Partners adult son living with us when we buy a house together

Help To Buy ISAs can be withdrawn from after 3 months to get the bonus 25%, but has lower deposit limitations, the upcoming Lifetime ISA must be open for 12 months to get the bonus but you can whack in the whole year’s allowance of ~£4k in one hit. 😉

If he’s in his early 20’s, he’s hardly a child. If either of my sons wanted to live with us as adults I would make them contribute financially as well as with household chores. Part of being a loving parent is teaching them how to be independent and manage their money.
I know it’s inconceivable for me, as I preferred to live in some very basic, scruffy houseshares rather than live with my parents when I was that age.

I paid the first quarter of my pay, upto £250 a month to my parents once out of education and living at home. I have benefitted from this money as rental deposits and eventually in covering costs of fees in house purchase. They had a few holidays out of it too. Everyone comes out well.

Still some great points of view!
He has been shown what it costs to run a house so is fully aware. The meeting last night went well. His attitude of assuming he could be kept while paying a minimal amount still was blown away. He was trying all ways to minimise the amount by suggesting he stayed in our house x amount of days per week but I told him it’s not a pay as you go arrangement.
We’re not trying to force him out but at the same time we’re not subsidising a working adult with means to support himself. He’s never been to uni so costs of living and budgeting have never been an issue for him.
The biggest issue is that we’ve 3 other dependants to financially care for as well.
Times are a changing

Really interesting views on here, for a father of two lads of 5 and 6. I wonder how old they’ll be before they can afford to move out… 😯

We’re not trying to force him out but at the same time we’re not subsidising a working adult with means to support himself.

Why would you not subsidise him?

You have fixed costs for the house that don’t change if he lives there or not. Even electric and gas will hardly be any different.

Charge him a “rent”, deduct for food and as others have suggested, look at an ISA or savings account and put the remainder of his “rent” in there until he has enough for a deposit. Then boot him out.

Next thing you find is a new car outside costing a couple of hundred a month which he can only afford because he is poncing off you

OR

Next thing you find is a new car outside costing a couple of hundred a month which you can only afford because you are poncing off him

😆

(I AM JOKING)

Help To Buy ISAs can be withdrawn from after 3 months to get the bonus 25%, but has lower deposit limitations, the upcoming Lifetime ISA must be open for 12 months to get the bonus but you can whack in the whole year’s allowance of ~£4k in one hit.

As far as I know, the Lifetime ISA is more of a retirement thing as the bonus is paid annually on the first year then monthly after.

So the £4000 will then boost to £5000. But, from what I have Googled, if you decide to withdraw any funds before you reach 60, you will lose the bonus. You will still get the interest, but the 25% is deducted.

Living with parents ? How’s about when you buy the house of your mum, she moves out, her ” gentlemen friend ” dies and the place they were in gets given back to the council as that’s what his family wanted and she then moves back in ?

Sponging off me, but then again she is getting to the stage health wise where she couldn’t be alone.

Well it’s surprising that someone mentioned it but there is a 16 plate Ibiza fr sitting outside that he is indeed paying a couple of hundred quid a month for. I got my first new car when I was 44!

Of course. A little bit

Phew!

Well it’s surprising that someone mentioned it but there is a 16 plate Ibiza fr sitting outside that he is indeed paying a couple of hundred quid a month for. I got my first new car when I was 44!

My brother lived at home well into his 30’s, buying a brand new Merc in his twenties and a new car every several years. He was asked to contribute, but would not pay up so my dad ended up taking them money out of his wages before he got them ( shared company, dad did the payroll ). He told people that the house belonged to him and he let my parents stay there and that he employed my dad. He moved his girlfriend into the house in latter years as well. For years my parents told him, only half jokingly, that he would be getting Pickfords vouchers as a present.

Some kidults simply won’t take responsibility for themselves until forced to do so. It is part of the job of parents to prepare their children for the big wide world that they have to live in. Part of that is paying their way.

I left home at 19, I’d come from very little and worked since I left school, earned enough to have a car and eat well. I have f==ked up numerous times since but know that I’m the only one who will sort it out, so I do.

My youngest brother is 28 this year. Still lives with Dad. He is a precocious, overcompensating, work-shy, insecure little prick. He has never had to work to support himself and everything he has comes from other peoples hard work. I told our Dad frankly that he should make him pay at least pay the (very reasonable) rent or tell him he can live elsewhere but no, he thinks it will **** him up.. I disagree strongly.

Everyone’s different but chances are anyone who has not had to earn their way and put in the effort will not only never learn to do so but will never appreciate the help/advice/breaks that they’re offered.

Mollycoddling has ruined the chances of my brother actually being a man.

Coincidentally an article on the BBC about young people bucking the trend and buy houses in their twenties.

Some quotes:-

Did you make any sacrifices?
There was definitely a lifestyle change when we were saving. We would buy supermarket budget stuff instead of brands. We didn’t go on holiday during the time we were saving up – and that was a massive thing for Laura.

How did you do it?
Being quite tight is probably the answer. When we decided we were going to buy, I thought I’m not going to spend money elsewhere when I don’t need to. We did still have a nice holiday to Greece.

Did you make any sacrifices?
We may have not had such a big social life. We still did things, but we were conscious. What I did was save what I knew I needed to save, and lived on whatever I had left – which was usually about £200 a month. I wasn’t buying lunch at work, which would save about £25 a week.

And this is noteworthy young people going the extra mile to be able to do what other young people can’t – bastions of saving hard. Christ on a bike, if that’s hard saving I had to do it pretty much my entire adult life. If buying supermarket brands, taking a packed lunch to work and forsaking some expensive holidays makes you better than most, I must have been a saving god.

Christ on a bike, if that’s hard saving I had to do it pretty much my entire adult life.

+1

It’s a different world. The BBC really get to me. For all their supposed love of the nitty gritty of working class life they are firmly middle income/class and it always shows.

I have nothing against anyone because they have more money than me, that would be retarded. However when someone is so wrapped up in their own way of life that they can’t be bothered, or just don’t want to, open their eyes and see poor people it does make me feel violent.

And this is noteworthy young people going the extra mile to be able to do what other young people can’t – bastions of saving hard. Christ on a bike, if that’s hard saving I had to do it pretty much my entire adult life. If buying supermarket brands, taking a packed lunch to work and forsaking some expensive holidays makes you better than most, I must have been a saving god.

Hold yer horses, which generation did you buy your house in?

The one when a house was only 2-3x average salary?

The ones with tax relief on mortgage interest?

The ones with 110% mortgages?

Or the one with <2% wage growth for almost 10 years, average house prices at 10x salary, credit crunches, and high youth unemployment?

It’s not about working hard and not spending. Home owners just happened to be born at the right time. It is much harder for young people now.

Try saving when your rent is half your salary, goes up each year and greedy landlords force you to move.

Honestly packed **** lunch is not going to get you a house 8 x AVG salary. The buy to let generation has a lot to answer for

Hold yer horses, which generation did you buy your house in?

The one when a house was only 2-3x average salary?

The ones with tax relief on mortgage interest?

The ones with 110% mortgages?

Or the one with <2% wage growth for almost 10 years, average house prices at 10x salary, credit crunches, and high youth unemployment?

I think you missed the point. He’s talking about how to save not how much to spend.

Hold yer horses, which generation did you buy your house in?

The one when a house was only 2-3x average salary?

The ones with tax relief on mortgage interest?

The ones with 110% mortgages?

Or the one with <2% wage growth for almost 10 years, average house prices at 10x salary, credit crunches, and high youth unemployment?

Moved out of my parents’ home at 18, got my first mortgage at 28 in 2000. Moved once and now own a house outright. There were two of us admittedly but we were on circa £19K each and had saved £8K deposit and £10K renovation money for that first house.

I agree the situation is harder 16/17 years on but my point is that todays current adults in their 20s have lifestyle expectations which means for many saving is slower/harder than it could be if they really put their minds to it.

People are given the impression that they can have, indeed they deserve, it all, everything. A sense of responsibility and reality seems hard to find now.

The people of the west only have all the luxuries that they do because we depend on someone in a far away country to work for nothing and live in real poverty for us.

Moved out of my parents’ home at 18, got my first mortgage at 28 in 2000. Moved once and now own a house outright. There were two of us admittedly but we were on circa £19K each and had saved £8K deposit and £10K renovation money for that first house.

I agree the situation is harder 16/17 years on but my point is that todays current adults in their 20s have lifestyle expectations which means for many saving is slower/harder than it could be if they really put their minds to it.

Well I was 10 years behind you, went to uni in 2004, graduated 2008, bough a house with the GF in 2015 (at 28).

Except we had to save 10x what you did for a deposit, and the GF had to get a letter form her pension company to say she would be able to make the repayments once retired we’ll be paying that long!

Young people today ehh? You’ll forgive me if I tell you that you had it easy in the 90’s, although as you’ve already paid off your mortgage you probably realise that.

I am a private market landlord. I can assure you I don’t pay the council tax, the utility bills, the broadband/sky bill

I know a private landlord who specialises in multiple occupancy houses. They pay all the above. Well not SKY but the tv licence. They charge under £500 a month, nice houses, nice area, but not in the south

Young people today ehh? You’ll forgive me if I tell you that you had it easy in the 90’s, although as you’ve already paid off your mortgage you probably realise that.

£80K deposit – must have been tough. Was it the area or the size of house that meant you had to raise 250% of the national average first time buyer deposit of 2015?

But again, missing the point – not denying its much harder now. It’s the application to the task by many I question.

It sounds like houses are cheap in your area, so why not do a bit of research and then discuss it with him? If he can save enough to build a deposit for a 3 bed house, then he could move out and rent a couple of rooms out either to mates or strangers. It would likely work out that his mortgage would then be paid for him, possibility with a little left over to cover bills.

If you can speed this process up by subsidising him, then he will be able to move out sooner. Win-win situation?

Should’ve bought in the early 80s 😀 16 grand for the house and a grand for the deposit, which was a wedding present from the father in law.

Of course, the down side is that I’ll be dead soon. Which according to my daughter is when she’ll get on the housing ladder

I get the point about educating your sprogs about the big bad world, but surely there are ways and means. What’s wrong with helping them along? (if you can). Is it not a thinly-veiled excuse for tightness and spite..?[/I]

+1 see my post earlier.

Although maybe because my Nanna helped her 3 children and then her many grandchildren with deposits for their houses I see it as my role to help my children too (and my parents and my wife’s parents).

21 yr old stepson in the house, he’s my son in my mind though so I dont mind the minimal financial contribution (£100) which I dont see anyway as it goes to his mother.
The complete absence of any kind of contribution to the household chores does piss me right off though and I have made it clear to him if it continues he should look for his own place.

only reason today’s kids can’t is because they’re workshy and lazy…too hipster for cereal” etc etc ad nauseum.

Still living with my stepfather at the age of 62, my mum died six years ago.
It is my house, and I pay the mortgage*, though…
*Not for much longer

by not charging him the actual cost of living, you’re doing no favours, as he will get used to a disposable income level that is unrealistic.

it’s for his own good.

So posts have been deleted from this thread?

Have they???? 🙁

Yes one about raising money for a first home via lude acts and another about the rich spreading the money around an trust funds

Its always refreshing to see the usual STW propensity for….

😀

Yes one about raising money for a first home via lude acts and another about the rich spreading the money around an trust funds

Dunno about that second one, it was the “lewd” ones which were excised.

I agree with charging a reasonable amount of rent/expenses. Can always be fed back as others have said when the time is right for him to buy.

I was brought up the same way, and am glad I had a much better handle on costs of living than others i knew my age!

thisisnotaspoon – Member

And this is noteworthy young people going the extra mile to be able to do what other young people can’t – bastions of saving hard. Christ on a bike, if that’s hard saving I had to do it pretty much my entire adult life. If buying supermarket brands, taking a packed lunch to work and forsaking some expensive holidays makes you better than most, I must have been a saving god.

Hold yer horses, which generation did you buy your house in?

The one when a house was only 2-3x average salary?

The ones with tax relief on mortgage interest?

The ones with 110% mortgages?

Or the one with <2% wage growth for almost 10 years, average house prices at 10x salary, credit crunches, and high youth unemployment? [/quote]

The last one. I’m in my 20’s and bought a house with my partner last year.
I think lots of this generation has a sense of self entitlement and priorities all wrong!
New car over saving for a house, complaining about the costs of housing yet refusing house/flat shares.

I purposefully chose flat shares as it slashed costs and meant I could save and afford to still enjoy myself.

I purposefully chose flat shares as it slashed costs and meant I could save and afford to still enjoy myself.

For many, no matter how frugal and independent they can be – this is still an impossibility.

For many, no matter how frugal and independent they can be – this is still an impossibility.

Stone the crows, the world’s not fair. Probably explains why I can’t afford an Aston Martin and a yacht. Who should I sue about this shocking injustice…….

Probably explains why I can’t afford an Aston Martin and a yacht. Who should I sue about this shocking injustice…….

That’s just the same as buying a basic house/flat to actually have a roof over your head. 🙄