Bumbling about being happy with a general sense of well being

@doris5000.

Hardly dificult. I lived in London for 14 years. That translated into 16,000 miles a year of driving to go and ride. Large diesel estate cars. Clothing. Brake pads, (hell, pre discs I’d go through a set of wheels every 6 months). Tools. Then there’s holidays – I’ve maybe only done 3 or 4 entirely non-bike ones in the last 2 decades – there was a blissful summer 5 or so years back when I managed 5 weeks abroad, in 3 different trips.

Then if you want to be finicky, start adding in the extra cost of living in bike friendly accomodation – needing a second bedroom for bike storage, having to be on the ground floor, for ease of access, and having some form of graden for bike washing.

It all adds up pretty quick!

Maybe I should have signed up to Headspace after the free intro’s 🙄

You are not “wired” in any particular way,

There are certainly genetic influences to Depression and behaviour (as well as environmental ones). I suspect we’ll find out a lot more over the next 20 or so years.

http://www.nhs.uk/news/2011/05May/Pages/genetic-link-to-depression-found.aspx

There was a very interesting study on Genes and being in a relationship recently:

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/nov/20/happy-gene-romantic-relationship-serotonin-romance

I push weights in the gym 2/3 times a week. Not because I want to change my appearance (I couldn’t give a toss what other people think of me), but because pushing heavy weights releases endorphins from the muscles and makes me feel happier.

Try it. It really does work.

Well I’ve got a beautiful wife, two beautiful daughters, good health, plenty of money, don’t even have to work anymore. Does that make me happy all the time? No it certainly doesn’t. It’s all relative and I think your underlying basic personality has a lot more to do with it than your wealth, stress level, even health. There are obviously a lot of other factors but I don’t see much correlation between people’s personal circumstances and their general level of happiness.

For me personally, I feel happiest when I’m either skiing or biking. I’d like to say spending time with my family makes me happy too, but the reality is that it often just stresses me out!

You are not “wired” in any particular way,

There are certainly genetic influences to Depression and behaviour (as well as environmental ones). I suspect we’ll find out a lot more over the next 20 or so years.[/quote]

@Footflaps Very interesting links thanks. So some people are more predisposed to depressive illness but that doesn’t mean that it will occur.

I have read there are many factors which can lead to difficulties genetics being one of them. What I was trying to suggest to the OP was that from the position you find yourself in currently it is possible to find more happiness and peace, we do not have to just accept that is the way we are and live with it.

I have a good friend who has had a run of the most appalling luck. Certainly enough to push a mere mortal over the edge but always keeps things together. Has a positive (though slightly more jaded than previously) attitude.

I’d like to see a study on people whe just dont get depressed, perhaps they have a something switched on that is unsual.

You are not “wired” in any particular way

Are you suggesting that saying that gay people can un-gay themselves? Autistic people can de-autistic themselves?

I’m being flippant, and understand that’s not what you’re suggesting, and you’re talking much more about learnt helplessness, but people are most definitely “wired” in different ways.

Malvern Rider – Member

Riding a bike helps. I still find it impossible to be unhappy on a bike.

Unless it creaks.[/quote]

…unless the creaking annoys those around you more than it does you, then all is well with the world.. 😀

So that would be me being a half empty person then…

Dude going from all that you wrote it seems possible that you smashed the glass a long time ago and since spent time jamming the pieces up your A55. Now you’re complaining about the pain…

Which makes me think – I suggest we all forget about glasses unless discussing beer 😉 Life’s an ocean, and that Verve fella said it so there.

My #1 suggestion for a more contented life would be to ditch the TV.

FFS, I thought Life was a Rollercoaster ? Now I’m confused !

There’s element’s of a balancing act too
– you need some stress to actually get things done (I can be quite productive whilst internally seething)
Too much stress becomes debilitating but also too little.

Depression is, IME, a separate thing around sensitivity to stress. What triggers an individual can be a wide variety of things and our society can be quite hypocritical about it.

However, particularly on darker days a Zen Buddhist story (I have no idea where from) often rattles thru’ my mind…

A buddhist upon hearing that his Buddhist Master has achieved enlightenment/nirvana runs to meet his master. Upon seeing his Master he rushes out the question
“Master, what is like now that you are enlightened?”
His Master looks at him and with a broad smile says
“Hmmm, much the same; I’m still as miserable as ever.”

a Zen Buddhist story (I have no idea where from)

Here you go

thanks MalvernRider 🙂

My #1 suggestion for a more contented life would be to ditch the TV.

+1

it’s amazing the amount of time you suddenly find for stuff you’ve been meaning to do but never got around to.

I’m generally content despite being a stressful occupation. I put it down to knowing that bad things always pass. Many moons ago someone suggested I jot down all my fears and woes for a month and then revisit the list 6 months later, I did so. As it turned out of all the things I’d noted only one became a serious issue and I’d already dealt with it by the time I revisited the list. Most of what we worry about never happens and when it does it’s usually surmountable. My life’s not perfect by any means but it could be a great deal worse.

My #1 suggestion for a more contented life would be to ditch the TV.

And STW obviously. This place highlights the stuff in the tabloid press that TV editors would consider unsuitable then adds members’ personal experiences (and the dreadful stuff that happens to their friends too).

TV is good for me. I wouldn’t say it’s a major detractor in life.

Endlessly watching shite is bad for you, but there are better ways to watch TV. Same goes for anything – literature is “supposed” to be great but you could be reading Mills and Boon or you could be reading James Joyce.

My life’s not perfect by any means but it could be a great deal worse.

Well said. Same goes for us all really. In addition I’d offer ( to the room) that life is something to be more explored and experienced, rather than trying to achieve some kind of ‘perfect’ state. ‘Perfection’ is a mirage, life isn’t preserved in aspic it’s fluid, painful, joyful. Also, having goals is one thing but from personal experience I note if not careful they can soon become weights around the neck whispering ‘if only’ – ie if ‘only I had so and so…’ ‘If only I could afford…’

Do what you love even if it pays small. Doing those things which we love doing is a fine goal in and of itself, but I really think many of us would be surprised to discover that often what we tell ourselves we enjoy doing and what we really enjoy doing are not necessarily the same thing.

And if we spent all our time pursuing one thing how then might we know what would really make our trail come alive?

I may think a new Audi/wife would make me truly happy but in the untold story of my life it was, all along, a set of paints and the scents of nature and canvas. But I wouldn’t know that if keeping the Audi on the road took all of my working hours, or the other hours were spent driving the Audi, watching TV etc. Who was it that said stuff ends up owning us? TRUE! I have to watch it with the bikes….in fact yes 🙂 😀

…rather than trying to achieve some kind of ‘perfect’ state. ‘Perfection

You know, I spend much angst wanting to live in a tidy house, with a working wife and two kids logically I know it won’t happen, but it still pains me. An example of a small thing that grows into a big thing because I agonise over it for ages.

A tidy house is the sign of a diseased mind though 😉

I think sometimes you have to let the feelings come up and run their course, they eventually die down and go away. It is only when you consciously try to control/stop these feelings that problems arise. You are then consciously trying to control your feelings which you cannot do. Take 30 mins each day, sit down in a quiet room, close your eyes and let your mind think whatever it wants without consciously trying to solve it/stop it etc. it will be uncomfortable at first, but as you consciously let go you return to a more balanced state over a few months.

Helped cure me anyway from anxiey and some depression.

Other thing is to do things you enjoy more, new hobbies, travel, new clubs.

I look at life and think “FFS, at least I’m not dead/terminal/crippled” etc.

Even this year we lost a house sale as we had a 40m wide lake lapping at our doorstep for a week, it was 24″ deep and about 3mm from flooding. But you know what, there were people 1 mile away who HAD flooded, lost their posessions, home, etc. We were lucky. Once you see the positive aspect, it’s all good.

I’m also the eternal optimist, I believe because of the person I am, good things will eventually come. They’ve now fixed the flooding/drains, our house exchanged last week and we’re buying our dream home. It’s all good.

you weren’t seeing the positive aspect when it happened though! seem to recall much venting iirc 😛