Home Forums Chat Forum Materialism vs Good Enough = boredom

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  • Materialism vs Good Enough = boredom
  • 1
    tjagain
    Full Member

    It can’t just be me , and god forbid nothing negatively exciting happens to us as a family, are we just wired to not accept the status quo? Are we really that addicted to Dopamine?

    Nope – its really really common..   Both wired and conditioned to do this I believe and yes  dopamine really does work like that

    4
    shrinktofit
    Free Member

    I think the more,more, more drive is a part of human nature, experiences are very similar for wealthy westerners, bagging experiences is just another version of materialism. These natural instincts are being manipulated by marketing throughout our lives.

    Charity or community projects for your matured needs.

    Thanks for posting though.

    4
    nickc
    Full Member

    I think perhaps we are driven by a need to gather “stuff”  Evolution would tend to that?

    I think I’d be cautious of evolutionary “just so” stories. I think Capitalism shapes our brains, the way that it drives particular ideologies; individualism, competition, materialism, these are all the ‘invisible hand’ of a consumer world. It’s easy enough to see them as deep-seated elements in our societal fabric. Overlay them onto an impressionable and mailable brain, and voila…

    5
    tjagain
    Full Member

    bagging experiences is just another version of materialism

    It certainly can be.  But taking pleasure in simple things is not.

    8
    RustyNissanPrairie
    Full Member

    I mentioned it briefly but having a dog has been the best mindfulness / mental well-being, and after marrying MrsRNP is the best thing I’ve done in life.

    Trying to give Bert the best life I can give him has taken us on some amazing walks and adventures. They are not necessarily expensive, long distance or Insta worthy and you have to be open to the glimpses that nature gives you but they have been fabulous moments that I’ve shared with a dog that having a Rolex on my wrist or walking back to a shiny new car wouldn’t have contributed to the experience.

    I wouldn’t swop or sell these experiences for any amount of money.



    Edukator
    Free Member

    Liven your life up with the objective of more interesting healthier eating and lower cholesterol at the next test.

    2
    irc
    Free Member

    The happiest times, family aside, was when I have been riding my bike for 2 or 3 months at a stretch. No possessions other than what I was carrrying on the bike. Feeling as healthy as at any time in life. Nothing to do each day but pack up, ride, set up tent for the night.

    I still have the same 3×9 touring bike I bought in 2008. It does the job. No need to change it.

    I think several hours of moderate exercise each day and seeing new places every day must have been part of evolution. Exercise needed just to survive.  Liking new places an evolutionary advantage. But maybe that is bollocks and bike touring is just a pleasant hobby and if you can arrange to do it for a decent amount of time it is great.

    tjagain
    Full Member

    Would there not be an evolutionary pressure to strive?  those who seek out new food sources and lay in a reserve do better than those who  eat all the fruit from a tree and sit in the sun?

    I agree tho with the conditioning that is inherent in capitalism.

    convert
    Full Member

    Would there not be an evolutionary pressure to strive?  those who seek out new food sources and lay in a reserve do better than those who  eat all the fruit from a tree and sit in the sun?

    There’s a pretty significant mental leap from that to, ‘needing’ a watch collection to feel like your life has worth. I look at the ‘just so’ simplifications as an excuse for modern day materialist behaviour rather than a natural and inevitable root cause.

    3
    joshvegas
    Free Member

    I mentioned it briefly but having a dog has been the best mindfulness / mental well-being, and after marrying MrsRNP is the best thing I’ve done in life.

    Same here. Four legged sertraline.

    3
    barrysh1tpeas
    Free Member

    This thread, could have taken a negative turn, but turned out to be extremely positive!

    For others like me, who might just casually read it, there’s some absolute gems in here.

    I feel this issue would be solved with some mindfulness. I went through a “bad patch” a few years ago, very dark. Since then, since recovering, and focusing on things to improve my mental health, I feel fantastic! Health IS wealth, both physical and mental.

    One of my greatest pleasures is an evening dog walk with a beautiful sunset, genuinely. I’ll happily sit there and just watch it. Let my mind wander. We’ll all be dust soon enough, we’re so insignificant, everything is.

    How about some Marcus Aurelius?

    “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

    1
    barrysh1tpeas
    Free Member

    Same here. Four legged sertraline.

    Yep!

    4

    Nowt wrong with wanting nice things, they should compliment your life though not make it.

    My life is very dull compared to how it was in my previous career, but I try to enjoy it for what it is. I get to ride whenever I like, my job doesn’t bother me outside of the standard 9-5, I have good people around me and nobody is trying to do me harm.

    I sometimes lie to myself and think I miss the chaos and the sense of purpose and direction it gave, but the reality is I miss the comfortable, rose-tinted version of it, not the reality.  But the dullness has a calmness and stillness that I am learning to enjoy and respect.

    I guess its about your frame of reference, some are (un)fortunate to have one that allows for a different perspective.

    4
    jameso
    Full Member

    “Charity or community projects for your matured needs”

    So much this. Work to gain time, it’s hard to buy more of it. Give some that time to something beneficial that isn’t all about your own aims. Most faiths and some cultures recognise this and charity is a much larger part of people’s lives because the truth is, it makes us happy. Altruism is under-rated.

    Capitalism is pretty recent, our brains are prgrammed differently. We’re programmed to struggle to survive and the way that’s transferred to society today isn’t all positive. The sooner we understand this in life I expect the sooner we have a chance to be happy. It’s hard though, hard to avoid wanting more of something. But I think the Buddhists have it right – the things we own will own us. What I struggle with at times is how being content with what you have can cross over into feeling like you’re not ‘doing well’ enough. Nice things are nice, no denying that. And a lot of marketing and society generally works on comparisons and judgement. So what to do, ignore all that? Maybe but we all want to feel a part of a society or community too.

    I think there’s another unfortunate and inevitable thing that happens as we age, that the sparks we have don’t produce flame like they used to when we were younger. Maybe it’s just me : ) If you find something that keeps that going, do it. Or try something new. We don’t have to be the same person all our lives.

    2
    NewRetroTom
    Full Member

    It’s not a new thing, and it’s not really materialism either.

    Read the intro to Three Men in a Boat (1889) and John Macnab (1925) they both pretty much say what you’re saying. It’s just a middle aged relatively succesful man thing.

    2
    doris5000
    Free Member

    There’s a pretty significant mental leap from that to, ‘needing’ a watch collection to feel like your life has worth.

    ….which you’re the only person to have made.

    TJ has a point: there would have been an emphasis on acquiring and storing food to get through the winter, probably a necessity to have something to trade (tools, weapons, knowledge) in exchange for food from others.

    But even so, if we must focus on watches, the wearing of jewellery goes way back, even to neantherthal communities, to denote status, wealth, hierarchy, and also ward off spirits / bad luck / disease / etc. It’s not a new thing. But capitalism, on the other hand, forcing it down our throats at every opportunity…..

    1
    poly
    Free Member

    Evolution sounds like a convenient explanation- but in a world where evolutionary traits matter for human behaviour everyone on this forum is either already dead, or has fulfilled their purpose and will be!

    RNP – do you have kids?  I can see that “giving them the best life” angle in parents.

    1
    nickc
    Full Member

    Would there not be an evolutionary pressure to strive?

    Yeah, there probably is some element to it, the need to find food, shelter and so on. Although once established, lots of H/G tribes seems pretty content to live the same way for eons…There’s an theory that says psychopathy was a pretty useful trait for early H/G, they’re the ones (so the theory goes) that decide when its time to move to winter pastures, and when old man Ug is too much of drain on the tribe and so on..that level of extreme cold-calculating decisiveness is useful.  Some Inuit tribes have a word for people that “You’re quite pleased that they’ll go out onto the thin ice to get the fat seal, but you’d also be happy enough if they drowned”

    12
    RustyNissanPrairie
    Full Member

    @poly

    Mother nature decided children weren’t for us. I put the love our children would have received into the dog (and fixing knackered old cars) and MrsRNP puts that love into caring for people in society.

    sirromj
    Full Member

    Get a trials bike.

    1
    towpathman
    Full Member

    Personally speaking I think I’ve reached a peak of life of which I’m satisfied…. all season tyre shod  320d is the perfect vehicle ….  watch collection ….. mancave …… house is finally as we want it……  cat is happy….. the kids are healthy, etc

    Amazing how the kids wellbeing is the last thing on the list, including after mentioning your winter tyres, before reverting to “etc” when seemingly listing the important things in your life. I know you want to avoid a character assassination, but you do give people ammo!

    alpin
    Free Member

    OP…. Think this might be worth a watch.

    You seem very focused on material things, your status/job. Not sure how healthy that is.

    2
    jimmy
    Full Member

    Kind of related to a feeling I had at the weekend, and have had for a while now. Walking round kit shops (outdoor gear, bikes, climbing) and I want for nothing. I mean, I’d take the lot but I don’t need it. I have an (non-excessive) accumulation of kit from the years which I realise I may never even wear out so I would be buying simply to have the latest and greatest, which I have no interest in. I’ve been minded the other way in recent months/years to buy nothing and take satisfaction in wearing old clothes for longer (which, thinking about it, is exactly what my dad did and I was mortified when he’d turn up in holey old knitted woolly jumpers – good on him).

    2
    reeksy
    Full Member

    Bored? Try serial murder. I bet those **** never get bored.

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    Walking round kit shops (outdoor gear, bikes, climbing) and I want for nothing. I mean, I’d take the lot but I don’t need it.

    Meh. That’s just God telling you that it’s time to take up a new hobby. After all, you know the First Law of Manhood; he who dies with the most kit, wins. 

    2
    Duggan
    Full Member

    In many ways I think boredom is a privilege really- I don’t mean this in a judgmental way but rather to say that if you are comfortable and a bit bored then that is probably a sign of success, at least materially, anyway. Finding some meaning or purpose in those circumstances is no doubt a challenge but its a preferable challenge to the alternatives, like finding next months rent and so on.

    Personally I’ve never really thought I’d retire as I can imagine it being too soporific- which is strange in a way as I am very far from a workaholic and have a very middling job that’s not related to anything I actually personally care about.

    If I had the money to retire I guess I would simply reduce my hours and volunteer and do something a bit more altruistic, though perhaps I will feel differently if or when the time comes.

    jam-bo
    Full Member

    The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything

    joshvegas
    Free Member

    Try making (or creating) something?

    Working hard to make money to buy nice* things kind of removes you from the reality of what things cost.

    Doesn’t have to be anything fancy just something which has a bit of “this is mine, i made it, it does everything it needs to and it was paid for with my own graft”

    Just an idea.

    *Nice things can be anything. I am not suggesting you make another watch.

    2
    WorldClassAccident
    Free Member

    I read the first page of comments and think many of you have missed the point.

    I am in a similar situation to the OP. I have pretty much everything I need or want and am not excited about getting bigger, better or newer. Life gets dull without the excitement on anticipation.

    I think that by mid-life (or thereabouts) a lot of people have the stuff they need and have upgraded to the slightly nicer stuff and no longer feel the need to upgrade again, or at least don’t get excited by the prospect. This is familiarity. The excitement of a kid getting a bike for Christmas is a lot greater and more visceral that going down to the garage and picking one of your bikes for another cold winters ride.

    I am not sure what to do to rekindle excitement so I just fall back on new or vaguely interesting like cutting up cars or painting things. I cannot remember the last time I felt properly excited about anything.

    4
    scotroutes
    Full Member

    I think this is when it becomes about the “doing” and not the “acquiring”. I walked up/ran down a hill a few days ago, in the snow and ice, at sunset. I simply cannot explain how alive, invigorated, connected or awestruck I was. Nothing I could buy would give me that feeling (though I was only able to experience it because I’d bought the right kit). Seeking out those experiences is worthwhile, though I guess not so often that they become mundane.

    1
    convert
    Full Member

    I read the first page of comments and think many of you have missed the point.

    I am in a similar situation to the OP. I have pretty much everything I need or want and am not excited about getting bigger, better or newer. Life gets dull without the excitement on anticipation.

    I think that by mid-life (or thereabouts) a lot of people have the stuff they need and have upgraded to the slightly nicer stuff and no longer feel the need to upgrade again, or at least don’t get excited by the prospect. This is familiarity. The excitement of a kid getting a bike for Christmas is a lot greater and more visceral that going down to the garage and picking one of your bikes for another cold winters ride.

    I am not sure what to do to rekindle excitement so I just fall back on new or vaguely interesting like cutting up cars or painting things. I cannot remember the last time I felt properly excited about anything.

    With respect, I think it’s you that missed the point and you proved it in the following sentences.

    It should never have been about acquiring the stuff. Let alone upgrading the stuff. I acknowledge the dopamine hit that new ‘stuff’ can give you and I have been there as has pretty much every person in the western world. But……and it’s a huge big but……that should never have been your main source of dopamine. It should always have been about what you are doing or what you plan to do with that stuff. Alone, with friends or with family – it’s all good. But the use of the stuff should be the driver, not the collecting or upgrading of it.

    Got to confess, I’m a bit surprised/disappointed that you WCA say you are rarely excited about anything – you seem to be one of life’s doers, forever with a creative project on the go. My version of ‘dull’ is mostly about time. I am blessed with enough ‘stuff’ or access to stuff and live in an area where ‘doing’ is so so accessible. My head is buzzing with adventures I want to go on, skills I want to learn, projects I want to do. My ambitions and goals are limitless. I could fill each and every day with new challenges and joy, with enough kit to do them (even if some of it is a bit shabby and not the latest and greatest). Then I remember my nemesis – lack of time. A 6 day a week job, plus a side business have the potential to swallow me up. As a couple we made the decision that my wife would change career path and work in the 3rd sector for little more than minimum wage and it feels great that she is using her talents for something so worthwhile. But from a selfish perspective, that’s me stuck in a time consuming role I don’t love earning a stable but modest income. My ‘dull’ is not needing ‘stuff’ – it’s ambitions beyond what my available time is able to fulfill.

    If I was the OP (and me too I guess), the route out of middle aged moroseness is not frustration at not needing to buy stuff but to find a way to acquire more time to lead a fulfilling life of doing.

    4
    BadlyWiredDog
    Full Member

    I am not sure what to do to rekindle excitement so I just fall back on new or vaguely interesting like cutting up cars or painting things. I cannot remember the last time I felt properly excited about anything.

    It’s TS Eliot and the petit ennui of life to an extent. As you get older, less and less changes, fewer experiences are novel. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find ways of inserting novelty and change into your life. As scotroutes says, experiences – and they don’t have to be extreme ones – are a good call. Travel to somewhere mind-blowing is like living in technicolor, everything is fresh and new, time slows down.

    But you can, to an extent, do the same thing with your local environment. Go night-riding. Ride a new route. Or a familiar one in reverse. Or walk familiar trails and focus on how different all the details are, the things you notice, at walking speed. Find a new bike challenge. Train for it. Or don’t. Bite off something you’re not sure you can handle. Go and wild camp on the local hill.

    I know that’s all a little obvious, but either finding new things to experience or finding new interest in the familiar works for me. Alistair Humphreys and his whole microadventure thing doesn’t appeal to everyone, but essentially that’s what that’s all about. Trying to get the same buzz that you would from travel, without travelling. Finding new interest by looking at the familiar in a different way. Go ride every bridleway on your local OS map sheet maybe? Try a new hobby? Join a local group? etc.

    But probably not buying stuff. We need to make less stuff while we still have a planet left to not make it from.

    4
    tjagain
    Full Member

    You need to rediscover the joy in simple things.  Everything does not have to be bigger and shinier.  A glimpse of a kingfisher, a glorious sunset, a chat with a pal.  the well earned pint.

    DT78
    Free Member

    I’ve realised my purchasing of ‘stuff’ was more related to periods of depression rather than boredom.  Never impulse purchases – things I’d wanted for sometime but were too expensive to just buy – then come the onset of winter misery, boom – I’ve spaff’d loads of money on mostly things that are ‘slightly’ nicer or better.  You know things like chris king hubs, zipp 404s etc..

    I do think the ‘boredom’ bit means you just have more time to look at endless marketing and convince yourself – oooo I need that new shiny thing.  The busier I am the less time I have to get tempted

    3
    jameso
    Full Member

    But you can, to an extent, do the same thing with your local environment. Go night-riding. Ride a new route. Or a familiar one in reverse. Or walk familiar trails and focus on how different all the details are, the things you notice, at walking speed. Find a new bike challenge. Train for it. Or don’t. Bite off something you’re not sure you can handle. Go and wild camp on the local hill.

    I know that’s all a little obvious, but either finding new things to experience or finding new interest in the familiar works for me. Alistair Humphreys and his whole microadventure thing doesn’t appeal to everyone, but essentially that’s what that’s all about. Trying to get the same buzz that you would from travel, without travelling. Finding new interest by looking at the familiar in a different way. Go ride every bridleway on your local OS map sheet maybe? Try a new hobby? Join a local group? etc.

    This is good, simple stuff.

    Familiarity breeds contempt so it’s probable that we get jaded in middle age. However “boredom seeps into the boring mind” so when I feel bored I take it as an insult to myself and try to do something. Becasue I can. I don’t always manage it, there’s times when the melancholy is heavy and as I understand it anyone with depression would find it very difficult at times. But the answer is there. JDFI (soemthing new). The fact that we have to reach out of daily routine to find this newness or excitment is a comment on how easy our lives can be really – 1st world problems.
    Sometimes I wonder how bad being a multi-millionaire could be – potentially the most bored you’d ever be, nothing to strive for with any value or consequence especially after the experience of getting there probably being so full of experience. I think I’d go all Into The Wild.

    doris5000
    Free Member

    It should never have been about acquiring the stuff. Let alone upgrading the stuff. I acknowledge the dopamine hit that new ‘stuff’ can give you and I have been there as has pretty much every person in the western world. But……and it’s a huge big but……that should never have been your main source of dopamine. It should always have been about what you are doing or what you plan to do with that stuff. Alone, with friends or with family – it’s all good. But the use of the stuff should be the driver, not the collecting or upgrading of it.

    I think for most people though, for at least the first 20-30 years of adulthood, the acquiring of stuff is inextricably bound up with ‘progression in life’, and so it’s easy to consider them as one. You want a car to be able to go and do stuff. You want to own your own place/house and build a sense of security. You perhaps want kids. But first you need a job. And then you need to progress in that job and get some spare income. And if you get a house, you need to furnish it. And if you have kids, you need to clothe them.

    So the desire to buy a sofa of your own isn’t just about ‘acquiring stuff’, it’s a signifier of your progression in life. You’re not a skint 20-something in a shared house any more! You’ve got a house, and some money!  And that’s exciting! You can buy smart clothes! A bike! A 35 inch TV, just like you always wanted! It’s not just the acquiring, it’s knowing that you’ve ‘arrived’ in life.

    But I agree that you get to a point where this fuzzes out into something else. You’re not ‘progressing in life’ any more, and the two get separated. I’m probably getting there myself now – mid 40s, still have my charity shop coffee table and sofa that I bought when we got this house, could afford to replace them if I wanted, but if I did, it’s all just incremental upgrades now. Fortunately I don’t feel the ennui mentioned above (yet) but I can see how I’d get there, especially since my health doesn’t allow me to go biking and hiking and camping etc.

    1
    jam-bo
    Full Member

    if everything you owned burnt to the ground, what would you buy again?

    tjagain
    Full Member

    So the desire to buy a sofa of your own isn’t just about ‘acquiring stuff’, it’s a signifier of your progression in life.

    For a laugh.  I am thinking of moving to the country and buying a house.  I realised I would have to do something I have never done in my 63 years – buy some furniture!  ( I bought the flat furnished)  I just do not have anything like enough furniture and “stuff” to fill a house 🙂  The whole idea gave me a conniption

    I may have taken anti materialism a bit far

    1

    You need to rediscover the joy in simple things. Everything does not have to be bigger and shinier. A glimpse of a kingfisher, a glorious sunset, a chat with a pal. the well earned pint.

    Maybe this middle-aged melancholy is just the price we pay for success?

    I’ve finally reached a point where I can walk up a hill just to enjoy the view—no other reason than to simply be there and take it in.

    For years, I dreaded it. The Army made me trek up too many hills in brutal conditions, and it created an aversion to anything that reminded me of that time.

    But now, I can embrace the whole experience. What I once dismissed as “walking without a purpose” has become a way to enjoy both the journey and the view. Now, the walk is the purpose.

    I used to regret not being the “successful” type at school—the ones who went to university, got degrees, and seemed to have it all figured out. But now, I realise I’ve gained so much more than I ever would have from that path. I’ve discovered joy in embracing things I once overlooked or never considered.

    And probably much like you TJ, the loss of people close has sharpened the focus on the important. And stuff ain’t it. It’s all about people.

    Like this this weekend, I went to a gig with my best mate. We randomly met at Hammers a decade ago, struck up a conversation, and bonded over our shared love of bikes and music. That chance encounter started a friendship I still cherish. I look forward to the time we spend together riding bikes, chatting nonsense, and enjoying life.

    Maybe this middle-aged melancholy is just the price that is paid for success?

    If so, I’m glad I’ve never been successful.

    Edukator
    Free Member

    Have a look at the “today’s photo” thread to see what inspires people. There’s the hiking, biking, skiing, kayaking… that you might expect on a MTB forum but there are also pets, bird boxes, landscapes, buildings, DIY projects, holidays… .

    This morning was a trip to the tip with rubble then to the DIY store for cement, sand, plumbing pipes and planks. Now I have to find the motivation to do something with them, think I’ll go for a swim instead. Anyhow, the coffee cup is empty so no excuse for sitting in front of this computer any longer.

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