I've got a tiny allotment on Godwin St that was once my grandfathers and whilst not particularly wonderful soil it is next to the water trough and it does me alright. The problem being when my grandfather became ill it was a little neglected and it wasn't as well kept as the others, we'd still tend to it but it wasn't tended to on a daily basis, since then I've been trying my best to get it up to the same standard as the others but to be honest I don't have the means and resources others do (sheds, tools etc). Now the neighboring plot is quite the opposite, its quite impressive even if I do (through clenched teeth) say so. The problem being my neighboring allotmenteer has taken to encroaching on my plot, he's an utter sanctimonious tosser and keeps moving his bloody rope out essentially he's trying to take over my pitch. I've tried talking to the council but it appears he's got friends there (he gives them veg) so they won't act in my defense, any suggestions?
Move the rope back, dig out whatever's in your soil and plant your own.
Or get some nettle seeds and scatter them.
Move the rope back to it's proper place and act a bit mental when he says something
Solid fence!
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Shift the rope 2 feet into his territory.
Move his rope back?
Allotments will be a standard size, so surely it's just a case of measuring yours and measuring his. Any sane person will back down at that point, as the potential for a dirty tricks campaign on allotments isn't worth the aggro.
Both of you should be keen to not escalate things. It's far too easy for someone to nip round with some roundup and ruin someone's crops in the dead of night.
tried moving the rope, got accused of throwing stones from mine on to his and received a bloody letter from the council telling me to stop!
threaten him - no witnesses - calmly tell him if the rope moves again, the next time he sees it he'll be hanging from it.
MTFU and tell him
Have you actually spoken to him?
Tried talking, he won't listen and has basically said that he's got more right to be there than me!
He's obviously a complete mouth breather.
I'd go down the route of finding out the proper dimensions of a plot. You cannot argue with a tape measure.
pi$$ in his shoes
Punch him in the goolies
Own him with your bombers
kick his back doors in
Burn him as a witch
then burn his allotment
Bury his body under the water trough
use his skull for ceremonies apeasing the allotment gods and you shall have veg to make Solomon blush.
It's what he did.
Actually if he keeps on encroaching I'd speak to him person and advise him firmly that he wouldn't like it if you started taking his plot would he?
I most certainly wouldn't put salt etc down- thats just wrong and when hes plants etc start dying it'll escalate matters meaning you could be ejected.
If he still moves his borders after talking to - move his 2ft into his patch .
If hes older/elderly there isn't much more you can do. I was happily swimming at my local pool when a lad dived in and phyiscally shoved me out of the way. I spoke to the pool attendant who said 'yep we have lots of complaints about him, he sees that part of the pool as his and can get very upset' (he was circa 65).
What could I do? Nowt. It'd be a petty and pointless battle that he'd win.
speak to him, explain about your grandfather and why you keep it on. If that doesnt work wee in his shoes
Put a cat in his wheelie bin.
Inject his marrows with laxatives, that'll learn him...
Petrol strimmer?
build a small wall(with high powered electric fence to seperate your land from his! he sounds a reight plonker ! he pi%%ed with you cos you aint planting veg ! lol 😉 try growing some triffids !(the ones that walk and blind you) hahahha
Be careful, one of you may end up like this:
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first ten seconds . . . [/url]
Plant some hardy ganja plants in his plot.
Break into his shed, hide some chloroform, condoms, werthers originals and a balaklava in there. Then phone the council and say you've seen him take a lot of kids round to see his shed...
Rabbits!
Bury him under the allotment
Dig a tunnel and steal his plants from below, everything will look perfect from above ground yet when he comes to pulling his potatoes, nothing! And free paotatoes for you!
get their before he does, and just stand there staring in complete silence at him, do not talk, do not repsond to him, jsut keep moving the rope back and staring at him in complete silence until he gos home.
nothing more creepy than being stared at in complete silence by someone who you know you've p1ssed off!
(or use a solid fence installed in the night to the exact dimensions so no matter what.. he cant argue)
Just stand there staring at him whilst sharpening a mahoosive knife. Silence will help.
I had an allotment and experienced the same bitter twisted retarded mentality of the allotment mafia. They really are a bunch of selfish twisted bitter old gits.
I'd put a formal complaint into the council by letter and escalate up the council heirachy if it's not acted upon. I assume you pay rent for the plot so he is therefore stealing from you and it's simply not right. just because someone is old, does not give them the right to behave like this.
It's a shame, 'cos there are some lovely people have allotments, but they always seem to have some complete tossers as well who view it as their own private land
Clamore mines? Or my personal favourite- expose yourself to him.
Join a union,
tell the council/police he is discriminating against you because of your colour/sexuality, it seems to work for others,
What he palnts on your side is now yours as he is using your soil etc.
On a serious note
we'd still tend to it but it wasn't tended to on a daily basis, since then I've been trying my best to get it up to the same standard as the others but to be honest I don't have the means and resources others do (sheds, tools etc)
I think you are better off letting it go to someone who would treat it as a hobby/something to do in the day post-retirement than hang onto it purely because your Grandad had it.
Allotments are very popular and to hang onto one if your really not committed to it is unfair.
I'd say give it up.
someone tried this with ours. The council have plans, which show the boundaries of each allotment, as allotment are essentially council assets which they rent out like council houses. ask for a copy of the plans, get accurate measurements and re stake the ropes in accordance with the plans. Don't be rude or aggressive as they can kick you off for that. The plant something with wild seeding properties along the border and ruin his plot that way!
diesel or anti-freeze.
or a long chain with padlocks to lock in the allotment
Complain in writing to the council and the allotment commitee, take photos of the encroachment and generally be a pita, but as said above, give it up if you can't give it the time it needs
DOH!
Let him plant in your area but eat all the veg yourself 😆
Flamethrower his entire pitch.
Get me down there. I'll sort the bastard out. Time I've finished with him, he won't be able to look at a vegetable without crying....
draw smiley faces on every piece of fruit, veg and every flower in his allotment..... but not happy smileys... more of a:
😐
+1 cupra
Its your plot, whats' the problem.
😯Elfinsafety - Member
Get me down there. I'll sort the bastard out. Time I've finished with him, he won't be able to look at a vegetable without crying....
What would Shami Chakrabarti do?
if you don't need the land: "I'm happy to let you work this strip <points> because it obviously means a lot to you and you do it well but if you keep moving the bloody rope from the proper boundary I'm going to have to kill you".
Dig lots of shallow graves then start talking to your spade muttering things like:
"we'll show him"
"who's next"
"i liked the way the last one squealed"
It's fair to warn him once:
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Well I contacted the council and did snow serious digging, turns out that he is the exfinance director and was given the allotment a far few years ago after a particularly nasty incident which meant that he had to move house, whilst I feel sorry for the fella he is being a complete arse now, I'm not going to give up my family plot as I'm committed to it working, why the he'll should I just because he wants to oust me?
"particularly nasty incident"
Tell us more.
Feeling sorry for him or not, doesn't give him teh right to be an arse though! In fact, he should probably know better.
Oh, and any info on the 'Nasty Incident' would appease the voyeuristic part of me!
Either move it back and plant some stuff there, take photos and if he turfs it out complain to council, wait for him to plant/grow stuff and then harvest it yourself, or just leave a strip and as he encroaches just dig it back out again.
"was given the allotment a far few years ago after a particularly nasty incident"
So what!
And in any case he was given his allotment, not yours.
Here's 2 realistic options. If he keeps trying to take your patch then surely he is breaching the rules? In that case escelate it with the council and make it very clear to them that you will take it right to the top. It will be him that gets kicked off the allotments.
Other option, tell him you would be happy for him to give you a hand in assisting you with your lot, but remind him it's yours.
In fact I would just go with the first option. Maybe take it to the point where he gets a stern warning.
If he keeps doing it then take it all the way - he only has himself to blame.
And get down there more, do a bit of research and find out what are the easiest plants to keep etc...
find out what are the easiest plants to keep etc...
weeds are the easiest to keep.
what are the easiest plants to keep etc...
Weeds
Something about his family being persecuted, a very nasty affair by all accounts, I does seem like the abused is now turning into an abuser 🙁
How about planting a couple of rows of bombers in the boundary area?
It's nothing to do with you though.
He's very obviously not gotten over it. That's his problem not yours.
choke him out
or
land mine
Could rent you out a couple of my daughters Giant Snails, should munch through his entire patch in no time at all
hmm so the council aren't interested, neither are the other allotment owners, although they all openly dislike this fella, it would seem that terrorism is my only option?
Letter to council formally lodging a complaint stating that you will escalate up teh council heirachy if you don't hear anything within 2 weeks. That way, the underlings know they are in for a bollocking if they don't take it seriously
Perhaps his family was persecuted due to this man's actions in the first place. Sounds like a proper little allotment nazi. Take the fight to the man and you can be an allotment hero (with gammy toes)
Keep complaining to the council, they probably hope you will stop before they have to actually do something.
rig one of the posts up to an alarm and a cunning booby trap with a hidden camera to capture it all (and him)
Write to the council informing them that you are formally considering a tender process to your own complaint. This will excite the person who receives it soo much he/she will write back requesting to be part of the administrative process.
plant some of [url= http://www.store.justpaintball.co.uk/h18-landmine.html ]these[/url]
The council have made it clear they are not going to help, this guys better connected than I ever would be with that bunch of nefarious rats, not too long ago he rollered the strip that I'd just seeded 🙁
Have you considered just punching him in the face?
I had a problem with an old woman taking over my patch, I hired Jean Reno, not seen her since?
have you spoken to him?
yes, other allotment owners have threatened him! he just claims to be persecuted!
You could of course go the other way - you don't have the time or resources to do a proper job on the whole of your patch whilst he clearly has time on his hands. You could have a face to face conversation where you state you are aware of what he is doing with his rope & find it quite amusing (making clear that "plot politics" are a bit petty & beneath you!). Tell him that if he is willing to agree & abide by the exact boundary you could be willing to lend him a proportion of your plot on a season by season basis until you are in a position to manage the whole thing by yourself.
He might be a git, but if you can bring an old boy like this on board they have a wealth of knowledge to pass on and as everyone else hates him, you could become his little project. Win win.
Tried talking, he won't listen and has basically said that he's got more right to be there than me!
So he admits he's taking over your land but thinks he's OK to do that?
Is he willing to discuss this with you and the council? If he thinks he's right then he should be able to get the council to agree? Maybe rent him some of your patch in return for 1/2 the veg. Or just take it then prove it's on your land.
+1 for Mr Munro's idea. moody old git, like everyone else has said, just blatantly move the rope whilst he is there, and firmly state "if you move it again your nose is getting smashed across your face"!!
get all the STWers over to your plot for a kinder-esque stomping?
Go get some snails and start throwing them into his plot when he is there.
If the council won't do anything, contact your local MP and tell them what is happening and you fear corruption in the council. Mention that you will take it higher up in the offical government complaints as you can until somebody answers.
Stand back and watch the fireworks fly.
write "from all of us" in bleach over his allotment.
rip the rope out whilst glaring at him, breathing very heavily then hold it high above your head screaming "i will avenge you grandad!!"
arrest him for trespassing and damage of property
threaten to call the papers about a "council protects one of their own" story
MASSIVE fence
move the rope back then stand in his way, naked.
Could you not use the piece of allotment directly by the boundary as a 'storage area' for a long, thin strip of builders rubble, large rocks, iron pipes etc. to make more of a permanent boundary?
Just move the rope to the right place, dump all your essential stuff in your new 'storage area' and that'll be that.
I've got some bind weed you can have if you want. Once it takes hold he's doomed 😈
Document and photograph everything. Write to the council and ask for a written reply stating why they will not assist you. Ask for the plans for the allotment and the diagram with your plot on it. If you have a friend who is a solicitor it might help or you could gather some evidence and get the local paper involved.
I've got some bind weed you can have if you want. Once it takes hold he's doomed
And so are you. 👿
And everyone else on the allotment! 😈
Build a pump track over your and his patch?
There is a legally defined size for an allotment which is about 1 16th of an acre (roughly 250 square metres in dodgy euro measurements 😉 ) although some half plots of 1 32nd of an acre (125 square metres) are allocated on occasion if demand is high or someone can't cope with a full plot.