I lost my mum and dad 30 years ago.
At first, I hated dreaming about them, I'd wake and think they were still here. It hurt so much when I realised they were gone.
Now, I still dream about them. It's a privilege.
Cougs, you are loved.
Cougs, you are loved.
Over the years I've learned to consider myself tolerated.
Thank you all. Like 'plethora,' it means a lot.
i am very sorry to hear that cougar my condolences to you (am sorry i don't have anything better to type am rubbish at knowing what to write i have to admit).
Sorry for your loss.
The only thing that I have to add, is that there's no right way to grieve.
Different people do it in different ways.
If you want to read a eulogy then do so, but you're not obliged to.
Try and avoid destructive coping mechanisms, and be aware that carrying on with life doesn't mean that you're leaving your loved one behind.
It's also quite normal to have mixed feelings, especially if the person has been in ill-health prior to their death. We can both feel sad that someone has gone, and relieved that they're not suffering at the same time.
But, whatever, for a lot of people it still sucks.
i am very sorry to hear that cougar my condolences to you (am sorry i don’t have anything better to type am rubbish at knowing what to write i have to admit).
It doesn't matter.
I've never bought into platitudes. Friends go "is there anything I can do?" and no, there probably isn't. And cynically perhaps, them even saying that is as much for their benefit as mine because ... well, what else is there to say? Hey, sure there is, how are you at necromancy? But however my ****ed up aspie asshole brain processes it, it is genuinely appreciated. Thank you.
I posted this saying I don't know why I'm posting. I just... had to do something, somewhere. Right? I didn't expect it to run to three pages. I didn't expect it to run to one. And now it's dusty in here again you set of bastards.
Sorry for your loss. Lost my Dad 11 years ago unexpectedly and Mrs FB lost her Dad a couple of months back after c2 years suffering dementia (worsening rapidly in the last 6 months).
Really shit when it happens- I bottled up too much when my Dad died. Probably wrapped up in helping Mum (not just funeral stuff but with paperwork/bills/investments/house DIY etc) and putting on a brave face for my 6year old Son who’s world had caved in. So I would suggest talking it over. If someone offers to help take them up on it eg go for a pint.
re the email sig- the FDs for the father in law were called “Family Funeral Service”. I couldn’t hold back the giggles when they turned up & the hearse had a private plate ending:
“ FFS” !
the FDs for the father in law were called “Family Funeral Service”. I couldn’t hold back the giggles when they turned up & the hearse had a private plate ending:
“ FFS” !
My mother's side of the family has always been quite long-lived, especially on the female side. Consequently we've always had quite a pragmatic view about death.
When my maternal granny died (aged 99) the funeral director came round to our house to discuss the arrangements.
Funeral director: "And what sort of casket do you think your mother would have preferred for the (cremation) service?"
My mother, very matter of factly: "The cheapest."
The look on the funeral director's face was a picture.
Give your loved ones a squeeze.
Absolutely will. Take care.
Funeral director: “And what sort of casket do you think your mother would have preferred for the (cremation) service?”
My mother, very matter of factly: “The cheapest.”
It's kinda mad, isn't it. "My mum's going to be in a box for a few hours... can we upgrade the handles?"
At least with a wedding dress you get to keep it rather than petrol and matches at the end of the night.
Mrs TJ being the true Yorkshire woman she was insisted that the whole thing had to be the cheapest possible. NO casket, no one at the crem, no effing urn even.
I did give the undertakers a biscuit tin to put the ashes in otherwise you just get a plastic bag full
( It was a nice old biscuit tin that had been her and her mothers sewing box)
I can see why it’s important for some people, not knocking it.
Oh, of course. Same. As plenty of people have said here, do what you need to do.
I just think it's insane. When I got married, towards the end I got locked into this mindset of "well, I've shelled out ten grand, what's another hundred quid?" which is by any stretch of the imagination absolutely crackers. At one of the venues we looked at they asked "do you want fairy lights?" We thought, ooh, yeah, that sounds nice. The fairy lights were the Christmas lights they hadn't bothered to take down yet, if we wanted them switching on it was £150. At which point I'm channelling my inner Malcolm Tucker.
Sorry to hear that you've lost your mum cougar, oddly enough I think losing mine years ago was easier than it would be if it were now, more aware of our mortality I guess.
There's definitely a feeling of the vultures descending in some aspects of dealing with the death of a relative. Often the worst are the priests in a church service where they seem to think that the captive audience is worth a good preach. Best of wishes in dealing with what we've come to call the "sadmin" 😕
Sorry to hear this Cougar, it's crap and surreal isn't it. 15 years ago my Mum died, feels like yesterday.
TJ this is really lovely
It was a nice old biscuit tin that had been her and her mothers sewing box
csb - you should have seen me wandering around the flat trying to find something!
Sorry for your loss Cougar. Losing parents is a bit of a sad milestone in life.
