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Cg if they're "real" men they'll be riding 24 inchers,but they'll think they are 29ers.
Ian
Keva I know how you feel but on the other hand life styles change and as has been said by a number of people in this thread, some perfectly normal/lovely people suddenly find their social life and ability to meet new people drops to zero, despite their best efforts. Interet dating can help and isn't something to feel ashamed of, but it does work a little differntly to meeting someone 'naturally' and that can mean it doesn't work for everyone.
Oddly the people that have found an internet dating site helpful are all strong supporters, those that don't succeed have a differnt view - some just hate it/see it as awful while others just find it doesn't work for them. My mate met one girl thorugh MySingleFriend and married her, obviously he thinks it's brilliant, however it is almost like he cannot comprehend how it could not work the same for me, he is totally baffled!
Internet dating is only good if you're a) of a certain age (i.e. mid-30's+); and b) good looking or c) funny. Being none of the above, I find it depressing and demoralising and its cheaper to window browse in a pub tbh...
kit, i'm 2 of the above (a and c) and i'm not convinced of the merits yet. not writing it off either though... but it's definitely demoralising when you get knocked back purely on the basis of looks (and that happens A LOT).
The 29er guys just seem to think they're a breed apart. I have ridden with a few and they are cool but collectively ... shudder!
Don't put yourself down Kit, the best girls appreciate a kind heart, positive sense of hunmour and respect more than looks.
Thats how i got mine. heh.
Mountain bikers have personality ... FACT!
People have been spoonfed on a diet of trash TV with airbrushed/shallow people.
As mark says, don't put yourself down and start to feel good about yourself. Positive thinking is the key.
Oi Kit! except when you're sporting a stupid "moustache" you're not bad looking and I've found you quite funny. You must know full well that if you're not positive about yourself no one else is likely to be either!
Well said simon!
I'd do him.
*shucks*
😳
Sure personality is the most improtant thing, but you have to get to meet someone to start finding out if you like each others personality and as xerbivorex and seems to be alluding to, in the absence of anything else even nice girls go purely on looks initally. Don't forget, these sites have literally thousands of people on them so no-one bothers to study profiles for long or too talk to loads and loads of people before deciding who to meet - the process pretty much forces window shopping and rushing to meet on the basis of 'he/she looks cute'. So if you don't have a good photo of yourself you never get to that stage. I find myself actively pursuing the dating site in stints as it gets depressing being knocked back constantly. In my last stint in december I approached about 45 girls over 15 days and didn't manage to start a single converasation, not one replied to me. Being honest with myself I may not be brad pitt but my friends tell me I'm 'A good looking guy', but obviously I didn't appeal to the girls I'd messaged. That sort of failure rate is a bit depressing. However a previous stint went a little better and led to some nice dates, so I've not given up on the process quite yet.
neilnevill - almost my exact experience! Having said that, my very first date through a dating site ended with an 18 month relationship, and I could have been very happy long-term if I hadn't had so many hang-ups at the time.
Rohypnol is the way forward.
I've been with a girl for almost 6 years, engaged since March last, and living together in rented accomodation since September. She's a great girl, but I'm not attracted to her anymore.
Relationship over? Sex is non-existant, and I usually have a high sex drive. I'm on AD's too, have been for about 2 years.
that's why meeting people in the flesh is much better, you know straight away or at least after spending a short time with them you know if they're your cup of tea.
[i]She's a great girl, but I'm not attracted to her anymore.[/i]
why are you still together?
Well, she's my best mate, but I guess that isn't grounds for a relationship. And how I deal with it all, I don't know. I know I'd be causing a world of hurt and pain for her.
Ummmm, I totally understand where you're coming from. Perhaps just having the 'how do you feel' chat might help, sometimes people are thinking the same thing but are afraid to ask for fear of the answer.......
Are you guys still gagging for it?
😆
aleigh - Member
that's why meeting people in the flesh is much better, you know straight away or at least after spending a short time with them you know if they're your cup of tea.
exactly. In my experience you get no idea for someone via an internet profile or exchanging a few messages, it's only when you meet that you see if there is any chemistry but then you know in minutes. But if you are at a stage in your social life where you don't meet any/many new people you have to try something different. Personally I don't like the idea of taking up a new interest/activity specifcally to try and meet some new people as I'd not be that interested in the activity and that would come across. I am happy to try the intenet dating route to meeting people, its a drag, its not easy but I'm giving it a try for a short while.
If a SingletrackWorld Singletonworld ride went ahead close to London then I'd go. For it to have a reasonable chance of being a pleasant expereince allround I think a little organisation wold be needed along with something approaching an equal boy/girl ratio .... and that is probably where we find a problem?
Another option for the singleton's is some of the team rides / races. Advertise on here for some mixed teams for Bontrager 12/24 / SITS / MM. Spend the weekend together but opportunity to make yourself scarce as well. Just don't be too competitive!
Interesting thread, this. Not contributed up 'til now, as I've been reading it in dribs and drabs while doing other stuff. Totally agree with many comments about how difficult it is to meet singles of the opposite/same sex, (delete as appropriate), as this is a situation I've been in for years now. While I never have difficulty in chatting to people, I never really hang out at the sort of places where single men are supposed to meet other singles, and the few occasions where I've met someone who I've hit it off with have then admitted they're still having feelings for an ex, and are trying to re-establish things, even when, in one instance, the ex has said he's really not interested. Most disheartening, when the ladies in question are really lovely people. I'm not interested in the whole Internet dating thing, for reasons that have been already stated. A singles ride would be interesting, but a problem would always be that I could end up meeting someone from miles away that would involve extensive and expensive commuting back and forth, which can get tiresome.
Also, there's that inevitable set-in-yer-ways thing as you get older of being able to just do what you want when you want, which is pretty selfish. Doesn't help with cuddles and hugs and a fairly strong sex drive, tho'
Dammit. 🙁
Sex is non-existant, and I usually have a high sex drive. I'm on AD's too, have been for about 2 years.
ADs may take out libido 🙁
Xipe Totec - Member
A singles ride would be interesting, but a problem would always be that I could end up meeting someone from miles away that would involve extensive and expensive commuting back and forth, which can get tiresome.
Yes good point, well made. I've done the long distance relationship but at the time I suspected I would be moving (and did) which would have me in the same city - it did before it tiresome. However I don't think I'd want to start a long distance relationship right now.
OKAY THEN. Are there any single girls and guys that are London based and fancy trying a group ride to meet some other people?
I apologise for my naivety (I guess caused by having been in a relationship) but with all the communication aides available today, it's quite extraordinary to read of your experiences.
So why is this?
So is the problem that people just aren't really honest about whether they want a relationship or is it that they are fearful of being rejected?
Internet dating is only good if you're a) of a certain age (i.e. mid-30's+); and b) good looking or c) funny.
Totally disagree on age. I know of several successes for mid/late-20s people of both sexes, me included! Being amazingly good looking or funny are not pre-requisites, but confidence and resilience are.
My first rejection was really upsetting but it got easier very quickly. After a short while it was a blast, and I wish I'd done it sooner.
cinnamon-girl....for me its just not meeting that special person. Not meeting many new people full stop at the moment and my work is mainly men, mtbing is mainly men, climbing is a litte better but still far more men, hence making an effort to change that. In the past, yes I've been very shy at approaching girls for fear of rejection...was probably too much of a romantic too - kind of thought I'd meeet the right person and it would just happen, as I got older I realised I have to make it happen.
neil - I thought climbing had plenty of very fit girlies? I think you're right in saying that you have to make it happen.
The post from antennae above ^ made some good points. I guess it's also researching properly which online dating sites you use.
[b]OK, I'm happy if required to organise an STW Swinley Forest Singletons Ride sometime. Any interest?[/b]
It's accessible by train (Martin's Heron) and I have plenty of experience of guiding around there!
Hey, if we're having a single misfit's amnesty can I join in? Singletonworld ride sounds excellent but too far away for me (any singleladyworlders in Spain?). Also I would be worried things might get a bit competitive, what tyres for rutting?
Right, that's enough of that! There's no misfits in this parish!
I couldn't possibly comment on tyres ...
Fear of rejection is a real problem; I baulk at asking someone out because I'm certain I'll get turned down for whatever reason, usually not wanting to get involved again having been hurt before/broke up, holding out hope ex will have them back...
I just want someone who's fun to be with, romantic, pretty, sweet, and not really high maintenance. I guess that's just asking too much. She doesn't even need to be a really keen cyclist, just happy to go out for a pootle on a nice day, while I follow on behind. Checking out her bu...oops sorry, didn't mean that! 😉
[i]I just want someone who's fun to be with, romantic, pretty, sweet, and not really high maintenance.[/i]
that'll be me then....although old fart would say i moan a lot 😯 😉
Well misfits, quirky types, takes all sorts etc. It said up there about accepting one's faults and stuff.. I KNOW I'm a bit weird.
Sounds like I want to take up climbing.
[i]I just want someone who's fun to be with, romantic, pretty, sweet, and not really high maintenance.[/i]
That sounds like quite a big ask actually! They all got bagsied ages ago ;o)
Hmmm, I think this rejection angle will figure quite highly. It's just not necessarily a girl thing.
Xipe - from memory I reckon we're similar ages so can completely understand where you're coming from. I had just assumed that being more "mature" could potentially make it easier from a less baggage/kids viewpoint. But I think the compromise thing would rear its head in a big way.
Really, I have accepted that since my divorce, I will always be single but actually feel quite comfortable about it. Am not an easy person, strong-minded, ride bikes etc etc. Not sure whether that's the right attitude though!!
although old fart would say i moan a lot
And scream..i've experienced you do both whilst having a ride.
I can indeed confirm that aleigh is noisy in the woods 😯
(Mumbling, head hangin' in shame)
Been reading this thread but been too scared to stick my massive (but perfectly formed and highly alluring) nose in.
Sex/no sex, either way being on your own is quite disheartening, especially if you've had it in the past, be that marriage, co-habiting, wild flings or whatever.
I'm relatively young, though feel aged far, far beyond my years, and already have begun resigning myself to the scrapheap.
A SingleonTrackWorld ride would be a lot of fun but, as has been raised, if an equal male:female ratio were imposed the ride would only consist of about four riders...
Good luck at the meat market folks! 😉
Join in bananaworld! It's only by "talking" about this stuff that we can try and understand where people are coming from.
Haven't a clue how many girlies would come along. Perhaps they could e-mail me, address in profile?
As regards meat market, er no. Girls and guys riding bikes - more of a chilled-out vibe I would say 8)
If you're interested, post up and say so!
If you dare let me...
*raises hand*
I've just popped in and had a look.
Is rejection such a major issue? Silly question for younger people obviously but for middle aged people I would have thought this was path of the course. Certainly dating and life wise. You've not been brought up in this ridiculous society so surely you're used it it and understand it's part of life, yes?
sharki - you coming along then?
samuri - it does sound as though it is for some people. As regards "middle-aged people", yep I am one of these apparently and I rejected my now ex-husband. He was devasted after decades of marriage. So, in answer to your question, everyone is affected differently.
My defences are well and truly fortified.
Yup, just say when and where and i'll make sure i'm free single and riding a bike.
Girls are scary, I'm a bit like Rajesh in Big Bang Theory when it comes to talking to women.
Fortunately this is no longer a problem as I'm married 😉
[i]He was devasted after decades of marriage.[/i]
Yes, he would be but that's taking my comments out of context as you well know. All the previous rejection worries were based around asking someone out on a first date as far as I could tell.
But surely it's just not about the first date? What about six months into a relationship and cracks appear? I believe people are really quite fragile nowadays.
What I mean is that some people are so terrified of rejection that they don't reach the first date. Which of course leads us nicely to the question of whether we have "protected" our children too much from the knocks that life gives us.
You're agreeing with me now. 😉
Not exactly! I am a woman!
lol
[i]He was devasted after decades of marriage.[/i]
How much did you take him for? "Our children" suggests you have some so probably a sizeable sum. I suggest that someone who pokes people's eyes out is leading the blind here.
For those males not lucky enough to have found one of the rare females that shags because she enjoys it and is with you because she likes you I suggest weekend breaks in Holland or Germany where reasonable rates apply. Or are you/would be be a source of status, cash, a flash house/car, the right genes for healthy kids... ?
I'm up for the ride!
Edukator - **** off.
I'm 27 and feel like I'd be past it if I was to be single again. 90% of all my friends are married, or otherwise engaged.
So I have a big fear of rejection, and I also have a big fear of seeing her with another person if we did split. She was my first girlfriend etc etc
[i]And scream..i've experienced you do both whilst having a ride[/i]
haha - yes that's true as you know 😆
the male to female ratio will be difficult. perhaps those of you that know any single ladies that mtb but don't frequent on here, pass the message on that there'll be a fun singletontrackworld ride on the go at some point!
27 ha! Hope you still have the magic then, I suppose the danger with your situation is that your guys are just together because you're scared of being alone.. I'm sure you're not though, just, it does happen, right?
Yeah, the marriage/baby crew get tiresome for us singletards (well for me anyway).
Is that a subtle sign of interest or a rejection C_G? Either way you have just lost control of your situation.
By the way, it's very difficult to tell who is a she and who is a he going by user names. Apart from the obvious of course 😉
Magic? What is that? I can do a card trick if you want? 😉
Edukator, harsh man.
Not nice being the rejector or being rejected. It's been worse for me when I've had to reject someone than when I've been rejected. That's only after a year or so, not 'decades'..
Edukator - I've seen your inane postings before.
[i]it's very difficult to tell who is a she and who is a he going by user names[/i]
i think it would be in everyones interests to fess up to being a man or a woman.....or the ride could turn out to be interesting 😯
My point exactly. Not that I'd be going on this ride. For two reasons, and one being I'm in another country, just back across the puddle in Norn Iron.
CG - Edukators post strikes me as being very well observed and makes his point beautifully, going straight through the surface flirting and backslapping. Shame it ruffled your feathers, but I imagine it would be a bit of a shock after so much smoke has been blown up yours and aleighs arse in these 6 pages (6 pages!) of desperate teenage hand wringing angst.
Reading this has been like looking at a fatal car crash. Horrible yet morbidly fascinating.
Still, I guess thats what internet forums are for?! 😆
[i]so much smoke has been blown up yours and aleighs arse in these 6 pages (6 pages!) of desperate teenage hand wringing angst.[/i]
don't quite know what you mean by that comment scienceofficer! but like you said, it's a forum 😆
Picture the scene
20 blokes and a couple of women turn up in a forest near you. They are all single and self confessed celibate.
I 100% guarentee that the first thing the 2 girls will do is decide on who is the most attractive to them and latch on. You guys who are pretty ordinary will not get so much as a second's thought. Be prepared for having conversations with similarly placed men on the ride whilst two or three guys get to chat to a girl he has a 'chance with'. At the end of the ride you will be even more confused than before
I cant think of a more unbalanced way of meeting a woman and having the chance to show her my personality than this.
Thankfully i have a wife who i met when i was 15, is sexier 20yrs later than she has ever been, has given me two kids and woke me up for sex this morning before i went to work. Otherwise i havent got a clue how i would manage to get quality time with a girl without having to pay for it.
oh dear...... 😆
Is that to my post aleigh? Do you dissagree?
hobo - you're assuming the females would be considered attractive?
yeah - i just find people on here when they get 'serious' quite amusing to say the least!
as for TC's comment, shallow springs to mind 😆
I think people well over complicate things. Just go out, be sociable and talk to people - you might even find they are happy to talk with you. It's really not [i]that[/i] scary.
Kev
Okay, my singletonworld profile
name: neil
sex: male
age: 36
location: London (upper Norwood and Whitehall)
employment: civil service
kids: none
other: Non-smoker, GSH etc etc :o)
looking for: straight female, with no children of similar age and located in London. Asking too much perhaps.
Keen to come on the ride. would like to meet a few new people to ride (bicycles) with anyway, and would like to be shown more of Swinley (my one visit on my own left me thinking it was okay but not amazing - strongly suspect I didn't find a lot of good stuff though)
c-g, yes climbing is better as I said, and those girls that climb are very attractive, but it's still 2/3rds men if not more. I have been doing a few things to meet other climbers and there are a couple of girls that if I meet again I hope to ask out. I'm not good at just asking someone out really quickly though. I need to spend a little time in their company and get to know them a tiny bit first. Which then means I have to bump into them a second or third time before I can ask them out...and I do struggle to find the right moment. shouting down to the girl belaying you when 10m up a wall is probably not the time to ask if she fancies coming for a drink with you!
Edukator - Not everybody thinks quite as you do. Plenty do, but plenty don't.
i agree 🙂
great profile....i wonder what would happen if i posted mine up? be called 'desperate' i suspect because that's what [b]some of the lads[/b] on here think about women when they talk about being single!
tribalchief - if some of the stories on here are true i expect a lot of the blokes would find Bella Emburgh attractive!
No offence to aleigh and co but they will find a couple of the blokes attractive and take it from there. Whats the score with the others?
Serious note. If you want to date another member of this site you should be able to go into their profile, look at their picture and send them an email saying you find them attractive. Would you like to meet up. As long as the sender isnt lewd and the recipient isnt gonna take the piss outta them, thats the best way.
AL - is it shallow to want to find your partner attractive? I wasn't passing judgment I have no idea what you or CG look like, neither am I interested. just thought it was a pertinent point.
I disagree with whatever [b]aleigh[/b] agrees with 🙂
I've been single for about 6 years now, tried dating a couple of times but i presume i must be a bit scary having had a mental illness. Perhaps i should just not mention this???
keva - If what you say is true why have some of these guys been 10yrs without sex? If being sociable gets you laid then by all means do it. A group ride of singletons would be more uncomfortable than the doctors thread about things being shoved in different orrifices elsewhere on this site.
I wanna see a photo of Aleigh 😉
[i]AL - is it shallow to want to find your partner attractive? I wasn't passing judgment I have no idea what you or CG look like, neither am I interested. just thought it was a pertinent point. [/i]
you can call me ali 🙂
attractiveness can be looks or personality. i've experienced both when it comes to meeting/getting to know a man
barnes - you're just difficult!
a pic of me? pm me and i'll send you one......no flithy shot mind 😉
