Make beeping noises when she walks backwards .
Buy a trombone and play it when ever she moves.
Arrange for builders to come round to quote for widening the doors.
Everytime she sits on the sofa/gets in bed, pretend to be flung up in the air.
Um…ok, i’m all out of mean ‘funny’ responses.
In reality I’m not sure…me and the wife joke about our flabby stomachs (although neither of us are fat really, just getting older). I’m not sure how I would tell my wife that she’s getting less attractive cos she fat.
Perhaps tell her that you’re lookin for local gyms for you two to go to as you think your BOTH out of shape (rather than singling her out), although this only works if you are also slightly out of shape.
Or you could subtly suggest going through your old clothes for charity shops, and ask her if some
of her clothes from a few years ago still fit…that might five you an opening to discuss her weight.
Alternatively, bite the bullet and say “you’re getting fat, and I don’t fancy you as much as I used to, could you think about eating less and exercising more?”.
As was mentioned, she probably already knows.