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I don't mind me suddenly dying, just as long as mrshora and hora junior live long lives, gain a good wedge of insurance money from it and don't grieve too long.
I am immortal....... at least so far.
[i]I don't mind me suddenly dying, just as long as mrshora and hora junior live long lives, gain a good wedge of insurance money from it and don't grieve too long. [/i]
Don't worry, she's already got plans 😉
Read everything you can on the afterlife - convince yourself of it - then you will have nothing to fear.
If it's a big flop then at least a) you will never know and b) you spent this bit reducing the fear of death.
The thoughts of one of them going first fills me with dread. Derek - seriously for **** sake. Youre fear, to a degree is bordering on selfishness. Snap out of it. Look at poor ****ing ton 🙁 He can't ride a bike at the moment.
Hora, anxiety makes us all behave a little oddly and have very different standards for or ways of judging ourselves than we might have for others, in all sorts of ways, both in what looks to others like 'selfish' and also 'self-defeating'.
I see quite a bit of this in my professional life.
[b]Q:[/b] Derek were you in the forces, and/or have you ever witnessed anyone die unexpectedly?
If yes, you should talk to your gp again specifically about this, and your fear of sudden death, and ask if there is anyone he can refer you to. (many practices have their own 'in house' mental health worker and what you describe is right up their street.)
If no, you could start with the bucketload of self help books and websites out there that will help you get used to working out the "likelihood vs what can you do about it vs impact it's having on your life". Without being so foolish as to go about diagnosing people on the internet, try a search using keywords 'overcoming anxiety', have a look at a couple of books or the MIND and Royal College of Psychiatry websites and see if that sounds like you at all. Eventually going through this and challenging yourself becomes easier, but be warned, it takes a looooooong time for some folk.
Also if GP prescribes you antidepressants then you should be seeing them for follow-up: no point in being on a sub-therapeutic dose or one that doesn't work for months on end. IME for anxiety (if this is what it is) antidepressants are only part of the answer.
ALl the best. 😀
Julian, I was in the Army
hora - Member
Julian, I was in the Army
😯
Intelligence? 😉
Salvation
Oh go on then I'll put me hands up. I've been through what Derek has, did it 20 odd years back on me own without the words to really explain what was happening. It was a bit hair raising but I can joke about it now. Problem with this type of illness most people really don't have a clue but seem to think they are experts. There's also a fear of how you'd be treated. Not every one can or will want to put their heads above a parapet on this one. It's taken me a very long time to do it. I dont need to for cathartic reasons, doesnt make me feel better and it will actually stress me a little bit more today. Sometimes you just have to show people their not alone.
Once you've had someone several levels up the food chain justify why something isnt and issue using you're mental health then there is very little else to fear. I do always think could it be me but there again I know my arse form my elbow which is why shit is no where near my mouth.
Hora, god love you but you really are a complete t*t.
Derek, you'd be mad not to ride but sometimes that happens. Just never let a reason become an excuse and keep on going.
Some helpful responses. Thank you for the time taken to contribute.
I was brought up in an very anxious household. As a kid I was exposed to my mum's panic disorder and OCD. She saw a psychiatrist for years and for a time was prescribed lithium which I believe is practically an H bomb for mental illness. My fave uncle died of a sub-arachnoid haemmorhage when I was about 15 and in 1993 a guy at work (aged 37) suffered the same fate. He was on a settee in the reception area screaming and howling in intractable pain. It was a very diturbing experience. He died on the way to hospital.Also, a friend of mine died at 26 from a cardiac event. He didn't feel well, took himself to the bathroom as you do and died at the sink. There are more.
I guess I have been exposed to more than most to sudden deaths. But there's no excuse for it effing my life up.
In fact - I'd rather be dead than be alive worrying about dying! The former being the more relaxing!
D-S
To be clear is it sudden death or death that you are afraid of? Or is it both?
Is this your real fear or is something else triggering thoughts of death - symptom or cause?
There is plenty of help whatever the answers and good luck whichever.
Yes.
I'm having a test for [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brugada_syndrome ]Brugada Syndrome[/url] this week or next. I'm frankly terrified.
if you're constantly worrying about sudden death, then it won't be your life that's ruined by your fear of sudden death, but your sudden death.
Well, it could happen suddenly at any time and you don't know what you migh
I fear a long slow death. Ill in 50's and living a poor quality of life (pain, multiple meds etc) until I'm in say my 60's before I die.
I had a similar fear throughout all of my thirties. I'm not sure what triggered it. Within a year my first child was born, my dad died and I had to go through tests for testicular cancer. Quite a lot to cope with.
Out of that I developed a real fear that I would die young which lasted for most of my thirties, ruining them if I'm honest. I did have an underlying physical illness which would not go away but suddenly resolved itself.
All I can say is that it does go away. Perhaps more "real" threats will manifest themselves to put your abstract fear into context.
DS, here's a couple of my experiences with death.
Having seen my mother waste away to a skinny wretch (anorexia) with morbid depression at the age of 7 (she experienced extensive abuse throughout childhood) and yet come out of it I have a lot of faith in the strength of prioritising.
She felt as if she had failed in a number of ways and her life as doomed to be a series of painful events (as it had been from the ages of 1.5-16) therefore just wanted to stop living. By connecting with others and seeing that she [i]could[/i] have control in her life she found a way to exist.
She's now a happily married, successful teacher and embraces everything she loves (people and experiences) without restraint. She is also far less tolerant of the things that are either: not good for her, not in her favour. Naturally this took it's toll on me, but I'm stronger and wiser for it. We also have a very close relationship.
My friend Stuart, an extensively intelligent man hung himself 2 Octobers ago. He could see no way out of his depression and made one for himself. He was on anti-depressants but had no follow up care after he was released from hospital. He succeeded the 2nd time (the first a cry for help) and was found by his wife whose life collapsed shortly after. She's now a lot better, has gone travelling and is enjoying the things in life she loves.
Another friend Karen OD'd after having been clean for almost a year. She had Hepatitis and it seems was trying to evade the decline it brought. Unfortunately she had a lot of * to deal with in her head and as these were issues weren't fully addressed they kept coming back.
The common link here is mental health. For my mum, for Stuart and for Karen. My Mum managed to slowly but surely find a way, Stuart and Karen still had a lot of potential to get through things but for one reason or another never had the chance.
1. Speak to someone (friends, counsellors, us) and keep connecting with people.
2. As I said before; eliminate the unnecessary s from your life and embrace what makes you more [i]you[/i].
3. Acknowledge the role of invasive thoughts. We all think things we really, really wish we hadn't but this doesn't mean we believe, agree or choose to. Being able to spot the difference between aan invasive thought and a genuine thought can really help.
4. Speak to people!
I suffered from an anxiety disorder for a few years, resulted in many trips to AE and to the docs. This is what I did to recover.
Fear and anxiety have to be fed to remain. It isn't what happens to you thats the problem, but your reaction to what happens.
Take away your reaction and over time the fear state, which keeps bringing up the questioning thoughts and possibly physical sensations will slowly dissipate and eventually go away.
What I did was go about my normal day as best as I could, accepting the strange thoughts and bodily symptoms. Don't seek reasurrances from doctors, hypnotherapists...., dont analyse your condition (dr google?), don't talk about it, use distraction to take your conscious mind off it. In other words do anything except anxiety.
Important to remember that while recovering you'll still get these thoughts/symptoms, thats normal, just do your best not to react. It is quite difficult to do to start with, but does get easier. Its like the saying what you resist persists.
It took me around 2 months to recover, but each week it got easier.
D-S has just returned the books that he borrowed.
I no longer give a ####.
Hora, god love you but you really are a complete t*t.
even god doesnt...
Death, pah, a lifelong ban from the STW forum, now that strikes fear into a man's heart - I mean what would you do with all that free time?
Harry_the_Spider - Member
D-S has just returned the books that he borrowed.I no longer give a ####.
Er - and a £5 note (for the water damaged Vulcan 607)
Yes everybody - HtS charges for damages 😐
No, not really. I've made arrangements for the dog to be looked after if I get squished by a bus on the way to/from work and that's that.
I am sorry to hear though, I have read your posts over the years on here so I feel I know you a tiny bit.
Here's a little exercise I did to deal with worry:
Pick something you are worried about (at the time I was worried my car's gearbox was going to fail while I was driving along).
Allocate a specific amount of time to worry about the problem. 10 minutes is fine. Sit and worry as hard as you possibly can, really really worry hard.
You will find when you go and inspect the problem (the gearbox) that worrying hasn't actually affected it at all. Not one bit. Except now you feel really crappy, tired, headache etc.
Conclusion? Worrying is a total waste of time and effort.
I hope you feel better soon.
x
There's fear and then there is FEAR. Small doses of little fear makes the big stuff easier to deal with. I've made friends with my fears, (except spiders). Bizarrely, whilst out solo night riding, the more I'm afraid the more I seem to enjoy it.
I used to constantly worry about the mortgage, the kids, the missus leaving, job, blah blah blah but I've changed my outlook. Seriously, what is the worst? You end up alone sleeping rough hooked on crack with HIV....ah well, at least you're not a young conservative.
water damaged Vulcan 607
If it was only water you wouldn't have offered me a fiver.
No - I'm going to die and I accept that. Eating my enemies brains does not allow me to consume their souls and neither does eating their hearts. So one day, I'll die and I hope it's quick and I hope it doesn't hurt. So sudden would be good.
water damaged Vulcan 607If it was only water you wouldn't have offered me a fiver.
Fair play - it was an exciting book. But not that exciting 😯
Did you watch the TV version with your very own Andrex "runway?"
Bombs Away!
I have experienced my own death in a shamanic initiation. I just wonder quite cautiously and hopefully non-judgtementally about people who say they are at one with death, as I was like that before I went through a way-off-the-scale-terror 🙂
I hope you find a way to be at peace with the cosmos and life itself in all its cycles and mysteries.
Simon: post of the week! 😀
psling - Member
Well, it could happen suddenly at any time and you don't know what you migh
Boom, and quite possibly, tish! 😆
The only fear I've ever had of sudden death was the final of the 2003 RWC. Thankfully Wilkos drop goal ended that fear
I almost died in a big crash in 97. I was lying there looking at the blood draining into a big sticky puddle thinking "arse, thats it then".
I was mildly scared, not particularly worried, but mostly regretful. It hurt a fair bit but as I was there a while and getting cold it wasn't too bad. I really didn't think about family / friends and if or how much they'd miss me / be glad to see the back of me.
I suppose on a biological level my brain knew I was dying and was preparing my body / mind for it, which was the worst part about it TBH - its an indescribable feeling and utterly alien, but some day at least I'll know what to expect. I vaguely remember 'letting go' (undignified, as I also sharted myself) then waking up in hospital. There weren't any pearly gates / tunnels of light / etc, but YMMV.
Am I scared? No, I've been there and it wasn't that bad really (but yes it was relatively quick). I've accepted to take each day as it comes, try not to worry so much about stuff, and to basically do good and be good. We're not here for long so make the most of it, so when / if I'm an old man at least I can say I tried my best and had fun.
That's not to say I await the end with open arms - I therefore kick Fate squarely in the plums and tell Death I'm not his ... yet 🙂
Well I don't know what effect this has had on the OP but all these stories of doom and gloom has made me thankful I've not had to deal with crap like some of you guys have.
Chapeau
I had a very simular experience when I was 19 schnor, although in my case it was an industrial accident and I was trapped, unable to breathe, under 3 tons. Like you I thought "oh well this is it - I've always wondered how it would end, now I know".
I really wasn't scared at all, in fact my preoccupation was that my mate (from early childhood) was there witnessing it all, and I was extremely concerned that it would have a lasting effect on him. At that stage I felt no pain, just a relaxed sleepy feeling.
Against all the odds I was eventually freed, and it was at that point that death no longer seemed certain. And ironically it was also at that point that I suddenly became scared. Because now it was open to question whether I would live or die from my injuries, and since I really didn't want to die, I became scared that I might. But when death seemed certain I was fine with it.
Like you it taught me a powerful lesson, ie, when that moment comes and it's certain, it won't be scarey. Knowing that is something I'm very grateful for. But as I say, you need to be certain the moment has arrived, otherwise the uncertainty, ime, is scarey. I've never had a simular experience since.
I'd say the main thing here is what's real and whats not. Bullheart, ernie, schnor etal have faced something down. A real event. Events tend to be triggers, how your brain processes this shapes what happens next.
It doesn't have to be actually facing your own mortality for your mind to go off on one taking the rest of you along for the ride. Like all rides it is possible to stop, get off or change direction mid journey for more fun.
Derek, I can thoroughly recommend The Power Of Your Sub-conscious Mind by Joesph Murphy.
Honestly was a revelation for me. Along with Dr Claire Weekes, these two authors took a huge element of fear away from my anxiety which was very similar to yours. My thoughts were different however my life was being ruined by repetitive irrational thoughts and fears from which I couldn't divert my attention.
I know the flippant answers here are perhaps trying to make you lighten up but if you haven't gone through a bad or severe anxiety disorder you can have no idea how unhelpful that sort of thing can be.
As for 'snap out of it' do you think the guy really wants to be asking for help like this on a cycling forum? Don't you think if he could snap out of it he would?
The ironic thing is derek you can 'snap out of it' - you just need to be shown the way how. Also, 'snap' as in a click of the fingers - well that ain't gonna happen, it will take some time but you will notice improvements over days and weeks and then all of a sudden you may find yourself thinking 'I haven't had one of those thoughts for a while' or 'I'm not actually constantly checking how I feel today'. That's when you know you are on the road to recovery.
One of the hardest things with anxiety is having faith that you will recover.
Derek, you can recover and believe you me, if I can do it from where I was then anyone can.
Never give up but accept there isn't a magic bullet either. I spent about a year scouring the internet looking for a miracle cure and tried all sorts.
My cure came from knowledge and understanding of what was happening to me. Until then, no GP or mental health professional had adequately explained that what was happening to me was simply anxiety and was not the sign of a deeper rooted mental illness or weakness in my character. It's not your thought of sudden death that is the problem, it is your body's reaction to it which is causing your trouble.
What you need to learn to do is to accept that for the time being you will continue to react in the same way to these thoughts as it has become your habit to do so. However, with practice and a new perspective which you can get with understanding of what is actually happening to your body - you can start to turn things around.
Anti-depressants also helped me and took away the worst of the symptoms but didn't do away with them completely. The real salvation for me was actually understanding what was wrong with me and realising that I had to work with what I had and that if I did, I would get better.
Honestly can't recommend those two authors enough. If i'd found them years ago i'm certain I could have saved years of fear and worry.
Good luck.
Vicc, I think Derek is ****ed up enough as it is without an imaginary friend to contend with.
Nope not at all. In a way death is a box that's ticked. I've done my bit, I've kept the human race going. Anything else is a bonus.
I do worry about getting paper cuts though.
Thankfully Im not into Auto Erotic Aspyhixation. Imagine it going wrong and being found afterwards. Whispers/s****s at the funeral..
That isn't the case. And there's [b]plenty of evidence[/b] that proves it.
Would you like to present some of it then please ?
Not seen any so far.
[i]Thankfully Im not into Auto Erotic Aspyhixation. Imagine it going wrong and being found afterwards. Whispers/s****s at the funeral.. [/i]
One of my old bosses used to be a photographer for the police. He would take pictures of crime scenes and the like. he also had to take pictures of dead people when they popped up.
Apparently dying with a lob on is really, really common and auto erotic asphyixation is a very common cause of accidental death although it's often labelled as 'misadventure'.
He also had some great stories about gangland Liverpool in the 60's. The guys fighting for power decided that they should mark their enimies in the most painful and dehabiliting way possible so they started stabbing each other up the arse. Not in the cheeks, up the arse. It takes a really long time to heal and due to the problems it causes, the guys are out of the game for a long time.
He was also in the merchant navy. Now those were some great stories too.
He was a good boss.
How this helps Derek I have no idea but I hope it gave him a laugh, and having a good time in between being born and dropping dead is what it's all about, no?
[i]Would you like to present some of it then please ?
Not seen any so far. [/i]
He wrote some words out of a story book for you. How much more evidence do you want?
Godbot?