[Closed] People with no kids - any regrets?

Genuine Q, please.
Are children really that expensive ?.

Yes but No, before child we had perhaps quarterly city breaks to Barcelona/Paris, We drank more wine, We smoked, We went to the theatre/cinema, bought CD's and dined out far more than we do now.

So when you factor in the amount you actually save when having a child it has pretty much balanced itself out, I don't earn a great deal being a self employed designer but we were able to afford the missus having a years maternitiy and she's going back part time. and I've just about to spaff a load of money on a new plastic 29er so they can't be that bad.

My first two were relatively cheap initially, then i went to uni and got a 'proper' job. took 11 months off after baby 3 and then 9 months after baby 4. tried to minimise childcare costs by doing 4 working days in 3 actual days, but when i totted up the total childcare bill when the nursery time was over it was about 60k!

Other than that they are generally reasonable until the wants for christmas' and birthdays get more expensive and they realise what a label is, as much as you try to stop it it does happen.

Oh yes and when they hit the age where you stop worrying if they eat enough and start worrying they will actually eat the fridge - the food bill does shoot up

i don't believe the world will be a friendlier, better, more secure place than it is now

I do. I caught a bit of Location Location Location or some such whilst flicking through channels the other day, it featured a gay couple. I'm constantly reminded of how far we've progressed when you look back through history, even 20 o 30 years. Kids now don't have the security of a local factory job for life (re the Buying British thread of yesterday) but they do have amazing opportunities to do stuff that would never have been possible in my parents' generation, for most people.

I went to America for three weeks whilst at uni, on a shoestring. The River Taff has Salmon in it. I'm talking to you all over the internet whilst working at home. I've got a facebook window open with my overseas family telling me about their lives and people campaigning for things, publicising themselves and generally making something of life. There are six different nationalities in my immediate neighbours and we all get along well.

[i]Childcare is, the wife taking a year off when first born is...[/i]

Hhmm. Now, although in my 40s, I may be up for a bit of parenthood. But financial struggle would be a hassle. However, I can't help but wonder how people "cut their cloth" to suit their needs.
From your remark there, I can't help but think that the year off was a year's wage lost ? and that this was an issue.
I guess what I'm thinking is I'd probably accept spending less in other areas in order to finance the child, rather than rely on two strong incomes to [i]have it all[/i].

And I'm not criticizing anyone, I'm just wondering about the remarks made by a few, on how expensive children are / can be.
Is it a fact or more a choice on how much they cost you ?.

I have a nephew and he is now brand aware, but no matter how much he may protest, he only gets what his mother can afford.

when I've told them I considered smothering my eldest. I never would have done it of course

Anyone who denies this is a liar...

Absolutely - eldest son, during the screaming baby, tantrum throwing toddler and obnoxious teenager phases ...

Solo: Kids are not expensive if you don't need childcare. You buy a few hundred quid's worth of gear up front, then you either get given second hand clothes or get them from ebay for buttons. Then it's just a bit of extra food. The extra laundry is the biggest ballache.

You do need to accept second hand stuff though, and be wary of manufacturers taking you for a ride, which they will try to do.

Genuine Q, please.

Are children really that expensive ?.

In my case.. the older they get.. the more expensive they get !

Grum, it has to be a personal decision and something you both want. You will never know how you will feel if/when children arrive as it so personal and no one else can tell you how you feel. From my perspective, children are the most precious blessing that one can have, but I say that with care as it is not meant to be loaded with any sort of value-judgment, but can be easily interpreted as such.

Life does change - massively. Its up to you how you react to that. Yes, there are sacrifices but in my mind they are outweighed by the benefits. But our own habits change as we get older and it would be a pity to worry too much about current lifestyles when those will change with or without children.

To come back to you skiing/snowboarding passion. There is a lot of fun in teaching your kids, then skiing/boarding with them, then watching them leave you behind. As frustrating as the last bit might be at the time, its is a great pleasure in truth...

...good luck with your decision!

p.s. the cost, effort and sacrifices rise geometrically with each child. Ignore those who claim otherwise!! 😉

I get the idea that some people don't want kids. Cool, don't have 'em. What I think is a mistake is when people think they do want kids but not yet, because they're still enjoying snowboarding holidays in term-time, they're not where they want to be professionally / financially yet, whatever.

Thing is, there will always be a reason why now's not yet the right time, there's always another year of holidays, there's always that promotion or new job to strive towards, there's always going to be the desire to move to a better area or have a bigger house where you are now.

If you're gonna do it, get on and do it, don't wait until tomorrow / next year / the lottery numbers come in.

Solo - Member
Childcare is, the wife taking a year off when first born is...

Hhmm. Now, although in my 40s, I may be up for a bit of parenthood. But financial struggle would be a hassle. However, I can't help but wonder how people "cut their cloth" to suit their needs.
From your remark there, I can't help but think that the year off was a year's wage lost ? and that this was an issue

Some was lost.. some was on maternity at a reduced rate.

We sold the wifes Ducati before he was born to fund it.... She now has a Yamaha R1 after a couple of years of shit bikes...

It wasn't a mmajor issue.. but we are more fortunate than some i admit.

I always really wanted kids, but sadly have yet to find a person to have them with. Now in my early 40's so it's unlikely to happen now. No nieces or nephews either and all my old friends are now married with kids so they all do the family days out things together. Being single is OK, having no single friends when you are single sucks.

On the plus side I have a garage full of bikes and I get to do what I want when I want. But the grass is always greener etc. etc.

What I think is a mistake is when people think they do want kids but not yet, because they're still enjoying snowboarding holidays in term-time, they're not where they want to be professionally / financially yet, whatever.

Well, I think I probably don't want kids - am I allowed to carry on enjoying my snowboarding holidays please? 🙂

To come back to you skiing/snowboarding passion. There is a lot of fun in teaching your kids, then skiing/boarding with them, then watching them leave you behind. As frustrating as the last bit might be at the time, its is a great pleasure in truth...

Yeah I can certainly imagine that. I suppose I am just wary of the idea of 'living through your kids' which is how it can sometimes appear to be (not saying this about you, just something I've observed generally).

Kids are great,you really can't beat 'em.......which kind of takes the fun out of having them..............

My kids never run into my arms when I get home from work 🙁

They are usually hiding and I have to go and 'find' them under a cushion or a table or behind a chair or something 🙂

The Duplo stage is dragging a bit though.

^ This. Bored of building Princess castles.

One other benefit of kids: when I'm out and about with my daughter, pretty women smile at me a lot.

Shallow, moi?

Shallow, moi?

I thought having kids was meant to stop you being shallow? 🙂

pretty women smile at me a lot.

I thought having kids was meant to stop you being shallow?

It hasn't worked so far.

I don't think anyone can answer this Q but the individual in question - and they may never know 100%

I suppose I am just wary of the idea of 'living through your kids' which is how it can sometimes appear to be

(I'm not naive enough to believe that they'll necessary accept or heed my advice, but they'll get it none the less!)

@op there must be a nagging doubt in your mind or you wouldn't have posted

Our little one arrived when I was 44. We were never on a mission at all, but up she popped and it's great having her here, she's very welcome and she's more fun than I or probably you could have imagined.

But you have to be ready in your head. If you're not it would be the toughest thing in the world, and unfair on the child too.

I certainly wouldn't recommend having one just to avoid the possibility you might regret it if you didn't! That would be a fairly negative motivation.

Are children really that expensive ?.

Only when they're still living with you in their 30s because the only house they can afford is one they built on Minecraft.

[i]rise geometrically[/i]
THM.
Sir !, I salute you !. Oh, the times I read or hear people describe it as exponential !. Does my OCD reet in.

[i]pretty women smile at me a lot.[/i]
Dude, that happens to me anyway.
Its been part of the reason I'm in my 40s and childless.
But thats probably for another thread.
😉

[i]I certainly wouldn't recommend having one just to avoid the possibility you might regret it if you didn't! That would be a fairly negative motivation.[/i]

I'm not 100% sure I need to, but part of me feels as though I'm read now.
And, I feel that its just one of those things in life you have to do to know about it.

I think people think everything through too much.....Just have one & if you don't get on with,sell it & have a nice holiday,bike or car with the money.......

[i]I think people think everything through too much.....Just have one & if you don't get on with,[s]sell it & have a nice holiday,bike or car with the money[/s].......send them to boarding school[/i]

I've got a couple of little boys and TBH my life before them seems like a total waste of time.

I totally respect people's decisions not to, but I don't really understand them.

Not having children seems like the safe option, barring medical reasons. I'm sure it's not and someone will be along to correct me but it seems that way. Also the couples and individuals I know who don't have them are at great pains to tell me how it's a decision they are happy with and then make a huge fuss of my lads. I detect a lot of sadness in some, not all, of them.

We never wanted kids. We were out on the razz most nights of the week, and would party all weekend long.

A contraception fail, and both us grew up sharpish.

Two kids now, and no regrets. In fact if not for the kids I think I might not be here. We certainly lost a couple of friends who never stopped partying.

tell me how it's a decision they are happy with and then make a huge fuss of my lads. I detect a lot of sadness in some, not all, of them.

One thing, having kids makes you wonder what the **** you did with all your time before you had them!

I didn't think I would be able to have kids but it happened and wasn't really too happy about it. I literally WTFU and threw my heart and soul into bringing up two kids.

It was an amazing experience, bloomin' hard work having two close together though! I developed as a person and I guess it's what has made me what I am now.

They're grown up now, I have a good relationship with my son but my daughter hasn't wanted anything to do with me for 3 years.

I do genuinely believe in choice, it's just not right for everyone.

[i]One thing, having kids makes you wonder what the **** you did with all your time before you had them![/i]
😆

A lack of [i]Me time[/i] is showing to be a common theme amongst all you parents.
🙂

Also the couples and individuals I know who don't have them are at great pains to tell me how it's a decision they are happy with and then make a huge fuss of my lads. I detect a lot of sadness in some, not all, of them.

It's probably something to do with constantly being questioned by other people as to why they don't have kids. Having to justify yourself over and over again is very wearing.

[i]I do genuinely believe in choice, it's just not right for everyone.[/i]

Possibly, but with the caveat that we're never the same person all our lives. We change as we age (hopefully).

I feel as if I'd be a better parent now than when I was a younga Man.

No kids, never been interested in having them and life's fine and complete and I have no regrets about it. There's some patronising rubbish on this thread about how life's incomplete without kids.

There's some patronising rubbish on this thread about how life's incomplete without kids.

I feel as if I'd be a better parent now than when I was a younga Man.

I think I am (tho a different parent would probably be more accurate really).

A lot of people on the "no or not decided" side of the fence talk a lot about restrictions, limitations, having to give things up.

It really doesn't feel like that to me. I don't even notice. Whether that's really the case, or it's just my brain tricking me (we're evolved to do this) I don't know, tho the result is the same.

I know couples who have kids who are happy and some who are not.

I know couples who don't have kids and are unhappy and some who are not.

My advice would be to make you decision on your/your partner's wants/feelings/whatevers and NOT on anyone else's.

[i]My advice would be to make you decision on your/your partner's wants/feelings/whatevers and NOT on anyone else's.[/i]

Fairly obvious, but its been a good thread, imo.

🙂

I think you live the life you think is best for you. If you are lucky you will manage to be happy for much of it. I don't think there is any component* that guarantees you happiness or satisfaction. Do what feels right.

FWIW my wife always said no to children, then changed her mind because she knew I wanted them (there was no pressure from me). It worked out OK for us.

* Not children anyway. Possibly a carbon framed Lapierre Zesty.

There's some patronising rubbish on this thread about how life's incomplete without kids.

Its not meant to be patronising. And you should pity us. Its just that having kids turns you into a right soppy bloody girlchild! I don't know whether its your mad paternal hormones, or what? But Its bloody embarrassing at times, believe me!!!

How on earth are you meant to keep any kind of decorum, when you inexplicably burst into tears watching Rolfs Animal Hospital. Awwwwwwwwwww... the puppy's got a thorn in his paw.....

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 😥

I do notice the stuff I've given up. I gave up some stuff when I got married, and I've given up more with kids.

My wife like some light outdoor stuff but isn't a hardcore biker, mountaineer, explorer or anything like that. So whilst she never prevented me from doing anything, I didn't end up going on expeditions because I wanted to spend time with her and make her happy. She wouldn't have stopped me going off to wherever for a week, but I would have missed her a lot.

Likewise with the kids. I'm reduced to snatching short training rides here and there when I can, but it's all part of the project and that'll ease up later in life. My aim is to make sure it does, at any rate.

what binners said. I blub at the drop of a hat now.

I don’t think it is meant to be patronising, it is just how being a parent makes people feel.

Being a parent makes people smug and patronising? I don't need any help with that TBH. 🙂

I dunno, there is a bit of a hint here of some people thinking they are somehow superior to those who don't have kids, or that having kids is somehow a noble higher calling free from base selfishness etc.

I don't see it that way - if you want to be cynical people have kids to fulfil basic biological urges - nowt noble about that (not saying it's wrong either).

Having kids is selfish - it's saying 'my dna is soooo good that it's my duty to bequeath it to future generations.

For me I don’t feel like I don’t get to do what I want to anymore, more that it makes me experience things I wouldn’t have done before.

Like:

Go camping (with my wife rather than at a 24hr bike race)

Going to Disneyland

Softplay

Birthday Parties

Dens

Make-believe

Hugs

Making cakes and buns

Sunday morning pancakes

Watch childrens’ films such as Toy Story, Mary Poppins etc

And lots more besides...

EDIT: And I can’t wait for them to go to school (September) so I can hear about the things they have learned that day, see them in nativity plays, go to parent / teacher meetings...

binners - Member
But Its bloody embarrassing at times, believe me!!!

How on earth are you meant to keep any kind of decorum, when you inexplicably burst into tears watching Rolfs Animal Hospital. Awwwwwwwwwww... the puppy's got a thorn in his paw.....

Binners thats just you 😆

I don't decry anyone for not having kids, but for those comparing their thoughts, feelings and opinions of other people's kids with how they would feel about their own, it is very very different. I don't much like other people's kids, whereas my own is the single greatest thing that has ever existed, ever.

Having kids is selfish - it's saying 'my dna is soooo good that it's my duty to bequeath it to future generations.

What if your DNA really is that good though? 😉

I can't believe people have them in this day and age. Species going extinct everywhere, rivers and oceans polluted, industrial levels of farming required to sustain the population, energy, water, and other resource wars in the future.

It's pretty arrogant and selfish IMO. What's the stats for nappies alone? 3000 in the landfill per child I think. Something ridiculous anyway. The friends I know who have them lead the most dull lives. Racing around in the SUV to pick up the little darlings from school so they can get to dance class etc. All that investment and when they reach teenage years they can't stand you.

A mugs game IMO. Don't let your genes con you into it.

s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren't. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it's difficult to describe.

@JCL then just when you need a bit of help in payback they shove you into a retirement home in Bulgaria, flog the house and disappear off to Miami

I am the eldest of five children (I've got four younger sisters - 😯 ), raised by a frankly incredible mother. Even now, I don't know how she managed it.

I don't want kids - I don't feel especially qualified to bring anybody into this world and (biology aside, ha) I struggle to imagine the circumstances inwhich it would happen. I'm a single bloke in my mid-thirties, and (outside my job), I do whatever the fug I want. But there's no point debating the merits of such a decision: it's like being in Love - if you're in it, it's real. If you ain't, so what?

A lack of Me time is showing to be a common theme amongst all you parents.

To be honest, people who end up losing all their "me time" tend to be the ones who whinge on about it most. I know plenty of parents who manage to do lots of fun stuff. And lots who don't. They were roughly as shit or good at time management before having kids too.

I don't much like other people's kids, whereas my own is the single greatest thing that has ever existed, ever.

Hmmm - you do know that your kid isn't actually anything special and you're just blinded by a biological connection don't you? Again, not sure I want to get so blinkered and obsessed with something based on primeval urges to procreate. 🙂

Grum - I am sure he knows that, I think irony was in his post.

We're all special grum. Even you.

I know plenty of parents who manage to do lots of fun stuff. And lots who don't. They were roughly as shit or good at time management before having kids too.

Worth quoting as possibly the only thing I'll ever agree with Darcy about.

I reckon the cross-over age when you do more because you have kids to do things with rather than pass up things they can't be involved with is about seven.

It's pretty arrogant and selfish IMO

Would you call your parents that?

If you're right, no-one should have kids and the human race would be extinct. Would the Earth be a better place without humans? It would simply be full of other species who would take over the world and mould it for themselves if only they knew how.

Life is selfish, and without life the Earth is a floating rock. So really, who cares if we live on it or not? Given our biological makeup it makes more sense to care about those close to you. And having kids is an excellent way to have people close to you.

Now I'm not saying that everyone needs kids, but it's not particularly selfish to have two. Having 15 is a bit daft mind.

Hmmm - you do know that your kid isn't actually anything special and you're just blinded by a biological connection don't you? Again, not sure I want to get so blinkered and obsessed with something based on primeval urges to procreate.

Hate to suggest this Grum - but perhaps most of your (and everybody's!) behaviours have a fairly "primeval" basis...!

No kids, now in my mid-40's and never had any regrets. I don't dislike children, but I have never enjoyed playing etc with them. I don't think I'm selfish, and life isn't all one big snowboarding party 🙂 but I do enjoy having the freedom to go out onto the hills and wander for as long as I want to, or to have a quiet evening reading etc

One thing that never gets mentioned by people who are thinking of having children (or very annoyingly telling me "you'll change your mind ...") is the possibility of having a child with disabilities. It can happen to anyone, and the impact will change your life, and that of everyone around you. My brother was born with severe disabilities, and 40 years on my mother is still caring for a "child" (including all those basic toilet functions you think you'll only be doing for a couple of years). He needs 24 hour / 7 day a week care.

He is the most important person in my life, and I love him to bits, but I do think he has had a massive, and at times extremely difficult effect on all our family. And it never ends. Caring for my brother has dominated my mother's entire life, and that responsibility is now transferring to us, his siblings.

My only advice to others is that having children is everyone's personal decision, but never ever take it lightly, and be prepared for whatever the consequences might be - even when they can last for your entire lifetime.

I struggle with long sentences but just do what feels right for you. Kids are as huge a commitment as there is but if you want them then they are awesome. I can only imagine a much less fulfilled life for me if I hadn't had mine but it's different for everyone. Right now it seems they get less hard work as they grow up but increasingly expensive, esepcially under this Govt! I'd only have spent the money on toys, holidays and wimmin anyway.....

I can't help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it's just me?

I met my lady at 34 & married her at 37. Three weeks before we got married she dropped the bombshell that she wanted a kid.
This was inspite of her saying she didn't want kids at all. I tried to want a child but no matter how much I tried it just forced me into a deeper funk. Eventually I resorted to a councillor to save my marriage and try and get things straight in my head.
I won't bore you with details but at 39 I became a dad. And all those fears turned out to be stoopid. It may be frustrating at times but the rewards are way bigger than I could ever imagine. Nothing could prepare me for the amount of laughing I do and the pride that every little bit of progress brings.

Having said all that 'what you've never had, you'll never miss'.

The really wierd thing is that more often than you'd expect you don't mind missing that bike ride. Especially when it involves taking the little bugger out on his balance bike 🙂

"It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done"

Except when it comes to having kids! If you regret having them then that's several lives messed up.

Great advice. If you don't want them, don't have them. Also, as someone mentioned not too far above, do bear in mind that if you do choose to have kids, there are no guarantees they will conform to your image of being a parent. We have two kids, one of which has had two bone marrow transplants which was a big old strain on my wife and I. Also, he has difficulty with his balance and mobility, so may never get to enjoy the many things that have brought joy to our life that we hoped to share with him. We simply don't know what the future holds for him but it doesn't look like what we had in mind when we entered parenthood.

Our kids are absolutely adorable and bring immense joy, but my advice to any prospective parent is to never ever underestimate how difficult it can be.

Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry.
Unbridled joy
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Great fulfilling proudness
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Anger & frustration
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry

Pretty much sums it up for me,
Wouldn't be without him now though!

If any of you (and I do mean any of you) are unsure whether you want kids, it's your lucky day!

My children (5 and 8 ) have the next 20 or so weekends available on a first come first served "try before you buy" basis.

Don't worry about references or CRB checks, you all seem very nice.

I can even deliver free of charge within 5 or 6 hundred miles.

Email in profile.
Ta

Friends of mine have admitted they deeply regret having kids. Everyone's always scandalised when they say it but I always wonder how many people feel the same.

Based upon this thread, not many.

s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren't. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it's difficult to describe.

Know anything about adoption?

I'm in the Doug Stanhope camp

Have you ever considered registering as a sex offender, just so you have a legitimate excuse for why your friends can’t bring their stupid children over to your house?”

I had a spectacularly shit day at work today.

Got home to two bursting girls desperate to tell me about their day, homemade biscuits for me to eat.

Work doesn't matter anymore.

I'm in my mid 40s, never wanted children and, despite that decision costing me at least one otherwise-perfect relationship, I appear to be perfectly happy and have no regrets at all.

I was firmly in the 'screw that for a game of soldiers' camp until I met my wife, who skillfully spent 5 years bringing me round to the idea.

Now we have our little wriggler, I usually get home a bit before my wife does with him and now he's crawling she opens the door and puts him down so he can come and find me, the cackle of delight when he first catches sight of me is pure magic.

Yes it's tiring, yes you don't have as much 'me time' (but you certainly make the best of it!) but I can't remember the last time I was actually bored.

Plenty of our fiends have no plans to be parents, that's their call, each to their own. I know that had I decided to dig my heels in I would have regretted it, and probably lost a damn fine woman at the same time.

People with no kids - any regrets?

None what so ever, i love my selfish life.

I've never wanted them in the slightest which admitingly has caused a few break-ups of otherwise perfect relationships but i always made it clear from the outset that i do not want kids and this was usually met with a "you will someday" and a wry smile that seemed to say "I'll change your mind", i guess the biological tick-tocking of the girls/women i went out with got to them over time and we had to part ways, amicably i might add but part none the less.

In a funny kind of arrangement i am a legal guardian to a 4 1/2 yr old boy if anything happens to his dad or mum or both of them (god forbid). She's an ex-girlfriend and her husband an old friend of mine, he's a skipper and often out at sea for up to 10 days at a time fishing in all weathers and he's fully aware of the dangers of his job as we've lost many folk we've all known and grown up with out at sea so it was agreed that if anything were to happen to either him or her then i've to bring him up or help bring him up. This is fine with me as i get on great wi him and love him to bits, and he loves me to bits and his parents are quite elderly and greek (they stay out there in greece) and her parents are also elderly and stay 400 miles away so all the legal papers were drawn up a few years ago for everyones piece of mind.

It's quite a good arrangement as i get to do stuff like get him running about on a balance bike by the age of two and i got him an islabike beinn for his xmas, he's already done the blue route at Kirroughtree (with a few stops i might add) and he loves his bike - i've already got ideas about a custom frame for him in a couple of years time so i get to do all the exciting stuff without any of the real "parenting" issues to deal with.

Have met plenty of people who regretted having kids. Never met anyone so far who regretted not having them. Mrs and I have four nephews and nieces between us. That's plenty of sprogs thanks all the same. If you want to have kids, then go for it. If you're not sure, buy a dog. They only last around 15 years, then they die and you can buy another! Simples..

I can't help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it's just me?

Ouch...yes, what this chap said.

I just don't get the affordability aspect that some people put up as an excuse/reason.

I'm from a single parent family when there was still a stigma around that situation. We went short on the materialistic things, we walked. cycled or caught a bus. Holidays mmmm

However we didn't go short on the essentials love, stability and knowing right from wrong.

That said I appreciate its a different world and the commerciality of it makes me want to weep but with children comes responsibilities and on the flip side watching your children grow up is a magical. Each to their own . IMHO

Me and wor lass were on the same page from day 1, and now have two kids, 6 and 4. Love them to bits and love our life to bits - they both have bikes, love camping, the outdoors in general etc. And they get more fun and interesting as they get older. And we'd had plenty of adventures/travels before we had them.
However, we both said that if it never happened, then we'd be great aunts and uncles to our nieces and nephews, and just enjoy a more selfish life, more cash to burn, more travels etc.
My point is, is that as long as you and your good lady are on the same page, then you'll be fine - there's no right or wrong answer.
However, I'm gobsmacked at two pals who have just got/are just getting married, and this isn't a resolved issue that they've bottomed out with their partners yet. I know of at least one pal where this has led to a fairly quick divorce.