[Closed] Anyone had partner cheat and forgiven them

It's not the "gay girl" thing - it's the idea that a "straight" girl might be a bit naughty. Being naughty with another girl is OK (see 5thElefants reasons). Being with two naughty girls is just building upon that same reasoning - here's a chance to impregnate two women and double his genes distribution.

Me too. I'm so confused I might have to consult mumsnet, they'd LOVE this thread, right up their street

lol @ noteeth.

that's brilliant!!!

emma82. I've already put in on mumsnet.

Aleigh,I find I am in a heightened state of awareness after Round 1.As far as I recall anyway.

Have been cheated on twice over the years [in my 20s] but never felt the need for retaliatory actions.

Would NEVER forgive.Regardless if OH lickety-lib-labs or otherwise.

emma82 - Member

Me too. I'm so confused

Men have an extra little brain to think about these things. Its found about 3 feet below the "normal" brain.

how little?? 😉

Well its not very compilicated

We only have the blood to power one at a time though.

Hmm good one emsz.

Some men would look at another man and compare himself to him, thus being a distraction to the optimum gain.

So by having two objects that they desire in the same scenario they can watch without those distractions.

Quite often i'd assume.;) Whilst watching a couple displaying affection of a sexual matter, the man would imagine himself as one or other of the girls whilst being able to swap between the two of them.

If they could manage to not compare themselves to the other man, then they could easily enjoy watching man on woman action.

Girl on girl is more for those who're insecure , perhaps with a small willy or just not confident in bed, perhaps even selfish.

actually, that sounds really insightful, Sharky.

🙂

Rachel

TJ I'm just confused about the cheating thing, not the girl on girl thing, I get that :p

Tsy- what thread?

Edit - I was probably saying too much there.

Emma82 - The Love Story thread?

Sharki ok, so am I right in thinking that it's actually not an issue that it's gay girls just the idea that one of them ISN'T a bloke?

emsz - Member
Sharki ok, so am I right in thinking that it's actually not an issue that it's gay girls just the idea that one of them ISN'T a bloke?

That's certainly the way I see it. If the guy doesn't stand a chance of getting involved with either girl, where's the stimulation?

Has a conclusion been reached yet?

emma82 - Member

TJ I'm just confused about the cheating thing, not the girl on girl thing

What - why to some men ladies having fun is no threat?

I think it isn't really rational.

If MrsTJ had a drunk fling with a women I think I could forgive, with a man I doubt it. If she fell in love / had a full blown affair with either I probably couldn't forgive.

I guess the woman is not a threat. NO impregnation possible

It appears not to bee rational at all really.

C_G you gave us a conclusion a couple of pages ago about it not being black & white. Not really sure what we're talking about now...

[i]I guess the woman is not a threat[/i]

Unless she's far better at going down on your G/F than you are... 😀

No we did cheating.

Conclusion: it doesn't matter if it's with another girl or a boy, she's skanky. 🙂

Ah OK, my personal opinion that was. Quite an insight this evening into the male pysche. Reckon I have as much chance of understanding them as men understanding women. 😉

emsz. I believe so yes.

It's just two/three/four lots of eye candy.

Them being intimate with each other just makes it's easier for the watcher to relate to whats happening.

If he see's a tongue, it's not just a girls tongue, it becomes his tongue.

He'll see stunning girls kissing but only one set of lips will be that of a woman.

They do the same with hetro images, but see themselves as that man, but by looking at another man, they can't use their imagination fully if the man looks slightly different.

By turning that man into a woman, the imagination is freed up.

I've just been searching youtube for skanky videos... this one is a clip from ITV news....

[EDIT]

Hmmm... find them yourselves. I'm snowed in and need my log on for the next couple of days.

Yay! i've found my perfect job..Thanks TSY

Do you mean the audtions one?

The pole dancing one.

In my experience, fantasies are better left as just that. Years ago, my partner at the time 'arranged' a threesome with one of her mates as a 'present' for my birthday. If I'm to be honest, it was great at the time, albeit short lived! Afterwards though, the doubts and jealousies started. If she spent time with her mate, I couldnt see it as that, I always assumed they'd end up in bed together, (which I found out later was very much the case), and the jealousy started to eat away at me, to the point where we inevitably split up. In hindsight, I have to agree that it was all a bit skanky and cheap, to quote others on this thread, and to recap my first comment, I wish I'd never got involved. Cheating's cheating, it's entirely irrelevant whether it's with a man or a woman.

Just seen this thread

Really enjoyed it

I now fancy a Kebab - and I've never tried one before

Is that cheating on the Chinese take away (that I love) next door ? 🙂

Although - I've just had salmon and wild mushroom risoto - Thats rice so not cheating.......

Indeedy yup.

Had to wait for Mrs Removed to go to bed before I could comment 🙂

In my mid twenties I went back to uni and ended up going out with a luvverly American lass. After a few months of young love, she got all antsy and eventually confessed she had been seeing a girl for nearly a year.

Turned out, her girlfriend was a girl I'd fancied for years. I was [b]absolutely delighted[/b], so I fit in with the general (male) consensus. Was a magical Summer and only had a very positive impact on our relationship.

Will concede that it may have got messy long term, but she went back to the states before the spell had a chance to break!

So what we are concluding then is that you are all a bunch of dirty pervs and all us women should just have one massive love in like in some dodgy 80's styleeee pr0no? 😉

I do love this place 🙂

emma - you now have half the population of STW thinking "yes please"

This all seems based on the pemise that relationships between humans are in the natural state monogamous which I doubt is the case.

We are subject to such extreme conditioning on this matter that it hard to break out of the 'victorian' mind set we have inhereited.

Its not to long ago that Julius Caesar spent more time with his gay lover than his wife over the course of his life or that Hannibal took his boyfriend on his escapdes or Achilles took a boy as his interest in a Troy (though this is a fiction?)

We are currently so dependant on an ideal imposed by others that its hard to think that its as arbritrary as wearing a wedding ring on a certain finger or that father christmas exists.

I used to be very monogamous, thinking it was the highest evolution I could attain of myself. Now not so much 😀

Plum

I would find it is as hard to forgive as any other infidelity issue the genders are hardly the critical issue here as it is still unfaithful.
I am generally not the forgiving type as , despite plumbs inability to control his groins, I have a managed fidelity without any great problem

FWIW ex of mine was very def bi.she and i were together for some time.nothing ever happened in that time. it was novel and cool to begin with, but after a while it started to dawn on me and thru talking i realised all she mainly got off on was the idea of the birds. you soon start thinking when, youre doing the deed, are you actually thinking about me? girl im with now is def in to me as a man and all that represents, plus its my "blokes bits" that she gets off on and thats much better.
if i met another girl who was as into woman as my ex it would be a def no go.when your going through the motions you want to know the woman youre with is totally into you...and nothing else.

I feel dirty after reading all this.
Cheatings cheating, end of.
How about self abuse?

Girl on girl is more for those who're insecure , perhaps with a small willy or just not confident in bed, perhaps even selfish.

or just so drunk they fell asleep while going down on the first girl leaving the two of them to go at it. 😳

😆

I eat like a woman.

Back to the op,bin her.

Had to wait for Mrs Removed to go to bed before I could comment

In my mid twenties I went back to uni and ended up going out with a luvverly American lass. After a few months of young love, she got all antsy and eventually confessed she had been seeing a girl for nearly a year.

Turned out, her girlfriend was a girl I'd fancied for years. I was absolutely delighted, so I fit in with the general (male) consensus. Was a magical Summer and only had a very positive impact on our relationship.

Will concede that it may have got messy long term, but she went back to the states before the spell had a chance to break!

A similar thing happened to a very good friend of mine about ten years ago - his other half had a few regular 'friends' that she'd occasionally bring home and he'd occasionally be woken up with a nudge, inviting him to go and play. It worked as their relationship was secure, and it did stop once they became parents.

However, just recently the female half did leave, only this time it was for a man. Apparently she's now also engaged to this new fellah, which was an additional kick in the guts for my friend.

Makes you wonder how long things had either been going on or what was happening for her to leave what was previously a good relationship.

No matter how secure your relationship is in these circumstances, fundamentally people 'play' because they are bored deep down.

A wife that strays with another female?

Flipping 'eck, the stuff dreams are made of... 😀

No matter how secure your relationship is in these circumstances, fundamentally people 'play' because they are bored deep down.

...and today's sweepingly generalised psychological titbit is bought to you by Hora. 😉

OP your mate should bin his girlfriend , the fact she went through with the deed in the first place shows she has little/no respect for him irrespective of the fact she was 'drunk'

With regard to the 3some debate , my first ever 'jiggy jiggy' experience was just that! I was under the age of consent and the 2 young ladies(2 mates from down the road) were only just old enough so I suppose it was really child abuse although I didn't feel that way back then. It happened about 8 times over a 6 month period and I can tell you it's not really fun in fact it's bloody hard work!! But it made me feel big in front of my mates.

my first ever penetrative sexual experience

...kinda euuwww dude

Sorry 😳

fixed it for you 😆

There is really something I don't like about the word 'penetrative'. yuk.

Rachel - that was not my intention!! But seeing as all the blokes on here are quite clearly closet pervs you are probably right 😆

quite clearly closet pervs

closet perv?

Yeah right, like i could ever hide in the closet with my heavy breathing.

Infidelity is a deal breaker - once the trust has gone its, well, GONE. It NEVER comes back.

Still..

[img] [/img]

Ok, well it's too late for me' to edit so I'll re-phrase:

Seeing as most of the men on here are clearly raging pervs..... Happy 🙂

No raging here either.

That happens after midnight once most people are safely tucked up in bed.

oh that's ok then. You really ought to work on the heavy breathing BTW.... you'd get away with much more if you weren't heard 😉

No one else can or should judge any other, someone elses experience is of no use in making your own decisions ......... no matter how similar.

emma82 - Member

Seeing as most [s]of the[/s] men [s]on here [/s]are clearly raging pervs..... Happy

As Steve had to explain in Coupling when pressed as to his collection of videos (they were about a 'lesbian film-making collective, who had to make videos of lesbians, and the one who made the best video was able to spank the others' (or similar) ): men love seeing women's front bottoms. Anything that multiplies the number of front bottoms men can see is a Good Thing.
Similarly, men like seeing women's frontal areas. Again, anything that increases the number of specific frontal areas available for viewing is a Good Thing.
Now whether this is one of those things better left to imagine than act upon is for more knowledgeable people than me to comment. Back to the OP, I guess it's a question of how serious your mate is about the relationship. If he's all mature and grown up and sensible, it's time to bin the bint. If he's still got a more 'go out and get it' attitude to life and can handle the possible insecurity issues, then forgive her.

(RepacK - Member Infidelity is a deal breaker -) words of wisdom 😉

😯

Yes, several boyfriends have been unfaithful to me over the years. Two I didn't know about until after we had broken up. One I knew about but turned a blind eye because he was young, had had a tough time with his parents, was insecure. I made excuses for him because I loved him. He did it again and I dumped him.

To me it doesn't matter which gender the third party is/was, or even the fact of the sex itself, it's the lies. When your partner is talking to you and you're thinking "I have no idea if you're lying to me or not", trust gone.

Funny, over the years it has always been the psycho jealous possessive ones who have been unfaithful. All the shouting and screaming that I was playing away from home (I was not) and there they were, at it themselves! You gotta laugh, eh?

Unfortunately, I have a feeling you're right, Karin!!

Rachel

Funny, over the years it has always been the psycho jealous possessive ones who have been unfaithful. All the shouting and screaming that I was playing away from home (I was not) and there they were, at it themselves! You gotta laugh, eh?

And this is a surprise????

My experiences and opinions are pretty straightforward. It doesn't matter whether it's a male or female involved in the infidelity and if it happens once it will happen again.

Well, yes, it was a surprise because I used to think that if someone was decrying something so vehemently then they must hate it and not be doing it themselves.

Ahhh, bless, how naive!

Maybe they believe accusing their partner of doing something absolves them of responsibility of having done it themselves...

(edited out the worst of the terrible English grammar)

It's funny how no one has bought up what actually constitutes cheating, as I know several people who have a wildly different point of view to mine.

Rachel, yes, I see that, if they can imagine that you are doing the same, perhaps they feel less guilty. Perhaps too it's because they know how they think (that it's ok to be unfaithful), and assume other people are the same.

Yossarian, agree, if they have done it once, they are likely to do it again.

There i suspect many reasons why people are unfaithful.

If it's not to excepted by the other, or known about it's wrong and just goes to show how doomed the relationship should be.

If it's known about and excepted, then i guess so long as they are being true about their feelings for the situation, then who can complain.

I know i've now got trust issues because of it, whether past partners are doing owt or not. People can be just plain stoopid and nasty without even realising it.

And it's right in what has been said. Some that have been cheated on then go on to do it themselves as some sort of weird revenge thing.

they accuse you becausee they dont trust you because they know what they are like.
Would ring alarm bells for me if someone accused me tbh.

Seems appropriate 😆

To me it doesn't matter which gender the third party is/was, or even the fact of the sex itself, it's the lies. When your partner is talking to you and you're thinking "I have no idea if you're lying to me or not", trust gone.

Funny, over the years it has always been the psycho jealous possessive ones who have been unfaithful. All the shouting and screaming that I was playing away from home (I was not) and there they were, at it themselves! You gotta laugh, eh?

I think you've hit it on the head there Karin. It is the lies that I couldn't deal with. Or the lying for that matter. The physical act, while it is usually repulsive to think about, can be gotten over, but the lying 😐

Strangely enough I've been in one of the aforementioned 'two lady' situation, a long, long time ago. I wouldn't reccomend it to anyone. And haven't ever as such.

On the other hand, I've been cheated on once, she phoned to tell me, and then did me the favour of discharging herself from our relationship saying she felt ashamed, I was a better person than her, and she didn't think she'd done me justice with her silly, albeit drunk actions.

That was during freshers week...in my first year of uni. Quite the favour she did me there 😉

So out of 71 posters no one has had a relationship work after the event. Hmm. The odds are not in her favour.

Cheating is cheating, Enday.

She'd be down the road and quick - smart.

a conclusive insight into the male psyche providing you are reasearching mountain bikers hiding behind a keyboard.

I can feel an affinity to the subject after buying a secound bike, i just cant spend the time i want with the first one any more.
I keep riding the second even though its unforgiving makes me a bit sore, but it is up for some muddy fun with its big clearances.

Having said that they do both spend the nights together, maybe i should split them up to reduce temptation.

What do you believe constitutes cheating then fourbanger?

I'm quite straight about thinking that if someone enters into a relationship be it emotional or sexual outside that of friendship then it is cheating and they are therefore not someone I want to be with. I have, nor would I ever cheat and expect the same in return. I know most of my friends share the same thinking

Honestly? No idea.

I'd like to say I'd forgive however I don't think I'd ever forget.

Emma82 nail on head.

All these blokes posting with lipstick lezbo fantasies are only proving thier sexual and emotional immaturity.

fundamentally people 'play' because they are bored deep down.

Bored?
A total lack of respect more like. The relationship was dead in the water before it got to the playing away from home stage.

But surely hora if you can't 'forget' then the relationship is doomed even if you think you have forgive. Every time she's 10 minutes late home, has an evening out without you and doesn't pick up the phone etc etc, it would always be at the back of your mind that she was with someone else, regardless of their being a man or woman??

There is also then the revenge thing someone else mentioned...someone very close to me is sleeping with someone they aren't really bothered about and is risking their relationship and why? Because his partner slept with someone else (ONS) so to fix it in his mind he's going one further and having a relationship with another woman. very odd and not at all healthy.

Agree that there are a million different reasons why people cheat but if you don't love someone enough to stay faithful then leave them to find someone who does.

I'm going to back off now, cheating makes me cross and this thread is upsetting me 🙂

I worked with a guy who went home from work early and found his wife under their Great Dane.......... he didn't forgive.