opulent digs and the word ‘boarding’. I reckon. Point to remember: the X-Factor is only good during the audition rounds. The voting part is entirely shite. And don’t call it boarding.

Marty Pellow.
Marty Pellow from Wet Wet Wet probably goes ‘boarding’.

Wishing I Was Lucky.
The name of our sport is snowboarding. Right – I’ve got an idea. If you’re read this and agreed, you’re all on ‘boarder patrol’. The concept is simple. If you catch anyone blaspheming our sport by calling it by the name which shall forth-right never be mentioned again – you have one mission. Take a picture of them with your phone (or draw them in ash on a pub table – we just need a likeness) then send it in to us at White Lines. We’ll publish all the photos under a new ‘name and shame’ campaign I’ve just invented.
Who’s in? Point to remember: let’s stop the rot.

Sweet Little Mystery.
That’s it. Yes I know there are probably better things to be doing with our publishing space, but like George Bernard Shaw said: “Football isn’t life and death. It’s less important than stopping every **** on Earth referring to snowboarding as boarding. Get your pictures into White Lines and support the campaign.”
I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get the general idea. You know the address: boarding@chairman-of-the-board.theheadhonchoboarder.board-meister.cock

Brilliant, haven’t seen that in a while!

We obtain our superiour camaraderie by joining together to mock skiers in one-pieces or wearing sunglasses with their helmets… 😉

If you just call it “riding” on here though, you’re going to create a world of confusion. It’s “riding” when you’re in resort, “Boarding” when you’re home, and (I’m afraid to say) “skiing” when talking to your grandparents.

Snowboarding culture is heavily aware of it’s original “outsider” status, and it’s fraternal links to Skate and Surf. This attracts a some mellow people, and a lot of people who want to pretend to be.

Also we don’t have poles to jab and gesticulate with.

skiers are the chavs of the snow world

like to fink deya poshah dan wot dey are innit by doing an inferior outdated sport only championed by the inbred royal family.

snowboarders are the mountainbikers of the snow world, ever welcoming and non-discriminatory….

skiers are like middle-aged roadies, hate everyone else and wear awfully outdated and ill fitting clothes…. the kind of people who buy hunting dogs and flatcaps despite being from high wycombe and the only thing they’ve hunted in the their life is a benefit cheque.

(have i trolled enough yet?)

Just is init. Old farts on sticks, young kids doing tricks.

I thought the ‘kids’ were now veering towards skis again with all the new blades out?

The attitudes between skiers and boarders is only some thing that comes about in the intermediate to advanced level boarders and skiers who think they are bloody fantastic but in reality are just average.

Those who can ski or board don’t see any difference and just get on and ski/board together. They also dont draw attention to them selves in lift ques (unlike many just fantastic boarders and skiers) etc or strut around the restaurant/bars willy waving.

Just an observation…

I thought the ‘kids’ were now veering towards skis again with all the new blades out?

The ski press has been trumpeting this particular guff for at least 10 years…

What a load of tosh – using that logic, I think I will go out on my ‘two-wheeled velocipede designed for non-smooth terrain and moderately steep gradients’ later this afternoon.

Just to avoid any confusion with a road bike like ………………

wear awfully outdated and ill fitting clothes

Apart from those who wear clothes copied from snowboard styling. (ie. most of them) 😉

As a good snowboarder told me “its simple skiers can only ski where as a(snow)boarder gets to ride” rad innit but ya know its simples 8) He also said check out the lift lines and its normally the skiers who are the stressed/pushy/up their own arse types with English skiers setting a particularly bad example 😥

Snowboarding stopped being cool 20 years ago when it went mainstream. Now it seems to be the province of middle aged men and kids with their trousers round their ankles; I’m sure they’re having fun but they’re not cool.

If anything the cool people are out freeride skiing or maybe using a split-board somewhere well away from the resort where you won’t see them. 😉

stumpynya(ge?)12

Not a bad troll for your age 😉

Strange how some who have found a ‘camp’ they fit into see fit to criticise those who have chosen another eg. mtb/road, walker/mtb, skier/boarder.

Is it borne from a lack of personal identity or basic insecurity? I happen to partake in all the above so I’m guessing that makes me soooo insecure that I have to do things which try to fit in with everyone.

Pity I’m not bisexual really……………………………double the fun !

ummm i hate to say it, but you’re all obviously not cool enough to know:

the cool people arent on the slopes, they’re in the penthouse suite pouring cocaine over stupendously hot ladies… or smoking behind the bike sheds.

fact.

Troll me ? you must be mistaken sir….and I’m a Yorkshireman, you cannot get cooler. I dont really fit into any camp but I do like to promote a bit of fun on here. I switched to snowboarding after several years as a skier and its just way more fun IMHO 🙂
Not knock man love its rife in SS world…..

yorkshireman?!?!?!

Thats it I cant join in a thread with someone that uncool.

uncool by virtue of your place of birth… unlucky dude 😉

Snowborders = ghey’s on trays.

Snowborders = ghey’s on trays.

Skiers = 2 plank w*ankers

“Jenny Jones”

?Did he mean Jeremy Jones?

It should never have evolved beyond snowsurfing; that was cool. In fact do the French not still refer to it “ski-surf”? But then “skate boarding” would be called “urban surf”. Actually that *is* cool.

If snowboarding is still cool, it’s because it’s more fun than should be legal. End of.

JENNY Jones:

and there are 2 jeremy jones…

one is usually doing big mountain stuff in alaska, the other doing lots of spinning stuff in a park somewhere.

I stand corrected

Surely you don’t ‘ride’ a snowboard? That’s just silly.

In fact do the French not still refer to it “ski-surf”?

The French have never called it “ski-surf”!

It’s just “surf” or “surf a neige”. Even “le snow”.

The coolest thing is they’ve nicked our verb and now say “rider” = to ride! (bikes as well as snowboards).

Surely you don’t ‘ride’ a snowboard? That’s just silly.

Of course you do, what else would you do? ‘Snowboard’ a snowboard? That’s really silly! 😉

You also ride surfboards.

Its because you have more time to bond with each other whilst you sit on your rrrs (in the middle of the slope)

This i never get, either here or abroad there’s always tonnes of boarders sitting around chatting instead of getting on and actually riding/boarding/hittin’ sik lines innit/skiing (delete as appropriate)
Uplifts are the place for chatting and bullshining about how cool you are, the slopes are for doing what you paid a mint to come and do.

Depends what you paid to do. Sitting on the slopes and having fun with friends seems like a good use of time to me.

The lovely Jenny Jones

Snowboarders sit down in the snow for the same reason that dogs lick their balls….

You stand on snowboards. Not the same as riding. If you’re sitting on a horse, are you necessarily riding it? No.

Riding to me implies sitting on and controlling something that’s powered by some kind of engine.

Skiiers don’t ride skis, do they? They ski. So snowboarders don’t ride snowboards, they snowboard. End of.

boring pedant 😉

If everyone calls it “riding”, “riding” it is.

Sitting on the slopes and having fun with friends seems like a good use of time to me.

but I can sit in the pub/house/park/wherever having fun with my friends. Plus you can sit around having fun with your mates in the pub apres ski – tho not for too long or too many beers, I wanna be on the first lift in the morning 🙂

here we go
skiers v snowboarders
mountain bikes v roadies

what is it about human nature that makes us want to start some elitist rivalry thing?

I find it childish

the main reason why I stay well clear of football, all the bickering between teams

I snowboard, I used to ski when I was at school, but I really couldn’t care less if someone snowboards, skis, hikes, mountain bikes, wears womens knickers, likes macaroni cheese or wears a fez to bed

take people as they are. I don’t find snowboarders any more friendly or cooler than skiers, there are tosspots everywhere, and occasionally nice people too 😉

Riding to me implies sitting on and controlling something that’s powered by some kind of engine.

Your bike’s got an engine, does it? 😉

BTW, this is great banter, but I both snowboard and ski – in almost equal amounts these days.

Snowboarders sit down in the snow for the same reason that dogs lick their balls.

Because they’ve got an itch or need to clean themselves?

I usually sit down in the snow to wait for my skiing buddies to catch up.

My gran calls it ski-boarding, i usually laugh but it actually makes sense

I ski and my enduring ski buddy boards. The only time he wishes he was on skis is when we hit long flattish sections, or button lifts/T-Bars come into view. He prefers gondalas and cablecars because chairs with a board are a pain in the butt. Conversely, skiers prefer chairs because you haven’t got to stop, take you skis off, shuffle up and down stairs in long queues etc etc.

Off and on piste, each have their own merits. Our groups tend to be a mix of skiers and boarders ranging from 3 to 12 people. We are all very wary of novice boarders who’s confidence exceeds their ability. It takes much longer to become competent on skis than it does on a board, so boarding can give a “rider” false sense of security and they reckon they are pretty cool, when they simply are not!

There are no real tensions between competent experienced skiers and boarders, but there’s always a tiny minority who like poking fun – boring! It’s a **** holiday guys, not a competition, relax!

And me and my mate have some serious up to date ski wear which your average fashion victim would/could not to afford. It probably goes unoticed to most which is cool. All I know is that I stay warm and dry regardless of the conditions and the gear will last for years.