Ta guys. enough already. You will make me cry!
this place has been a useful bit of normality for me over the last few weeks. I needed that.
I want to say a little more about the decisions we took and why. I think this might worth saying.
I am an experienced palliative care nurse. Its not what I have always done but I have done a lot and enjoyed it and was good. Julie worked for McMillan although not in a medical capacity. We knew what was going on and were generally only waiting for doctors to confirm what we knew.
We reach a point ( Julie was already in hospital at this point having had a blood clot) where the treatment is palliative chemo only with low likelihood of success. Julies choice at that point is that she wanted to go home in some way. I wanted to do her care. She however insisted that I promised her to stay inside the law as a precondition of her letting me do this. We have both been stanch advocates of euthanasia. She knew damn well i would be tempted at some point. She also told me. “Don’t let me linger” she knew 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water. Thats roughly how long a human body lasts. We also knew she only had a few weeks no matter what- less than that where she will want to interact with people
well thanks for that tightrope to walk love!
We got her home and she managed to see all her dear friends and spend quality time. She was on a syringe driver containing ever increasing doses of opiates. finally she runs out of energy to do anything. at this point surely the big pill is appropriate? But remember my promise?
At every stage julie took the decisions. When she started to get scared some nice benzos were added into the mix. She floated away for most of her last week. she got the very best of care from lovely new top quality bed linen to feet rubbed with e45 every night
Our friends rallied round in a fabulous way. fresh home cooked meals delivered every night. anything we wanted was there just for asking. we tried to think of the most ridiculous thing we could ask for – a Llama? turns out a friend knew someone with a field full and one nearly turned up!
Iona and my friends gave me the space to ensure Julie had the best death our laws allow. we succeeded in that. I kissed her good night. she smiled. I settled down to sleep to wake for her last breaths
She died a peaceful dignified death with her loved ones around her and at the end thats as good as any of us can ask for
i have good memories of this last month. That will nelp me heal
Sorry to quote a whole block of text, but that’s one of the most difficult but equally beautiful things I’ve read on here.
