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I am badly affected by this fear. I know I'm going to die but I think about it everyday. I'm already taking an anti depressant. Help!
No.
I see more people die than just about anyone on the forum, but I don't think like you do because I can rationalise my experience. I know it will happen someday, but I know it's unlikely to be soon.
Control the controlable, don't get stuck worrying about the things you can't control.
Unless you have a specific condition that makes it likely or you're taking inappropriate risks with your health, there's no point worrying about sudden death - if it happens, tough shit, but it's bloody unlikely
What sort of cause of death are you afraid of ?
Better than a long lingering one.
No, it's my hope. Having nearly managed it but come too I reckon a sudden end would be excellent, far better than dying "after a long illness" as they describe it in the obituaries.
If you're happy trying to use chemicals to alter your perception then why not try some psychoactive substances..?
Unless you are prepared to make fundamental lifestyle changes, I can't think of a more direct and effective way of opening your mind to new ways of thinking about the way that you experience life..
DS, no mate, just get out and live you life to the full
try everything you can, go everywhere you can, meet as many people as you can.
cos one day, you wont be able to.
Why are you a mountain biker if you have a fear of sudden death. I believe cyclists are well known for suddenly dying due to getting hit by cars, hitting trees and suffering fatal TBI's, getting seatposts lodged up their rectums causing massive internal bleeding, getting eaten by bears if in Canada, getting eaten by wild cats if in California. The list is endless. 😀
get yourself a girlfriend or a dog, something you can love and protect and stop thinking about yourself.
one day they may not be with you and you could be alive all on your own, then maybe blah blah edit.. live your life in full not in fear
More worried about a long slow one tbh
I gave up worrying about it after I was told I had 12 months to live, maximum.
In 2009.
Put the fear in a box, put the box under your bed, and get on with your life fella.
Had the same when my dad died, stuff like that brings it home i guess. You'll get past it though, most people do, go out and enjoy yourself its all you can do. 😉
Having had to watch my parents die fairly recently (mum 5 years ago, dad 4 months ago) I have some certainties:
- Live your live, really live it. Spend time with your loved ones and friends, ride bikes, get p*ssed. Don't sit around worrying.
- Hope you go suddenly and quickly, no lingering death in a hospice or hospital bed.
- Prepare your kids (if you have them) to be self-sufficient and not reliant on anyone.
That's it.
Some good advice here for everyone I think.
Like what Bullheart says. Take what you've got with both hands and live it. If you spend all of you time navel gazing about it, you may as-well be already gone.
Sounds like a see doctor and referral to pyscotherapist job, reads like yer might have broken yer head to me. You'll get through it.
Put the fear in a box, put the box under your bed,
You put a box of fear under Derek's bed? No wonder he's terrified.
Oi! You'd better not ####ing die before you return my books.
Pygmachophobia = fear of boxes
not sure what fear of boxes of fear would be though
Learn to accept your worrying as part of your own life-spark.
Try to see the anxiety as a positive affirmation that you are ALIVE.
Look forward, not over your shoulder.
not sure what fear of boxes of fear would be though
phobopygmachophobia
eeeh, what I'd have given for a classical education like that
Anyway, where's Derek gone?
He's not died suddenly has he?
I do try to GET ON. Hence mountain biking and being married and working and stuff. Just a malevolence sneaks in and makes me worry. I know I'm gonna cork it. And I'd rather be switched off by the biggest cardiac accident ever than by a "long illness bravely borne" story. I'll try harder to GET ON. Harry -your books are toast.
Cut the grass down at the cemetery last weekend and getting my breath back, I started looking at the ages on the gravestones. Could be I've only 9 or ten years left, barring incident, so the only way deal with this is to live for today and bloodywell enjoy yourself
Derek, you'll get through it. I'm not in a particularly sharing mood with the hive mind on this kind of stuff as have a lot going on but since you're adjitated.
People, just telling someone just get out and ride doesn't help. Even if just getting out and riding does help quite a lot. For people who have faced life threatening situations it can all seem a little weird that yer head just decides its not going to play ball. It happens, its not pleasant but its worth hanging on in there because you can get through it. Get help, you don't have to go through it alone. You wont be the only person on here going through stuff or have ever faced this. Hang in there.
Took me 2hrs faff to go for a 90min ride today. Am having a word with myself about it. Couple of days ago it was 45mins for a three hour ride. Worth it though because it turned into 3hrs of grin inducing god like riding.
Don't worry about it. If it does happen you will not know anything about it will you, so its irrational to worry about it in the first place
After my brother died suddenly last year I think about death most days. I have a high disregard for death now. Not that I have a deathwish, just that if it happens I'll likely have no influence on it happening. **** it. Live life.
Maybe the question here is not really about dying, but about
- what your belief in the after life is?
- what you think you will miss out on in this life if you die?
I dont know your answers, but it might help you to look at them. I can give you some of my own, my personl views on my death:
I am very fortunate in that I have no gods and no belief in an afterlife. I also enjoy sleeping. To me, being dead is something to look forward to in many ways, when my life is done. No one can hurt you again, there will be no pain or fear or hunger, loss or grief. To me that is a wonderful state and I find it very comforting when I have lost creatures and people I love - to know that they have gone somewhere utterly safe from harm of any sort.
What would I miss from this life? Well lots of things - but things I would escape from would potentially be pain, loss, a difficult old age, long term illness, right wing politics, wars, people and animals suffering and there being little I can do about it. There are plenty of things I would be more than glad to see the back of.
Fast deaths are also kinder to your loved ones - so think of dying suddenly as a gift to them as watching someone die slowly and not being able to help them is really really not fun.
Having seen a few people die very very slowly - one dehydrating and starving to death through illness - I can think of no end better than a sudden one. Our neighbour died suddenly walking along a lane chatting to my mum. The guy just collapsed and died in the road. He really liked my mum, liked the countryside, it was a nice day. He was fine 5 minutes before. Great way to go. No time to be afraid or to worry, just like turning off a light switch and heading into a lovely sleep. Could it get any better than that?
That oldaged fella has it right; your worry is a symptom, not a real thing. It's okay to worry about stuff, it's okay to feel fragile and lonely and generally scared. Coping with those feelings is what makes us what we are.
You might feel surrounded by people who seem to be managing, who seem to be cool with stuff, who seem to be doing just fine, but they are as scared and as frightened and as messed up as you, but they just hide it a bit better.
It's not easy, but that's what makes it worth it.
I'm quite a big fan of the unknown.. at worst death is going to be a big adventure or a well earned rest.. unless the bible is right.. 😯
You might feel surrounded by people who seem to be managing, who seem to be cool with stuff, who seem to be doing just fine, but they are as scared and as frightened and as messed up as you, but they just hide it a bit better.
Absolutely spot-on.
Its true, people fake all sorts of 'I'm OK'.
No as sudden death tends to be well sudden so your not going to know.
I do try to GET ON. Hence mountain biking and being married and working and stuff.
others - who seem to be cool with stuff, who seem to be doing just fine, but they are as scared and as frightened and as messed up as you, but they just hide it a bit better.
I think that this is what we all do - I have a small child and the idea of what may happen in 20 years time - specifically will my parenting skills cut it - is frightening because there are so many elements out of our control. So focusing on the now, the controllable, is what gets us through
I've met you briefly on a few occasions, I say you're a sound bloke 🙂
Of course you're going to die, it's the one absolute, incontrovertible fact that we can all be sure of. I'm 58, my dad died suddenly at age 42 when I was 13, my mum died two months ago yesterday age 85 from congenital heart disease and old age. Accept the inevitable, you [b]will[/b] die, sometime, get over it and get on loving your family and enjoying every day that comes to you. As a result of my mum dying I've got back in touch with a really special friend who I've known for over twenty years but not seen for eleven, and her friendship means everything to me, we've been able to help each other get over losses in both our lives, and as a result things are looking more positive than they have in a long time.
The future's in your family, look to them and love them, stop worrying about yourself.
The fact that everything is finite gives anything you find special some value. Everything in the unique experience of your life is only going to happen the once so get involved!
Your fear suggests you feel a low level of control in your life, you have far more of a hold over yourself than it may seem. You have the capacity to be incredible and your situation can improve. This won't magically disappear, but finding ways to be more optimistic and enjoy the things you fill your day with are steps to improving things. This also means trying to cut out the crap you don't need in your life.
Your medication may be making things worse, chat to [url= http://www.mind.org.uk/help ]these people[/url] and find out what others in your position have done to get out of it.
The OP needs to watch The Thin Red Line.
Brilliant film and it deals with this. It is strangely a very dark film, yet at the same time uplifting.
A quick excerpt from a nice review *spoiler alert*
"These metaphysical reflections on truth, mortality, and humanity, are, for Critchley, what makes Malick's film a philosophical work. The key to the film and to Malick's work generally, he suggests, is calm: the calm acceptance of death, of this-worldly mortality, a
calmness present not only as a narrative theme but as a cinematic aesthetic. Malick's male protagonists, as Critchley observes, 'seem to foresee their appointment with death and endeavour to make sure they arrive on time' (2005, 13). Witt is one such character,
recklessly putting himself in situations of extreme danger, fascinated by the intimacy of death, but with an anticipation of it that brings not fear but calm. Early in the film, Witt describes his initially fearful response to his mother's death asfollows: 'I was afraid to touch the death that I see in her. I couldn't find anything beautiful or uplifting about her going back to God. I heard people talk about immortality, but I ain't never seen it.' Witt then wonders how it will be when he dies, what it would be like 'to know that this breath now was the last one you was ever gonna draw'. And it is here that he finds his answer about the relation between immortality and mortality: 'I just hope I can meet it the same way she did, with the same ? calm. Because that's where it's hidden, the immortality that I hadn't seen.'"
Only each and every time I fly, which is about every 2 months.....
But then I discovered the business lounge upgrade with free bar and drink myself into oblivion before I board.
I don't know if it's a good idea to apply this to life in general though...
Life is on as you perceive it. I used to be worried about dying but never really dwelled on it as its guaranteed, as are taxes! Since an illness and reading stuff that bullheart's gone through I'm no longer scared of dying. I'm scared of being dead and missing my wife and daughters and all the stuff I havent done yet.
Like I say it's a perception and your point of view is what it is, I have no suggestion as to how you could change but I would suggest that you'd be pretty fed up if something were to happen and you hadn't taken life by the scruff of the neck and given it a good shake.
No fear, I did have to a slight extent.
My Dad died when he was 35 I was 15. Then one of my closest friends died at 20 (that was sudden death syndrome, went upstairs to the toilet and never came back)I was 20 at the time as well.
Getting past 35 was a relief.
Now at 52 I don't worry at all, and I think part of that is having plans for the next thirty years.
I'm fit for my age, have a full head of hair, all my teeth (that haven't been knocked out)have a wife, kids, grandchild on the way. If I go now that would be a bugger!
I don't have a fear of death as such, unless it's when I'm struggling with a highball bouldering problem or get it nearly wrong on a downhill section. Then I get that kind of fear that is almost a thrill, suppose it's the immediacy of it along with the release of adrenaline aand endorphins.
My father died when I was a toddler, I have in my earlier career in Nursing seen death close up but I see it as something that will happen eventually. I don't really think of it.
What scares me is that as I hit my mid 30s I seem to be much more injury prone; picking up neck/back injuries really easily that keep me off my bike/the rock for weeks at a time. I'm scared that I'm going to end up unable to continue with the hobbies I love, to the point that I'm completely changing bikes etc to try and protect myself.
I didn't have fear of sudden death, just a fear of death in general a while back. Maybe this time last year.
It just kept sneaking into my thoughts on a daily basis.
I think it was todo with some underlying anxieties that I had - in general I'm a fairly anxious person in some situations.
Anyway, it went away - basically I gave myself some goals, filled my life up with things todo, now it doesn't ever get into my mind.
I've just gone and brought a motorbike too, so maybe it was a mid-life crisis thing going on 😉
Buy a motorbike and commute on it, then at least there will be some sanity in your fear...