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I don't understand the concept of "open" relationships - jealousy is normal. So, the randy partner could not realistically engage in sex outside the celebate relationship IMO.
Unless you know otherwise?
that site's rubbish!
Why?
because it's full of shallow people
would anyone be up for a singletons ride then?
Is this time for that famous 70s feminist slogan?
"a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"
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Yep, I'd be up for it! It could be the strangest bike ride I've been on. 🙂
This years STW quantocks march ride will be for singles only......
Now get dumping your partners for a good weekends riding..
BIKES!
'Open' surely relates to a 2-way relationship of openness? What if one half of the relationship doesn't want/can't do sex but understands that the OH needs it and can only get it elsewhere. Some people think that no sex means end of marriage/relationship.
I don't know otherwise personally btw, but come across unusual scenarios in line of duty.
aleigh - Memberbecause it's full of shallow people
the one woman i've been on a date with from that site said the same thing too.
i don't think she was including me in that statement though... i'm guilty of many things but i doubt being shallow is one of them!
teagirl - well I guess some relationships ca be open and work, but for me, no. If I were the guy in a relationship where I wanted sex but wasn't getting it I'd weigh up the pro's and con's and either make the sacrifice or end the relatinship.
midnight - the sites (or at least the one I'm using - MSF, and I suspect all) make the approach, the flirting and the dating very process driven and suck all the spontaneity, excitment and fun from it. They also make dating seem even more pressurised, you feel a need to rush if you see someone you like and you are very aware that everyone feels the same so everyone is 'layering'. Everyone is approaching dozens of people at once, talking on email/messaging with as many as they can, having first dates with several and second dates with a few all at the same time. It is very much a meat market. These are, for me (and many others?) the bits I dislike about 'natural' dating but the site amplifies it massively. I know I'm not the only one to feel this way, it is a common feeling for users. Oh and you WILL go on just the photos. The written profile descriptions are very formulaic and don't help to get a feeling for someone so you go on lust...the girls I've dated have said this to me so it's not just my own view.
On the plus side it is honest and open and gets you out there, plus there is no embarassment in taking that first step and sending a message to someone that catches your eye. Plus most people are normal and have some nice qualities so as long as you don't get too worked up about a first date (just keep it simple - a meet for one drink or a coffee) and play it by ear then the worst that happens is a polite but unexciting coffee and 20 minutes of slow conversation, the best is...well..you decide.
Happy to expand on my experiences if you want me too, but probably not in public.
Neil
I wonder if the Ramblers have a version?
They like being in the open. Like their relationships perhaps?
The freedom to roam? The right to "ramble" on someone else's land?
All dating websites are full of shallow people in a way. It is very difficult to get a 'feel' for someone without meeting, no matter how many messages you exchange (and you'll feel the pressure to keep chat's short and move to a meet fairly quickly - the sites encourage you to do that!) Therefore the majority go on the photos/looks. Sites know this - they all have search criteria such as 'only those with photos on their proile'
"What if one half of the relationship doesn't want/can't do sex but understands that..."
Will that understanding stop the non-sex partner feeling jealous or inadequate? No, people are not that rational! Playing away will rot what is left of their relationship surely?
Oh and aleigh. Yeah I'd be up for a singles ride. Using a dating website has hardened me ue up to that meat market feeling and if I liked someone on the ride I would as a result:
- be shy but over come it to say 'Hi, I think you're cute'
- be dissappointed but understanding if the chemistry wasn't their and she didn't feel the same
- be emabarassed but politely and gratiously decline any, 'Hey I think you're cute' advances I got if I didn't feel the same
The one thing that I'd find difficult though would be trying to get to know someone I might like at the same time as some other guy might be. Maybe if the ride were somehow broken up into pairs and swapped about every 5 minutes - a sort of cycle speed dating, then my problem scenario could be avoided. Logistical nightmare though?
Buzz - I'm with you so I'd make the choice - sacrifice or end.
Dating - Be yourself, and if that isn't producing the desired results, read 'The Game' by neil straus.
I'm off to register "cycle speed dating", it's got legs that.
Can shacked up people join the singletons ride, just to normalise things a bit but wear one arm warmer so everybody knows they are taken?
I think a STW ride/aleigh auction would be a hit..
With all the money spaffed on bikes that aren't ridden well.
They could spaff more money and ride her just as badly.
Everyones a winner and we all go to the pub happy.
Hey eth3er! That's MY idea! go get your own 😉
oh and I don't think the pressence of non-singles would help. If a singles ride was to happen then sure all the singles would be there with no big plans, just their to have fun naturally....but the fact that they are making an effort to go on a singles ride and put themselves out there means their is a little bit of hope or pressure. I can only see the pressence of non singles somehow adding to pressure - they would seem like an audience. The exception would be a few non-singles to organise any activities needed, any speed dating ride partner swapping etc.
ahem, mr sharki - i'm not up for auction!
a singletons ride (of sorts) would be ace. it's much nicer to meet people in the flesh than on those dating sites. you know straight away if you've clicked with someone, if you don't you can chat and 'ride along'! 😆
sharki, the march ride - perhaps you me and knottie need to get together to discuss?
i think i'd be up for that ride too aleigh.
One for the girlies:
There seems to be a new break-away Forum group [b]Real Men Ride 29ers[/b] and, to be honest, they terrify me.
For example, their most vocal supporter recently stated:
Everyone is now curious for some man-size bigness in their lives.
Seriously, what do you make of that??
Do you think it should be restricted it to 26ers and ban big wheel bikes? I really wouldn't feel comfortable around these larger chaps.
Your input would be welcomed.
yeh I look at fitness single and it's crap. The whole internet dating thing has that feeling of 'now I'm really scraping the barrel', it makes me cringe, I've tried, it's just not me. If I can't meet someone in an everyday life situation like the human race has been doing for thousands of years then I may as well be decapitated.
Kev
I love the way this topic has gone from celibacy to speed dating...
all part of life/STW's rich tapestry.... 😆
odannyboy:all part of life/STW's rich [b]and horny[/b] tapestry....
Just fixed that for you.
there is a site called fitness singles.....
that site's rubbish!
It's not, I met a fantastic girl on there!
Was on it for a year or so, sometimes only glancing at it once a month, other times talking to 3 or 4 girls at a time. Met up with a few - some are still good friends, some I'll never see again (nor would they see me! 😉 ) but in the end it worked out for the best. 🙂
Cg if they're "real" men they'll be riding 24 inchers,but they'll think they are 29ers.
Ian
Keva I know how you feel but on the other hand life styles change and as has been said by a number of people in this thread, some perfectly normal/lovely people suddenly find their social life and ability to meet new people drops to zero, despite their best efforts. Interet dating can help and isn't something to feel ashamed of, but it does work a little differntly to meeting someone 'naturally' and that can mean it doesn't work for everyone.
Oddly the people that have found an internet dating site helpful are all strong supporters, those that don't succeed have a differnt view - some just hate it/see it as awful while others just find it doesn't work for them. My mate met one girl thorugh MySingleFriend and married her, obviously he thinks it's brilliant, however it is almost like he cannot comprehend how it could not work the same for me, he is totally baffled!
Internet dating is only good if you're a) of a certain age (i.e. mid-30's+); and b) good looking or c) funny. Being none of the above, I find it depressing and demoralising and its cheaper to window browse in a pub tbh...
kit, i'm 2 of the above (a and c) and i'm not convinced of the merits yet. not writing it off either though... but it's definitely demoralising when you get knocked back purely on the basis of looks (and that happens A LOT).
The 29er guys just seem to think they're a breed apart. I have ridden with a few and they are cool but collectively ... shudder!
Don't put yourself down Kit, the best girls appreciate a kind heart, positive sense of hunmour and respect more than looks.
Thats how i got mine. heh.
Mountain bikers have personality ... FACT!
People have been spoonfed on a diet of trash TV with airbrushed/shallow people.
As mark says, don't put yourself down and start to feel good about yourself. Positive thinking is the key.
Oi Kit! except when you're sporting a stupid "moustache" you're not bad looking and I've found you quite funny. You must know full well that if you're not positive about yourself no one else is likely to be either!
Well said simon!
I'd do him.
*shucks*
😳
Sure personality is the most improtant thing, but you have to get to meet someone to start finding out if you like each others personality and as xerbivorex and seems to be alluding to, in the absence of anything else even nice girls go purely on looks initally. Don't forget, these sites have literally thousands of people on them so no-one bothers to study profiles for long or too talk to loads and loads of people before deciding who to meet - the process pretty much forces window shopping and rushing to meet on the basis of 'he/she looks cute'. So if you don't have a good photo of yourself you never get to that stage. I find myself actively pursuing the dating site in stints as it gets depressing being knocked back constantly. In my last stint in december I approached about 45 girls over 15 days and didn't manage to start a single converasation, not one replied to me. Being honest with myself I may not be brad pitt but my friends tell me I'm 'A good looking guy', but obviously I didn't appeal to the girls I'd messaged. That sort of failure rate is a bit depressing. However a previous stint went a little better and led to some nice dates, so I've not given up on the process quite yet.
neilnevill - almost my exact experience! Having said that, my very first date through a dating site ended with an 18 month relationship, and I could have been very happy long-term if I hadn't had so many hang-ups at the time.
Rohypnol is the way forward.
I've been with a girl for almost 6 years, engaged since March last, and living together in rented accomodation since September. She's a great girl, but I'm not attracted to her anymore.
Relationship over? Sex is non-existant, and I usually have a high sex drive. I'm on AD's too, have been for about 2 years.
that's why meeting people in the flesh is much better, you know straight away or at least after spending a short time with them you know if they're your cup of tea.
[i]She's a great girl, but I'm not attracted to her anymore.[/i]
why are you still together?
Well, she's my best mate, but I guess that isn't grounds for a relationship. And how I deal with it all, I don't know. I know I'd be causing a world of hurt and pain for her.
Ummmm, I totally understand where you're coming from. Perhaps just having the 'how do you feel' chat might help, sometimes people are thinking the same thing but are afraid to ask for fear of the answer.......
Are you guys still gagging for it?
😆
aleigh - Member
that's why meeting people in the flesh is much better, you know straight away or at least after spending a short time with them you know if they're your cup of tea.
exactly. In my experience you get no idea for someone via an internet profile or exchanging a few messages, it's only when you meet that you see if there is any chemistry but then you know in minutes. But if you are at a stage in your social life where you don't meet any/many new people you have to try something different. Personally I don't like the idea of taking up a new interest/activity specifcally to try and meet some new people as I'd not be that interested in the activity and that would come across. I am happy to try the intenet dating route to meeting people, its a drag, its not easy but I'm giving it a try for a short while.
If a SingletrackWorld Singletonworld ride went ahead close to London then I'd go. For it to have a reasonable chance of being a pleasant expereince allround I think a little organisation wold be needed along with something approaching an equal boy/girl ratio .... and that is probably where we find a problem?