Funny thing happened last week…

MrsS was at home when she got a surprise phone call from a social worker.

Apparently someone raised some concerns about us to the local school, who had been obliged to pass on those concerns to Social Services. 😯

Those concerns were…

1) his wife often has bruises on her arms and legs
2) their 6yo daughter had some unexplained bruises on her arm
3) his breath sometimes smells of stale beer on a Friday morning (the day I do the school run)
4) their house is always untidy
5) there are a lot of bottles in their glass recycling

Clearly I must be some kind of alcoholic wife and child beating monster. Who knew? I blame the beard.

In defence of those concerns:

1) yes she does. She is diabetic, bruises like a peach and it takes months to heal. She also has a job that can involve running about, bumping into hospital bed frames and being struck by confused patients.

2) yes she did. About a year ago. It looked like bruises from four fingers on her upper arm like someone had grabbed her. We were concerned because we thought she might have been bullied so we photographed them and asked school to keep an eye out. Turned out the kids were playing a game where they grabbed one another by the arms and swung them about.
All other bruises are normal kids bruises obtained from normal larking about and karate, rollerbooting, cycling, running, jumping, climbing trees etc.

3) yes it does. Once a fortnight or less I go to the pub on a Thursday night for a few beers. It’s a long standing arrangement with other local dads, several of whom also have kids in that year.

4) yes it is. Two kids, small terraced house with very little storage, waaaaaay too many toys, and both parents working long hours. We do have a cleaner who comes in for two hours a week though. It’s messy, but y’know “clean messy” not “social worker messy”.

5) oddly no. Most of our glass recycling is jars and stuff. For one we rarely drink on our own – the only time there is any significant booze consumption is when the in-laws come to stay and even then it’s usually just a bottle of wine between four adults. And secondly, we don’t even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

So yeah, they are (mostly) valid observations and looking at it rationally I can totally see how someone might put 2 and 2 together and get eleventy. But this is clearly someone that knows us, that speaks to me in the playground, and has been to our house on multiple occassions but secretly thinks I am a monster.

To her credit the social worker made it very clear that, after a brief chat on the phone, she had no intention of taking it any further and put it down to “differing parenting styles”. She also said the school had no concerns at all (I should think not – we’re in the PTA don’t you know 😀 ).

Naturally MrsS was very upset by all this though and spent most of the day in tears.

First I heard about it was after the kids had gone to bed when she sat me down (with my pint of whisky) and quietly told me all about it (clearly worried she’d get a slap).

My take on it all was that it comes from a place of love. It is clearly someone well-intentioned who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of her and our kids and frankly I’d much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

.

But still… WTF!?!?

Best thing is to rock up at the playground next week with a black eye and drinking out of a hip flash. See who reaches for their mobile… 🙂

we don’t even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

My money’s on the cleaner dobbing you in.

Messy house gets social services onto you?

We are sooo in the shit.

So. When did you stop beating your wife?

My money’s on the cleaner dobbing you in.

Yeah we wondered that – but the cleaner complaining about the house being messy would be a bit rich! 🙂 Plus she knows better than anyone that our glass recycling is mostly empty coffee jars and the like.

Weird to be on the wrong side of that situation but

…frankly I’d much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

pretty much sums it up. Sometimes innocent people will get asked a few embarrassing/awkward questions but in the big scheme of things it’s a price worth paying.

You off down the offie for some celebratory tonic wine?

My take on it all was that it comes from a place of love. It is clearly someone well-intentioned who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of her and our kids and frankly I’d much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

That sounds very pragmatic of you, I would be spitting fire! Not nice at all knowing that someone thinks that way of you.

Sounds like the system has worked on this occasion though and you are right, it is good that people can raise concerns and have them checked out in a proportionate manner. Even so, I totally understand why your wife is so upset.

We live next door to two teachers and I always make a point of shutting the windows before I start hollering at the kids out of fear of the same happening!

Most of our glass recycling is jars and stuff

….because Stella comes in cans.

When did you stop beating your wife?

As soon as she stops provoking me.

Happend to me once for a similar thing but mainly because a teacher put words in my nippers mouth
Ah well at least if I had been beating the shit out of her they would have caught it I guess

Messy house gets social services onto you?

Gulp….

I think this thread is relevant. If someone had concerns, why didn’t they talk to you!?

empty coffee jars

What – like Nescafe? I was on your side up to that point, now i think the kids need to be fostered with someone who can make a frilly pattern on a flat white and knows the difference between burr ground and blade ground by crema appearance alone.

You bastard.

pretty much sums it up. Sometimes innocent people will get asked a few embarrassing/awkward questions but in the big scheme of things it’s a price worth paying.

Not if the innocent op and his kid end up on some kind of register for life it isn’t.

You off down the offie for some celebratory tonic wine?

Funnily enough my wife went and had a chat about it with the school and the headmistress said to her “Tell him that I expect to see him in the pub on Thursday night and if I don’t I’ll report him myself” 😆

You did exactly the right thing by talking it all through with the social worker. A quick, honest discussion will put their mind at ease much better than evasive defensiveness.

My dad’s best friend spent decades as a social worker, and has told of the number of people who would never talk to social services and got cases escalated unnecessarily – and also the surprising number of people who would report their neighbours because their children were “always messy”.

He said they were always much more concerned about the children who were tidy, but quiet, and played out violent or sexually explicit situations with toys or peers. Or the kids who came to school on Monday morning in grubby school uniforms because they were the only clothes they owned and they’d been playing on building sites in them all weekend…

3) his breath sometimes smells of stale beer on a Friday morning (the day I do the school run)

I hope you aren’t driving.

And secondly, we don’t even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

How’s that an excuse? Plus it sounds like you need a new cleaner if your house is a dump.

What – like Nescafe?
..
You bastard.

Good God no! Douwe Egberts Dark Roast. We’re not heathens.

Full points for being a turnip Dragon. 10/10 😛

Have you had a bad day by any chance??

My take on it all was that it comes from a place of love. It is clearly someone well-intentioned who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of her and our kids and frankly I’d much rather live somewhere that people look out for things like that than somewhere that ignores it.

That’s a very generous attitude and credit to you. But I’ve known to many mean spirited, nasty, poisonous individuals to come to that conclusion myself 🙁

I hope you aren’t driving.

Nope, small village, school is a ten minute walk away. Fifteen if I’m really hammered.

How’s that an excuse? Plus it sounds like you need a new cleaner if your house is a dump.

Well it was more a “How do they know what our glass recycling looks like when we don’t do it?” – fair point about the cleaner but to be honest she does sterling work. It’s just there are only so many piles of toys you can make in one room.

But still… WTF!?!?

As you say, reasonable grounds for concern, concern passed on the relevant people who know about this sort of thing, concerns answered – case closed.

Not sure about the messy house thing though, we’d be guilty of that, but ours is messy-tidy. Mrs hides away all the mess during the day, but the dust is inches thick behind the sofa.

We had a similar ‘chat’ about the eldest. ‘Mystery bruises’ not so mystery when you consider he’s an MTB riding (when he feels like it) indoor climbing, wrestling with his old man, parkour wannabe gymnast. I’d rather be embarrassed about being asked about it rather than live in the ‘good old days’ when things that happened behind closed doors stayed there.

You know what to do Graham,find the GRASS

Did you skip a round at the pub with the other dads?
😉

Who’s chips have you pissed on recently ?

– no dessert for them.

blimey Graeme – I’d give you a character ref 🙂
Parent… or teacher (possibly)

So. When did you stop beating your wife?

like it!

But I’ve known to many mean spirited, nasty, poisonous individuals to come to that conclusion myself

It crossed our minds but we don’t have any enemies that we know of and I think if it was malicious they’d have just made something up, not based it on misinterpreted truths.

we don’t even do the glass recycling, our cleaner does it.

My money’s on the cleaner dobbing you in. filling your glass recycling with her empty vodka bottles

If you don’t think you have any enemy’s.

You are the enemy……

Or something like that 🙂

Tell yer mrs to be more careful and give her a dig in the ribs as a reminder.

^^Graham heading up the pub school

A friend of mine had a malicious accusation along pretty similar lines- ironically, she is a youth social worker. Apparently it’s fairly common, which is really pretty awful. That one had outright madeup accusations with just enough truth to give it some plausibility. It went away pretty easily but pretty unpleasant to go through anyway.

I think you’ve got the right attitude, OP.
Plenty of people got their pitchforks out for Social Workers when Baby P died, but then a lot of the same people cry like babies when Social Workers act on reported concerns.

Yes, it’s shit when someone reports you and it can be terrifying when a Social worker rings up or knocks the door, but they’ve got a job to do.
I’ve looked after children in care and spent a lot of time with the sorts of families who have their children taken away. Untidy houses and alcohol would not even get a social worker out of bed, but the bruises require at least a phone call, just to tick the box.

Now all you need to do is find out who shopped you and wee in their shoes…

^^Graham heading up the pub school

It’s more like this really, I suspect <twitches curtain>

What – like Nescafe? I was on your side up to that point, now i think the kids need to be fostered with someone who can make a frilly pattern on a flat white and knows the difference between burr ground and blade ground by crema appearance alone.

You bastard.

My favorite post, well done!

Apparently someone raised some concerns about us to the local school, who had been obliged to pass on those concerns to Social Services

.

Nice family i knew dad worked nights came home at 7.00 am, had a can of lager before going to bed, a freinds kids used to call round to meet his kids to walk to school, freinds kids noted drinks can on floor and dad smelt of drink, told teacher, teacher tells s/w team, s/w,s call round a few days later to interview family, freinds kids and freinds now banned from talking and from the house.

Also as its been reported a file will be opened and left open somewhere for the duration of the childs child years,just in case something ever happens, covering their arse, just be aware.

I think if it was malicious they’d have just made something up, not based it on misinterpreted truths.

Or look at it another way – if they made it up it would be 100% unsubstantiated and unprovable, but if they are twists on the truth then someone could be tricked into thinking it true.

could it have been someone with whom you discussed appropriate lane discipline at nearby roundabouts?

just a thought 😉

my mate works with kids. and the school are obliged to investigate any report.

some of the parents, being a cross section of society, are unhinged.

my mate was investigated for colluding with the IRA and using the school as a weapons store. Turns out she’s not. which was reassuring! 😆

its wrong if its malicious but in the broad scheme of things it not bad as it shows someone somewhere actually cares and it was dealt with via simple phone call

Good on the OP for his attitude to it all.

IME most folk in that sector have had a spurious complaint anonymously made by the “loving parents” of the children they are trying to help

You know what to do Graham,find the GRASS

Mrs was keen to. But I’m not.

I think it’s someone we consider a friend that is genuinely concerned. If they knew we knew it was them then it would poison that friendship.

So instead we decided to just tell everybody, which

A) has been very therapeutic, especially because everyone that knows us has reassuringly said “What? You?” etc, rather than “Yeah sounds about right. Had suspicions myself.”

B) hopefully means it wil get back to whomever is worried and reassure them that everything is fine (we also asked school to pass on our thanks to them for looking out for our kids and tell them it was all resolved)

Not if the innocent op and his kid end up on some kind of register for life it isn’t.

Which he won’t. A record will obviously be kept of the initial report and what SW did about it, but there isn’t a specific register of Parents the Authorities Are Not Concerned About.