Ladies advice please – my boyfriend doesn’t like mountain biking!

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  • Ladies advice please – my boyfriend doesn’t like mountain biking!
  • druidh
    Member

    This is gonna end up in tears (or a ban)

    IanMunro
    Member

    Dump him quick!
    Choose me!

    RooleyMoor
    Member

    just think though, it’s an excuse for you to get him to do the housework whilst you go out for a ride! 🙄

    sharki
    Member

    Oddly enough, i’m sexy, kind, v.masculine etc and well into riding.

    CALL ME!

    I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion I can only date biker babes as I cannot bear to miss riding (my bike) at every possible opportunity 😐 Also I mostly talk about riding, photos of rides, maps & places to ride etc etc 🙁

    GaryLake
    Member

    Have some bloke advice…

    Is he actually making you feel guilty or do you just feel guilty?

    If he’s actually making active steps to make you feel guilty, chuck him, it’s not exactly how you want things to be going forward and just think what else he’ll try and make you feel guilty over – it’s a form of being controlling… nasty!

    That said, you’ve mentioned he’s kind so maybe you need to just get over it and keep riding or accept that you need to give up some time for him…

    Or tell him to man up and get out there on the bike!

    YOu could try asking him how he feels about your riding and whether he will accept it long-term, but I think you already know the answer to that one…

    check he’s not, you know, batting for the wrong team. that’s the only reason I can think of for not liking cycling.

    I have no useful advice to give. mrsmw was in to cycling before I met her and it was one of the reasons we met.

    Anna B
    Member

    That’s a scenario that’s never even occurred to me! I can see it would be a problem after a while. Can you get him to give it another go? Take him on a nice easy route round somewhere beautiful, and – a favourite of mine – take a picnic. Sunshine, lovely scenery, food and a bottle of wine….what’s not to like? Then when he realises how fab it is, he maybe won’t need to be tempted by a picnic.

    Do people really need to be persuaded to like something? Do people not decide for themselves what they do and don’t like?

    coffeeking
    Member

    Surely it’s only mentally putting you off him? Dislike of cycling doesnt have any physical symptoms that I know of 😆

    Either way, I’m sure theres plenty of people here and out there that wont make you feel guilty for doing things you enjoy.

    juan
    Member

    Well is he makgin you feel guilty or he just doesn’t like to ride but understand you like it and need times on your own?
    If it’s the late I wouldn’t be too worried for the moment. After all a lot of poster’s wives do not share their enjoyment for cycling. If it’s the former it can only end badly.

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    check he’s not, you know, batting for the wrong team.

    You mean, oh god, he’s sneaking out on the road bike while she’s out mountain biking? Nowt worse than a closet roadie.

    foxylaydee
    Member

    Thanks – to clarify , i have taken up things he enjoys like rock climbing which i enjoy anyway and he has been out with me riding before and he is quite efficient – think ‘red trail’ level. But he is adamant he wont go again as he doesn’t like it and reckons i “outride” him as i like to push myself and like the jumps and drops etc and i’m wondering if it is a pride thing? For example, he always takes the chicken runs and i always go for it 🙂
    So i tried to hold back a bit but i get bored easily if i dont push myself and now he makes me feel bad for going riding !

    that’s the only reason I can think of for not liking cycling.

    no, that’s right, there’s be no reason at all for a gay bloke to want to go riding with lots of fit(tish) scantily clad blokes 🙁

    foxylaydee
    Member

    juan – its the former i’m afraid. And i agree with mastiles_fanylion , i dont want to have tell someone what they like or dont like but why should i stop doing what i love?

    But he is adamant he wont go again as he doesn’t like it and reckons i “outride” him as i like to push myself and like the jumps and drops etc and i’m wondering if it is a pride thing?

    sounds very much like pride to me, if he’s frightened of being ‘outdone’ by a woman then it doesn’t bode well for a long term relationship.

    foxylaydee
    Member

    ok i get the pride thing then but he is better than me at everything else(almost 😉 ) – surely thats an insecurity problem on his part?

    clubber
    Member

    Making someone feel guity for doing what they love (and did before starting to go out with them) isn’t kind or frankly even very nice and as above, is really an attempt at control even if it’s at a very low level.

    I had a gf years back who made me make a choice between my sport and her (fairly early on too). Needless to say, we didn’t last very long after that.

    IanMunro
    Member

    Hi foxy, me again.
    I’ve thought long and hard and it’s not going to work out. It’s not you, it’s me. I live miles away and i’ve got to think of my carbon footprint. I think this is the kindest way. Try not to think about what could have been.

    clubber
    Member

    And yes, sounds like insecurity at being beaten by a ‘girl’. I reckon you need to talk to him about it and explain that it’s not ok to make you feel guilty – if he’s not willing to accept that then it’s tough decision time… IMO of course…

    Premier Icon woody2000
    Subscriber

    He’s definitely “got issues” – is he “inexperienced”? (read – young!)

    mudshark
    Member

    My wife seems to have finally decided after 3 years that she likes the idea of mtbing – have taken her out on some simple trails anyway. I wanted a biker chick but they all thought I was ugly or something….

    foxylaydee
    Member

    IanMunro – i will try to soldier on without you 😉
    woody2000 – nope he is older than me, i’m 29 and he’s 37…..but it was his fitness that attracted me in the first place. Dont get me wrong, i’m no Rachel Atherton but i am just quite confident in my ability on a bike.

    Premier Icon keyses2
    Subscriber

    My boyfriend doesnt bike either but doesnt stop me as he has his own interests that I dont really do (but we also have other common interests) but I find doing rides close to pubs helps cos he can stay in pub while I ride then have post ride refreshment in the pub 😀

    mrsflash
    Member

    Seems he can’t handle being beaten by a girl. Tell him to mtfu. 😉

    Premier Icon phinbob
    Subscriber

    At face value it sounds like he can’t handle you being better at something than he is.

    We as individuals should be able to handle our partners being better at something than us. My wife, for instance has the potential to be a much better climber than me, and I think that’s great, but then again I’ve dealt with my insecurities (of which I have many!)

    So you either need to help him through this, as it’s down to his self confidence and self image. Is he like this at other stuff? Would he play a game (scrabble for instance) that you would often beat him at?

    Or DTMFA, there are plenty more fish in the sea, many of whom do need a bicycle.

    foxylaydee
    Member

    To be honest, i think he is just the huffy sort and since we’ve only been going out for approx 3.5months i am just beginning to see these traits come through 🙄

    Marge
    Member

    I know what is meant by the guilty feeling…
    My lady thinks my cycling is just plain retarded and I know when I’m out riding she’s thinking when is that a*se going to be back home.
    It can really spoil the enjoyment of getting out in the fresh air away from all the annoying stuff in life.

    On the plus side she says I am welcome to get up in the middle night to go cycling 🙁

    If he’s actively making you feel bad for doing something you love then there are some fairly serious issues there, which will doubtless come to the fore later. If he’s that insecure that he can’t handle you being better than him at something he percieves as masculine (that’s an important point, I suspect) then that might cause problems.

    So, you need to either not go biking together (could be awkward if you don’t get much free time), convince him that it really doesn’t matter who’s “better” than who as long as you’re having fun (which probably won’t work as he won’t be able to enjoy himself if you’re better than him) or get him on some bike handling training to up his skills and get him to really enjoy it.

    Or obviously you could dump him and go out with me.

    andywhit
    Member

    Sounds like he’s due to be dumped from your posts.

    IHN
    Member

    Dump him, date me. I’m single, have no problem being outbiked by girlies and am incredibly sexy, kind and v.masculine. I’m sure MrsF will back me up on all of this.

    Won’t you Claire.

    Claire?

    Claire?

    Claire?

    foxylaydee
    Member

    I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and he is great in every other way (i.e sexy, kind, v.masculine etc) BUT he doesn’t like biking. Now of course everyone is different and it is good to have your own interests but he is starting to make me feel guilty for riding at the weekend and that is what is putting me off him! And i mean, it is physically putting me off him. Help!

    foxylaydee
    Member

    sigh…if only posting my phone number wouldn’t get this thread banned 😆 😆
    but, yes – i think a serious talk will take place this evening(after my ride of course!) ….shall i post the outcome? 🙂

    foxylaydee
    Member

    the outcome of the talk, not the ride 😉

    IHN
    Member

    You don’t have to post your number, I’m quite happy to receive it by email 😉

    GaryLake
    Member

    Definite case of needing to

    foxylaydee
    Member

    IHN – i’m far too shy for that sort of thing 😉

    Good luck whatever happens, and remember – you’re a mountain biking girl, you’re like gold dust!

    ** STALKER ALERT **

    ** STALKERS ALERT **

    You missed an S 😉

    hora
    Member

    To be honest, i think he is just the huffy sort and since we’ve only been going out for approx 3.5months i am just beginning to see these traits come through

    Ah, honeymoon period is over. someone can only simulate the nice guy approach for soo long?

    Thing is, if he was into biking how claustrophobic might it get? (ok the Flashes deal with this bit fine but others..). In general its good to have your own space for part of the day- sell that to him. Possibly he is jealous about the amount of male (rider) friends you have?
    Im guessing alot here mind.

    One thing though, dont compromise who you are. You will end up resenting him.

    foxylaydee
    Member

    Hora – agreed. And yes nearly all my riding buddies are guys (i think only 3 women). Strange, i’ve been riding since i was 13 but never ended up with a guy who rode too and i just happened to meet the man in question while swimming! Typical 🙄

    hora
    Member

    Whatever you do, dont compromise. Its a hardly a ‘bad habit’ that you’d better without. Its part of you, part of what makes you happy? A good bloke (or girl) would realise that. My GF loves shopping, she doesnt buy alot- she just likes the nosey bit and seeing whats out there, hunting for bargains. I bet she walks over 20miles in a weekend. Its her thing, it makes her happy- so whats wrong with that?

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