MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
A bit of an outpouring here with no real “want” from the post bar a bit of catharsis.
I would say I was confident. Not cocky confident just confident. I would also say I was pragmatic when working though an issue/problem and will usually do so to completion but I like to have control. This isn’t a micro management control but I like being in control of my own destiny …. Or that’s how I compartmentalise it!
A couple of things have happened recently that are outside of my control to impact/fix - one today and I’m struggling with them due to the lack of control.
Understanding that I lack the control makes the problem solving much harder and then the worry descends and to be honest it’s exhausting.
I find it difficult to open up about this as I consider it a weakness, I know, and kind of figure that the issue/problem is mine to bare and solve. This just further adds to the exhaustion. They can be silly triggers.
I can appreciate and see that this is silly but ….. I cannot switch my approach.
Today I took out our little Triumph out for a drive as I was feeling a bit meh still from my first jab so didn’t fancy the bike. I ended up needing recovery as I think the gearbox let go. I now have a car in a garage with a disconnected diff, I cannot fix it and I’m lost for somebody to take it to.
It is a minor silly issue but it’s out of my control, or I perceive it to be, fix.
Perhaps I just need a good nights sleep.
If you’ve read this far, thank you.
There with you.
Yesterday I felt fine abut today was different. I blame the lockdown effect with the bad weather removing any sense of what is normal or right.
If you want some mechanical fun the this is yesterday and today on video of my latest 'investment'
I hope you feel better in the morning but if you don't then feel free to post here or PM me
We are but farts in the great hurricane of life, it helps to keep perspective.
glad nothing really awful seems to be going on.
Must be the week for it...car awaiting diagnosis of potentially expensive electrical fault here - initially caused far more irritation than it really should on any rational analysis.
I found doing something I CAN control about it helps. In my case some research on likely causes and making a dealer booking and sorting a roof rack for the other car for bike carrying really helped me put it to the back of my mind.
Feeling like you describe is not a weakness. The whole population has been semi-incarcerated for more than three months of the year, life day to day is fundamentally changed for the foreseeable future and even basic stuff can still be a gigantic pain in the arse. It's ok not to be ok 100% of the time.
it'll be an LT77 gearbox probably. Break out the spanners and drop it out yourself. Do a bit of googling but when fitted to Landrovers the suffix D was the last and most sorted version. Ashcroft transmissions.
I control my destiny to a degree by fixing, servicing, repairing everything myself. Life is still pretty random though.
What triumph and where are you?
Sounds familiar.
When you find things getting on top of you you need some tools to break the cycle. There's loads of ideas out there so I'm sure others will suggest some more.
ACT therapy focusses on values. Things that are important to you over the long term. Family, Health, Sense of purpose etc. Try and find a positive distraction.
Practice mindfulness. I know this feels like a cliche. Try the free headspace meditation course. It gives you a break from the constant internal stuff so you can relax properly. It takes 10 minutes a day.
If it is an acute problem then there are counting methods.
https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx
Nothing is easy and it takes time. Expressing feelings and thoughts can help give perspective. If you know someone patient enough to (pretend to) listen.
Stoicism. This guy has some good videos https://www.youtube.com/c/Einzelg%C3%A4nger
Consider only the now,
don't worry about things you can not control
there is not a quick easy fix to achieve these thing its a never ending journey but the more you consider these ideas there more you can start following them.
Some people use religion to achieve these things, I personally find that is an extra layer that allows people to be distracted from the underlying philosophy and concentrate on rituals of figure heads rather than what is be asked to be considered.
In addition the worry you list is due to a thing you own. Is this a general pattern. Is your focus on things and they are now controlling you. Try simplifying if you can.
It happens , and it can take you by surprise.
I'm suffering a bit just now due to situations building up and finally just overwhelming me a bit.
I'm not used to not being able to control something , especially regards health etc, so having something happen that you simply cannot control is difficult.
I won't suggest any ways forward as we are all different, but simple counselling can be a help.
My Leyland Daf van has an LT77 gearbox in. I can only assume a previous owner opened it up and left a spanner in it judging by the noise and gearchange performance!
If it helps, there are loads of them out there for replacement parts etc.
Double post
I've been going through peaks and troughs since the lockdown novelty wore off. The longer the COVID situation rolls on the deeper and longer the troughs get. Things I would normally shrug off become issues that annoy me, sometimes I get to the point where I become ineffective at work, intolerant at home, and generally pretty miserable.
For me, lockdown and everything that this pandemic has brought has amplified everything. Ironically the closer we seem to get to "normal" the worse it seems to feel, I think partly because I'm suddenly reminded of how much I've missed in the last year or more.
Is it possible you are feeling the same kind of affects? There are a lot of things in life that we cannot control, perhaps at the moment you are focussing on that more than usual?
OP; your outlook on life seems quite similar to mine.
Once, on a potentially expensive car-related issue, I found myself worrying because I wasn't in control of the situation and didn't know which way to turn. One sleepless night, I asked myself "in 6 months time, will this still be a worry?" My conclusion was no, it wouldn't. It will have gone away by then, it might have been expensive but I'll have looked at the options and made a choice. So if I'm not still going to be upset then, there's no need to worry now.
That set my mind at ease: things might be out of control now, but in a day or two, I'll be back in control. That happened many years ago and the same mantra has helped me a few times since. Most recently when I was about to undergo major spinal surgery. I could see the surgeon was wondering why this idiot was so relaxed.
It's a bit like riding down a steep rocky slope: all I can do for now is hang on. But when I get to that bit I can have another go at getting it together.
I've had an interesting few months in terms of control, with a few factors all coming together at once (parental health, attempting to move house, the end of lockdown and subsequent demands on my time, that sort of thing).
I find all of this adds to my ongoing mental load, and a couple of weeks ago someone offered us a car and I just couldn't deal with it (we don't drive at the moment and I have very little idea of what would be required financially or otherwise). I almost had to pretend that it didn't happen, although not so useful a technique if you're stuck somewhere with a non-functioning car!
How do I deal with it? Well, by trying to keep a handle on what I can control for the time being, which are mainly how I spend my money, and how I spend my time. For me, this means protecting time where possible to ride my bike, and saving/spending money consciously without just mindlessly shopping online. Obviously YMMV on what helps you. The rest of the time, I try and let things go past.
I’ve been going through peaks and troughs since the lockdown novelty wore off. The longer the COVID situation rolls on the deeper and longer the troughs get. Things I would normally shrug off become issues that annoy me, sometimes I get to the point where I become ineffective at work, intolerant at home, and generally pretty miserable.
For me, lockdown and everything that this pandemic has brought has amplified everything. Ironically the closer we seem to get to “normal” the worse it seems to feel, I think partly because I’m suddenly reminded of how much I’ve missed in the last year or more.
Wanted to post something similar but you've expressed it do much better.
Just completing my monthly review report for later this week. Loads of stuff not quite done due to factors outside my direct control and/or Covid making things harder to get done. Genuinely thought I was going to cry with the anger and frustration at one point. I'm 52 for ****s sake, not a tantrumming toddler (my manager may have another view)
I was in a similar situation pre-covid, jugging own business, family, ageing parents etc and in addition a triumph tr3 that I inherited. I began to realise I am a total control freak and realistically the classic car was not good for me- I didn't have the time to work on it, every time I drove it there was some niggly thing that needed fixing. Eventually the clutch failed a few weeks after id had the gearbox and overdrive rebuilt, and I decided the car wasn't good for me. Was a difficult decision as it was my father's pride and joy, but it went to auction and tbh I felt a real weight lifted from my shoulders. I still really struggle with control and anxiety, and have a tendency to take on too much work or stuff outside my comfort zone, but im really trying to push back. Im starting to be able to recognise when I begin to go in a spiral of trying to control stuff outside my capability, and reset by going for a ride or doing simple bike maintenance stuff that I can start and finish within a few hours. Not sure if any of this rambling helps, but you are not alone.