Vengers Assemble – Feature-length spin-off from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon; the bad guy discovers cloning.

Carface – Al Pacino stars as a Dodge Charger in this tale of crime.

Vanishing Pont – the mystery disappearance of the bridge over the Seine.

Bogie Nights – Mark Wahlberg’s cold just will not clear up.

Swallows and Amazon – one man’s fight against the internet trade in live animals.

Twin Tow – two cars, one rope, will they make it to Kwik Fit in time?

The Spy who loved M – 007’s boss gets a shock when it’s apparent Bond’s macho image was just an act.

Mutiny on the Bunty – editorial differences on 80’s girls’ magazine get serious.

Godfellas – you think God is funny? Funny how?

A Clockwork Range – Seiko’s finest hour in the battle against the evil forces of Casio.

Da Boot – German WWII submarine is captured and taken over by Fiddy Cent and Snoop with hilarious consequences.

Top thread ,wetting myself at some,
Black haw down, …will leave it up to you!!!

28 Days Late – Tense thriller set in the dispatch team an warehouse at CRC, as they attempt to locate and send a Hollowtech bracket and send it to a desperate rider in the West Midlands.

The Parent Rap – Cringeworthy comedy in which a middle-class father from Dulwich attempts to ‘keep it real’ at Tarquin and Begonia’s school family talent show.

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Word – A documentary about the use of the word ‘flibbertygibbet’ at a clown convention.

Psych – Farcical light-hearted comedy about a group of IT students and their collective inability to keep up to date with the latest ‘in’ sayings.

Chintown – Thriller set in the reception room of a private obesity surgery, as our heroine receptionist tries to locate a missing biro in the folds of her patients neck.

When Harry met Ally – Rangers play Spurs in a pre-season friendly and Harry Redknapp give Ally McCoist some tax advice.

City Lickers – an ‘artful’ insight into urban lesbianism.

Once upon a time in the Wet – a western set in any part of the UK over the last fortnight.

Gone with the win – Gold digging wife absconds with Euro millions payout

Last of the Summer Win – Sweary Northerns final edit before the clocks go back

Wigs of desire – wim wenders latest dealing with Nick Caves incipient receding hairline…

Inker Tailer Soldier Spy.- Gary Oldman stars as James Murdoch in a newspaper office set thriller trying to work out just who the hell the lone phone hacker is…

Dive – Ryan Gosling will hold his breath underwater for exactly five minutes. Not a minute more, not a minute less.

True Git , a US marshal cant be arsed to help a stubborn woman because he’s a Git.

Toy Tory, a toy gets left out of the play activities because he’s a Tory.

Flbber, Wild and wacky adventures with Bill & Ben.

The Decent – an all-female caving expedition gets lost underground, only to be rescued by kindly subterranean mutants.

Ale Rider – a mysterious preacher protects a humble village from losing their pub to a greedy property developer.

‘The Girl With the Drago Tattoo”

Following the events of Rocky 4, Ivan Drago superfan – the tragic Lisbeth – must track down Rocky Balboa. She’s not happy with “how they left things last time” and intends, in no uncertain terms, to let him know…

Cum – Newly incarcerated Borstal inmate Johnny wonders why the chef giggles when serving him his morning porridge….

eternal sunshine of the potless mind – man stops getting stoned and realises he has a girfriend

life o brien – jesus isn’t irish

Moo raker – 007 defeats earth bovine baddies
Casio Royale – 007 learns keyboard while defeating gambling baddies
The man with the Olden gun – 007 defeats assassin who uses a musket

This is brilliant. Tears in the eyes again this AM.

Olden Pond – word for word remake of Golden Pond.

Moowalker- Mick Jackson turns into a massive robot cow.

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Mighty Boos- Noel Fielding and “him with the tiny eyes” new comedy show is not well received.

Mighty Boos- Noel Fielding and “him with the tiny eyes” new comedy show is not well recieved.

Mighty Boos- Noel Fielding and “him with the tiny eyes” new comedy show is not well received.

The Life and Death of Colonel Limp.

American Lyers, starting Barack Obama, one man quest to prove there is equality in America.

The GF has noted, Top Gu, starring the sweetest wettest lady in the land

The Unbearble Lightness of Bing – heartwarming tale of an old crooners battle with anorexia

Our Ma in Havana – family matriarch goes on holiday to Cuba and gets dangerously involved in espionage.

All The Petty Horses – fussy equines cause trouble on the Mexican border.

A Ridge Too Far – all-star cast of out of condition XC riders bonk on their final ascent

The Memphis Bell – US airman turns out to be a fin de cloche

The DMbusters – a crack RAF squadron is formed to test shoewear to destruction

Ink the Bismarck – Royal Navy attempts to demoralise the German navy with crude and insulting graffiti

The King And, film about a king called And.

Alien. Sequel to Alien but exactly the same.

Oldeneye.

Film about an old eye?

He African Queen. Robert Mugabe is outed by Tarzan

200 – A Space Odyssey – they were a lot more advanced back then than you would think.

Home Lone – a true life tale of mortgage arrears in the modern world.

Withnail and – and what, how dare you, how dare you call me inhumane.

Black Haw Down – don’t know the storyline, but it stars Hugh Grant.

Tax Driver – Robert De Niro’s been done for not having an up to date tax disc, and things are going to get a bit tasty.

The HRT Locker – Everyday adventures of a cupboard. In a hospital.

This was so funny lets have another go.

Vert go! French drag racing drama.

The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her over – The wife of a barbaric crime boss engages in a secretive romance with a gentle bookseller between turns bowling for her local cricket team.

Rave – Disney/Pixar tell a sweet tale of the underground dance scene.

One with the Wind. The story of a simple man and his dedication to kite flying.
E. A cautionary tale of a young lad caught up in the warehouse party scene of the late eighties. Having a bad trip one night he hallucinates about a small brown deformed man and flying bicycles.

Bourn Legacy – the beautiful moment a car is brought into this word
Carry on amping – Sid James & the gang take up electronics
63 Squadron – defence budget cuts hit WWII Mosquito unit
Moo – cloned cows on Earths only natural satellite
Unshine – after a successful restating of the sun sets the brightness too high a second team are despatched to turn it down a bit
Thelma & Louis – dissatisfied woman and jazz trumpeter go on a road trip