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anyone else feel guilty when you have a day off from doing stuff ?
me and the wife were just sat watching rugby, and both said we feel guilty for doing nothing today.
we are generally pretty buy people.
monday, tuesday we have 2 grandkids all day, 7am while 6pm. i then ride for a hour both days before evening meal.
wednesday, we go out for a good ride together on the bikes in the morning, and do some batch cooking in the afternoon.
thursday we take grandkids to day nursery before going for a ride over to visit my mother in wakefield. we thencollect grandkids again after nursery.
friday we again drop kids off at 9am before going for a ride and maybe lunch or a beer whilst out.
saturday morning is shopping and cleaning followed by a ride.
sunday is a ride in the morning and visiting wifes parent in the afternoon.
most weeks i ride 100 miles or just over and the wife rides about 60. and she also walks acouple of times a week.
so what gives.why the guilty feeling on days off?
anyone else feel guilty when you have a day off from doing stuff ?
What are you feeling guilty about? Who is the victim in this crime?
Because there is always other stuff that could be done instead of sitting back.
I get this _all_ the time, probably more so when I do stuff that benefits "me" rather than "me and my girlfriend" or "the house". I see sitting down and reading as benefiting "me", training too and feel very guilty if she is in the garden and I am not helping.
Nope not anymore!! Used to feel I was wasting my time off if I wasn’t rushed around from dawn till dusk being productive. Now I’ll do few odds and ends(bike ride/shopping/ feet up rest of day chilling 😎
You deserve a day off after all that.
The only time I ever had a complete day off as an adult (that wasn't from illness), was that really stupidly hot day last summer. Hubby and I sat outside in the shade, he had a book, I had a jigsaw. Apart from the sweltering heat, it was such an enjoyable experience.
In answer to the question, yes.
What’s a day off? If I had one I’d enjoy it.
I only feel a bit guilty when it’s sunny out and I’m stuck indoors. But everyone should be allowed to do naff all now and again
I don’t feel guilty at all, I can’t work all the time, nobody can.
Rest is just as important as work.
Used to often feel guilty for having a "lazy day," less so as I've got older and since having long covid for the past six months, some days I have to accept that only absolute essentials get done/attempted.
onewheelgood
Same position as you the only difference I also feel guilty doing nothing, I can't convince myself I'm allowed to do nothing.
I feel like doing "stuff" (DIY and the like) is often a waste of a day off work, never feel guilty for doing what you want to do (unless it's a crime obvs.)
The odd day, no but I'd start to feel antsy if a couple of days go by and I haven't done any form of exercise.
Jobs,chores,DIY etc - nah, don't feel the slightest bit guilty of putting off those type of activities...
No such thing as doing nothing - thinking, planning, observing, listening, learning can all be done whilst outwardly appearing inactive.
Just as you can be rushing around like an idiot and achieve nothing.
Even when you're asleep, you're recharging, preparing for the next load of stuff that faces you.
As long as you aren't harming or neglecting anybody, just carry on being Ton
Yes, every time
Nope, I very rarely feel guilty. Sometimes I like to do nothing & sometimes I like to do anything other than what I’m “supposed” to be doing (which is probably why my garden is a mess and the door we had fitted 3 years ago still needs painting).
Nothing bad happens if you sit about for a while.
https://twitter.com/richardosman/status/1639635959347068930?s=46&t=WUXHZ9ui48u357n44pxmqg
Edit - weird double post
Not ever. Can’t beat a day of doing nothing just lounging around and not even having a shower. Good times
I’m impressed by your energy levels. I often stop for a breather and I still have a job….
having a day off and feeling guilty ?
Is a massive flag for me that I'm slipping back into anxiety/depression mode. Purely from my own experience, but the whole feeling/world that is encapsulated in that expression really sets me on edge. I'm probably being dramatic.
Depends of which game of rugby you were watching and which team you were supporting.
If it was supporting Saffercens then you should hang your head in shame. Every. Single. Day.
Are you retired @ton, that sounds mad busy for being at the age of 'chilling'. Grandkids and 'elderly' parents are an issue
@moimoifan I recognise that too. I have to watch that I’m not trying to be as efficient as possible in doing several tasks in the optimum time. My anxiety pushes and pushes that and it’s not necessary if I sit back and take a moment. Often I will say to myself out loud; do one thing well, and then focus on that. So @ton there isn’t a reason to feel guilty bar the guilt we place upon ourselves.
My mate nailed it with this quote. " There's nothing more troubling in this world than your own thoughts" For me lately that is so true! 😔😔😔
fossy
Full Member
Are you retired @ton, that sounds mad busy for being at the age of ‘chilling’. Grandkids and ‘elderly’ parents are an issue
we are retired mate....... but chose to do so to look after grandkids,
we need to learn to chill and relax when we do choose to do nothing.
Surely watching the rugby is only a half measures nothing day at a couple of hours for a game (including half time and the blither before and after).
Need to go for a full day of the tour or Paris Roubaix for at least four hours of action.
No need to feel guilty. Sounds like you pay your dues plus a load.
Hope you enjoyed the match.
Saying you feel guilty for doing nothing then listing a massively productive week just feels like a huge humble-brag 😉 😀
Yes, I feel guilty about doing nothing. I sometimes hear about people putting a hammock in the garden. Why? I'd never sit down in the garden before 7pm unless it's with a post-ride iced coffee.
Age 69, loads of jobs lined up, never have time to do things like guitar pratctice, TV never goes on until 7:15 (post Archers). Just waved off 2 grandkids aged 2 and 4 that we've had for the weekend.
When I wake up thinking I've got too many things I ought to be doing, I remind myself how terrible I would feel if there wasn't anything that needed doing.
Yes I go slightly mad, cannot relax unless I've "done" something. When I'm firing on all cylinders I've usually done more by 7am than most folk do in a day. Flip side is I can get into a doom spiral if I haven't done "enough". Blessing and a curse.
wow Ton, sounds like you have a fulfilling and busy/stressful retirement.
You probably do more than 99% of people in your situation and should consider a rest day as essential recovery for both your body and mind.
Because there is always other stuff that could be done instead of sitting back.
This. I don't even have kids or elderly parents. Just feel I need to be finished with things before doing things I want to do.
Things on my to do list or on my mind that I should be doing. Something for the house, helping family do this that or the other, going to see people, learning some new certification for work.
I know some people are the complete opposite. Bathroom half tiled for over a year, flatpack furniture the wife bought months ago still not assembled, etc.
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crosshair
Free Member
Saying you feel guilty for doing nothing then listing a massively productive week just feels like a huge humble-brag 😉 😀
mate, i can assure you, this is no kind of brag.
if you met me, rode with me, you would realise this.
a fat, grey grandad who rides everywhere at 10mph has not got much to brag about.
i was simply asking why i feel guilty when resting, as i find it a bit of a problem.
Rest is essential Ton.
Think of it as working towards having the energy to do the next thing. 🙂
It was a jokey way of saying don’t feel guilty 😀
It’s like doing intervals or sessioning a trail isn’t it. The harder you rest between efforts, the harder you can go on the next rep 💪🏻
In nature it’s the prey animals that spend their life in a constant semi-fatigued state of anxious over-work.
Predators hunt, eat, then sleep… for hours 😎
Be more Lion, less sheep 🤣
Absolutely love a day doing bugger all. 2 on the trot though.....
saturday morning is shopping and cleaning followed by a ride.
More retired folk shopping on a weekend FFS!
A few weeks ago I was in the queue for the checkout at Aldi an a Saturday morning and an old (proper old) couple behind me were complaining it was busy.
They'll keep quiet next time 🙂
Protestant work ethic
I get it sometimes
As a catholic this is something I'm not burdened with, though instead we get to feel constantly racked with guilt about something or other, though we're not sure what. So it could well be about doing nothing all day. Damn it!
More retired folk shopping on a weekend FFS!
What the hell is this all about? They've got all week! Glad its not just here. Morrisons car park here is like Mariokart on a Saturday morning with Mavis, nose pressed against the windscreen, driving her Honda Jazz as erratically as a dodgem car with Reg sat next to her asking if they remembered to get the Werthers Originals.
What the hell is this all about?
They do it on purpose, just to annoy us
In reality, old folk get stuck in routines - has to be fish for tea on a Friday etc etc
Protestant work ethic
I get it sometimes
Maybe for you.
For me it's because life is finite, we are constantly dieing and don't know how far through the process we are. I don't like wasting time. I never look back and think I wish I had spent more time watching TV / sitting doing nothing/ "chilling". I regret not putting the effort in to get going. Not trying.
Protestant work ethic
Or Catholic guilt! ;0)
Interesting post this as it is something I have been reflecting on a lot recently. I have a problem with 'having a day off' or doing nothing, and I realise now that it is causing conflict at home.
I sometimes long for foul weather, as it is the only time I feel I can sit around at home. Failing that, I need to be doing things, preferably outdoors, or I get really, really grumpy. I work, I volunteer, I am on a couple of Boards, I don't relax easily. It makes me pretty insufferable as I don't really understand lying around, watching TV during the day, doing 'nothing.' It is a me problem though and I cause arguments by not understanding why my family don't always want to come out and walk the dog / ride bikes, go canoeing blah blah blah. There have been arguments...
The very first covid lockdown was almost a relief as it gave me a mandate to be fine about sitting around in the garden on a sunny day.
On reflection I seem to be developing a bit of a fear about wasting days and I need to find the right balance before it becomes a bigger issue.
I sometimes hear about people putting a hammock in the garden. Why?
I have hammocks in the garden, I’d probably have had a little lie down in it now with my coffee if I wasn’t expecting a courier to collect a parcel.
I’ve just been out for a walk with the dog and having a little break before I clean my bike.
More retired folk shopping on a weekend FFS!
Post office at lunch time. When I worked Mon-Fri I’d go out to drop a parcel off at the PO in my lunch hour, the number of retired folks in the queue ahead of me 🙄
Not an issue anymore now I do shifts and rarely know what day it is
I hate the prejudice around what is or isn’t a waste of time.
For someone forced to work a shitty manual job on 12 hour shifts- a sofa and a TV for a few hours could be their idea of heaven.
And why shouldn’t it be??
Likewise social media. I’ve actually come off of everything except two forums and Strava.
Insta, FB, Twitter- I deleted the lot.
I then started to find myself resenting the time the wife spends scrolling (which is tiny v some folk) but realised I was being like a sanctimonious ex-smoker and in fact she enjoys it so why should I care.
I have an (almost certainly literally) OCD, hyperactive mate who does the same job as me and I used to really be impressed and inspired by his organisation, his drive, his constant projects, how neat and tidy he kept everything and how many hours he worked.
Now, he’s in a position with his staff to ease off: but is more manic than ever and I realise he’s just ill!
We’re all wired up differently. I have to create time pressure to start a task. I plan early but once I see the path to completion, I cannot make myself do things that don’t need doing until they absolutely need to be done. The older I get and the more problems I overcome, the more time pressure I’m willing to risk too.
I have very little to do between now and 7pm at work. There’s tons I *could* do but I know what I need to achieve this week and have made a good start this morning. So stuff it!
The wife is back from her part time job so we’ll stick the dogs out in the garden and watch a bit of Netflix (no chill 😞🤣) until school pick up time.
(And it’s a recovery day on the cycling training plan too- so extra reason not to strain myself 🤣)