Liked that one nisbend 😀
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"
The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
Whats the difference of a duck?
One of its legs is both the same.
Once a great man said, "I would try to write a critique of pure reason, but I. Kant."
I used to like Massey Fergusons but I've gone off them recently.
I'm an ex-tractor fan.
Einstein's girlfriend walked up to him and exclaimed
''I need two things from you, time and space.''
He looked at her inquiringly and asked ''What's the second thing?''
I went to see an exhibition about Mandlebrot at the museum. I had a good look round the first room and then left, once you've seen that you've seen it all really.
Found some of these hilarious..
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Proof
Proof by Faulty LogicMath professors and logicians sometimes rely on their own intuition to prove important mathematical theorems. The following is an especially important theorem which opened up the multi-disciplinary field of YouTube.
Let k and l be the two infinities: mainly, the negative infinity and the positive infinity. Then, there exists a real number c, such that k and l cease to exist. Such a s is zero. We conclude that the zero infinity exists and is in between the postive and negative infinities. This theorem opens up many important ideas. For example, primitive logic would dictate that the square root of infinity, r, is a number less than r.
"I proved, therefore I am proof." – Isaac Newton, 1678, American Idol.
😆
Pie is on offer at my local corner shop, 3.1 for 2
Heard this today and thought of this thread
.
Did you hear that Mr. Solfege had a dog?
His name was feedo.
What's a ratchet??
Like a mouse sh*t only bigger
LOL, keep em coming!
Used, but very very good condition, don't think they have any marks or real signs of wear on them anywhere.
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What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff!
What's the difference between an apple and an orange?
You can't wash your windows with a Mars bar.
I was going to tell you all a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you'll get it.
well, at least I don't have to acknowledge that
(credit to my colleague for that one...)
Where do you get Mercury from?
H G Wells.
(Just thought I'd wake this thread up as it's great:) )
This is a) my favourite thread on STW ever and b) a worthy resurrection. Loving your work.
A man walks into an optician's.
"Doctor", he says, "I'm having real trouble using my computer. Unless I'm looking right at my keyboard, mouse or printer, I just can't see any of them."
"Ah", said the optician, "I know what's the matter here. You've got a problem with your peripheral vision."
Appologies for resurecting an old thread, but I did quite like it.
.
I heard a joke ages ago about a base-9 number system to which the punchline was 'get thee to a nonnery' but I can't remeber the joke, anyone here know what might be?
Most of the jokes on Mlehworld, I have to say I have very little idea what they're on about most of the time.
where's that thing I lost..?
Have a look under the sofa.. ouch, OUCH!
hilarious in certain circles.. more of a joke that 99.9999999994% of people won't get though perhaps..
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The duck is perplexed as one of its back legs are the same, but which one ?
The letter G walks into a hexadecimal bar,
The bar man says, "Why the wrong base?"
A recent study has found a direct link between a man's penis size and his mathematical ability.
Apparently 70% of men compensate for their small penises by excelling at maths, while the remaining 45% make up for their lack of mathematical skills with their 12 inch penises.
This thread is the reason why my girlfriend funds STW very odd and I bloody live the place. Top stuff folks.
My wife acused me of being a nerd when I chuckled at someone wearing this t-shirt...
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Pablo Picasso disturbed a burglar at his house and was able to give the Police a description.
They are now looking for 2 squares and a triangle.
Where do Martians get their mercury from?
H G Wells.
I heard a joke ages ago about a base-9 number system to which the punchline was 'get thee to a nonnery' but I can't remeber the joke, anyone here know what might be?
I don't know the joke, but base 9 is "nonary" which might help with your googling.
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A bit of recycling is acceptable as this is a long thread but that one was only a dozen or so posts ago AND you responded to it 😆Where do Martians get their mercury from?
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Do you know about the Antipodean prophet who absorbed the ten commandments?
His name was Oz-Moses
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Stolen from LFGSS.
Muke 😀
A bit of recycling is acceptable as this is a long thread but that one was only a dozen or so posts ago AND you responded to it
Sorry - should've checked back. In my defence, it was months ago.
The 'attempted murder' is superb.
I don't want to be pedantic but those are ravens, not crows.
Although I'm just reading back through the thread.
The UDP one is beautiful.
the Kurt Vonnegut bird one..
Funnest thing I've heard in a very very long time. Thanks.
Two parrots are sat on a perch, and one says to the other "can you smell fish?"
I don't want to be pedantic but those are ravens, not crows.
Joke works on more than one level then 😉
Nevermore.
Where's that quoth from Cougar?
(-:
I always thought, if I owned a raven, I'd name it Quoth.
You're just being unkindI don't want to be pedantic but those are ravens, not crows
