A stick.
Sorry but I love bad jokes, you got any?

what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot

Whats pink and fluffy.?
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Pink fluff. 🙄

What's brown and sounds like a bell
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Dung!!

A man walks in a bar…

…"ouch!"

a horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?"

There once was a man from peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Best joke ever.

What's a foot long and slippery?

A slipper

what do you call a deer with no eyes?
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no eye deer 🙂

a white horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "we've got a drink named after you"

Horse says "I'll have a pint of Eric then"

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
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Still no eye deer!

and for my finale….

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia?
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still no **** eye deer! 😆

I thank you!

Two peanuts walking down the street; one was assaulted.

Two fish in a tank

One turns to the other and says "how do you drive this thing?"

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

WONKEY!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
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Doug

What do you call a man with no spade on his head?
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Douglas

Why shouldn’t you take a pokemon into the bathroom?
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He might Pikachu.

JAM29er – Member

Two peanuts walking down the street; one was assaulted.

Ah ….. the famous German "Killer Joke" which they foolishly thought would win them the war.

[8.50 minutes in]

In a sign of how much we have progressed, the Geneva Convention now forbids such jokes.

What's pink and hard?

The Financial Times crossword.

2 monkeys in the bath together, one says- "ooh ooh ooh aah aah aah"

the other says- "well put some cold in then"

what do you do if an elephant comes in the room?

start swimming

what is brown and smells of pine?
A poo in a radox bath

———————–

Major car collision on Spaghetti Junction:

12 injured, 4 pasta way.

—————————-

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.
—————————

Two parrots sitting on a perch.

One turns to the other and says 'can you smell fish'?

Fantastic thankyou all

ernie_lynch [8.50 minutes in]

– As if I didn't watch it all :lol:(and will again later) Thankyou

Oh and

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

2.30

an English man Irish man and a Welshman walk into a pub, barman says is this some sort of joke?

what do you call an artist with a brown finger?

Picasso

What's the first question at the [insert nemesis of local rough area] pub quiz?

What are you ****ing looking at?

what's round & orange?
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an orange

what do you call a man in a paper bag?
Russell

a bear walks into a bar. "I'll have a pint of lager and a……………………………………………………………………………………packet of crisps please"
Barman replies "why the big pause?"

god i wish i could post the jimmy carr answer to the OP.

instead
Cheese sandwich walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry sir we don't serve food"

Bloke walks into a bar and says "have you got any helicopter crisps?" Barman says "sorry sir we only serve plane"

Blokes walks into a bar with a frog growing out of his head. "my god" says the barman "how did that happen?"
"well" says the frog "it started out as a boil on my arse"

did you hear about the constipated mathematician? he worked it out with a pencil

I've got loads of Volcano jokes to tell but thought I'd let the dust settle first

Two birds sitting on a perch. One says, "Can you smell fish?"

What's brown and rhymes with Dre?
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Snoop.

Police arrested 2 blokes – one for impersonating a firework, the other for impersonating a battery.

they charged one and let the other one off.

whats green and turns red at the push of a button?
frog in a liquidiser

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
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Bob

Anal

Why do girls wear make up and perfume?
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'Cos they're ugly and they smell.

What do you call a man with a pig on his head?
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Hamed
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What do you call a man with 2 pigs on his head?
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Mohammed
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What do you call a man with 2 pigs on his head, standing between 2 buildings?

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Mohammed Ali

Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

Because he kneeded a poo.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.