Did having a baby change your other half?

Into a grumpy, stressed, irrational and obsessive kind of person, for example?

Just saying like.

yep, they are now 4 and 2.5 and still the same.

didn’t change her into that no. 😆

she was that before having kids… it never got better… or worse.

Get a rugby ball pulled out of your arse, see how you feel.

I don’t think having a baby changed her, but the sleep deprivation certainly makes her a ‘grumpy, stressed, irrational and obsessive kind of person’!

Can’t remember what my wife was like before we had kids, in fact I cant even remember what my life was like before we had kids and its only been 3.5 years. I’ve chosen to forget 😀

Obsessive over what? The other things are normal female traits exacerbated by sleep deprivation.

irrational maybe, rest of that no. however she has grown a love of shite TV programs which has had me grasping for the scissors to cut the aerial cord a few times…

Yes.

But it also changed me into one as well.

It’s generally par for the course, I think.

Four years in we’re pretty much too tired to argue…

ON a serious note, Post Natal Depression hit my ex with horrifying consequences for all of us. Keep an eye on your loved one.

Yes, but overall for the better I reckon she’s got a bit more perspective on life and what’s important now, we actually work better as a team too, mainly because we have to.

However she always wanted to be a mummy it was always her no.1 ambition, I think that if she’d always wanted to be X,Y or Z and had to put that on ice for the kids it would have been a lot tougher for her.

I’d say a basic no, but she did have support from a brilliant husband

Two exceptions

Sleep deprivation

A horrendous moment 36 hours after getting home with the first one when she lost it big time. Tears and ranting. Never seen anything like it before or since from her (pr anyone else). I did think “is this the rest of my life what have I done”. It took me a couple of hours to realize that she was really ill with a massive temperature. Turned out to be mastitus

Nope, in fact i cannot recall a day my wife has been in a bad mood, she’s one of those eternally cheery people.

Did having a baby change your other half?

No, but having 3 did 😉

Being serious(ish) for a moment – I don’t think she’s changed, once she’d got into a routine and got over the initial shock of reduced sleep etc, things are pretty much as they were before.

Me, on the other hand……..

Having a baby didn’t change her, it simply highlighted her true self along with the massive failings in our relationship.

+1 Mr P, with all relations in firing line too, in-laws and out-laws!

Bat shot crazy for a while!

Miserable, irrational, negative but worst of all lost much of her confidence – not physically, but messed up her risk/reward thought process – I don’t mean doing drops on her MTB or anything like that but in planning for the future in life in general – she seems
(un)happy to accept our lot in life at the moment and I never am.

To be honest, as much as she’s dreading it returning to work will do her wonders, my Mate’s wife is a full-time housewife and the mundane, unimportant shit she stresses about… I’ve reached the conclusion everyone sets their own acceptable level of stress and if your life is limited to housework and daytime TV then you’ll focus all your stress at that – it’s better to have something actually difficult to stress about.

Hell yeah, changed a lot, some good some not so good. We just have to learn and adapt!!

Nope, no different here.

Get a rugby ball pulled out of your arse, see how you feel.

Ermmm! They don’t come out of the arse.

short lived emotional volatility which to be fair is understandable, turned to ordinary behaviour until pregnancy loomed again the hormones kicked in and emotional volatility resumed.
she’s still wonderful though and I wouldn’t have her any other way*

* ‘in case she’s watching’ disclaimer

Mine did… Four years of her being self obsessed, continually moaning about money, doing no housework at all. Then to top it all off she had to have a medical miscarriage last year due to serious complications. This made her 100x worse for the last twelve months. Never happy. Never wanted to spend time with me, or as a family.

We are now separated. I couldn’t cope with living with her any more.

Generally Mrs JAMJ has been the same as before. We are both a quite a bit more tired and often more irritable than we used to be though…!

Having a baby changes everybody. She’s probably asking her mates about their fellas……

Corr I’m quite lucky my wife’s not much different tbh

Does stress more about getting em in the right schools etc

But she is back in her career which she enjoys, probably helps a lot

Bums got wider though, but I’m all sirmixalot about that 😉

a grumpy, stressed, irrational and obsessive kind of person,

Sounds like both my missus and me to be honest.and my arse is much larger.

Nope. Mine Is the same as she ever was. My kids are angels too which has helped.

Yes. My missus had all sorts of problems after ours was born. All over the place. Hormones out of control, depression, lethargy, all sorts. Pretty shit really. Took her years to get back to her normal self. Doctors were useless.

Ermmm! They don’t come out of the arse.

I thought it a bit more straightforward then getting a vagina but I suppose if he’s going to get a rugby ball shoved up there he may as well get it right.

OP – I’d take this fairly seriously TBH

Yup. And to echo what’s already been said. Sleep deprivation plays havoc. Eldest is 8’and is still a nightmare a bedtime 🙁

You’re not selling this having children lark…

You think the insanity is bad, wait till you realise the expense!

Top tip-I’ve heard in a few places that sex dries up and then never really returns. You put it down to different priorities/growing older and tired (not true after 2yrs etc). Thats when affairs can start at work.

So…. Talk to your other half about the coil contraception. It can turn them sex-obsessed again at home. 😀

Theres a certain coil that can do this as a side effect ).

Having children is fantastic, but changes everything.

Both of you change as a result of having kids, some of it good, some bad.

Lack of sleep, lack of ability to do what you want when you want etc etc. If people think it is only the female partner that is the one who has changed/grumpy etc, I suggest they take a long hard look at themselves if they want their relationship to continue.

Sleep deprivation is a right killer, and turns pretty much anyone into an unpleasant, surly person you don’t want to be around. Me and my wife have never argued as much as we did that first month.

Post-natal depression is a real thing, too – might be worth checking.

Another thing is that everyone expects the mother to be perfect with kids, that somehow (by art of magic) she knows exactly what she’s doing with the newborn. This is a lie. She has no more idea about it than the father, there’s just a whole load more pressure on her. So it’s not just the general stress of a newborn, it’s even worse.

How much of ‘having kids is the best thing ever’ is after the fact rationalisation?
Justifying it because now it’s done you’re stuck with it so if you keep saying it’s great then eventually you’ll believe it?

Serious question.

From the sound of this thread up I’ll keep with my dog. My missus is grumpy enough

As said lack of sleep is the biggest factor. Dont both be up with the kid(s) awake all night take turns and each get some sleep. You might not see each other much though which may or may not be a good thing.

Yes mines changed, it was tough for a while but I’ve learnt to deal with her a bit better now, she has good days and bad days but more good than bad at the moment say 60/40ish, though she is currently pregnant with no3 so I expect that split to reverse over the next 18months but should improve thereafter I’d be happy to reach 75/25

Let’s just hope she’s having a good day when that canyon box turns up