how do you tell your partner they are fat

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  • how do you tell your partner they are fat
  • @flippinheckler 🙂 ahh thats my favorite movie starring Marsha Mason 🙂 I had to think of a nickname for a forum and the one I wanted was taken so I thought hmm what could I call myself and I had watched the movie the night before 🙂

    Boba Fatt
    Member

    If you are genuinely worried for her health then yes I would mention it. There are ways to approach it, just for gods sake don’t take 90% of the advice off this thread, unless you enjoy having common household objects surgically removed from your arse.

    As a confirmed fatty myself (actually, great idea for a photo thread on here, let’s see just how super slim and lithe the piss-takers really are, form an orderly queue ladies) she probably already knows, especially if she is going to weight watchers…….there may be something else behind it. I know my partner went through some hard times a few years back and she would comfort eat, sometimes not even knowing she was continuing to do it.

    Perhaps ask her if anything else is wrong at the moment before just heading straight to the “pointing out that she’s put some weight on”.

    The other ladies on here are right, there is not a single method in the world of telling her she’s fat that won’t result in you wanting to put your nuts in a blender because it’ll be less painful.
    Try talking to her, asking her if everything is ok, you may just get fine as her answer but persevere say you’re worried about her, I imagine she’s not being herself.
    Good luck

    teasel
    Member

    Scare tactics!

    What about you both sit down and watch a nice vid of someone having liposuction whilst she eats her favourite fatty snack…?

    Its hard to approach anything personal with your loved one that may offend or upset her, I always urged Mrs FH to get a hobby (partly to stop her moaning about me going biking) she used to get really ratty about any suggestions, I said try Pilates, or yoga not because she was getting fat, cause she is very slim but to give her something more than the kids & I. She took up Yoga about 6 weeks ago and so did 2 of her friend when she mentioned she was going to Yoga, the reason she started was because she was feeling emotional and anxious and her Dr said it may help, she loves going to Yoga and is becoming more toned as a result.

    Is your wife happy, is she perhaps a bit bored (no reflection on you or your relationship)

    bikebouy
    Member

    Try watching a pron film full of fatties..

    No, seriously.. It’s a tough subject but you have to be honest, subtle, but honest. There’s never a good moment, so why not make that moment now..

    My partner before MrsBouy was always going on about being overweight (she wasn’t BTW, healthy size 12) It got sooo boooooring to listen to it and the “I’ll do something about it” banter that I stopped listening and encouraging, the relationship didn’t last long after that.

    Be honest.

    Ohh and the guy whose in an (almost) relationship with a “large girl” don’t play up, don’t lead her on.. be honest if it ain’t right for you then end it, but you seem to be ok with it as is or you’d have done something about it by now.

    jonba
    Member

    You need to ride more. Then eat all the food in the house so she can’t. It is your duty.

    crikey – Member
    So, let me get this right….

    Farting in front of the Mrs is not considered romantic?

    Of course it’s not romantic. LADIES FIRST, you divvy. 🙄

    Premier Icon smoothchicken
    Subscriber

    Double dose of Picolax, job done. 😯

    joedaho
    Member

    Chase her with a big stick.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    @thegoodbyegirl – welcome to another thyroid sufferer, there’s a few of us on here although I’m the most vocal! And unpopular with the GPs on here. 😉

    As you were chaps.

    Mrs Toast
    Member

    I can’t believe no-one’s suggested whistling ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ or ‘Big Bottom’ as a subliminal suggestion.

    You could ask her what her Weight Watchers targets are, and suggest a (non-edible) treat when she achieves them. Mr Toast said that we could go to the Donkey Village in the Peak District* when I hit my goal weight. \o/

    * Your missus may be slightly less amused by the donkey village. Might want to find something that she’d actually enjoy. Although donkeys are ace.

    Premier Icon takisawa2
    Subscriber

    Comfort eating…?
    I should know, I’ve lugged 4st of it around (on/off) for the last 15 years. Coming off now, (2st to go), but not easy if its become a way of life.

    Love some of the typical answers, particularly the pretending to fly up in the air one when she sits down. Seriously though, she knows she’s overeating / undermoving, & you need to tread carefully in dealing with it.

    Premier Icon cloudnine
    Subscriber

    Is she secretly pregnant and is on mumsnet right now asking the ladies how she is going to tell her man his cycling days are numbered??

    snax
    Member

    My flat mate asked me this same question once, about to tell my other flat mate, his girlfriend… the thing was, he also was majorly over weight… I suggested he took her to the gym, went swimming, etc together trying to kill two birds with one stone… he instead asked his girlfriends friend to take her! They are no longer an item!

    smell_it
    Member

    I’m not sure there are many more difficult subjects to bring up with your partner, it will require some seriously sensitive handling, and not just on one occasion. The journey to weight loss, if she wants it, will be a long tough road and there will be many tears along the way. It might actually be easier just to bin her and get a new one.

    jamesca
    Member

    maybe try and encourage her to be more active by doing things that are fun. Or be frank with her, no point sugar coating it as she’d just eat it.

    Premier Icon mboy
    Subscriber

    Just how fat we talking here? We talking a stone or so heavier than when you got together (pretty normal), or we talking serious problems when walking past small objects with them entering her orbit…?

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwaiXdoEaM8[/video]

    If the former, she’s probably aware but something you do, or have done, or her low self esteem has stopped her from doing much about it, but she doesn’t think it is much of an issue. And you need to be fair that people do, as they get older, generally put on a bit of weight. I’m almost 3 stone heavier than I was 12 years ago, but that said at 31 I’m now just about a healthy weight for a guy of my height, at 19 and just over 9 stone I was stupidly skinny.

    If the latter, then you just have to be mega blunt… Not being funny, I went on a date with a girl recently, could tell from the outset that she was a little larger than other girls I’ve dated, but we got on like a house on fire. Were only going to meet up for a couple of drinks, but 5 hours later we’re still laughing and joking away… Anyway, by now both of us a little tired and certainly well lubricated, she invites me up to hers for a “coffee”. Obviously a little while later, one thing led to another and… All I’ll say is that I could have sued for false advertising, industrial strength elastic has a whole lot to answer for! In her clothes she looked perhaps a stone overweight, but still had a good figure. Out of them… Well Mr. Stiff became Mr. Floppy… 😕

    You’ve got to be honest and truthful to yourself, even if it makes you sound like a callous heartless bastard to everyone else. What’s the point in being unhappy and unfulfilled in your own life, you’ll be of little use to anyone around you. You need to be honest with her (without being so blunt as to be hurtful), otherwise you’re only lying to yourself…

    To makkag, the guy seeing the woman who has everything going for her except he doesn’t fancy her… Again, be honest with yourself. Settling down with someone is about love and respect, and wanting to be with them for the rest of your life. If you can’t love her because you don’t fancy her, then you should still at least respect her enough to tell her this, cos if not then you certainly don’t respect her enough either… That said though, if you’ve got a good lawyer, and can get a cast iron pre-nup written up really quickly, then why not give it a go, see where the next 2 years and a whole heap of freeloading can get you! 😉

    Premier Icon FOG
    Subscriber

    Getting them to admit it is one thing, getting them to do anything about it is another. My SO has put on a lot of weight lately partially due to health problems and the drugs she has to take but partially because she is incredibly lazy. She even watched the programme on the tv about exercise which said normal activity goes a long way to keeping fit but she still never gets out of her chair after 5.30. A lot is my fault cos I indulge her when she says ‘just get us another ….’ I should say get of your arse and do it yourself but she then plays the illness card. Her bike is immaculate, — she never rides it but she has bought some new walking boots so there is some hope. And yes, of course it is all my fault, everything that is.

    Premier Icon shortcut
    Subscriber

    Gonna go for some helpful advice.

    1 – tell her you love her but are worried about her health as she seems to still be putting on weight.
    2 – offer to help her by: doing the shopping (less / no choc), healthy foods (fish, veg, chicken etc. and fruit or dried fruit as snacks), do the cooking so you can portion control.
    3 – make exercise fun! Buy her a bike or go swimming with her, even walks are good. Walk to the pub for a salad and a lemonade!!

    mooman
    Member

    My wife took on some weight the last couple years.
    Easiest way I found to let her know was when we had our monthly argument..
    She would remind me how bald I am getting …. I could safely tell her how fat she was.

    Problem was – i would be on a sex diet for a week or so.
    And she would always say how her friends think she got a lovely figure …
    She was totally blanking out the fact her thighs were now rubbing together when she walked..

    Very frustrating!

    So a different tactic was needed.

    Valentines day this year I bought her a french maid outfit with stockings & suspenders..
    The realisation that I knew what sizes to get seem to have done the trick.

    Sex was still on offer. But the diet started a day or so later.

    Now, because she is on an official diet I can tell her what she shouldnt be eating.

    tracknicko
    Member

    get her a puppy. (not to eat)

    llamaknob
    Member

    You need these items=running machine,hand cuffs and a hammer

    Put her on running machine,turn up to a good pace,hand cuff her and smash the speed control with the hammer,now exit left and go to pub come back in two days……….

    azurro
    Member

    IMO your pretty screwed 🙁

    When I met my other half she was ‘curvy’ and this wasn’t too much of a problem as I fancied her that way. I’d always dated skinny or normal sized girls before as I’m not attracted to overweight girls.

    This wasn’t a problem until a few months of going out and curvy went to overweight. I told her at the time that I was concerned that if she put on any more weight I wouldn’t fancy her. Que 6 months of her being in tears, telling me what a shallow person I was and telling her parents and family what a b@stard I was for saying it!!

    Don’t expect and support from anyone else either! My friends told me I was being shallow, easy for them to say when they both have skinny girlfriends, and any advice you will get is that it is YOUR problem for being shallow etc etc!!

    So I have tried everything. Telling her straight, doesn’t work. Telling her in a nice way, doesn’t work. Trying to get her to go and do excercise with you, doesn’t work.

    Now after 5 years and being 5 stone overweight things seem to be going the right way as she has finally joined a sliming club and is now actually eating sensibly, but still won’t do any excersie!

    Good luck!

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    I’ve never been to one but these ‘slimming clubs’ just sound like a license to print money!

    Does anyone have any experience of them?

    azurro
    Member

    I’ve never been to one but these ‘slimming clubs’ just sound like a license to print money!

    My Missus has started going and they are good as in they seem to help you keep motivated. But she does her own diet which has nothing to do with what they advised her to do.

    What I find so frustrating is that they don’t just say ‘for gods sake, you NEED to do excersice as well as diet to loose weight!

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    I’ve never been to one but these ‘slimming clubs’ just sound like a license to print money!. Does anyone have any experience of them?

    As one of the better half’s friends said after attending one for a while:

    “I don’t need to pay a ****ing tenner a week for someone to tell me I’m fat!”

    However, I do know someone who credits it with losing a huge amount of weight

    Premier Icon sefton
    Subscriber

    worry when it gets to this stage

    Premier Icon FOG
    Subscriber

    A mate of mine used to work for the council. One job he had to do was knock down the front wall of a house so they could get a fork lift in to extract the body of an incredibly obese woman who, surprise surprise had died relatively young. These are the exceptions but we need to watch out!

    sweepy
    Member

    Ive not read all this, but I assume someone has already said that telling a woman she’s fat is never going to end well.
    Well +1 to that.

    Bagstard
    Member

    Slimming clubs work if you have will power, my mum has a will of iron and was hated at slimming world for consistantly losing the most weight every week. She is now in great shape for her 63 years, but is a very active person and walks my poor dog into the ground.

    Bagstard
    Member

    Weight is an issue for 99% of women, having a borderline anorexic girlfriend is just as bad, really difficult and stressful for all involved.

    PJM1974
    Member

    Is this about concern for your partner’s wellbeing or some aesthetic snobbery on your part?

    Rich
    Member

    I’d have thought if you had strong will power you wouldn’t need a slimming club.

    Premier Icon sefton
    Subscriber

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting your partner to look as good as they can!

    such a touchy subject!

    if she was smoking to much and her hair was smelling, teeth turning bad etc – I would imagine most people would simply say cut down on the fags (with a respose like “your right)

    if you say cut down on the cakes (oh sh@it)! you bast@d! 🙄

    Bagstard
    Member

    She didn’t, she went to keep my wife company and realised she had put on more weight than she would like after a hip injury. Don’t start on my mum, she’ll eat yer legs! (idiet friendly protein) 🙂

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Its all about good old-fashioned bullying, peer pressure and ritual public humiliation.

    Premier Icon sefton
    Subscriber

    Its all about good old-fashioned bullying, peer pressure and ritual public humiliation.

    true…let the mind games begin 😈

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    worry when it gets to this stage

    relationships like that are as much about the ‘skinny’ one needing someone completely dependent on them as the overweight one having a problem.

    Bagstard
    Member

    +1 sefton, most peoples weight fluctuates from time to time, having children, illness, christmas! but I wouldn’t be happy if my wife completely let herself go, she certainly wouldn’t be happy either. There is an acceptable buffer zone, but beyond that action needs to be taken.It’s not a one way street either, I would soon be told to lay off the pies if I was losing it. We work together eating healthy meals and motivating each other.

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