[Closed] Really struggling after seeing an accident any advice?

I think you should really be seeing someone a bit more specialist than asking the masses on here. That kinda thing can (I imagine) really f*ck with you.

That's awful, you'd have to be odd not to feel like you do.

Sounds like you need some counselling for PTSD. Hope you get it sorted.

I think I'd start with my GP. He should be able to advise you.

talk to the police again ask if they have a counsellor they can recommend - maybe someoine associated with victim support - you're victims in this incident too.

🙁

Go and see your GP pronto and see what they can offer you.

GP: Avoid anything chemical. You need to talk it through, get it off your chest with a counsellor.

Speak to a professional as soon as possible. Don't try and deal with this on your own.

Talk about it, go to the funeral, even go and see her family if it's allowed but don't let it eat you up, time will heal.

A therapist will simply listen to you talking about it.

Yeah I feel like I'm trying to be a big man and tell myself I'm fine.

Stupid I know, think GP and councillor is the way forward.

It's so hard because Claire (girlfriend) was there too and can't stop crying.

Daft things like the report in The Star or on Look North.

Thanks everyone helping me admit I need to see someone is the first thing I needed.

Once saw a schoolgirl get knocked down after running into the road straight off a bus. Once second she was laughing and joking with her mates the next...

Wasn't constantly prompted but my idle brain returned to the scene a few times that week. It got better with time.

Nothing useful to add, I cannot imagine how hard that must be. As above, time will heal and if you can help justice to be done (if indeed there is any to be done) then it is not a completely pointlessly painful experience.

Be gentle with yourselves and each other.

🙁

Ditto the professional help. PTSD is a likelihood and can very much wreak havoc with you both.

Try your GP and be a bit pushy for a psychological/counselling referral if you have to.

That's a really terrible thing to witness, so it's no wonder that's it having an effect on you and your girlfriend.

I would advise going to see you GP and telling them what happened and asking for a referal to a counselor. I know I have access (if needed) to such people through my work, so that may be an option open to you.

You do need to talk to someone, but they need to be someone who is a trained professional. I can understand that this is causing you both an enourmous amount of distress, but you are doing the right thing. I think (I hope) that being able to talk openly to the right people will put you back on the path to normallity.

Maybe give the Samartians a call if you really need to. After all, it's what they do.

Best of luck to both of you.

Can you explain to the police how this is tearing you up and see if they can somehow limit/manage the interviews you are having to undertake?

Had this last year when I witnessed the aftermath of a RTA.

Basically had to watch the poor woman die in front of me whilst we tried in vain to give first aid.

If you need to talk to someone there will be support available.
Asking th epolice for witness / victim support is probably a good place to start if they are already in contact with you.

Yeah mastiles that sounds like a good idea thanks.

Made the stupid mistake of searching after they named her too. We want to lay flowers but can't bring ourselves to go back to the scene.

Why not? Shes at peace now. Lay some flowers. Its a nice touch as well as otherwise it'd just be family and no one else would care.

You and your partner are obviously thoughtful and good members of society.

I had a similar experience and it reminded me of my own mortality. I decided to live my life better and start to connect with my family instead of years of cutting people off.

Talk, talk and talk some more.

Yeah Hora Its certainly made us stand up and think about our lives and what we want to do.

I'm going to call the police councillor and get us both in to talk.

Need to stop telling myself lies that I'm fine and accept what we saw.

Thanks everyone you all confirmed what I should have just accepted.

It must be difficult to see the right way through shit like this when you are in the middle of it though so just get through it the best you can and take help where it is offered.

Just to wish you both the best with learning to deal with this. In my experience, talking to the police and explaining that you are both struggling with the emotional side should help, both in reducing the call-backs you get to give statement(s) and in finding counselling services. Organisations such as [url= http://www.roadpeace.org/ ]roadpeace[/url] have leaflets explaining the legal process that will now occur and what your role will be. Be aware you may be asked to give evidence at both the Coroner's and criminal and/or civil investigations (if there is a criminal or civil case). Also be aware that, if a criminal case is brought, it can take up to 2 years after the event for the case to come to Court. Which I realise is a nightmare for witnesses and I hope it for your sake that no prosecution is drawn, so that you can both move on.

It sounds like you both need counselling, and I would advise you go independantly, just from my own experience. You might not need much, just someone independant to talk to. Whilst it makes no odds to you whether or not the lady died due to unlawful behaviour (of the driver), you may find that a civil case is brought in due course where you could recoup the cost of private counselling, if you find you struggle to get counselling on the NHS, but that is something you would need to speak to the Police / CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) about.

This [url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Traumatic-Stress-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1841190160/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1321537759&sr=8-8 ]book[/url] is recommneded by a pal of mine who is probs europe best expert on ptsd, although he says no 1 is go and get some help, but if you insist on working through it alone then that book is excellent.

Thanks Konagirl really helpful.

Thanks everyone your advice is really appreciated.

You could try focusing on the incident and writing it down, for yourself rather than for the police statement. It will allow you to revisit the experience to some extent and also to reconsider how you felt, which you can then reconcile with how you feel now. Making a record of the incident could also mean that you're less likely to feel that you need to hang on to memories for the sake of a potential court case. You may feel more comfortable doing the 'cold facts' version for the police once you've dealt with your own process first.

What Three-Fish said is good advise. And getting counselling...

Good luck.

Thanks Three_Fish I might try that.

Think getting help and talking to a professional is the first port of call.

Thank you everyone

It's a nasty thing to see, no doubt.
Things like this get to people in different ways. I had a mate who ran a bloke over in the dark and killed him. He wasn't speeding, he was 100% legal, and the man he hit was drunk. The cops helped him, the victims family said he wasn't to blame, but it affected him really badly for many years, and as far as I know it still does, although I've not seen him in years
I also know a lorry driver who hit a woman thet stepped out in front of him in town. He was going very slowly, but she fell and hit her head which killed her, but it hardly bothered him.

It sounds like you're both somehere in between, and I think I would be the same as you, if that helps? As above, get some councilling, try and talk to the family, the cops, the doctor. Don't try and push it away.

Please don't put it off. Seriously, its painful to contemplate in a way. Get it done.

That's a horrible thing to have witnessed. I saw a dog get run over once and that was bad enough.

Definitely speak to a professional.

It's too soon for PTSD, but a severe grief reaction is likely. The police should be able to point you in the direction of their counsellor. NHS counselling would take months...and actually in these acute times, prescribed drugs DO have a role (not anti depressants, but benzos etc to take the edge off).
Also, in a way this is a natural response to a terrible thing, so you're not 'weak' or 'lame' for feeling like this...

DrP

I've just spoke to the police and they are calling back with an appointment time for us.

I know I've put it off and that's stupid. I know it can only help.

Also, in a way this is a natural response to a terrible thing, so you're not 'weak' or 'lame' for feeling like this...

Agree. If you've half a heart and a caring person you'll feel it more IMO. Recently I witnessed the immediate aftermath of a cycling death (whilst cycling home) and the bits and pieces had enough of an effect to stop me commuting on my bike.

Three_fish is right - try to take time to write it down if that is what you both want to do.

Give each other space and time to talk about it - even if you say the same things 50 times because you will.

There aren't any answers, and rights or wrongs - only what you've experienced and coming to grips with it. You will come to live with it at different speeds and the point where one person wants to talk and the other doesn't will be the most difficult. Be prepared for it in advance and be prepared to give a little for each other.

(been through it a few times - it isn't fun)
(edit: by asking the question you are already heading in the right direction 🙂

I'm not sure I'll ever drive down that road again after this.

Think we both need sleep as we're finding it hard.

Hopefully speaking to a professional will really help.

You just need to put it to the back of your mind and dont worry about it.
People die all the time, we all die and it's something we need to be more aware of.
dont worry about your feelings, but don't let them stop you getting on with your own life.
I had a guy land in front of me having jumped off Shell tower and that was an unbelievable site, he exploded like a balloon full of water, but you just have to get on with it.

Try get some perspective, think about he medical teams up and down the country and how they deal with death day in day out.

a few weeks time and you'll be fine

Sancho may be right but I suspect that advice isn't helpful right now. The 'putting it to the back of the mind' is what you have to work on and some people find it easier than others. The good news is that it will get better, it will just take a bit of time so don't worry if it still dominates your thoughts for the next wee bit - it's normal.

Yeah unfortunately for us we're not emergency staff and I applaud them more than ever for what they do and what they deal with.

Sancho I agree I have to move on.

Well I'm not a medical person but my GF is a doctor and what they have to deal with is mind bending, so I try to appreciate death and injury and not let it get to me as its happening so often.

But think about this, can you imagine doing the rounds on an ITU ward and deciding in a morning to switch off three peoples life support.

Or having to cut open a mans chest with a pair of scissors to plug the knife injury to his heart with your finger, saving the mans life, until you can get a surgical team to close the wound properly,
The incident I witnessed isnt worth mentioning in comparison.

Sancho I understand where your coming from.

Like I say I am amazed with what they deal with and the attending staff said they become sort of hardened to it.

I don't deal with it day to day and im struggling.

It's natural for you to struggle with it, but you'll be fine in time.

DrP - Member

It's too soon for PTSD, but a severe grief reaction is likely. The police should be able to point you in the direction of their counsellor. NHS counselling would take months...and actually in these acute times, prescribed drugs DO have a role (not anti depressants, but benzos etc to take the edge off).
Also, in a way this is a natural response to a terrible thing, so you're not 'weak' or 'lame' for feeling like this...

DrP

Is good advice

A few years ago driving through a local city, saw a bus on the other side of the road,hazards flashing, no driver, but a large hole in the windscreen,as i slowed and drove past a few yards behind was the driver, looking at the floor, and on the floor was a poor chap, who had just been run over by the bus,and came out the back, in a mess, the driver just standing there so silent, i felt so useless, so impotent, and so upset for the victim ,the driver and the families.

But gradually the thoughts melt away, they have to as other things happen in your life, perhaps visit the family, it will mean a lot to them, that they hear first hand what happen and what you saw of their child.

As for medical and emergency service professionals coping a good freind who is a Gp, said that he copes by using the reasoning that he never knew them as freinds or family just as patients he treats and hopefully makes better, and sometimes they die. Harsh but he says he has to use that anology to be able to cope with the next patient, and the next.

thats shite for you

you need completion which will come in time

you could try using a reflective tool as used by medics etc[url= http://www.devon.gov.uk/reflectivepractice.pdf ](Gibbs reflective cycle)[/url]and talk it through between the two of you, give each other time to talk without being cut off, or even better each spend time using Gibbs cycle to write down your individual versions and thoughts and then talk it through between you

on the plus side i'm guessing that you were in each others presence as you bore witness and can support each other through the aftermath (potential Coroners etc could take months+ etc)

your not to blame, your not qualified to treat her, you are purely witnesses to a tragic event

failing all that hokus pokus shit, alcohol works a treat

I was in a similar situation a long time ago and it was pretty tough. You can't help but keep going over and over it and wondering if you could have done anything differently or done something to help. In my case, with eagle-eye hind-sight, I maybe could have reacted better even though it almost certainly wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome.

I got offered victim-support type counselling at the time and initially said no, but accepted it later. Was helpful actually - not a lot more than tea & sympathy but it helped to pour things out a bit.

Go via the police for support, what you may find is that they're not keen for you to get victim support as in a court case it could be seen as prejudicial to your evidence.