[Closed] My bloody allotment is being taken over!

I've tipped a bag of rocks I had collected all over his side of the fence.

So you've just tipped a load of rocks onto your own allotment, you're rubbish at this!!

[b]You've just vandalised your own property!! FFS man.[/b]

If he's that fussed you've got to hit 'em where it hurts, I bet he loves his allotment, it will be his pride and joy, a place of calm and serenity. You need a loud stereo and you need The Immigrant Song.

Play it loud and reclaim your birthright!

*NB You might want to have a cup of tea first to settle the nerves, this is normal

can i ask where in the country this is?

can i get tickets to watch?

just gone back to check and he's snapped my hoe,

Oh that does it, nobody should touch another man's hoe!

Plant marajuana on his plot and frame the sod.(no pun intended!)

wes +1

You need to either man up and knock his fence down and put your own up on the proper line, or accept you can't handle it and phone the police. He's made it quite clear when he damaged your property that he isn't going to talk about this.

Police

No point in talking to him.

Failing that - local paper "human interest" story ?

just gone back to check and he's snapped my hoe, stolen my spade and stamped on my squashes

Get the police involved , criminal damage and theft!

Get some T- shirts

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or

[img] [/img]

or

[img] [/img]

Mr Nutt you need to change your forum name to Mr Spineless F$%^. 👿

Get down the garage and burn his shed down - just don't get caught.

Go round to his house and tend his front garden when he's there, no damage just say it's yours now.

Just read this thread...

Either record conversations and have witnesses or this guy is a 6a5tard
and a fruitcake!

Not worth getting stressed unless you have a good solicitor.

Don't get violent as he will retaliate and bring you to his level and win with experience. If he can't share or respect others he's a twunt and needs decking for kitchen but you'll get arrested.

Put your foot down in the council and sell the dam land-why get stressed.

Nuclear war?

The other allotment owners have threatened to burn down his shed!

Can't think why.

I've changed my mind. He's a crank, you'll never reason with him. Your best bet is waiting for him to die.

I've spoken tot he police just now and they don't want to get involved, the "gent" in question is known to them as something of a nuisance, prone to excessive displays of unreasonable behavior and the minute anybody raises the issue apparently he goes on like nothing else about being persecuted and that everything is unjust. They say its best just to ignore him! Should I poison his onions?

Sounds like a police job to me. :/

Don't get Sting involved ffs.

this guy is a 6a5tard

Custard?

They don't want to get involved? It's criminal damage. Press charges. If you broke his equipment he'd have you before the beak.

lets just say it appears he's "well known" to some senior officers, was "advised" against it.

Best thread ever!
Wait until he's there & start taking down the fence, when he starts kicking off at you, simply RAM THE REMAINS OF YOUR HOE RIGHT UP HIS AR$E.

I love this place, after a rubbish day at work threads like this just cheer you right up 🙂

So it's alright to be a menace and terrorise your neighbours, so long as you're a known eccentric?

I was going to say get the police involved. As they are not interested this is what you should do - if you have the balls....

Wait until it's quiet, nobody around.

PUNCH HIM SQUARE IN THE FACE!

When he falls to the ground slap in his face repeatedly with his own hands whilst telling him you will gladly pound his head in if he continues.

Walk away.

Job done.

lol

You could also kick him in the balls for added comedy value...

😈

lets just say it appears he's "well known" to some senior officers, was "advised" against it.

Just start nicking his veg, you can eat it if you want otherwise just keep nicking it

Water his allotment with some of this

[img] [/img]

or just buy one of these and go to town

[img] [/img]

Just pour the roundup in his water butt, saves you having to apply it too

so it looks like I'm reduced to terrorism, am I justified? you think?

So the council won't do anything, the police won't do anything.

I farking hate people like this, why everything is going to pot, nobody will bloody well stand up to scum and stop them.

Man up and do soemthing about it and stop posting on here until you have some photo evidence.

If the police are refusing to do anything, file a complaint. Call the local papers and get him in them.

MAN UP

MAN UP

MAN UP

[i]"The other allotment owners have threatened to burn down his shed!"[/i]

Burn his shed down then, they'll get the blame. 😉

That he is a known crank does mean the chances of repurcussions if you were to give him a slap are greatly diminished. Everyone is trying to avoid a fuss and as long as you have some evidence of being forced to take the law into your own hands, a good slap is probably now your best bet.

That said, I am only 50/50 on whether this rapidly escalating problem is real.

I'd roundup all the weeds on the actual perimeter of your plot (ie, as allocated, not as he thinks). Really thouroughly. On a windy day.

Then plead ignorance when all his shit dies.

I think you're being very clever - this could never happen in real life!! Mother T would have chinned such a character by now. You should send this to Viz, you'll get published...

err.. why are you satisfied with the police's response not to investigate criminal behaviour. Ask for a crime reference number, if they dont provide one, escalate.

with people like this petty tit-for-tat is useless, time wasting and everlasting. you kill his plants, he kills yours. wow, great way to live. you either ignore them or destroy them (figuratively)

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so it looks like I'm reduced to terrorism, am I justified? you think?

weed killer your plot, when he complains about the lebensraum to the council get them out to measure - play it cool and confused. then they will have to investigate HIS complaint but rule against him.

Are you 100% certain of your "rights"? I.e. Exactly where the boundary is? Would you win if it got physical but not too easily? If yes to both wait until a busy day down the allotment (a statement I never thought I would write!) and he is there then tell him you are going to take down his fence as he has incorrectly positioned it. Do it loudly. Then start quietly and efficiently do it, politely asking where he wants the bits put. He will either get physical giving you the right to defend yourself with witnesses or you will have belittled him in front of the allotment posse and the balance of power will have shifted. This only works if you remain totally calm and maintain the moral highground. If you drop to his level it will degenerate into 2 mad allotment nutters as bad as each other and no one is going to be on your side.

This thread badly needs photo evidence!

"so it looks like I'm reduced to terrorism, am I justified? you think?"

No but do it anyway. But make sure it can't be traced back to you, especially as you'll be the first suspect if the police gets involved. The roundup in the water butt is a nice idea (providing you don't leave the empty container in your shed etc.)

Now, I can understand you are in a difficult situation as you kinda need to keep the peace, but this bloke seems to have power over the entire council, police and the rest of the allotmenters. FFS someone must have a pair amongst that lot. The guy is either seriously deranged, or a grade A***. Either way he needs help/sorting out

Police refuse to do anything? Maybe he's the Masonic Grandmaster Flash.

Cannot be bothered reading this thread, but do you have the measurements to the size of your plot that your entitled to, if so and it proves this twit is taking the michael then mark out your border with some stakes, give him the opportunity to remove his rope and anything he's planted, if he does not cooperate then unleash hell. Dig up his prize marrows and shove em where the sun don't shine, and apply weed killer :evil:.

Rape his dog in front of him

This thread is a funny read after a boring day.

Love it when the keyboard warriors come out, 99% of the people on here telling you to clock him one or burn his shed down wouldn't have the balls to do it themselves, I bet they're all sitting there in their bib lycra shorts tending to their comb overs.

Anyway, I was going to write a bunch of stuff here about what I think you should do but no one has picked up on the fact that all this stuff (calls to council and police, ripping up of plants, dumping of rocks, building of a fence etc.) has supposed to have all happened in the last 11 hours?! Fishy

If this does happen to be a true but quite frankly unbelievable story then in short you need to make sure you KNOW you are right and then make him look like a fool. Report to the press, get his face in the paper. Start a blog on the internet telling it as an entertaining story with photo evidence. Play with him without breaking any rules, sounds like a good crack.

Rape his dog in front of him

or his veg when he's not looking

You saying i wouldn't rape his dog? 😡

Great thread. Mr Nutt is it real? Where are you? I want to come and be an allotment guard at your place when I'm next on holiday, it'll be worth the time off! How much do you value your allotment? If not too much just go over and TRASH EVERYTHING in your, then in his, ideally whilst he's watching