See, if, when I walked my kid to school I'd made him cry (back then it would've been accusing him of having a girlfriend rather than some row, as he was a good kid) and some nosey Eastenders fan phoned my wife (who has her number!?) and the wife had asked me - I would've shrugged, "Nosey cow".
The end.
Drama though, much more fun innit.
^^ this, however the chance of my missus answering an incoming call on her mobile is approx 50000000/1
How would you know, I don't communicate it on here, other than the one issue today which you've judged us on.
To be fair, it's about the only thing you haven't asked advice on at one point or another. Which by convention is slightly weird.
Again, explain what happened and let it go, interrogating everyone you know is just going to make you look like a paranoid dick.
Kryton57 - Member
Whats the STW view on this - have I overreacted?
Kryton57 - Member
other than the one issue today which you've judged us on.
Er, you [b]were[/b] literally asking to be judged... 😀
I get home to find that one of the parents has phoned my wife and told her she's viewed him crying on the way to school. Mrs K won't tell me who, but demands to know why.
People do this?
Bit odd that your wife won't say who it is although are you likely to go a bit mental at them.
No, they can't pick my kid up from school for play dates or any other reason
That's just being silly.
I'd just leave it if I were you. It's done, forget about it.
I have just re-read your OP and I really do think you are over-reacting badly – I do not understand why you won't trust any other parents anymore is they have done nothing to cause you to distrust them. Think about it – they saw your child crying and perhaps they simply didn't want to get involved there and then as it may have caused the situation to escalate so they did the next best thing and check in to see if all was okay and they only had your wife's number?
Other parents phoning your wife?
I wouldn't be pudding up with it.
Id start sending Jr to school with theatrical makeup bruises all over him and really get the snitchers working overtime.
Oh hold up, I've just read this bit
Believe it or not I'm blue/green on the spectrum - a passive negotiator and don't enjoy confrontation.
So clearly wouldn't go postal. But people say this **** in real life?
You would be fine in Glasgow though with your 'bit of both' palette. 🙂
This thread is something of a revelation.
I can understand why you're emotionally charged up over it though.
I die inside a little bit if I drop the kids off in tears.. Cringe inducing, guilt laden horror
Morning school runs can be very testing
I die inside a little bit if I drop the kids off in tears..
i turned him away from his friends, dried his eyes and expalined the situation calmy before he walked into class.
But yes this is affecting my mood this morning.
You're a better man than me Mr Kryton..
If mine are crying I push them out of the moving car and drive off in a screech of tyre smoke with my eyes shut tightly and head straight for the off-licence
I occasionally drop my kids off in a state of conflict. I don't think there is anything unusual about this. Kids are not always perfectly behaved so need a good telling off now and then. The fact that this might occur on the school run is neither here or there. This happens to almost every parent at some point.
So another parent informing Kryton's wife of such an occurrence seems ridiculous to me. I would feel aggrieved in the same situation.
It somewhat depends whether they were talking anyway and the other parent just said "Kryton junior didn't look very happy this morning" or was it a call specifically to say "Dear MrsKryton, Kryton had your junior in tears before school."
You are probably overreacting. So is your wife.
It would be nice if tears were all I had to deal with. Yesterday grumpyjunior brought his breakfast back up all over the car on the way to his sports camp. I biked to work today...
Other parents phoning your wife?I wouldn't be pudding up with it.
Probably means she is having an affair.
[i]Morning school runs can be very testing[/i]
I hope that's joke! Would the lollipop man give him a sweet or not was about as testing as ours got..
We're not all as macho as you though Desmond.
I'm barely alive before 10am so behaving like a responsible parent at the crack of dawn doesn't come naturally
It does sound like you really upset your child if he was still in tears at the school doors. Perhaps that is why the other parent was so concerned? (I have been really very cross with my girls and one of them gets very emotional but never have they still been in tears at the school itself).
Do you think that perhaps you did go too far and have a bigger impact on your child than you initially realised?
Shit the bed, every bloody morning I drop the kids off at school there's at least one kid in tears over some pointless nothingness. Sometimes even mine...
The woman must spend all week on the phone, she must have nothing better to do.
I wouldn't particularly be happy if my wife rang me up asking about it though, especially if she was questioning my parenting.
Sometimes as a parent you will over react and cause your kid to get upset, this will kill you all day if you've dropped them off at school without sorting it out first.
Sometimes kids just cry, stomp and generally act like, well children, for no reason at all.
I guess it depends how both conversations went.
If concerned parent/wife were having a chat anyway and concerned parent mentioning crying miniOP then no big deal, if concerned parent phoned up specifically to say about the crying child then that's out of order.
And if wife/op conversation was a conversation just as part of a general catch up then again no big deal. Also depends on the tone of the 'why was kid crying' question.
It's a tricky one for sure, there's lots to balance here. You really need a chart you can refer to or something, or a hug maybe?
Hope it's not affecting your wellness.
Had it been me after dropping junior off I'd have been straight on the phone to my wife anyway so she could relive the horror of another traumatic school run. But hey that's how I roll.
check her phone call log, there'll be one from a Louise, BOOM!
Sounds like the usual school crowd gossip about nothing to be honest. Chalk it up to experience.
What exactly did this need to shut it down? A couple of sentences to your wife about how jnr was being a pain about putting his trousers on and you told him off and that should be it, no?
Other parents phoning your wife?I wouldn't be pudding up with it.
No pudding for your wife!
John doh read up 6 posts. He wasnt.
How would you know, I don't communicate it on here
You do, regularly.
Anyhow, on topic. My standard response to questions from Madame about junior was "ask him". To information being withheld - patience. To silly people at the school gates - help them make fools of themselves.
It does sound like you really upset your child if he was still in tears at the school doors.
John doh read up 6 posts. He wasnt.
i turned him away from his friends, dried his eyes and expalined the situation calmy before he walked into class.
Umm...
I'm with Yak - DILLIGAF.
My kids - even though they are now both teenagers and one has left there are still rows (in fact theres [b]MORE[/b] now) and its no one else's business as to why.
If my (now ex) wife had told me that I'd most likely have torn her a new one as well as whoever called her.
In fairness she would never have not told me and I would have let her know exactly why the princess had been a little shit once I'd kicked her whiny arse through the school gate so its a mute point but the fact stands.
The nosey shoite can do one and I'd be sure to make sure she knows I know too.....
I vote you put make up on the child to make him appear to have black eyes, get some fake blood - pretend bloody nose.
Cover fists in fake blood.
Send him into school shouting "AND YOU'LL GET MORE FIST IF YOU CARRY ON".
Hopefully weed out who grassed you up 🙂
Kryton - do you mean that the parent called your wife and said she's seen your son with you and crying, or that she's seen your son without you and crying.
If it's the latter then that's someone showing genuine concern for a child's welfare.
If it's the former, then seriously WTF? That's a very snide thing to do. I can understand your wife asking about, I mean it would be more surprising if she didn't. I guess if you're trust issue there would be based on how she asked - was it out of passing but well-meant interest or was it accusatorial?
As for the mum snitching on you, that just beggars belief. What a horrible thing to do. I wonder if that mum would have called you if it had been your wife dropping your son off in the same situation or if her first thought would simply have been that it was an entirely innocent episode with a regular eight year old.
Have you tried intimate shaving? Intimate shaving will help.
Next time at drop off simply wear a t shirt with the slogan "snitches get stitches"
Think yourself lucky the gossip rang your wife and didnt post you on facebook as a child beater.
Shit the bed, every bloody morning
Bit too much information there...
Anyhow, if you're seriously proposing giving all the mums the death stare of accusation tomorrow morning, perhaps there's your answer as to why your missus doesn't want you knowing who the culprit is.
Why give the mum/dad involved the satisfaction of knowing they've got to you? Breezy insouciance for the win!!
Are you and Mrs K divorced? If not, I give it a year.
What's she being saying about you to this mother that meant the mother felt compelled to ring up at the first sign of trouble? She can't trust you to act nicely if she tells you who it was. She had to ask you and 'demand to know' before you proffered the information naturally. This has got nothing to do with the other parent and everything to do with your relationship with your wife. You got problems. Sorry.
Blimey, there's so much rage and pent up stress on here.
Instead of taking it personally, take a step back and look at the larger picture.
If my (now ex) wife had told me that I'd most likely have torn her a new one as well as whoever called her.
Why be so angry about people looking out for your kids?
its no one else's business as to why
Is that the world you [i]actually[/i] want to live in? Where people ignore young children they are concerned about because it's none of their business? That doesn't sound like a good place.
If it's the latter then that's someone showing genuine concern for a child's welfare.
If it's the former, then seriously WTF? That's a very snide thing to do. ...
that just beggars belief. What a horrible thing to do.
No, [i]both[/i] of those are someone showing concern for a child.
Also remember you don't know the background of the person who is concerned. They may have seen or been subjected to domestic violence or abuse themselves and be hyper-aware for warning signs. Or the phone call might have just been a very gentle [i]"Is everything okay?"[/i] opener, which is a kind, caring thing to do and something that takes guts.
take a step back and look at the larger picture.
Graham are you a father?
The right thing for that mother to do would have been to approach Kryton and ask if everything is OK. Calling his wife basically says 'I think you're husband has hurt your child'.
Calling his wife basically says 'I think you're husband has hurt your child'
Or it says they only had the mother's phone number?.....
Graham are you a father?The right thing for that mother to do would have been to approach Kryton and ask if everything is OK. Calling his wife basically says 'I think you're husband has hurt your child'.
I'm a father and quite honestly I think you're way off. Not least because apart from you not knowing the full story I'm not even sure the OP does either.
We're all having to make assumptions about the context of the call here.
Most people are being generous of spirit in their assumptions, but a handful take a rather more grim view of their community 🙁
Do you have kids geetee? I'd always assumed that you were too young
Graham are you a father?
Yes I am, of two young girls, and yes I've been in the OP's shoes only worse:
http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/so-ive-been-reported-to-social-services
What saved me was taking a step back, taking a breath, and gaining some perspective.
The right thing for that mother to do would have been to approach Kryton and ask if everything is OK. Calling his wife basically says 'I think you're husband has hurt your child'.
I'd say that if someone was genuinely hurting a child then confronting them about it in public, while the child is there, might not the best way to go about it.
If I saw a kid crying going into school I'd assume they'd been given some sort of telling-off by the parent. That's all. If it happened regularly I [i]might[/i] engage in a conversation about how kids are sometimes like this and share experiences. I'd not be assuming there was some kind of abuse going on that needed reporting to the other partner.
But that's the issue here - we don't know exactly what was said by the other parent and we don't know exactly what was said by Mrs Kryton. I do think the OP has a bit of a right to be angry about it, though for me that would mainly be aimed at the Mrs for witholding information.
Yes I am, of two young girls, and yes I've been in the OP's shoes only worse:
I did think maybe Geetee chose the wrong person to get sanctimonious to in these matters 🙂
I think Graham's perspective is a wise one born of experience.
Yes I am, of two young girls, and yes I've been in the OP's shoes only worse:
Well I wasn't being sanctimonious, genuinely interested. The answer makes a difference.
Wow and yes, not I think about it I remember that thread. I guess I find it more surprising then that you're not more sympathetic to Kryton (and yes, there's a lot face value here but I think that positively reflects an assumption in the general good nature of people, i.e. it's highly unlikely that there is anything amiss here).
I might have misunderstood your position then; perhaps you are sympathetic towards Krtyon but the advice is still a very valid, try not to over react.
That said there are two issues here. One is what is the (Kryton's) right response and two is, what do you think of the snitch? To which the valid answers are, one, don't over react, take the moral high ground and two, sounds like she's a nasty piece of work to make such a leap of judgement.
It's hard being a dad in a world where dad's are universally seen as second rate and less important and there is an underlying bias towards men with regards to their role as carers and parents (witness my own experiences of being immediately judged a pedophile while taking photographs at a fun fair). It's also almost certainly why you got reported (the underlying bias I mean) and why the snitches first thought was 'he must have done something bad to the child'.
I don't believe for one moment that a world in which that is a person's first thought is a world I want to live in. I would rather the first thought be 'poor guy, he's clearly having a hard time with his son, I wonder if he needs a kind face to say we've all been there'.
Do you have kids geetee? I'd always assumed that you were too young
Well thank you (I think, unelss you meant something else by that) I do, I have a soon to be eight year old and a four year old and if I saw the situation that Kryton found himself in, I would have gone over and given him a hug to be honest. It's properly hard.
Pervert!It's properly hard.
I might have misunderstood your position then; perhaps you are sympathetic towards Krtyon but the advice is still a very valid, try not to over react.
Yeah sorry I may not have made that clear. I [i]completely[/i] understand why Kryton is angry and hurt. It's not nice to hear that people who might see you almost every day could suspect the worst of you.
I'm encouraging him, and anyone angry on his behalf, to put the personal slight to one side, take a step back and breathe.
It sounds a bit zen, but if I ever found out who reported me, I wouldn't shout at them, I'd thank them for looking out for my kids.
That said there are two issues here. One is what is the (Kryton's) right response and two is, what do you think of the snitch?
Well there's 3 scenarios for the snitch.
One is they are a run of the mill do-gooder that only sees the world in black and white, and for any child to be crying means something bad has happened and action must be taken.
Two is it's just a woman partaking in their favourite pastime of spreading misery and stirring trouble.
Three is the snitch is called Louise and is trying to break up Mr&Mrs K so she can move in later.
But all three of the above are just differing brands of crazy that can't be cured, so the correct response is:
don't over react, take the moral high ground
