Friends…..

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  • Friends…..
  • aleigh
    Member

    Just wondered whether it’s just me or does anyone go through life ending up shaking off ‘friends’ that are a pain or make you feel rubbish? I’ve been doing a lot of this and at this rate I’m worried that I won’t have any left lol (only joking!)

    I’m just naffed off with those that try and control me or just let me down all the time – oh and not forgetting the ones that make no effort whatsoever!

    I have to say though even though it’s a tough thing to do I do actually feel better for it 🙂

    So, no one told you life was going to be this way?

    Premier Icon miketually
    Subscriber

    Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA

    Gary_M
    Member

    I don’t have many friends but the ones I do have are very good friends – friends for life. Sometimes I don’t see them for years but they’ll always be friends. The rest are just casual aquaintances that I can’t be bothered with. Who needs ‘baggage’ in their life?

    coffeeking
    Member

    Its just you cynical people. I dont expect my mates to make an effort, no expectations means no-one gets upset, yet everyone enjoys meeting up when it happens. I only have one thats a pain, and really he’s just an aquaintance, not a friend, I’d never have made a friend out of someone who annoyed me? And mates controlling me – WTF? In what way? Sometimes they try to guide me, trying to help – I just don’t take the advice if I dont agree – they’re only trying to help, hardly something to “dump” them for. Sounds to me like you’re emotionally high maintenance aleigh 🙂

    oh and not forgetting the ones that make no effort whatsoever!

    ??? I was about to make a very critical remark and then I saw it was you Ali :o) Are you saying you’re hard work ?

    aleigh
    Member

    Sounds to me like you’re emotionally high maintenance aleigh

    Are you saying you’re hard work ?

    I’d say I’m very laid back, almost a pushover so I guess when a girls had enough she’s had enough!

    …….‘friends’ that are a pain or make you feel rubbish….

    No one “makes” you feel anything – only you are responsible for your own feelings.

    I’m just naffed off with those that try and control me or just let me down all the time – oh and not forgetting the ones that make no effort whatsoever!

    So they all do either do too much or not enough ? And it’s all down to them whether you’re happy or not ?

    Grow up ffs.

    Moses
    Member

    I’ve only dropped a couple deliberately, mostly it’s just drifting apart.
    But one guy I did drop because he’d turned into a money-obsessed bore contacted us again last month, and he was OK again.

    Perhaps you’re not tolerant of others’ faults?

    And, – how does one “shake off” friends? Tell’ em to eff off? Or just ignore their invitations?

    aleigh
    Member

    I am very grown up thank you – and happy 🙂

    epo-aholic
    Member

    sounds normal, i’ve done that to plenty of unreliable ‘friends’ i just dont reply to texts, voice messages, etc. One guy i’ve done this too still comes into my work about once a month to shake my hand for some reason – i dont get it!!! he’s even invited me to his wedding in september, if anything substantial happened in my life i wouldn’t even send him a text now, really dont understand him, maybe i should just spell it out to him? lol

    Anyway, don’t feel bad as they wont!

    Premier Icon rOcKeTdOg
    Subscriber

    i just have ‘people i know’ then there are no expectations for either side

    I am very grown up thank you – and happy

    So why are you going on about other people “making” you feel rubbish then ?

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Its a different thing with blokes aleigh. We just go through a series of stages

    1. Quite liking each other, going out a lot geting drunk and harassing the female population
    2. Realising they can be a bit of a stroker some of the time
    3. Realising they can be a bit of a stroker most of the time
    4. Dropping snide remarks into conversations to wind them up
    5. Doing this while both very drunk, provoking them to do the same
    6. Ending up punching the living sh1t out of each other while being restrained from actually killing each other by other mates
    7. Apoligising to each other (having been calmed down) for being a bit of a dick
    8. Saying things like D ya know wha? Yer be best ****’ mate you are! I **** love you
    9. Return to stage 1
    10. Repeat ad nauseum

    I believe women substitute this process for just bitching about each other behind their mates backs

    Premier Icon rOcKeTdOg
    Subscriber

    lol @ binners, pretty much spot on

    coffeeking
    Member

    I have to say I take people as they come, I dont “expect” them to be or do anything – why would you expect something of someone, isnt that a bit needy?? I’ve been known to drive a LONG way to pick up a mate who was drunk and lost in another town at 4am, but I’d never EXPECT the same back? In fact, I think that’s what makes friends friends – they’re not expected to do anything but they like you and so will do from their own thought processes. As soon as expectations arrive, tis the fault of the one expecting.

    aleigh
    Member

    Very good binners! I do like the way blokes deal with stuff 😆

    ernie_lynch – maybe the word ‘rubbish’ isn’t the right word! What I mean is from my perspective (and please remember I am female, have hormones and react differently to a man 😉 ) people that treat me the way they do and I go back for more and put up with it, get treated like crap again and then wonder why they make me feel rubbish aka get me down I guess. All I’m doing is just not placing myself in that position anymore with these people so then in turn I can get on and be happy without wondering when the next episodes are going to occur.

    I’m just being assertive these days – for most, people like that don’t bother them but they did me so I’ve just done something about it, that’s all and wondered if anyone else did.

    It has nothing to do with not being grown up – as someone pointed out earlier its life (for some before I get slated!)

    hora
    Member

    aleigh my bestmates come out of his depression phase and guess whose at the back of the queue now? Our other mates were never there, passive, sort of standback. Whenever he needed an ear I was there. I even took alot of flak quietly. So hes come out of his angry/self-loathing phase and connected with all the friends who took a step back.

    Nice. Hey ho. People change.

    LOL !

    I am female, have hormones

    I’m male and I’ve loads of hormones – when you next down Swinley ? 8)

    Moses
    Member

    Ah, that’s called being “Nice”.
    It means you don’t react when you’re treated a little bit badly, so people think you don’t mind, so they treat you a little bit worse, and worse, etc.

    Then you get so fed up you have to put your foot down, stop putting up with it, and they think you’ve changed / gone all hormonal on them.

    Sound familiar?
    And yes, being a bit more assertive is the answer.

    Anyway, Aleigh, I’d say you are quite good at making new friends as well, so you’ll be fine.

    coffeeking
    Member

    Everyone occasionally annoys their mates, but good mates don’t just shake them off and go elsewhere? Otherwise everyone is just an aquaintance?

    RudeBoy
    Member

    Hmm, I’ve been going through the same sort of thing. People get older, they change, you drift apart. When you were young, you had similar ideals and desires, but as you get older, you each chose your own path, and those paths diverge. And sometimes, you end up with a situation where you used to get on really well with someone, but you hardly know them any more.

    This can go the opposite way too, I’ve found. Those you’ve drifted apart from, can come back close to you, like your paths have converged once more.

    I also think that some more inadequate people can become jealous and envious of you, and this manifests itself as the snide ‘banter’, p1ss-taking and some degree of ‘challenge’. That’s quite hard to cope with, because you invariably won’t know what their problem is, until things blow up.

    I also feel strongly that friendship, as a comittment, takes a back seat in our society where constant pressure to ‘move forward’ in career, with money, social status etc, takes precedent. People forget how to just have a good time with one another.

    People can also place too high demands on one another. I’ve seen this with one mate; he was one of those that would always be the first to help you, incredibly supportive, always making sure people were ok. Had a really big circle of friends round him, and would often organise big nights out, where lots of us would get together, have fun, get to know others, etc. A real social dynamo.

    But over the last 3 or 4 years, mainly due to a very destructive relationship he was in, he deteriorated as a person, became distant and elusive. He was actually pretty ill, too. But people still expected him to be the same lively, fun, supportive bloke they had always known. He simply couldn’t be that for everyone, and his relationships deteriorated significantly. I was actually moved to tell certain people I thought they were being **** to him, and that they should be supporting him, like he would, them. That caused a bit of a stir..

    Thankfully, he’s back on the up, now, but it’ll take time. And after all I said to people, I forgot the poor ****’s birthday last week…

    So, people change; they grow away from you, and sometimes they grow towards you. You change yourself; you have new desires, new expectations, and sometimes, others just don’t fit into your ‘plans’. It’s life, really, I spose.

    But ‘cutting out the dead wood’ is a good thing to do. Why let others hold you back? And maybe they see you, in the same way. It can be tough, but I say better be honest, than live a lie.

    There are plenty of others out there, deserving of your friendship, and let’s face it, you can’t give everyone your attention all the time.

    Oh, and for the record, Aleigh is lovely, and deserves nice things. If people can’t give her that, then they don’t deserve her.

    aleigh
    Member

    I’m male and I’ve loads of hormones – when you next down Swinley ?

    Possibly towards the end of Feb, I’ll confirm nearer the time 😉

    Thanks Moses – I was only saying to C_G over the weekend that the MTB’ing people I’ve met are a great bunch, really friendly 😀 and I think for me being around like minded people is the best.

    Hora – I know what you mean 🙂

    RudeBoy
    Member

    Blimey, what a load of waffle…

    aleigh
    Member

    RudeBoy – you’re on my list 😉

    RudeBoy
    Member

    What, of people to get rid of? 😥

    aleigh
    Member

    lol

    i’m only joking 🙂

    luv ya really

    RudeBoy
    Member

    Ah.. 🙂

    (gives Aleigh a nice cuddle)

    I’ve found many of the people I’ve met through biking/STW to be really nice. And people I can consider real friends. Our little (growing!) group is a nice, fun, happy place to be.

    I think it’s because we get together through a mutual interest, which is relaxing and fun, and don’t have expectations of each other, like in work, or family etc. So we all start off on a level playing field, and don’t have any baggage. I’m quite surprised at how close I’ve become to some people, but it’s great. Just a pleasant twist of fate, I spose. And some of my other friends are quite envious. But you have to put yourself out there, people won’t just come to you. Spose not everyone can be that confident.

    Cooroo
    Member

    I only have about 3 friends, and one of them is my co-habitee. I guess mine have already got rid of me??

    Conor
    Member

    I’m sure at least half of the contacts in my phone are biking related. I’ve met loads of great people over the years via a local biking site (and this one, but less so). I’m best mates with some of them, and others I used to hang around with all the time and haven’t seen them in a year or more. Others I just email and message but don’t get to see that often as they live far away. But I try and meet up once a year at least. I’ve not spoken to some of my old uni mates in yonks, but just back from holiday with a couple of them. Just how things work out. Friendships have a natural course and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.

    aleigh
    Member

    I think some people can count on one hand who their friends are, the rest are just acquaintances. 🙂

    I don’t like people so don’t have friends, just people I know

    I think for me being around like minded people is the best.

    luckily, agreeing about anything other than enjoying biking is optional – most of the people I ride with are protofascists, drunkards, petrolheads or worthy but boring. It doesn’t seem to matter :o)

    I think some people can count on one hand who their friends are

    a whole hand ??

    RudeBoy
    Member

    Another thing is, the context of how the relationship was first formed, to how it has developed. So, if you meet someone through work, and get on with them, that’s fine, but take that relationship out of that context, and then look if there are still grounds for that relationship to continue. Very often, there aren’t many reasons why a relationship should continue, yet people feel obliged to carry on ‘being polite’. Real deep friendships (love) transcend this situation, though, and are more or less permanent.

    Another thing to remember, is that while a person doesn’t give you the emotional attention you may demand, it’s no reason that you should ignore or abandon them, as they may simply be incapable themselves, of doing so, but still need your friendship.

    aleigh
    Member

    emotional attention

    I’m not the sort of person that requires that thankfully. Just someone being there for me is enough whether it’s via a phonecall, text or email 🙂

    Premier Icon rOcKeTdOg
    Subscriber

    *sings in a Max Bygraves style*

    “you need hands…..”

    I’ve been let go by friends and I’ve let friends go.

    As has already been mentioned here, I believe that it is the way of the world.

    For those whom I wish to share time with, I make the effort to be a friend, how I think a friend should be, I do not find this difficult, and I will do whatever I think a friend should, for/with that person/people.

    Either the same interest in maintaining a friendship is reciprocated or it isn’t.

    We have no control over this.

    A few years ago things for me took a bad turn and most of those whom I’d considered to be friends, melted away.

    No regrets though, I try to remember that we are all living and changing, all the time and that few things ever stay the same.

    I can arrange the odd meet for a pint, with the one or two who remain, maybe once a year, but for now, I’m a solo cyclist.

    Things will change again though, for all of us.

    In the meanwhile, we have our love of cycling to keep us going, and going, and going, ha !.

    CC
    “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”.
    Albert Einstein.

    loddrik
    Member

    I have friends but I don’t really see many of them anymore, my choice. I work, have a wife and daughter and I ride, I always have and always will ride alone, so I have no time for friends really…

    aleigh
    Member

    For those whom I wish to share time with, I make the effort to be a friend, how I think a friend should be, I do not find this difficult, and I will do whatever I think a friend should, for/with that person/people

    I like that – pretty much sums me up too 🙂

    I always have and always will ride alone

    astonishing! Exact opposite for me :o)

    loddrik
    Member

    I like my own company, plus I ride where an when I want at whatever pace I want, I wuld hate to ride with other riders. Solitude is bliss.

    Cheers, Aleigh.

    Loddrik.

    I know exactly where you’re coming from. Quite a few friends of mine have ended up that way too. I’m happy for them, the families they have started should always be top priority, imo. 🙂

    Cycling with friends is always going to come 3rd to bringing home the bread and breaking it with family.

    CC

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    Slightly off, but what binners said reminded me of no. 25, so here’s the lot

    Reasons why men are better than women – Beginners guide to male psyche

    >1, OPENING JARS – nnng, she’s struggling. You take it from her hands,
    >open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t.
    >Jars are men’s work.
    >
    >
    >2, CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ – Especially policeman but even saying it to
    >kids makes you the man.
    >
    >
    >3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE – Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
    >Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the
    >ball and crippling the man. Magic.
    >
    >
    >4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE – Blunt, is it? Hand it here
    >love. No, I don’t need a sharpener, you think I can’t whittle.
    >
    >
    >5, GOING TO THE TIP – A manly act which combines driving, lifting and –
    >as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
    >rubbish noisy destruction.
    >
    >
    >6, DRINKING UP – Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat
    >on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding
    >towards the door, saying, “Let’s go” and striding out while everyone
    >else struggles to catch up with you. God, you’re hard.
    >
    >
    >7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD – in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
    >
    >
    >8, HAVING A SCAR – Ideally it’ll be a facial knife wound, but even an
    >iron burn on the wrist is good. “Ooh, did it hurt”. “Nah”.
    >
    >
    >9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE – When birds have been partying
    >they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your
    >hardness, sprouting from your face. “Big night?” Grr, what does it look
    >like.
    >
    >
    >10, NODDING AT COPPERS – A moments eye contact is all it takes for you
    >to share the unspoken bond. “We’ve not seen eye to eye in the past”, it
    >says, “but someone’s got to keep the little scrotes in line”.
    >
    >
    >11, USING POWER TOOLS – slightly more powerful than you need or can
    >safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb.
    >
    >
    >12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR – Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
    >that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
    >
    >
    >13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE… and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean
    >you’re popular, it just means your mates are ****ed. However, the rest
    >of the pub doesn’t know that.
    >
    >
    >14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT – fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
    >Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
    >
    >
    >15, CARVING THE ROAST – and saying “are you a leg or breast man” to the
    >blokes and “do you want stuffing” to the women. Congratulations, you are
    >now your dad.
    >
    >
    >16, WINKING – turns women to putty. Doesn’t it?
    >
    >
    >17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS – ideally, B&Q would have little changing
    >rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
    >item. Until then, we’ll make do with the aisles.
    >
    >
    >18, TAKING OUT £500 FROM A CASHPOINT – okay, so its for paying the
    >plumber (or a ‘quiet one with John Sams)but with that much cash you feel
    >like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll
    >later.
    >
    >
    >19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE – unlike birds, we get
    >straight to the point. “alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
    >then. Seven. See ya.”
    >
    >
    >20, PARALLEL PARKING – bosh, straight in. first time.
    >
    >
    >21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT – Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in
    >the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it’s over we can stand
    >there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer
    >gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
    >
    >
    >22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU – especially if you didn’t
    >make a fuss. “Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage”.
    >
    >
    >23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH – “a Phillips? For that? Are you
    >mad, bint?”
    >
    >
    >24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO – a visual code that says that’s
    >right, i’m going in there for a huge, long man-sized ****.
    >
    >
    >25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T – and punching him on the shoulder. Just a
    >man’s way of saying “you’re a good mate; I missed you while you were in
    >hospital”.

    aleigh
    Member

    I haven’t ridden on my own but know the time is about to arrive! 😯 Someone said to me earlier today to take my ipod when I go alone, when I said if I played my ipod I wouldn’t be able to hear anyone come up behind me, he said ‘don’t worry, your moaning and poor music coming from your headphones will make any other riders pass you carefully and with a very wide birth 😉 ‘

    Don’t you just love friends like that?! 😆

    It was said in jest……..I hope lol

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