[Closed] One sided relationships

Do you have body odour problems?

Some folk are just like that. Don't worry about it.

I've barely spoken to my older brother in 30 years. The only thing we ever had in common was our parents and they've passed on.

some people learn the hard way, he will regret it

Wow! This seems really sad. Keep on making the effort and never stop.

As TJ says

just because they are family doesn't mean you can always have a relationship. Sad maybe but true. I have a similar situation with my brother. Stems from being at boarding school together 2 years apart. It's like we stopped being brothers when i was 10. Find it hard being in the same room for more than an hour.

Might be one of those situations that you can see a solution to after it's too late...

Same with my 2 older brothers.We get on well when we are together,but can go weeks without contact.

[i][s]Some folk[/s][b]blokes[/b] are just like that. Don't worry about it. [/i]

FTFY

Blokes are pre-programed to have short term relationships (no not talking sex) and will happily talk crap in the pub for 3 hours then not see each other again for years, which is why a lot more gals use facebook every 30 seconds than guys.

Highly possible he is just very busy and juggling too many things.

I don't spend the time I would like to with my family but it is difficult to prioritise the essentials, then fit in family time.

^My circumstances. I don't go out drinking and <Confession time> don't get out riding as much as I would like to.
What with work, uni and my boys, riding is a bigger priority than seeing my sis.

Wish it could be different, both for my free time and for my sis.

I've barely spoken to my older brother in 30 years. The only thing we ever had in common was our parents and they've passed on

Same with me,my brother never rings, or visits, and neither do i, we just dont have anything in common, oh and yes it sometimes bugs me, but mostly its hidden in the back of my memories.

Its probably human nature, or just ignorance of others feelings.

I don't think I smell TSY 🙂 well, not that bad anyway.

We get on fine when we see eachother and actually have quite a bit in common but he just really isn't bothered. I know he'd be there if I needed him in a crisis kind of thing, I just don't get the lack of contact. Suppose he might just not think about it perhaps.

Edit : see I do contact him project so you couldn't even say well perhaps I should make more of an effort because I do, then I worry that I'm just bugging him so leave it for a while. Oh well, like TJ said , just because it's family doesn't mean he has to like me!

I didn't mean it quite like that. some folk just don't make an effort to see people / arrange to do things. It doesn't mean they nessasarily value your relationship less, its that tehy never get around to it.

I get on very well with my sister however she almost never phones me - I phone her a few times a year and we see each other every couple of years. Its just the way she is. If I never phoned her we would never speak.

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family!

I'm useless at keeping in touch with family, but so are the rest of my family, unless theyr'e trying to tell me something!

It may be the kids, how old are they? They can dominate your lives sometimes

You get use to your own smell... you should ask a stranger in the street tomorrow just to be sure.

My dad has a sister who lives in Ireland somewhere, i dont even know her name. Only know of her as it came up when we were chucking out a lot of crap from the loft and they said she had sent me it (some random toy bear). Apparently my nan hears from her every couple of years by phone, and a card on her birthday, nuts.

Until a couple of years ago I hadn't spoken to my brother for 13 years - don't hate him or anything, just not keen really & kinda forgot about him. On the odd occasions we do speak I find it an effort.

I'm getting closer to my little brov as he grows up (he's 7 years younger than me)

It's quite cool actually

I'm getting closer to my little brov as he grows up (he's 7 years younger than me)

He's 8? 8)

I've not seen or spoken to my elder brother in 3 years, and the wife has nothing to do with her elder sister.

I spend time with people I want to be with and who want to be with me rather than wasting effort on those who I dislike just because they happen to be family.

I sat next to someone at a carol service today who kept looking at me and saying 'yuk, it smells of feet and farts in here' so perhaps I should invest in some deodorant.

Kids are small, under 5 but I can't see how that stops you sending a text every now and then Charlie?

Are most of you close to your siblings? I have older siblings and one of them, my brother just never, ever, ever makes contact with me, he's never been to my house, never text/called off his own back, rarely replies to messages and generally has never really bothered to make an effort. Is this just a bloke thing or is he trying to tell me something? I'm feeling a bit beyond making an effort any more but he's got kids and I don't really never want to see them

Gaëlle..? Mais que ce que tu fou là
My sister would just say that. Word for word.

My relationship with my older brother is the same, for all my family. Sick of waiting him to visit, phone, respond etc. Finally decided that if I wanted a relationship with him I'd have to do the legwork. I do and we do and it's great, but if I stopped being in his minds eye it would fall back again, I guess some folk are just like that. Don't think it's a bloke thing, I'm a bloke my relationship with my sister is 50:50.

I hope I never get into the situation of not talking to him for years like some of you on here (v sad) he may be a little prick sometimes, but he's mostly ok

Don't worry about it I have a brother and a sister
(younger than me, only by Two years)
The only time I hear from them is when they want me to do something
for them, which I say I am to busy.
I see them on birthdays and over Christmas.

Don't let it get to you, it doesn't bother me anymore

I have older siblings and one of them, my brother just never, ever, ever makes contact with me, he's never been to my house, never text/called off his own back, rarely replies to messages and generally has never really bothered to make an effort.

are you my sister?

I'm a lazy sod, I guess he is too

What siblings?

My brother has never really been one for staying in touch. It's nearly always me who calls him, pretty much weekly.

My mum tried to blame it all on me coming out and him not dealing with it but, to be honest, he was exactly the same before.

Funny thing is; he seems to have no problem saying that I'll be bringing his daughter's (very large) presents down to Lincolnshire for him...

Rachel

Okay, so we've sorted out the smell.

I never, ever text or call my younger sister and rarely make the effort with my older sister. Love 'em to bits and get all the news from my Mum about what's happening with them and make the effort to visit my parents when I know my sisters and their families are there. This is despite the fact that my older sister lives about 200 meters from me and my parents are a car journey away. Keep better phone and text contact with my bro although can easily go a month without hearing from him.

Perhaps I'm just being over sensitive then, sounds like its quite normal. Busy lives an all that

Jesus, where to start?

I have a sister who is 3yrs younger than me and we haven't spoken (apart from a 3 word phone call) in 15yrs.
She is a manipulative and downright nasty woman, she has 5 kids and when my mother travelled from Nottingham to Rochdale in a snowstorm to deliver Xmas presents some yrs back she grabbed the presents out of my mother's hands and slammed the door in her face.
The father of 4 of her kids was an old schoolfriend of mine (i even introduced them) and when they were going through a rough patch she kicked him out and used the kids as a weapon to get him to jump through hoops.

The poor sod drank himself to death.

At his funeral my dad and i went, but i refused to go to the wake as i knew what would happen. My father went.
3hrs later he rang me in tears saying "your sister is the most evil woman i have ever met and i never want to see her again".

Basically, she'd programmed the kids to tell everyone that John's death was all my fathers fault.

The last time i saw him he threatened to put me through a window, saying that she was the only good one from a rotten family - i laughed and told him he was so fat he'd give himself a heart attack if he tried 🙁

Then to top it all, she then rang my dad out of the blue demanding he give her and her brood a lift to the airport for her holiday!

Kids are small, under 5 but I can't see how that stops you sending a text every now and then Charlie?

I know, but it can be hard, also it feels that all you have to talk about is kids and you don't want to bore.

It's sometimes the way it goes. I grew up thinking I was very close to my older brother, but as soon as his own family came along I felt like a spare part, to the point where I'm the afterthought when it comes to organising family dos. I still care about him, but I've stopped trying to find fault within myself to explain events.

Families are just groups of people, you'll get on with some and not get on with others.
Don't worry about it, at least he's not making you feel like it's your fault.

I've got four (four!) younger sisters.

Luckily we all get on ok, give or take the usual arguments. 😀

I have 3 siblings, I only know where one of them lives (and only because she's lived there for over 20years) none of them know where I live, Haven't spoken to any of them (or my parents for that matter) in years. I've got kids they don't.. well not really 😕 .

My mother is 66. She went to the GP with RSI in her thumbs from overusing her blackberry texting and emailing with me. We speak every week.

I think I spoke to my father when it was his birthday a month ago. He never texts, emails or calls and nor do I . He acknowledges he thinks this is normal. I literally have nothing to say to him.

I speak to my sis now and again, and occasionally text or email with her, but she's like my father - too busy doing what she's doing. She and I see the world very differently.

Life is simple. People are complicated.

So probably a mix of him having kids, being old(er) and having different priorities. Meh, I'll leave him to it, he'll want his Christmas present next week so im sure he'll be in touch eventually although I did once get his Christmas present over in April one year. There are others things though that have made me think he'd rather I just didn't bother so for now I'm just going to leave the ball in his court so to speak, or is that being terribly womany of me?

I'm pretty cynical about family relationships these days. Only have the one sibling and he didn't bother when I was having a rough time.

In all honesty I value friendships more these days.

emma82 - Member

Perhaps I'm just being over sensitive then, sounds like its quite normal. Busy lives an all that

this. Just accept you are the one to make the effort and continue to do so as long as you want to.

Put it this way, when i was at the point of seriously considering suicide i never told my parents about it - that's not what they want or need to hear. A few - very few - of my close friends knew and rallied round and it's because of them i'm here today.

My brother is 15 years older than me we talk once a year if that. I have no doubt he loves me and would be there if needed. We just don't express ourselves well.

Don't take it personally and keep making as much of an effort as you want to.

I reached the point where I just cba'd making an effort. Have better things to do with my time.

I spent a few years not really talking to my brother apart from when we visiting our parents, even though he lived on the other side of the same city. We just didn't have much in common - he was out partying and still being a student - I was in a steady job and being [s]domestic[/s] boring. Now he's settled down, got himself a proper job, got engaged and the like, we get on a lot better. He's 2 years older than me, but you'd never know. Oh, and he's my tenant now 😀

I speak to my sister maybe 2 or 3 times a year, i honestly can;t remember her ringing me in the last 12 years. Doesn't really matter to me as we get on really well and when push came to shove we sorted each other out which is what siblings should do. My bro is better, although he has disappeared off the end of the world it would seem, he will return though i'm sure.
I speak to my mum every few weeks and email her once a week or more which is quite good, before my dad died i literally had nothign to say to the miserable old **** and even less when he started to realise his number was approaching and did some purely mental stuff. I was thinking that i should be sad about it but i'm not and even though he was my dad i didn;t know him and i certainly do not aspire to be like him.

That feels better.

I'm like your brother a bit. My sister is ok which is much better than it used to be: typical sybling rivals. Then when our parents died she was guardian which was really ****** **! now we both have lives dominated by others and work. Fortunately neither of us is very needy. Tbh I'm terrible at social stuff despite trying more.

We have limited contact with my wife's family. And mine to be honest.
My wife has issue with my sister and my mum and I can see what her beef is. I think both her sisters are quite simply, evil. I've been proven right on a number of occasions. I wouldn't trust either of the buggers as far as I could throw them.

Why would I want to have people who I don't like in my life? Likewise my wife. It's a tough call but we married each other, not our families. It causes a lot of pain, especially for her. What can you do?

I tell you what. Parents dying makes a huge difference to family relationships. HUGE! My wife liked my dad but when he died the gap just opened up massively. Likewise, when her parents were alive, the family all just got on for the most part. As soon as they died, BAM! Wide as you like.
Let the sniping begin.

I tell you what. Parents dying makes a huge difference to family relationships.

Definitely agree with that. I haven't been real close to my brother, half-brother and step-brothers/sister for a long time as I worked out of the country for many years and traveled extensively around the world for work. We got a little closer after I left that line of work, but after both our parents were gone, the gulf has returned.
Once it is gone, seems hard to recapture--something I am sure I will regret one day.

Our family is pretty much as close as you can get I think, despite being geographically distant. However I still speak to my brother and parents about 2-3 times a week on the phone, on average. I reckon I'm probably the most "distant" one, but not on purpose, life just gets in the way a lot of the time and immediate issues press other issues out of the way a bit, but if I get a spare moment my first thoughts are usually wondering what they're doing and to give them a ring.

Some fairly sad stories on here. I have one brother who I talk to approx once a month which seems to suit both of us. Eight years ago we were alot closer and went riding together both locally and on foreign trips but have both had kids since (and he has moved to London) which has stopped all that 😥

I think that we are both caught up in our own lives but would be there for each other if needed. I guess I am lucky as both my parents were great (now sadly gone and much missed) and there are no extended family members that really irritate me.

I would be gutted if my kids drifted apart when they get older. I think family ties are becoming less valued as time goes by.

I would say just carry on trying if you're happy to do so but don't expect miracles. My story is quite different if you'll indulge me....

Fairly close family, one younger brother (6 years younger). When we lived together under the same roof we didn't get on, don't really know why he was just annoying. Since growing up however, i realise he idolised me and copied everything i did, sports, clothing, etc so i guess the height of flattery, just didn't see it at the time. When older (in mid 20's) we really got on, we didn't have a great deal in common to be fair but we just clicked. Fast forward to Xmas 4 years ago and there was a big falling out, as usual over nothing really and until September this year i hadn't spoke to anyone in the family at all, i just couldn't be bothered as i felt no support or understanding of who i am now (i had issues, we all have and for the most part i've managed to get through the dark times). In September my Grandmother died, my mother called and said it would be 'nice' if i came to the funeral - i did, was polite and did my duty, i couldn't even look at my brother while my parents carried on as if nothing happened in the previous 4 years! it was then i thought whats the ****ing point and i very much doubt i'll even 'go out of my way' to contact them again. Sad i know but thats the way i feel and judging from other posts i'm not the only one.

Chin up 🙂

I think family ties are becoming less valued as time goes by.

Sadly enough that's true. I think a thread like this makes everyone realize that despite location, circumstances and all, there is a lot of commanality in our lives and what we have created, whether by intent or not.

I find it really strange when families don't get on, even in the worst times with massive arguments, broken doors/walls/screaming and shouting and non-communication for a day or two while everyone calms down, I can't imagine what it would take to never want to talk to them again. Usually whoever was to blame finds a way to say sorry, or even if they don't feel they should say sorry they'll accept everyone has different views. Sounds a bit "ideal" I know, but I just don't think I could find something that my family wouldn't help with or would take such a huge objection to that it would break down communication. And I guess that's what makes a family a family, communication and support.

Bloody hell - being an only child seems to have some advantages.

Nearest I've got is two cousins who were almost like sisters as they virtually lived at my house as kids. I pop in to see one of them if I go skiing up at Glenshee as she is fairly normal and fun, the other I will probably never speak to again due to a family bereavement 'incident' but I never liked her anyway (and detest her Husband). Doesn't bother me at all that we haven't had any contact for 7 years.

Speak to my folks every day though as they are getting on a bit.

I would be gutted if my kids drifted apart when they get older.

Bloody hell - being an only child seems to have some advantages.

Always felt I missed having siblings - I was the only kid I knew without brothers and sisters and felt I was missing out. I suppose things are always greener on the other side.

Haven't seen any of the relatives on my Dad's side since he died 14 years ago. Only met my Mum's relatives for the first time for over 20 years at the funeral of an aunt a couple of years ago, depsite doing a Masters degree at Lancaster University which is close to where most of them live - in fact my Uncle has the farm that borders part of the uni campus.

Strange things families!

Have you considered talking to your brother about your feelings rather than just sharing them on a mountain biking forum?

He's your brother, not a mind reader.

me and my full brother get on good. But my mum left us when i was 4 and i haven't seen or heard from her in 20 years. i know she has a son and a daughter but i have no interest in them at all, but i think that is normal.

i do have another half brother from my dad and he lives 5 minuets away and he cba to even ring us. we do get contact around his birthday and christmas (i think its for his presents). i think he doesn't like us as we tell him he needs to lose weight (he is massively overweight im not lying)

tbh it dont bother me

My twin sis lives about half an hour away yet we only speak / see each other a few times a year - we get on just fine, just lead busy lives I guess. Harley any of my wife's family talk to each other, all fell out over inheritance ...

Should add it was her mum and siblings, not her!

[i]Are most of you close to your siblings? I have older siblings and one of them, my brother just never, ever, ever makes contact with me, he's never been to my house, never text/called off his own back, rarely replies to messages and generally has never really bothered to make an effort. Is this just a bloke thing or is he trying to tell me something? I'm feeling a bit beyond making an effort any more but he's got kids and I don't really never want to see them[/i]

My siblings have passed, so I don't get much choice in the matter.
32yrs and 27yrs.
Christmas can be.... tough.

So my message to those who still have family.

Sort it out, as once they have gone, you've no more chances.
And that can really cause you problems.

I sincerely wish my STW commrades, a Happy Christmas.
😉

32yrs and 27yrs.

Ooof! Sorry to hear that, mate.

Nowt as strange as family relationships. I'm an only one and get on well with all sides of the family, although don't bother getting in touch often. When we talk or meet we always enjoy ourselfs on many levels. But I don't do more cause I have really close freinds who I value. I have been coloured by experience of the ex wife's family who lived in each others pockets and fought like jealous cats in a bag. The current (and wonderful) Mrs wingnuts turned up to her Dad's funeral to discover 8 ... yes that is 8 brothers and sisters she didn't know about. They were from 3 other women. Strangely she has become closer to 3 of these than her sister from her own mum. Her dad had made her executor but neglected to tell her about all his activity and resultant progeny, but that is another story.

i wish i had a brother or sister

My sister lives in the US - we probably have some kind of contact every couple of weeks. We very rarely speak on the phone though, generally exchange comments on Facebook or email. She comes over here one or twice a year so I see her and her kids then.

I don't think the situation described in the OP is particularly unusual - it's very easy to not get round to these things, even if you enjoy the contact when it happens.

I don't see much of mine; sister is an accountant 42,single(ish)no kids,loaded, lives in embra and is horrible to my two boys just because she has none. My little bro is the most unreliable man in Tayside. I will see them both on boxing day and not again for months. I do make the effort when I am in Edinburgh but she does not even reply now. I think it is just the common bond of a womb, once you have left that behind, you follow your own path.

emma82 - Member
Are most of you close to your siblings? I have older siblings and one of them, my brother just never, ever, ever makes contact with me, he's never been to my house, never text/called off his own back, rarely replies to messages and generally has never really bothered to make an effort...

I don't contact my brothers unless there's something important happening, and vice versa. When we get together we simply take up where we left off.

My elder brother has just been sunk in the middle of the Indian Ocean but didn't think that was a big enough deal to mention. (Heard about it from a friend.) His attitude was it would only be a problem if he had drowned, so it wasn't worth making a fuss about. Fairly typical in our family, but you could pick up the phone and they'd be there if you needed them, or you could drop in for a 3 month visit no problem.

So don't worry about your brother. 🙂

[i]Brothers are like that[/i]

It's true you know, we are.

I have three sisters, all older, they're in their forties, I'm in my thirties. I love them all to bits, will do (pretty much) anything for them and like spending time with them. I'll call them when there's something to talk about but never, ever just ring them for a chat. But then I hardly ever just ring anyone for a chat.

[edit] I do try to make a point of seeing them at least every couple of months, but mainly because they have children and I think it's important that the children know that they're part of an extended family that loves them

Actually, having read all of epicyclo's post now, I think she might be my sister 🙂

Parents now live in Australia and speak to them about once every two months. Me and my two brothers can go 6 months without speaking but it’s like we’ve never been apart when we are together. Some families are just like that.

This topic has just prompted me to call them. Turns out they are now both immigrating to Australia as well!

I think I'm probably quite like your brother so I can give a perspective that might be helpful.

I'm actually pretty close to my family - we all get on well, always did when I was young and always have a great time when we're together.

But, I'm a pretty independent person and I don't need to talk to people regularly to feel close to them - same goes for close friends actually - so I don't have the inherent triggers to constantly call/talk/text them that say my wife does with her family. It's definitely a bloke thing to some extent but also just how some people are.

For me, from the point when I moved out of home to go to uni (eg the last time we lived together), I saw/talked to them a lot less and didn't really 'miss' the contact as I knew they were always there and that essentially nothing had changed.

That said, I guess as I've got older and had kids, I've become more aware that how I perceive things isn't necessarily how other people do and so I do actively make the effort to call my family regularly simply because I know they might feel how emma does otherwise. For me it doesn't make me feel any closer as I don't need that contact for that but I know that they've appreciated it.

So, emma, maybe your brother just hasn't realised that side of it and next time you talk to him maybe just mention in a non-judgemental way that you'd love to talk to him more often...

Me and our kid (ickle sister) are really close. We always have been. We always knocked around together, and made a real effort to see each other, despite her being in London and me oop north. I've had some of the best times of my life with her and love her to bits! She was my best man and everyfink

The thing is, people always remark on how well we get on. And how its nothing like the relationship they have with their siblings. It certainly seems to be the exception, rather than the rule

And we don't phone each other all the time, or owt like that. She's like a bloke in that respect. We just have a right laugh when we're together and immediately revert to behaving like kids 😀

I've got an incredibly needy sister-in-law you can have.. 😐

Emma, don't give up on him. He probably values your relationship very much, but he might just have the type of personality which makes it difficult to keep in touch. I'm very similar - I love my sister very much, but I'm always forgetting to contact her, because something more immediate comes up, or I forget, or other. I don't care about her any less.

Maybe just mention it to him (not in a nagging way) and say you'd like to hear from him more often. Certainly don't assume it's resentment or indifference.

My sister might say the same about me! Well, not quite- she's got the kids and I do make some effort, but as said above people are different and I don't feel the need to be in touch with my family all the time- doesn't mean I don't care about them.

clubber sums it up nicely for me.

I have a 2 years younger brother, we are close, get on great when we meet up, like the same things, similar group of friends, usual stuff. I was best man at his wedding, he will be best man at mine.

But.

It is not uncommon for us not to speak for a couple of months, and it is not uncommon for us to not see each other for 6 months. We are both independent, both busy and neither of us ones for just calling for a chat.

It's a bloke thing in my eyes, I am the same with my friends as well, I get in contact when I have news (actually, I don't, people just hear it on the grapevine unless it is really big) or fancy meeting up. All male parties seem happy as we are all of similar mind sets.

So in summary, don't panic, he is a bloke.

Our family lives separate lives, they live one end of the country I live the other, it's always been like that. Having left Uni to return to my home county Shropshire they promptly upped sticks and moved to Cambridge where my Sis married and had 4 kiddos in succession, Mother remained there to help out, Father died of bowel cancer shortly after….
So I’d make the effort to visit, every month I’d pop down and for a while we carried on as a family, only after a couple of issues we had to face bang on the nose did we start to drift apart. I moved south for sailing and been here 20 years, they’ve stayed where they are and in that time we’ve hardly spent any time together. I rarely go up, she’s been down once, we chat twice a year. My Mothers a different matter, she’s always in contact, in fact if it wasn’t for her I’d rarely talk to her for weeks on end then I’ll get a text saying “Hi, it’s your Mom” and we start up all over again.. then I’ll drift off and we go round in these circles over the years. We’ve recently had some rather bad news, my Nephew and my Niece’s Fiancé were killed at the weekend, totally devastating news for my Sis and family and yes we’ve spoken and it’s like we’re still Bro and Sis, nothing changes, we’ve always been the same, always been there for each other..
But, the over riding feeling I have in all this is simple, I love them all, but I’m happy with my family and to me that’s the most important thing.
I guess a lot of guys are like this, those that I’ve spoken to about it are similar, we’ll be astrainged but not really, we do appreciate the affection from our family, but we’re happy on our own or with our own family.
I do envy those with close knit families though, you know those with Mum/Dad/Sis/Bro all living close by, all sharing each other..
I don’t really have that, but I don’t think I’ve ever had that either.

The saddest thing for us is that my wife's parents are both no longer with us and mine are. Her parents did everything they could to involve themselves with us and our son but both died in their mid sixties. Mine never visit and rarely call despite managing to spend two months of every winter in Palm Springs and have told me and my sister not to visit at the same time with our families because too many people in the house stresses them.