Forum menu
billyboy - MemberI found Rory Gallagher's Million Miles away quite useful.....
Amen to that, a thousand times over.
You may also find the 'Still Got the Blues' album by Gary Moore useful, it's as much uplifting as it is sorrowful.
Went through a simillar experience some years ago. Trying to be all sensible and grown up about it nearly killed me...literally. Please keep your dignity through whatever happens, I didn't & She basically used me & my home to screw up my head. I was just so desperate for her not to go. I even befreinded the tosser she was dumping me for. To think now I actually considered taking my own life is almost unbelievable.
Make some plans. Get out. Don't go pining to her Mother. Your young & within reason the whole world is out there for you my friend.
If you want to stay together then being in the same house could work for you. Bickering and point scoring is "normal" in these circumstances. Give space and a little time. Councelling is really useful (Relate or similar) but you've got to get to the point where you both want to go.
Good luck and getting out with your mates or just on your bike is good for the soul in times such as these.
thank god there isn't 3 sons involved and she accuses you of being a drug addict and alcoholic and stops you seeing them for the last 20 months, meaning you have to take her to court, spending £1000's in the process...
There's an alarming amount of decent responses on here from the STW massive, we have a reputation to uphold!
What tyres for...
Anyway. Sounds like you're in a horrible situation but still have some control. Space and civility are ideal, points scoring leads to more of the same and regardless of the type of relationship you have from here on it's worth diffusing things.
Time has a habit of sorting things out, keep venting on here if you need to and get out on your bike at the next available opportunity!
Cheers guys. Great responses as usual and its been almost a week since the bombshell was dropped.
We've been getting on fine with no bickering or raised voices which has been nice but she has made it clear there is no way back. Once i had accepted there was nothing i could do, certainly in the short term, to change her mind my next priority was to sort the financial side out as being self employed my income is hit & miss some months but I've had assurances from work (only allowed a contact with one firm in my line of work) today that they would pay me sufficent each month for me to survive if needed.
This along with chatting to friends & family has helped make me feel more positive about things & I'm going to get on with it now, not saying it'll be easy. I also want to thank those on here who have taken the trouble to message and/or email me with support, it means a lot when a stranger takes the time to do that. Thank you, you know who you are 🙂
Holy crap this sounds like it could be my life in the future! Mrs.TRH went batsh!tcrazy around chrimbo but found several life changes quite rewarding. Naturally I was the root cause of all the problems. Recently she's started picking again at EVERYTHING. Tiz a vicious circle though as the more she picks, the more stressed I get, the more 'mistakes' I make. She up and down like a brides nightie. We've got two kids and I'm not sure where we would be if we didn't have them.
I'm a good catch me, no really but I'm made to feel like a piece of doggydoo. It's our 10th wedding anniversary coming up and she doesn't want a party which is probably my cue to start worrying. I really hope I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but my gut instinct tells me I'll be starting a similar thread in the near future 🙁
god I'm a miserable **** today!
assurances from work (only allowed a contact with one firm in my line of work) today that they would pay me sufficent each month for me to survive if needed.
job number 1; find a different employer/contract or amend payment terms. If they don't pay you enough to live each month, then either they or you are doing it wrong.
Wrecker - It's the up & down nature of the income that's the problem. Some months are £500 others are £3500 and recently its been mainly downs. Not saying I can't earn enough to live on but it's not regular enough if I have to survive on my own & because of debts that built up from a failed business which I've been trying to clear I have not been able to build up a buffer zone yet.
TRH - Word of advice from someone who is learning fast from his mistakes if I may? Sit down & talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling & that you are worried she is unhappy with your relationship. I never really tried hard enough to do this as it just got brushed off by her because she struggled to talk about her feelings, to anyone including family! As a couple if you can't communicate then it's going to be difficult to have any sort of long term future & you just end up drifting as it's the easy thing to do. I really hope you get it sorted.
Good luck Bigsi
Wrecker - It's the up & down nature of the income that's the problem. Some months are £500 others are £3500 and recently its been mainly downs. Not saying I can't earn enough to live on but it's not regular enough if I have to survive on my own & because of debts that built up from a failed business which I've been trying to clear I have not been able to build up a buffer zone yet.
Is the work up and down or just the income? (ie do you work pretty much full time?)
If so, can you not arrange to apply for staged (monthly) payments? It's something any client worth his salt would do to ease a contractors cash flow.
A bit of both. I'm a mortgage broker & we only get paid on completion so if the chain falls apart, client changes their mind or has a change in circumstances we don't get paid despite having done all the work.
It's sh!t but that's the way it is. It also doesn't help that we can sometimes wait 2-3 months from completion of the mortgage till we get paid as well!
Quite fancy a complete change of industry but it's so difficult to get in to adult films these days 😆