Well after reading the ‘falling in love’ thread, it reminded me that I’ve never been in that situation. Close, praps, but my own selfishness and self-centeredness has maybe prevented me from ever allowing myself to be that close to someone. I mean, I love loads of people, but to be ‘in love’?

Even with the women I’ve bin closest to, in a ‘relationship’, I’ve always felt ‘trapped’, and found my thoughts and desires wandering towards others.

Is it just a matter of meeting the ‘right one’, or is it about compromise (something I’ve not been able to do)?

In lust, yes. Many times. Often with the ‘wrong’ women. In ‘love’? Nope.

Don’t feel I’ve missed out really; I like my ‘freedom’. Dunno; the idea of sharing my whole life with someone else disturbs me somewhat. Don’t really feel all that lonely though truth be told.

I can’t be the only one out there. Must be plenty others. Any thoughts?

Maybe I just have no heart or soul….

(As I type this, bizarrely, an Adolf Hitler speech comes on my iTunes…)

Elfin… stick with my thread we’ll learn together!

I’ll share a bit more in the name of love and all that…

Been labelled selfish and unwilling to compromise more often than I care to remember.
Had concluded that I was incapable of love. That possibly it didn’t even really exist as a concept or emotion or whatever.
Have come to accept that I’m wrong, that love can be real, that I’ve just not met ‘the one’ yet. Although I’m now concerned that with how easy it can be to meet women I’m becoming overly selective… that I’m looking for a perfect ‘one’ that’ll just never exist.

She doesn’t like biking enough/is too tall/likes Take That too much/is to attentive/needy/independant/has blue eyes/is a bit tory/too clean/too nice/goes out too much/stays in too much/etc… etc

Oh that’s so beautiful, brakes. 😥

She doesn’t like biking enough/is too tall/likes Take That too much/is to attentive/needy/independant/has blue eyes/is a bit tory/too clean/too nice/goes out too much/stays in too much/etc… etc

See, I always get on that one. Finding faults. Being critical over the tiniest thing. Unfairly, really, I spose.

I have sussed more recently that I’m a selfish self-centered CENSORED, but never felt such an attachment with someone I can’t let go. I mean, there’s women I’ve really loved, but aren’t the ones I want to ‘settle down’ with.

And what comes on iTunes now?

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYEC4TZsy-Y[/video]

Typical… 😆

likes Take That too much

Fixed it!

Well, I believe that, for some people, relationships work, and sometimes at different stages in their life. But we are continually evolving as people and sometimes couples do not evolve together, perhaps because they are heading in different directions.

Not everyone is suited to relationships. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

You need to feel happy and comfortable with yourself but so many folk don’t. We all have issues we are facing, or not facing up to as the case may be.

I’m not entirely convinced that men and women are supposed to live together. I would never live with anyone again, just not right for me.

Elf – you do have a heart and soul and that was a huge hug you gave me on Sunday. 😉

LOL at brakes!! Elf – bit of both I reckon. Quite right to sow the old oats but I always said I’d marry someone level, sensible, grounded, hot and rich.

Four out of five ain’t bad (she works for the NHS).

The thing is Elfin, I think I love you. Out of all the sad excuses for people on this forum, I like you the most. Maybe it was our first confrontation over nuclear fallout victims, or the simple fact that you are from Londinium.

Seriously mate, you can find love and it’s great when you do. I’ll send you my number in a private message.

P.s. You are the best poster on this forum. Make of that what you will.

😳

Although I’m now concerned that with how easy it can be to meet women I’m becoming overly selective… that I’m looking for a perfect ‘one’ that’ll just never exist.

As someone just re-entering the whole dating game, its a bit scary how common that is. The number of profiles that are after a romantic, stand up comic that looks like Brad Pitt…. etc etc
I think thats the biggest problem with internet dating, its quite easy to get very selective and dismiss anyone who doesn’t completely fulfill the description. Could be looking for a while….

Ive never been in proper love. There has been a few girls Ive been very fond of, but ultimately we split up and after a few days feeling slightly miserable I was over it.

I think its a bit like Hypnosis, you have to want it to happen. Deep down I guess I don’t.

You are the best poster on this forum

*Takes GG off of the Xmas card list*

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g[/video]

Blimey, for a minute I thought I’d been removed. 😯

This is my favourite ‘description’ of what love should be…
“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”
Just have to wait and see if its true I guess!

HAHA, no chance C_G I’m going to make you celebrate Xmas! I’m even thinking of decorating the house tomorrow.

I think thats the biggest problem with internet dating, its quite easy to get very selective and dismiss anyone who doesn’t completely fulfill the description

See my problem is that I’m always thinking what about that girl, what about her… she looks nice etc etc.

Why does that Carly Simon song make me happy?

Is it just a matter of meeting the ‘right one’, or is it about compromise (something I’ve not been able to do)?

It’s a bit like religion – choose, believe, have faith, deffo some compromise.

No, I’m not a church goer

I think its a bit like Hypnosis, you have to want it to happen. Deep down I guess I don’t.

That’s a very, very interesting take on things. Makes a lot of sense to me.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not being all depressive tonight, just reflective. I’ve had a ‘good’ week.

Just interested in other people’s thoughts. It’s good to share sometimes I think. Very helpful.

P.s. You are the best poster on this forum. Make of that what you will.

😯

I think there are some who may disagree. Me, I like a good philosophical discussion. This is a fascinating subject, this ‘love’ thing.

My dad’s from a background where arranged marriages are the norm. I always find it difficult to understand such a concept, considering I was raised in Western society. It’s quite alien to ‘our’ way of life, where the idea of ‘love’ prevails in relation to erm, relationships.

He din’t follow the path his culture suggested. I don’t believe in following any path other than your own. It’s really lovely to read of others’ accounts of falling in love, but somehow I don’t feel envious. That situation has never happened with me. Wether it will or not, I have no idea. But the whole concept of Love is fascinating, and multi-faceted, as are cultures, religions, etc.

‘Neptune the Mystic’ from Gustav Holst; ‘The Planets Suite’ comes on. Is iTunes sentient? 😯

As someone just re-entering the whole dating game, its a bit scary how common that is. The number of profiles that are after a romantic, stand up comic that looks like Brad Pitt…. etc etc
I think thats the biggest problem with internet dating, its quite easy to get very selective and dismiss anyone who doesn’t completely fulfill the description. Could be looking for a while….

I became very cynical re internet dating. The number of men my age who were looking for a considerably younger model was just laughable. Of course a middle-aged woman who rides bikes doesn’t bode well …

This has now come on me iTunes:

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsXJcIODLtQ[/video]

😯

It’s all just a bit surreal now.

Have any of you lot bunged something in me beer? I bet it was that Yeti….

Flippertygibbit me! Elfin what on earth do you have on your iPod?!

It’s just some wierd sh….stuff fred.
I think you’ll only really love properly once and when that dies the rest is making do.
It is nice when it happens though, utterly enthralling and consuming but ultimatly fleeting. The trick must be to only fall in love with someone you actually like.

Don’t mate, don’t. There’s stuff on there, I have no idea how or why it’s there at all. Probbly downloaded in a drunken state some years ago.

I think CG has a point about people continually ‘evolving’. I think this is true. Constant state of flux, ever changing, ever shifting. The ‘rules’ changing constantly.

But thing is, I don’t think I really want stability and things to be constant.

Eh, it’s easy to mistake all sort of emotions for love.

The second time I was living in that there London, I was having a really great time. I then met a girl and all but moved in with her. When I came back home, we kept the relationship going. As far as I was concerned, I was “in love” with her. She lost her job and we decided we’d marry and she’d move to Edinburgh. After a couple of years, I realised it wasn’t her that I was in love with at all – it was the life I’d had in London. She was just a physical representation of it. Eventually, I plucked up the courage to split with her – but I still feel guilty about it.

I think you’ll only really love properly once and when that dies the rest is making do.

Really? Just once? Really? Is that all we should expect? Is that all we’re destined to have? One fleeting chance at Love? Surely not?

What about people who lose their partners? What if they fall in love with another, afterwards? Does that mean the first partnership was wrong?

backhander – Member

I think you’ll only really love properly once and when that dies the rest is making do.

Nah – I don’t believe that.

Elfin we should’ve loaded our camelbaks with red wine and discussed ‘love’ at Swinley last weekend. As it seems we come to the same conclusions from opposite perspecitves. I like stability and constant when I’m single… but can’t stand it in a relationship.

I’m going to book myself into an e-mail clinic with C_G to see if she can sort out my issues! 😆

After a couple of years, I realised it wasn’t her that I was in love with at all – it was the life I’d had in London. She was just a physical representation of it.

That’s a really good explanation of the situation, Onion. I totally understand that.

But with each person comes the ‘myth’. S’why I try to look for women without pretension. But then, what myths do I promote about myself? Is it better to be truthful, bare one’s soul, or always ‘play the game’?

(Janet Kaye: ‘Silly Games’)

I’ve never been in love. Managed to fool a few in to thinking I have been though. 😐

Maybe I’ve just had a sh…rubbish lob then.
Thanks STW for making me realise this, much appreciated. Tw…..

I think love comes from within. If you are lucky, you will meet someone who inspires you, making it easy to love them. There is no game to play, you have to be yourself as that’s when you are at your happiest and most relaxed.

Rich, you got good karma for giving a bike away. 🙂

I’ve loved. But never been in love. subtle but significant difference. But my philosophy is to do what makes one happy. everybody is different, and shouldn’t have to conform to society’s expectations.

Just the once, but it was my first serious relationship (5 years) so I have no frame of reference.

I thought I was in love again last year, but she was far too secretive and unpredictable. I could never trust her enough to make that sort of declaration.

Several obsessions…

Are you lonely “Fred”? Do you want to meet for a “pint”?

she was far too secretive and unpredictable

A woman was she? Yeah, I find they’re a bit that way too.

I would assume that people who find it impossible to fall in love just haven’t met that right match, keep looking.

That or they were mollycoddled by their mums and no woman is good enough.

Or abused.

greatest piece of advice my wife and I were given before getting married was ‘love is decision and a verb. the decision to love someone and to act on that is often based on a feeling but it isn’t the feeling itself. There will be days when you don’t like each other and if you’re love for each other is based on that feeling, you will stop loving each other’.

Its served us well for almost 7 years now. there have been periods of time when I most certainly didn’t have the feeling but my decision to act in a way that shows love to her has so far brought us through to a place where the feeling comes back.

just my $0.02

I would assume that people who find it impossible to fall in love just haven’t met that right match, keep looking.

I’ve felt that in order to remain in relationships, I would have to have compromised beyond a level I was comfortable with, or prepared to accept. Selfish? Probbly.

Still don’t think that I should compromise beyond that point though; relationships can only work if people are comfortable within them. I do see quite a few where people make a real effort to stay together (speshly when kids are involved), and are missing out on happiness. Glad I’m not in that situation.

Are you lonely “Fred”?

Interesting question. At times, I do feel lonely, yes. But at other times, I am happy that I can just do my own thing without worrying about the effects on others. Certainly, the idea of giving up ‘freedom’ scares me somewhat!

The concept of monogamy poses other questions; are we really meant to have just one partner? Not just throughout our lives, but at any particular time?

I believe in love.
I liked her, I fancied her she was my friend.
Then I realised that she loved me, not some caricature of me, but loved me for who I really am.
In that moment the penny finally dropped, and I loved her too. That love has not burned away, it still grows.
To be truly loved for who you are is not a trap, it is a liberation, and has helped me to be much more relaxed about me.

niallmb +1
you won’t love them all the time, but you should concentrate on why you do, when you do
it’s easier not to love someone, but what’s the point of an easy life?

forgive me, I’m new to this site and not sure if butting in on others’ thread is bad etiquette – but anyway…

I’ve been in a situation once where I so badly wanted it to be love, because it fitted with the time of life I was at – all up for the whole getting settled” thing, house, marriage, kids etc – but it took my BF at the time to point out to me that he felt we were headed in different directions before I could accept that it wasn’t love that I was in – more the idea of being in love and all it represents. Surely its far worse to try and force love than to not love at all – at least you’re being honest with yourself. Its often difficult in society to be single too – sometimes I feel like I should rush it to try and fit in. Also difficult to find someone that floats my boat enough!
Internet dating – trying it at the moment, but you’re all right, its far too easy to write people off because they aren’t ticking every single box…

Hi newgal, don’t worry about etiquette nobody else does 🙂

Love: you either do or don’t, it’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ there’s no ‘maybe’

But it’s quite possible to fall out of love. And that’s often where the compromise bit comes in, later, when you realise you love someone, want to stay in love, are planning to spend the rest of your life together not drift apart.

Relevant to Elfin’s OP (or another thread?) can you be ‘in love’ with more than one woman (or man) at the same time?