[Closed] Mid-life crisis? Anyone had one?

I'm 21 or 22 (honeslty i cant remember, ill go work it out)

and i keep bidding on sports cars/rust buckets on ebay 🙁

runs in the family, my dad began his at my age with a string of motorbikes which usualy ended up in hedges, sports cars, boats, then nothing while i was kid. Since i was 7 or 8 anything i can do he can do better, our garrage is a never ending revolving door of boats, motorbikes, cars, bikes etc etc.

Each time bits get left behind when theyr sold. My homebrewed lights are running on wiring from a '77 midget, or was it a '82 bonevile, or was it one of the boats?

He currently has,
a kona
a armstrong mt500
MG midget
a narrowboat

Irratable,Mood swings for no reason,No energy,Dont want to go to work etc etc.... just a normal day for me. Muke grumpy old man @ 44

At 62 my dad left my mum for a woman 20 years younger. Now divorced from my mum, in a nice new big house with a new BMW sat outside and a decent road bike hung up in the garage. He doesn't see either of his sons as we've washed our hands of him, his bad back stops him walking let alone riding and apparently his new woman has wondering hands.

I'm sure he's really pleased with himself

What goes around....

Yes.
It involved a French colleague 20 years younger than me.
It was stupid. It's over. I still miss the conversations. Regret it? Dunno.

🙂

There is always a younger woman out there.
There is always a woman out there who is better in bed than your current.
There is always another woman out there who will listen to you and understands you (short term).

Always has been in the case.

What stops men from being a complete ass is the ability to listen and work at what we have rather than the grass is always greener-bollocks.

Men who always wonder what else is out there tend to die [b]unfulfilled and are never happy.[/b]

My Father is one such man. Always chasing the skirt.

I'm not going to end up like that. I dont want another man bringing up my children his way just because I had a midlife crisis. Huge price to pay and not worth it.
All of my friends are responsible, family people who grew out of drink/drugs and pretending to be 20 10yrs ago. Only I am lagging behind living like a kid still. Makes me feel like abit of tit to be honest.

nail on the head there Hora! Also some reference to burgers and steak.

Well, my missus says that she was my mid-life crisis but I disagree: I was only 35/36; she's only 13 years younger than me; I was leaving my ex-wife anyway; my two boys from my first marriage love her dearly and also are enamoured by their new sister. So, less of a crisis and more of joyous life change.

Give me a few years and I might get a three grand bike though.

My sister in law is currently seeing her boss (married father/41 yr old) and shes 30. In a nice way shes far more intelligent adn intellectual than me but emotionally immature. From what I can gather the guy is going through a classic mid-life crisis. From my smug distance I can see its going to be really messy as shes quite a fierce/vengefull one and emotionally fragile..****.......que future shouting in a council office in Birmingham with a tribunal(s) and a sacking! 🙄

There are alot of cliche's around midlife crisis's ....fingers and burning seems to crop up a fair bit.

Mountain biking is my continuing mid life crisis 🙂

The wandering eye syndrome is a symptom of greater uncertainty in your life. But this is a positive thing that asks some good questions; Am I happy? Am I what I want to be? Am I a good father? Do I want to do this job for the rest of my life?

Many people completely change their lives for good at this stage, because if not then, when?

I had a mid-20's crisis just before I turned 25. I'm over it now and don't give a stuff about my age but it was pretty odd some of the behaviour back then.

It's only a crisis if it turns out badly, right?

😉

....or if it's bad at the time.

Well, I just had a mid-life crisis at the weekend... mine was the "I just went out and bought another 3 grand bike nonsense" encouraged by my lovely wife. Hit 40 a month or so ago and she knows I love mountain bike racing/enduros etc... even took me to the store... so I have a new mid-life crisis Specialized S-Works Epic 09 arrived in the next few weeks... 😀

ive had a couple of near misses normally involving younger, prettier women. im lucky enough to not look my 34 years and still not look out of place with all my mates who are 6-8 years younger than me as is my misssus. i walked away from society's blueprint when i was 28 after a series of failed relationships, property & financial problems. i sold everything and went out to france to work back to back seasons. once i finally came back all the friends i had over here had turned their backs on me so i just started again. thats how i ended up where i am now. was this a mid life crisis? i know im a much better and happier person now than i was before.

you could say that im going through another one now as i want a wholesale change again, job, location, direction, meaning. the only thing im keeping this time is my missus. only you know if your partner is worth staying with and i guess you will only have to make that decision when your looking into the eyes of another. i literally ran away when that happened to me! best decision i made in the last few years.

nowt wrong with wanerding eyes.
imo, the best cure is to share it with the missus.

we ended up letching over coffee shop ladies and guys alike.

was nice to be able to joke about it.... then she went off with one of them
cock! (bitch)

not that it was a midlife thing, if im having a midlife at 22/23/24 ish (not sure either) then im sadly resigned to dying earlier than i expect

No and never will. I like change all the time.

I love my lady.

I look at past regrets and sort them out and live life now!

I'm still a big kid and Peter Pan but also matured (a bit).

I might regret not having kids but thought it over and made a choice.

Sure there are a loads of women out there but relationships/lady you're with needs to work on it and has to be fun and caring or whatever you need.

To prove you can pull by cheating? well if the other half did that how would you feel?

Mid life would be change but doesn't mean you need to cheat or wait for a change at 50.

If you want to change now just do it. Life is too short.

Midlife at 22/34/48 is like my chainwheels...change them anytime you like.

I can honestly say my GF is the best. She doesnt do drugs, doesnt smoke or drink much (she thinks two glasses of red means shes plastered). People who think that your not cool/hip or 'young' if you dont do anything chemical are abit mad. Plus girls who drink alot is seriously worrying and uncool. She can stay up late, get along with anyone, isn't judgmental (her friends call her up and tell her allsorts that dont even bother her onebit!) and she puts up with me. A saint I tell you! 🙂

I seem to be having a mid life crisis all the time. My trouble is that I hate work. Are you supposed to like it when you get older? When will I stop resenting being forced to do someone else's boring bidding when the entire world is out there?

Never, that's when!

Btw hora - the chemical thing is only in certain sections of society. I've never done it, never been around it, just not a factor in my life or my wife's, or any of my friends for that matter. It's not the core of youth, although it might appear that way some times. It's all about who you choose to hang out with - or who is available to hang out with...

We stopped chemicals at Uni. 3yrs of constant-overload kinda wore off 8)

My lifes simple, single+ MLC;s every 7 yrs after 30 !

1st left good paying job to 4wd round oz( looking for gold as well)

2nd left good paying job yo cycle round oz & tassie.

back to looking for gold

I'm happy !

Just to add a bit of balance . . . . .

Sometimes what people call a "mid-life crisis" is actually an awakening of the awareness that your life isn't what you would like it to be, coupled with the fact that you know you could make it better. (not to be confused with say, wishing you were a millionaire, or you were 20 again)

For those people that believe you only get ONE shot at life, it may be the catalyst that shows you an opportunity to move on, whether from a work or a personal situation, to something better or more fulfilling.

I guess the "crisis" bit comes from the mess these things often tend to leave behind them, broken families, debts etc, but with a bit of consideration and tact, it doesn't have to be like that.

As for people judging other people in these situations, particularly their parents, life sometimes has a funny way of working out. And it's not inconceivable that in 20 or 30 years time you may find yourself in the position your mum/dad were in when they made what you considered to be a bad decision.

Casts a stone at SST 🙄 8)

🙂

I think the crisis aspect comes from the fact that you realise one day that your life is actually running out slowly and you have far less time to achieve stuff than you used to. It's really not about broken families etc - if your family is not supportive and understanding then you have a problem, but if they are then they should help you get through whatever problems you have, as always.

If the crisis is about realising that you married the wrong person, then you are also in trouble 🙂

The only time I can see a mid-life crisis being a positive experience is when it involves a 18yr old Polish au pair. Heck, if it also involved Czech twins looking for a 'English experience'.

I didn't say I was having one, or owt? Honest! 🙂

I got dumped on Valentines Day in 2003, age 33. Wanted to get married and have a family but that whole situation got me v down. Sold the house and went travelling for a year. I just felt like a wage slave and was stressed out at work and hated the commute into London etc, and I wasn't earning for a reason, i.e. to look after a family. (That's the short version).

6 years on and still not managed to settle down despite wanting to. Am about to give up work for a year or so and do an MSc.

Don't know if this helps or not.

Your a smoker binners, ergo your midlife would have been in your twenties? 😆 🙄 8)

Possibly, if 'don't really want a job / would like to go travelling / would like to live abroad' count, but never 'want to sleep around / want to do drugs' stuff. Perhaps slight MLC?

Happily married for ten + years and my wife is back home from a (thankfully short) stay in hospital. She is unbelievably supportive, we have fantastic shared memories, have fantastic friends who have are very supportive, love doing the same things as each other and she has a great job, so I'm very happy with the way things are.

Very lucky, I guess!

No such thing as a midlife crisis, only people actually doing what they always wanted to do but felt they couldnt due to peer pressure and the daily grind.

I've had one.

The full leave home, leave wife and kids, run off with the younger woman, stay there for two weeks, crying, then go to live at your dads for 2 months, pissed every day, make up slowly with the wife, make up slowly with the kids, go home with tail between legs, pay dearly for the next 3 years, get hassled by the younger woman for years, get fatter, get drunker, just about getting back to normal, a lot older and a great, great deal wiser, type of thing.

I'm not proud of it, and it was associated with depression, but still..

crikey, I bet you had lots of nubile sex then lots of makeup and angry sex though.... 🙄 😀

crikey, I bet you had lots of nubile sex then lots of makeup and angry sex though.... [:roll:] [:D]

The defence rests...

Regardless of the amounts and types of sex, it was a very very difficult time and one that has left very deep scars..

Ouch. Thank you crikey.
I've just a drink with the binners and of course no one is saying hes having an affair, he could have bought a fancy male wig and bought a very powerful two seater Mercedes CLK along with a selection of tracks from his youth to play........

I think it's something I had to do, that sounds like crap, but it was only by doing it and actually seeing that the grass isn't always greener, despite the fact that the younger lady was a very nice person, who I ****ed about, that I realised that I was being stupid.

It makes me cringe to think of the crap I put all the people involved thru, and I wouldn't ever say I was proud of it, but it...well it contributed to making me who I am today, and made me a lot less judgemental and hopefully a nicer guy in the end...

Thank you crikey. Your a real man in my books.

Ah pap! I thought my life was one big crisis, guess I have even more irrational behaviour to look forward to, last year learnt to mountainboard and skateboard this year am learning to snowboard.
At 35 my parents think I should find something sensible to do and my wife just thinks I'm trying to discover my late teens that I missed out on because I was too busy working and getting plastered while playing with rally cars!

Think im having one at 24 nearly 25!
Want to up sticks and go teach people to mountain bike!
Just dont think i could afford to live off the income.

It's all in the name.

Cycling keeps me sane(ish) and stops me drinking too much.

I'd like to get hold of some testosterone to combat the male menopause - no really look it up. Funny thing tho - I've been told by a few medical friends there's no chance of me getting it - but if I was female and went to the docs complaining of reduced libido, I would be offered testosterone patches.

Google search testosterone patch and you'll see what I mean - and I thought it was a male hormone....

yup, one a year for the last 10 or so ,long may it continue

Midlifecyclist, I'm confused. I want to **** any and everything but stay with one. Always have. I put this down to being a filthy ****er and not a mid-life crisis. Testosterone isnt the answer, surely its providing a convenient smokescreen/elastoplast-cure-all?

Now 41 - Gave up the drugs, losing quite large sums of money gambling, stopped binge drinking. Now no drugs, no gambling now drinking alcohol on a more structured regular basis ie every night( apart from when im night riding) and cocking up every relationship with the fairer sex... Cycling keeps me sane but can not seem to curb my drinking.... hic... My old friends i have known for 20 years plus still mostly persist in that high from the narcs... Why most of them happily married with kids ???

Hora - your comments give me food for thought, perhaps we are looking for something or someone that does not really exist....

Im nearly 43, Ive just bought 2 ducks (live to live in the garden), for why I dont know why and will be trying to cycle round the Annapurna circuit in 3 days in May. Used to be happy with beach holidays!

Blimey ! Where to start?

I reckon MLC comes about for one of two major reasons

1) You wake up one morning and realise that you've got less time left than you've had already,
2) somehow or other you discover that you are yesterdays news at work, and probably will not be getting much further than where you are now.

That then leads to a period of navel gazing shortly followed by attmepts to recover/revitalise lost youth, missed chances etc etc. This phase often will follow some considerable time after the adult purchase of a scaletrix, the first sign of impending doom,(thats without any pretext of it being for your kids incidentally, simply a blatant boys toys moment).

In there there will be all sorts of efforts to recover youth which will include attempts at ridiculous testosterone rich sports, boffing the office bike and generally acting like an arse. If you are lucky you will come out the other side of it and come to an understanding of the siginificant things in life, and your successes with those as opposed to your perceived failures in many other areas. If you're not you'll end up i na disaterous relationship with the bike bitterly regretting what you've done to your one big success until that moment.

Best advice : Get on with it, get it out of your system, but always be totally honest with the office bike, and tell her that you won't be leaving the Mrs. Never ever admit anything, even if you're caught in up to hilt, this allows the real woman in your life the dignity of choosing whether to kick you out or not. And finally remember everything over 40 looks a bastard in lycra... learn to live with it!

32 and utterly f*cking pissed off at the mo - could be worse though, so i need to snap out of it!

A girl id got really close with and was all going frighteningly well (thinking about rings! For those that know me - thats serious stuff!! :-)).....then she had some real bad news and has completely shut down and i cant reach her at all. It hurts like f*ck.

If it wasnt for biking and being able to thrash all my frustration with my riding i dont know what i'd do.....i guess its a crutch as much as anything else!

God bless mountain biking - my saviour!! 🙂

Had a "crisis" from 30->32: "who am I", "where are we going", y'know. I started to sense my mortality I reckon.

Still don't have answers but I'm too busy to address them [how do people have time to marry, have kids, buy houses, business etc?]

Life's what's happening while you make other plans I guess.

I think I'm just getting to grips with mid-life, and accepting it, the only regret is not meeting the right person to have children with. Pete aka Woodsman aged 43 and 3/4 years.

Pete, your only 43 FFS.

There's still time then!!;)

Cheers hora - agree with most of your coments above btw

Does trying to join the TA at 35 count as a midlife crisis?

Then you have all the assorted things that go with it, like doing long distance running for the first time in my life, which means that I ache all the ****ing time.

And to think... I could be at home in my comfy chair with a cocoa right now instead.

Seriously though. a 43yr old can meet a girl of ANY age- 35 upto 45 and still have children. As above my 30yr old sis in law is seeing her older boss. Girls dont mind someone older than them as long as they arent crusty, smelly, badly dressed and shambling along. If you focus on your age then you'll osmose' into the type that girls dont want.
SFB is as old as the hills, probably older but I thought he was alot younger than he is.

I think I can get away with a good few years younger, but I know what you mean - and I'm not just talking about SFB! 😉

[i]Does trying to join the TA at 35 count as a midlife crisis[/i]
If its something that you've always wanted to do at the back of your mind/fancied but always put off? Then no.
If its a sudden-occurred though? Yes.

Ive done it / still doing it. left wife of 26 years to live with lady 10 years younger than me, in a place I don't particularly like. tried to go back home twice, didn't work out, back with new lady, now unemployed. No way back now - I'll just have to live with the consequences. I reckon it's all down to selfishness (mine) and boredom. Ho hum. Anyone know of any good jobs in North Cumbria?

Forestry Commission?

Hora. You're permanently in crisis. You're just too thick to realise it 🙂

Had a mini crisis around 28, got back with - the now - MrsSwadey, have two great young kids and have learnt to accept that what I have to lose is far more valuable than what "might" be out there to gain.

The solution to me was about learning to take responsibility for yourself and those you love, finding an outlet to channel any work/life frustration - in my case by riding - setting yourself small challenges - again, cycling and suddenly the world is not such a bad place.

Of course, I still ogle £3k bikes and the female equivalent, but I'm able to accept that I haven't got the ability to make the most of either even if I got the chance!

I dunno.. been through some weird stuff in the past 5(ish) years, whether its mid-life crisis.. more likely than those 30somethings (or 20somethings!) that think thats what they've been through - that'd be something different pal.
No urge to buy a sports car anyway.
No regrets so far (but then I didn't get caught 😉 )
Need MTBing to keep my mind balanced - without it there would be a [b]massive[/b] crisis, that is for certain.

I

n

m 38yr so thats my take on it anyways ....

Was a fat, beer swilling, fag smoking 38yr old but was good to my wife and kids and they loved me. After a bit of self assessment decided to give up the fags, cut down the booze and, after years of couch surfing, become a bit more active. Joined a gym, bought a 'mountain bike'(£150 gate) sorted out diet. Lost 56lbs...................and suddenly became attractive to women!(a novelty, to say the least). At this time we had an influx of younger staff (early/mid 20's)at work with whom I kinda fell in with - clubbing etc. The missus put up with all this with unbelievable good grace and we still got on fine. Then it happened..............the younger woman. Won't go into detail but went almost down the same path as Crikey, didn't leave home/family but the fall-out was pretty bad. Was depressed for about 2yrs after ending the affair and had lots to make up to my wife and kids. Everything is good now, though. The kids are doing well and are happy, my wife still loves me and I her, the younger woman is now married and expecting a child and we are also on reasonably good terms.It could have been a **** of a lot worse and might have been if it were not for my wifes determination that our marriage was worth saving, God bless her.

midlife crisis??? i havent grown beyond 15yrs old yet 🙂

<fact>

Ah yes... Giving up smoking. Really do need to do that and soon. Maybe I can have that as my midlife crisis.

Can anyone spare any will power?

Judging from the replies to this thread, I should have re-phrased it 'has anyone NOT had a midlife crisis?'

There seems to be a familiar pattern

mmm, must be the recesion that starts to make everyone think about there lives.
I'm looking at the future with possible earnings massivley less than I've earnt before but.... half of me is thinking that I will be far happier..half of me is dreading having a lot less money.. will I miss it ?

No I haven't had any sort of crisis. But at the age of 38 I did decide to do something I would always be able to look back on with a sense of accomplishment so I climbed a very big mountain.

It was quite a big deal to me at the time. I probably won't do anything like it again and I'm very glad I did it.

Crisis brought on by my mum dying early from a brain tumour after 15 years remission. Went from Carpe next Diem to grab it while it's there. Climbing, mountainbiking and all sorts of outdoorsy stuff. I think I'm out of it now though Mrs S says I have progressed to my second (third) childhood. All I need now is another bike... 🙄

Feeling another woman (or man) can work wonders and reinvigorate a middling relationship. Although I wouldnt condone man on man as your wife may pick up on the signs (such as tight armless tshirts, spandex pants and someone called 'Gary' calling you alot)......oh hang on..isnt that mountain biking?

I've had about 4 mid life crisis's so far.

The first one involved dirt jumping, I think that one ended with many broken ribs.
Then I had another one that involved skateboarding, that one ended with a broken leg.
Then I had a great idea about buying a sports car. That one ended with a broken bank balance.

The current one I'm having isn't nearly as much fun as the others and just seems to result in a broken samuri as I spiral further and further into a black depression. Ho hum.

Actually I want a motorbike next.

Lots of mid life changes are dubbed a 'crisis' by people who are just envious of the motorbike, girlfriend, sports car, etc.etc.

And what is classed as middle age now......40, 50, 60 ?

As someone who is recently single again, I am thoroughly enjoying riding my mtb's when I want, I can tinker with the MGB 'til my heart's content, listen to the music/tv/films [b]I[/b] want to listen to, or just sit and scratch my @rse, pure and simple !

Selfish ?.....possibly

Happier ?.....absolutely 😀

Simonm - depends if you need the money - I earn massively less than I used to, in a much less "exciting" job, but by a bit of clever (pre-housing boom/bust) relocation we have enough to live on, I get a lot of time with my wife and kids, and I'm less messed up than I was.

thats what I'm thinking swadey..

SWadey

finding an outlet to channel any work/life frustration - in my case by riding

I decided to do the entire Tour de France next year one day before the Pro's and I coincidently will be 40 only 2 weeks after , does that count ?

Hora - you ever seen the film 'High Fidelity' (yes I'm aware of the book but prefer the film) - quite apt to how you describe things - I feel very much the same.

(def in my top 5 films odf all time)

Just turned 49, done my CBT and Theory test, bike test 7th April. parents would'nt let me ride a motorcycle as a kid, so have been very frustrated over the past years. My wife is brilliant about this, even though we don't have loads of dosh, she is fully supporting me, I'm very luck - 25years of marriage without too many hitches and she rides at least 100 miles a week 😀

One happy mid life crisis here!

High Fidelity - on the list now. Ta 🙂

I did read a few great books by an author thats supposed to be similar. Based in London, guy breaks up with gf, goes out with a chinese lass etc. Arfgh what is he called?!!!

GOT IT- Tony Parsons 'Man and Boy'. Quality.

will be trying to cycle round the Annapurna circuit in 3 days in May

Tell me more...I visit Pokhara often and haven't as yet taken the bike there, though I'm considering it next time round. Is it with an organised company? It takes 3 weeks to walk round and I've done sections of it. Can't believe you can get round in 3 days!