[Closed] Cheeky sexual encounter

have I stumbled into the Penthouse letters forum??

We need Alistair Campbell and his early-career writing skills here....

'Cheeky'? Do you mean on a footpath, then? ;0)

Depends what your daily routine is, if you are a care worker or an undertaker I'd perhaps rather not hear about it

Your mum told me not to say anything.

I was given the backdoor key by a very accommodating client a few years ago. There was some work going on around the front, so she asked if I'd take my tools in around the back. In fairness though, it was a very well tended area, not muddy at all.

At least with the dead they ain't going to talk 😉

just *ank slower and eventually an exciting answer will turn up.

dont want hear any stories from farmers either

once, while working a night shift at the abattoir.......

CCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
[img] [/img]

Walked in on my boss being "cheeky" with his secretary once. If that helps...

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I always thought your letters were made up, but then this happened to me. I was working as a pizza boy...

surprisingly for some one who has gor 'condom and lube tester' on my cv life has been surprisingly quiet on this one!

mrs t has a friend who works in the central library in leeds.
she had a torrid fling with a bloke.
he shag5ed her in the lift and on her desk.
she is a munter tho..................

... And she never realised that I'd been hiding in the kitchen cupboard all along, frotting like an old billy goat. Stop it now, it's immature and just, well, s**t.

I've not managed it, but I have walked in on a couple at it, when as an estage agent with keys, and taking a family round to the property after no answer from the phone......

A friend of mine while driving with a lady friend decided to give me some relief in London Traffic Jam to the delight of lorry drivers on adjacent lanes.

His words to wife:
I did not have sexual relations with that woman... 😈

have had several upfront offers over the last 12 years as a postie , but as my wife is a nympho have no need to go elsewhere 8)

Did you ring twice carlosg?

Zaskar, can you just rephrase that...I'm sure you haven't worded it correctly 😯

'confessions of a window cleaner'.
Sure it's a myth but a 'friend of a friend' was a window cleaner and got a great free show one day. Got a bit distracted and fell through open bedroom window just in time to get an eyeful.
I'd like to think that somewhere, some time, this actually happened...

[i]Zaskar, can you just rephrase that...I'm sure you haven't worded it correctly [/i]
hahaha

Zaskar, can you just rephrase that...I'm sure you haven't worded it correctly

[img] [/img]

B'ham airport disabled toilet was fun, she wasn't disabled but she said it was better as there was more room and there were bars to hang on to, thank goodness for delayed flights to Edinburgh!

So zaskar...where exactly were you? On the back seat? Was your friend driving? 😯

Don't suppose your friend's lady friend was too chuffed! 8)

Zaskar, can you just rephrase that...I'm sure you haven't worded it correctly

I suspect he started out pretending it happened to somebody else, but halfway through typing he got so excited he forgot.

there was one site i worked on at the Isle of Dogs where if you run up to the top floor of a morning you'd get a eyeful of some woman coming out of the shower and then running around naked for an hour or more before leaving for work.

then there was another site where all the brickies downed tools each day at 9:30 to watch some bird having a shower.

BUT, THE BEST was on a local site where half the block was completed. the block was built in a 'U' shape and one of the apartments had been bought by some little daddies girl. we left site one afternoon and she had her mates helping her move in.
got on site the next moring and a mate and i went up to work on a roof and have a cheeky spliff in the sunshine. we then clocked this bird asleep in her bed - having no curtains as she'd just moved in - and we had a perfect view into her flat through the large patio doors. as we were giggling away we saw something/one roll around on the floor. it was one of the two girls from the night before. she got up and was wearing a pair of knickers and a singlet top. she then proceeded to try and wake up her friend by jumping on the bed. we then saw that there were two people in the bed. the brunette to whom the flat belonged and her other mate. whilst this was going on matey and i phoned everyone we knew on site. the three girls were running around scantily clad in their knickers and little summer tops for a good two hours before getting properly dressed.

i think there must have been 15-20 blokes up there on the roof that morning.

Zaskar, please!! You'll have hora tracking you down any minute if you don't clear this up!

I was onced called out to a job in Surbiton. Turned out to be just a blocked sink however she'd also had a problem with a fuse box and there was an Electrician also on call at the house.

One thing led to another and I removed her blockage whilst the electrician lit her up.

Was very nice.

Many years ago when I was still a young man repairing telephones I called at a house and was welcomed in by a pleasant looking lady in her 30's

Tea and biscuits were offered, started chatting and got on to how she was glad to see somebody for a chat, got very lonely and arrangements were made for after work drinks.
A very pleasant night followed and a young chap went off to work next day feeling rather chipper

Kept in contact and a further meeting was arranged for the weekend

Rest of the week went well and couple of days later found myself attending a house in the same road, got chatting and I mentioned the lady with whom I had made the friendship
The householder knew Carol and said how sorry for her she felt since her husband went to prison, oh said i how awful, nothing too serious i hope?

Well sort of, attempted murder of his wife's fella, surprisingly we didn't see each other again and swapped with a mate to another patch

Lesson learnt although it was still very tempting in a dangerous sort of way

^^^^
😆 Brilliant!

Love the way the ladies are giving this thread a wide berth 😉

I was once doing laps around the 3 sisters. (That's a small racing circuit in the NW , not 3 actual sisters. It takes it's name from 3 matching 'slag heaps ' that were reclaimed . )
Anyway , I'm doing laps , not training you understand , training's for lame- oes.
So I come round this long bend and see a dog . Dogs are often spotted in this area , the NW , so I check my speed , not wanting to upset the owner .
No owner is immediatly apparent , so now going much slower , I drop onto a little downhill track just off the main one , I was training , er , lapping on.
There's the owner . A right sexy MILF you kids would say , although this being the early 90s that phrase had yet to be coined , with her kecks down having a piss.
ok , not exactly shocking . And i didnt particularly stare or owt , but we did make eye contact . To be honest , it was a bit awkward .
So I carry on .
Next lap , I come round a corner and she's there ,coming towards me .
As we pass , she just give me the cheekiest / sexy grin . Like ever .
If you knew then .....

As a construction worker I've seen loads of things . Make your hair curl....

Of course , since the Bob Geldof incident on TV , nothing shocks anyone .
Nudity / swearing /pornography /casual sex is commonplace .I'm told .
Unless the above mentioned involved , say , the queen , and say , the pope , we'd all just go , " Oh yea so and so , did you see that ?
Yea , it's on youtube .Who won the football anyway?

I tell ya .

It's the beginning.

Love the way the ladies are giving this thread a wide berth

I'm not revealling anything on a public forum that has my automatically logged in at home.

**** that. Well apart from the time above where me and an Electrician made sweet love to a customer pron-script-style 😆

that zaskar post is text book 😆

1986 I was working for a friend of my fathers who owned a nursing home just doing some garden maintance whilst waiting for my proper job to start. The wife of the guy who owned it was sexy irish/swedish lady I was 22 she was 42 and often came out with drinks and made me lunch, she also started to ask me to accompany her to the bank as she always paid in large amounts of cash and would feel safer if I came with her, she the started to ask me to take my shirt off while working in the garden, so I obliged as it was a warm summer, during this summer we became rather good friends and as her husband was an Engineer busy working on away on Nimrod, she was rather lonley, Anyway one day while she asked me to help remove some furniture from a flat she owned, anyhow whilst there she asked me to come and sit on the bed with her were she started to rub my shoulders and then slowly remove my clothes, she was totally dominant so I had to oblige..the start of a very very steamy summer. I learnt a thing or to that year! 😉

See , and then there was those nice young men in the popular 4 piece beat-combo - "Rage Against The Machine "

When I first heard that angry curly haired young man in 91 /92 I thought " no way , you're kidding , He didnt just say what I think he did . Did He ? Which is a line by Eminem .

And then .THEN , theyre Christmas Number 1 .
Do they know it's christmas ?

Bob Geldof was livid . Shocked though ? Probably not.

And it's your fault . It's not my fault . I've got it on vinyl . I didnt download it .Brilliant sleeve . Of course you need the lyrics ,too.

Dr Dre says nothing . Dr Dre's dead . He's locked in my basement .

I tell ya .This is the end .
My friend . The end .
The Doors.

Yea , make your hair curl . There was this student accomodation block in manchester I was on . Just being built . Bout '90 . There's completed / occupied blocks just adjacent .
One afternoon a plumber grabs me into a room and says " Loooook !!!"
Two students . In the kitchen . At it for about 20 mins , fully naked, intumescent with lust. He did her,she did him . on the table. All ways . From behind , in the mouth ,proper romantic . It was a two way street , mind . I dont think anyone was being forced,although she wasnt thrilled when he shot it in her hair.
After 20 yrs of marriage you just want to do less tidying up.
I want more than 20 mins as well .
There's a theory that we're more interested in watching than actually doing . We're a species obsessed with viewing . Observing . Voyeurism .Spectators .
Sex booze football BB Kyle Britain on camera.
Well I dunno bout those kinda things , but I was just thinking about getting some new tyres for a trip to Morzine . Can you recommend anything ? Nobby Nics any good ? I want to get a good Stiffee or do you think I should stick to a 'Hand Job '.

I think it's funny just catching someone talking to theirself .
Tripping up's pretty funny .
Private stuff .

I like mountainbikes , me .Dirty weekend anyone .
Sunday mornings . Rivington .

Participate .
TIM

WTF have you been taking?

Excellent!

Proper streamofconciousness ramble!!!

10/10

Nice one Tim.

fekking heck...

😯 😆

when i was a lad i had a job measuring up for a carpet fitting firm.
i had a fairly hot woman in her early forties begin to undress as i measured the hall stairs and landing.
she would cross the landing from time to time wearing less each time.
being a youth i did the measuring and ran away. she was down to bra and undies at the time.
did i miss out? i dunno she was kind of busy looking.
what do you reckon?

well this was unexpected:
[img] [/img]
😉

Wow Tim, I think it's time for me to throw in the towel.

Tim - I think you should be running the country

Worked in a office block that backed onto a hotel nr Russell Square. Our office had bombblast window stuff on that was one way and very very dark. My forensics lab worked 24x7 and we looked directly out into the back of the hotel block. It seemed to be used by COntiki tours a lot.
Lost count of the number of late PM/Early AM goings on we saw. Best one by far (and why don't people shut curtains) was the 3 ball going no where they used a strap on on the bloke ! **** me. Anyway, it was brilliant viewing sometimes. Awful others but just seemed non stop. And all the other guys who were there at night enjoyed it too. Worst part was most of the gear we were processing at night was pr0n anyway and many very illegal and quite hideous pr0n jobs being prepared for court. So that somewhat desensitised to you looking out to some bloke being done up the ringer by a chick in lacy lingerie ! 😆

[img] [/img]

[i]Proper streamofconciousness ramble!!![/i]

yeah but he's like that in real life, all the time. You'd give him a shag just to shut him up.

Hmm, well if my name wasn't really Dez and surname didn't really begin with B, like I was called BigBillStiffee something, or if I didn't know that stuff on this forum can appear on google searches, then I could tell you stuff. But I can't. Best time to catch me is out on a ride, going up a long boring climb, when I start waffling on about me dog, say "Dez, enough about the mutt, what about that 'Cheeky' thread then?" and I might tell you something interesting. 😉

No 🙁

Is it me is only one post in five actually making sense here...

Excellent

Once lead the peleton of grannies down a cheeky trail and through some bare cheeked fun. I think we were more suprised than they were.

The old factory with the big windows opposite the First Bus garage in Worcester is allegedly used for making "gentlemen's interest" short films and hasn't got any curtains.

Back in 1974, I came home from a 4 week trip to Scotland to find a young woman asleep in my bed, so I got in with her. She didn't seem to object 🙂 The other people in the house (a squat) hadn't known when I was coming back...

Just finished working on a prestigious hotel on the Liverpool 1 site. Directly across the parkland there is some high rise flats. At 12pm bang on, a girl would come to the window on one of the upper floors and rub oil into her breasts. The Site was motionless for 5 mins every day.

Never seemed to encounter this stuff myself. However, a friend (genuinely!) worked as a maintenance engineer around the country. Store rooms, offices, portacabins - everywhere he went he had someone or something. But then, he was always like that, like a magnet to women (not necessarily 'glamorous' I should point out). He has some stories. Also married with 3 kids, he is.

In my younger years I used to spend my Easter helping with the lambing so as I went to collage I carried on helping but I had the addition of a verrrrry sexy Irish girl helpiing me ,lets just say they hay barn freqented every dinner time .

Once got a nosh off a random chico on the train to edinburgh. I was drinking red stripe at the time so not sure if this disqualifies me....

Weirdest one was waking up to some bird giving me a nosh back when I was a student. Apparantly she was fairly drunk and had stumbled into my room instead of one of my flat mates. When I turned the light on to enlighten her she apologised, but was kind enough to finish 🙂

Used to know someone 😉 who used to deliver hay to horsey types, after getting into a sweat stacking bales away, there was often a offer of a good a ride.

I have lived a very secluded life!

...or so it seems!

not an encounter but it was pretty funny . we put out a fire in a house in leeds and the woman came running up the street shouting us. turns out it was her house and a neighbour called her.

she wanted to get in the house but obviously she couldnt just walk in . the fire had been downstairs but we had to check everywhere so i took her upstairs to have a look around and she was a little worried looking as we went into a bedroom. and there for all to see were about ten of the biggest dildos you ever did see it almost brought a tear to my eye lol

of course they werent hers ?? she said she had just come back off hols and her mate must be playing a joke ?? madness lol

Lowey - and as a site full of Scousers no doubt it wasn't that busy the rest of the day....

Am I being a prudish bas***d, or is anybody else finding this a bit cringeworthy?

Just occurred to me... this really is a willy waving thread!

mi©k (O/T)

When we were kids (very young). We were preparing to watch the first ever A-Team. Really excited. I glanced out of our patio window and noticed a neighbours kitchen window was full of flames. FOR A MOMENT me and a mate debated whether to watch A-Team or go and tell them (!). So we walked across, knocked on the door (matey came to the door and said 'yes'?) - we said (casually!) 'we think your kitchen is on fire'..matey replied 'errr I dont think so'..we insisted... so he wandered slowly to the kitchen/opened to be confronted by a wall of fire. He then screamed etc etc.

We then casually walked back and watched the A-team.

(It was a frying pan that had been left unattended).

More on-topic:

A great friend of mine had found a guy she really liked and decided to get rid of her (self-professed) epic collection of various dildo's as 'I no longer need them anymore'.

She was French BTW and very open-minded!

Am I being a prudish bas***d, or is anybody else finding this a bit cringeworthy?

The doing of such deeds, no not really. The posting a request for stories on a public forum - yep, highly.

I like the idea of watching partially clothed young women from a distance as a "sexual encounter" :o)

Simon, sometimes you worry me 😉

How come Gravitysucks meets all the classy girls? As a teacher I am very pleased to announce a complete lack of sexual encounters at my workplace.

hora o/t

we once knocked on an old fellas door and he was sure his house wasnt on fire til we pointed out the flames coming out of his roof 😉 apparently earlier on in the day he was up in the attic with his trainset and dropped a fag end but couldnt find it so just left it ;-(

you cant polish a turd 😉

Simon, sometimes you worry me

my remark was critical, not approving 🙂

phew!

"you can't polish a turd"

Pedant Alert: Actually you can. That American program Myth Busters or something, they polished several turds to disprove that little saying. Pedant Alert off.

Has anyone checked on Muddyfox Courier this morning? That has to be one of the best posts ever.

There are two that I remember from summer 1990, good year that was, but then again so was 1996 and whilst thinking about it 1999 was pretty good to. Always the summer months.