[Closed] A question for the ladies...

A question I have often asked myself. 😀
If they can tell, how can they tell?

Maybe mystic meg can tell.

Not sure, maybe we detect you aren't trying so hard. Perhaps the fact you are already with someone means you might be a catch and could make you more attractive than you are....

No, in fact the effect you are describing is the reverse. Once you aren't available to throw yourself at random women any more your super-ego compensates by fooling you into thinking all women are gagging for you.

Creepy.

Recent experience suggest differently hels, but... I do have a super-ego, so probably haven't got a clue.

creepy?

Yeah, creepy.

I've often suspected that wives have a nose for this sort of thing...

Hels +1 🙂

From the opposite perspective, how come so many 'attached' guys (married / long term partners etc) seem to think that as I'm single I'd of course want to go off with them for a quick and dirty couple of hours before they trot back to their OH's? erm, no thanks!

I believed there was some science behind this...

If a woman knows a guy is involved with someone then biology kicks in and she knows he must have something to offer. If a guy is single then he must not be worth mating with!

As for knowing a guy is with someone - I reckon a guy behaves differently around attractive females if he is single or involves. Also womens perfume etc probably linger the involved man and are probably detectable without the woman realising it.

There is a lot that goes on in the background that we don't realise.

This also explains why married men who try to act single fail so painfully obviously.

Sue_W +1 !!

Rachel

But what about when you tell them you have a girlfriend and they tell you to start 'living a little'?? How does that work then Rachel and Sue?

Anyway, TSY, can't you just ask Sammie?? 😉

Rachel

So what you are saying is you've found yourself a gf and now all of a sudden you are getting hit-on from elsewhere? Don't knock it - good for the ego...

Rachel

This quick and dirty couple of hours, tell me more.

It goes the other way too - men perceive involved women differently but mens instincts are probably more basic and centre around wanting to spread his seed!

Of course there are the other instincts as well which look out for a woman who would make a good mother or has a good likely hood to conceive. Eg a pregnant woman or woman with a young child is obviously "in her prime" and thus the depths of your brain thinks she would be a good choice.

Yes people can try and force a different approach or some indeed may have reasons for not going completely by these instincts but our underlying behaviour is basically the same as any animal.

all men are beasts.

horrible beasts with no morals.

especially you, you furry beast.

Maybe there's something in the fact that, if you see someone in a relationship, you can see that they are actually capable of it and you can see that they would be good to be with. You can imagine yourself in that relationship with that person.

If you see a person only in the single state, how do you know what they will be like?

Maybe we are attracted to the safe option?

Rachel

Leaving the cheesier comments aside (including my own, above), I have often wondered about this...

... not talking at all from a salacious point of view, just from a normal "flirting" type perspective. Is there an element of "safe to flirt with", or is there something more going on there *
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* and no, I'm prety sure it isn't just my ego talking - I'm not that sort of guy...

See what andyl is saying? It's beautiful in its ignorant simplicity isn't it. He's definitely nailed it. End of thread one wishes.

Don't knock it

I didn't... because I'm not a horrible beast.

Darcy... why do you want this thread to be over? 🙁

sorry, to call you a beast was insulting to REAL men like the beast, i think we must all remember who the baddy in that story was!

[img] [/img]

Phil - I sent you a msg on FB re: your question... they're slowly locking down my internet at work and I can't even get on to Hotmail now... what did you reckon?

ohh its a sexy looking bike but based in aberdeen... i think i'm gunna have to keep my search a bit more local, luckily i'm not in a rush 🙂

liking the 150mm up front (was hoping for 140 or longer)

I've noticed this too, I definitely seem more attractive to the opposite sex when in a relationship. When single it seems much harder work.

IME flirting is easy when you know your bluff isn't going to be called. If you have a Mrs I think you tend to just carry yourself with a bit more confidence.

Of course, if you're so inclined you can flirt away without fearing that you might be rejected. If you are rejected, well it doesn't matter does it. You can tell yourself you were only messing around anyway, bit of harmless fun, and you were always going home with your Mrs who you love very much and don't need anyone else, thank you very much.

If you're single you're flirting with a mission, and if you're rejected it matters because you go home alone. The stakes are high and the nerves kick in.

Plus as stated above, if you're in a relationship it sends a message that you might have something to offer. Bit like applying for a job whilst in a job, vs applying for a job whilst on the dole.

Yeah, since I've been married, it's like I'm a walking piece of Velcro. It's that simple really.

Was musing on others' willingness to flirt, rather than the other way round - if that makes sense?

I'll do a bit more searching then Phil.

I think you're talking some sense there JTD. I've also long felt that women (and men too) can sense the desperation in singletons... something which is not attractive.

Sorry Darcy... have I hit a nerve this morning?

I think there is also an element of 'safe' flirting... when you got married Darcy... did you have a stag do? Was it obvious you were the stag? Did you get more attention that night than you've ever had in your life?

Yeah, since I've been married, it's like I'm a walking piece of Velcro. It's that simple really.

Skinny Velcro jeans.

Over the last few years I have noticed that women seem much more inclided to flirt with me than when I was younger. Seems odd to me - I don't believe that I look a more hansome specimen than when I was in my twenties... 😳 Perhaps it's all in the mind 🙁

Kinda of links to a thread I started a while back...

[url= http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/what-tragedy-is-it ]middle aged men[/url]

Is it a very sad middle aged male delusion - ie that we become / think we become more attractive to the opposite sex as we get older...?

...is it real, but just related to the increased confidence and self-assuredness that comes with age?

... is it just increased (female) willingness to flirt, but only because we are "safe", and that they would be horrified if they thought we thought that they were flirting...?

... or are they just being polite and friendly?

... or is it in our addled middle-aged heads?

Genuine questions - I find this all quite puzzling

middle-aged man mindset if you ask me 😛

friends just turned 32, been single a while now and he has the fantastic ability to assume that any female that so much as cracks a smile in his general direction must want to climb on his penis.

being in a relationship shouldn't make you more comfortable with flirting... why would you be flirting if you're happy in your relationship? one of the answers to that question i hear a lot is "it makes you feel good, nobody gets hurt.. its nice to know you're still attractive" etc etc and so on.

nothing is harmless when somebody else's emotions and trust are invested in you in my mind. i know i'm being uptight and all relationships are different.. possibly 'cos i've been cheated on but never cheated on anyone myself.. sensitive philly somewhat!! some relationships thrive on the attention of others and the explosive 'you're the only one for me, even if i do tease and flirt with other men' factor. who am i to judge?

i've heard many women admit that a married/taken man is more attractive... there's the "i want what i cant have" factor and the "well he's taken so he must be alright in bed/in life" factor. evolution and biology will play a part too me thinks.

the middle aged mans ability to assume every female wants his penis always makes me chuckle... but its flipping frustrating when women go on about men as if every single male wants to cheat on their loving partner with them and are only after one thing.

32 middle aged??

No, I can't tell when a bloke has a girlfriend, other than by asking straight out.

If he has got a wife/girlfriend I'm outta there

Sue_W +100 !

middle-aged man mindset if you ask me

Hence the title of my previous thread... 😉

But just to qualify my comments, you are being far more base about this than I was implying...

Flirting comes by degrees, surely. Not just about cutting to the chase and trying to "get off" with someone. Is there not an element of flirting to many male / female situations?

I find that I often end up in bed with married women - thing is, you're a lot more confident with each other once you both find out that the other is "unavailable" - you feel that there is no pressure to "pull" or "impress". Half an hour later, you both find that it's progressed to a point where shagging one another's brains out is just the logical progression - it can be a bit awkward sometimes, as I found out in the garden centre at the weekend.

The other week, an extremely attractive woman smiled at me, came up and started chatting. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was holding my baby daughter at the time...

you are being far more base about this than I was implying...

... and then along comes dd 🙄

... and then along comes dd

You'd just better watch out if your missus is about - and it'll be very little to do with me 🙂

a little humility please dd.

EDIT: forgot to add 🙄 you dirty boy

I agree that people in a relationship find flirting easier, I know I do. It's safe, bit of harmless fun, boast to the ego. Can tell if people are in a relationship, they don't try as hard, like you said Yeti, singles have a whiff of desperation LOL.

Hmm. After reading through this thread, I am one year from being middle aged and whiff of desperation.

Bum.

haha old man jimmers, bumbling along with his zimmer frame. 😆

Despite tens of thousands of years of evolution, we're still applying caveman rules of engagement...so I'm applying caveman levels of humility. 🙂

I know and understand women.*

I reckon there's a combo of involved man** is seen as "capable of being in a relationship & not a sad internet loser spending all his time online", also safe to flirt with.

*I may also have issues with delusion.
**I think it works both ways.

I am one year from being middle aged and whiff of desperation.

Not sure that anyone put a number to that "middle aged" thing....

Pretty sure it's in the head - I've met some very middle aged 20somethings (male and female), and very youthful 50+'s...

Also, the consensus seems to be (well perhaps we've convinced ourselves 😆 ) that the "whiff of desperation" was more of a young / single trait, and something discarded with age and experience... 😉

we've convinced ourselves that the "whiff of desperation" was more of a young / single trait, and something discarded with age and experience.

maybe for men... but single women over the age of 28ish smell of body-clock 😈

I have read Sue_W's post and mulled it over:

"From the opposite perspective, how come so many 'attached' guys (married / long term partners etc) seem to think that as I'm single I'd of course want to go off with them for a quick and dirty couple of hours before they trot back to their OH's? erm, no thanks!"

The more I think about it it the more I believe philconsequence:

"...but its flipping frustrating when women go on about men as if every single male wants to cheat on their loving partner with them and are only after one thing."

There was a topic a while ago that linked to a Guardian article on male sexuality and the way it is often demonized - I think this + the over active imagination of women - dare I say it? - past their prime, makes them believe that every man who makes any sort of gesture of friendship is only after one thing.

Think about it ladies (if there are any middle aged ones on here, and what is middle aged? 40 to 50?) when you look back over the last three months and at all the men you have thought were trying to hit on you (seriously not just a friendly flirt) and then look in the mirror, can you honestly think it its true?

Maybe middle aged men are delusional but it does appear that they are certainly not any more delusional than middle aged women!

I used to work with a guy (Actuary student) who played the percentages. He would flirt with every single woman he ever met, on the grounds that if even 1% showed some interest it was worth it.

He was not an obvious babe-magnet (repeat, Actuary student) but always had a string of attractive girlfriends, and never really came across as sleezy or desparate.

Of course, he got a LOT of rejection but was never bothered.

So the message is boys and girls, er, practice makes perfect, thick skin is a good thing.

(and for the record, no I didn't)

careful now supertramp.... in one swoul foop i managed to call everyone over the age of 31 middle aged!

think that guardian article was one of my threads... i like discussing this kinda subject. say's a lot about how people see themselves when they discuss their perception of peoples motives towards them

I'm middle aged too then... love me 😆

It's easy to tell in the pub.

Men in happy relationships are relaxed - often their hair might be unkempt, they might be unshaven, slightly scruffy jeans and a t shirt and their shoes might be a bit battered. They are usually happy enjoying some banter with their mates and drinking a few beers.

The single men are usually more coiffured, they smell nice, their clothes are fresh and ironed, their shoes are immaculate. Also they tend to drink bottles of posh beer instead of pints of stout 🙂

Some of my women friends tell me that they are innately attracted to "dilfs" - especially if they are out and about on their own with their kids - something to do with preapproval (the dilfs are (probably) not gay, at least one person has already deemed them fit enough to have kids with them, and their bits work).

It's much easier being gay - a quick nod, bit of fun then off to enjoy a pint and talk about cars 🙂

A few basics ...

Right now, I'm happy being single, believe it or not, but it can be a positive choice! So no 'whiff of desperation' here 🙂

Propositions from attached men being appealing - nope. If I get together with someone then I need to like and respect them, and I have zero respect for anyone who lies to, or cheats on, their partner.

Misinterpreting expressions of friendless from married guys cos I'm a delusional woman who doesn't look in the mirror often enough - LOL 😆 Not really, they were quite blatent! And the answer was a clear and straightforward 'no'.

Sue_w - my reply was not intended as a challenge to your statement and I hope it hasn't offended! It was rather a general point for debate, and maybe clumsily worded - sorry!

But my point is this, are 'all' the men who appear to be making advances to 'all' the women who fall into this bracket even real or just symptoms of the satiation they (feel free to swap the gender roles in this statement) are in.

Thus creating a situation of more suspicion and mistrust leading to more disappointment and more desperation. Or even leading to a feeling of 'plenty more fish in the sea' when in fact the quota is almost up and again more disappointment.

So as I said not a dig, maybe just a wake up call for some of us!

There's a lot of difference between flirting and " d'you wanna shag" a lot of blokes don't seem to get that ime.

emsz - that is very true! But how many people have mistaken one for the other? I imagine there are quite a few 😉

emsz - d'ya wanna...

So, in conlusion, everything is in all of our minds? None of it actually happens, we're just a bunch of delusional fantasists.

I'm happy being single, believe it or not, but it can be a positive choice! So no 'whiff of desperation' here

That can certainly be true, and there can often be far more than a mere whiff of desperation coming off many couples!

I'm happy being single

This is probably more to the point as to why you're approached. You give off a "whif" of happiness that is attractive to others?

TSY - have just remembered who you remind me of - it's that one in The Inbetweeners who keeps talking about being "knee deep in clunge".

That had been bothering me !

There's a lot of difference between flirting and " d'you wanna shag" a lot of blokes don't seem to get that ime.

Yes. We are all beasts....

Supertramp - no offence taken 🙂

TSY - hope I don't give off any 'whiffs'! But I like people, enjoying chatting to people, and would rather be smiling and enjoying life than being sad or cross - maybe we're just not that used to people being cheerful!

lol at hels... so far from it it's untrue!

Sue I mean that if you appear content and happy in yourself and your situtation... this is, most likely, obvious to someone who is searching for the same happiness. blah blah blah.

sexy beasts 😈

Really enjoying this thread but I can't work out if TSY is female or male.

but I can't work out if TSY is female or male

Sammie-Louise x

mintyjim - does i matter? were you thinking of using your charms?

happy smiley confident people are attractive people... well to me anyway.

i'd much rather be with a 'deemed deeply physically unattractive by current social norms' person who's happy than a miserable supermodel that's for sure!!

luckily mrsconsequence is the best of both worlds in my eyes (happy and attractive.. not miserable and ugly haha) 🙂

Minty, if you comb all the hair out of the way I think you'll find TSY is a boy yeti LOL

[i]luckily mrsconsequence is the best of both worlds in my eyes (happy and attractive.. not miserable and ugly haha)[/i]

Phil. I've seen a few posts from you one these types of subjects and its not difficult to see you have found love.
I'm not an envious man, but if I were, I think I'd evny you for being in the relationship you are so obviously very happy with.
🙂

TSY is...errr, Male. I'm not sure why he seeks to muddy the waters on that one. I have always found that puzzling.
Its never crossed my tiny mind to have people think I might be a woman.
😉

As to how attracted a woman may be to a bloke. Doesn't that also depend on her own situation ?.

Oh, and while I'm here.
Why is it that single woman seem to think that [b]all single men[/b] are mad, bad and dangerous to know ?.
Its like some sort of default setting from the factory.
😉

Oh, and while I'm here.
Why is it that single woman seem to think that all single men are mad, bad and dangerous to know ?.
Its like some sort of default setting from the factory.

You may want to remove the multiple use of the word 'single' from that sentence - it just doesn't scan 😉

Sorry ST. My English is rather poor.

You see, I only have two languages.

English and bad English. Mostly the later.
😉

Thanks for the clarification TSY, I hope I didn't offend by asking it. Although it appears some are stating otherwise!

Supertramp - I can't imagine the vilification I'd be on the receiving end of if I tried to charm on this site, no matter how smooth I am!

any female that so much as cracks a smile in his general direction must want to climb on his penis.

Men in happy relationships are relaxed - often their hair might be unkempt, they might be unshaven, slightly scruffy jeans and a t shirt and their shoes might be a bit battered

The above is pretty much what I think a lot of it is. It's a changed/more relaxed/less desperate attitude which people pick up on.

That said, I think this thread is a massive fail and was purely started so that Yeti could show off about the fact that he's kidnapped a woman who hasn't yet escaped and he's then had a smile from a check out girl in asda and assumed that she's wanted to 'climb on his penis'. Bless 😀

cheers solo! she's a rare a beautiful creature... never fails to amuse, entertain and challenge me. I'm a lucky guy and I'd move the world for her if she needed me to; the fact she points out impressive boobs that we should be noticing, is better at riding her bike than me and loves me for the idiot i am... well it's all kinda awesome to the power of surfmatt.

she's off to italy with her girlyfriends on friday to stay with some hunky italian men, i will of course tattoo 'property of phil' on her forehead before she leaves.

EDIT - emma has it in one... yeti is in a relationship with a younger model and being a true gentleman he is proud of this/her, it would be inappropriate to start a thread saying 'i'm no longer single you fat IT nerds!! haha bow down to ME!!!!" so me thinks this was a good way of making the same point 😉

DOUBLE EDIT - he wouldnt be seen dead in Asda.

Might have known that all the women who would end up contributing to this thread would be bloody feminists............
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(FFS, I'm joking) 😉

I do find all this stuff fascinating - in general, and from a personal perspective. From a social, but more particularly from a work / business interactions perspective. How people interact can be very subtle, difficult to read and understand, easy to upset if you get it wrong.

As a teenager and into my early 20s I fear that I projected a fairly hard exterior to cover a shy and confidence lacking interior... I'm 6'3", 220lbs and don't mess with me type nonsense.

To my shame, I really didn't try very hard to make people feel comfortable around me! Fairly normal young male attributes I would guess, more to do with adolescence machismo than confident manhood - and something I'm trying to get my son to understand from a much younger age!

As I got older and more mature I realised that size and posture can be intimidating. I work hard in social and business settings to make others feel comfortable and at ease in my presence, and in general of course, others reciprocate in kind.

And no, I'm not in the business of propositioning available / unavailable females to replace or supplement the current mrs rkk01.

As stated above, I'm using a more subtle definition of flirting than has been described by some!!!

I can categorically promise you I am not a feminist Sammie. I would quite happily be a kept woman, can't use a lawnmower to save my life and have no interest in 'man' sports like football etc although I do like rugby but mainly because the players have such big legs and also darts.... I quite like hairy men with big bellies which is where the pull to darts comes from I think..... 😳