I need some diplomacy skills ...

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I need some diplomacy skills ...

41 posts & 28 voices | Started 7 months ago by cinnamon_girl | Latest reply from hora

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cinnamon_girl - Member

The 'problem' is a lack of screening between mine and my neighbour's garden. There's an elderly lady (80'ish) who lives with her creepy son and he seems to faff around in the garden tending the roses.

I want some privacy, particularly when I am sunbathing in my bikini, but am unsure as to who is responsible for the rather wobbly fence. Would be prepared to pay to replace it as I suspect the privacy thing doesn't bother them.

Thing is ... how do I approach this without causing offence?

I look forward to your helpful and amusing ideas.

Posted 7 months ago #
GW - Member

bored too ?

Posted 7 months ago #
binners - Member

Too Jewish maybe? You could always get Banksy to come and do his business on it. So to speak

Posted 7 months ago #
soobalias - Member

first find out who owns the fence - its on the deeds.

then if its yours just rip it down and put up what you want.

Posted 7 months ago #
crikey - Member

Um, why not just carry on doing what you want to do; the whole 'I must have my privacy' thing strikes me as a peculiarly English affliction.

Or go round and say I'm putting a fence up.

Posted 7 months ago #
PeterPoddy - Member

Would be prepared to pay to replace it as I suspect the privacy thing doesn't bother them.

Flip side of the coin.....

Maybe they don't want a massive great big fence casing a shade in their nice garden.

Personally I hate high fences. As you know our house has 4 neighbours in the back garden. The only ones we've never spoken to are the ones with the high fence......
Our last neighbour did it too, for 'privacy', It's bollox. If I wanted to see into his garden I could do it much better from upstairs, fence or no fence, but it ruined the look of our garden, and it's anti-social IMO

[/devils advocate]

Posted 7 months ago #
bruneep - Member

Out in your bikini in the middle of oct

Posted 7 months ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

Just put a fence up on your side of the boundary.

Posted 7 months ago #
yesiamtom - Member

Perhaps you should ask them if they mind you replacing the old fence? Just say you think its ugly and worn down/rotting whatever? Bit of home improvement?

Posted 7 months ago #
PeterPoddy - Member

Just put a fence up on your side of the boundary.

That's what our neighbours did. It's really horrible to look at. He put a trellis on top of it too, so I started growing climbing plants on it. He took the trellis off then...........

Posted 7 months ago #
coffeeking - Member

You could just put your own fence up just inside the existing fence - that's what our strange neighbours did instead of talking to us about the joint fence!

That's what our neighbours did. It's really horrible to look at. He put a trellis on top of it too, so I started growing climbing plants on it. He took the trellis off then...........

Beat me. Ditto.

Posted 7 months ago #
binners - Member

PP Makes a fair point. If creepy son is watching you from his bedroom, well..... you never know what he's upto. But you could probably guess

At least if he's doing that in the garden it'd be fairly apparent, and you could hit it with a stick or summink

Posted 7 months ago #
BigButSlimmerBloke - Member

I think I know how to deal with this in a way that will prevent any offence being taken by anyone.

..but I need to see a pic of you in your bikini to be sure

Posted 7 months ago #
nickf - Member

If you have a dog, then it's easy enough to say that you don't want Bouncer to act eponymously and arrive next door. As you say, it's a wobbly fence.

If you don't have a dog, then:

(a) you should get one anyway (they're great, honest)

(b) you could always tell your neighbour that you're planning to. When quizzed 3 months later, you can always say that the plan (you were going to take that naughty puppy from your Aunt Maisie, remember) fell through for some unspecified reason.

Posted 7 months ago #
Junkyard - Member

Go and speak tot hem and say
I wish to replace the fence with a new one as it is old and tatty. I would like to replace it with a fence - show picture /describe etc.
Say the deeds will show whether it is their responsibility to do this or your but you are willing to pay for this and ask if it is ok to do this.
Dont mention the creepy son.
If they disagree see your deeds and do it anyway if it is "yours".
IIRC you can do it inside the boundary line on your side up to 2 m high anyway so it is a bit of a moot point

Posted 7 months ago #
Klunk - Member

the whole 'I must have my privacy' thing strikes me as a peculiarly English affliction.

as far as i could make out the Swedish idea of a fence was about 3 inches tall. (though that maybe just a Gothenburg suburb thing)

Posted 7 months ago #
fastindian - Member

the old girl probably isnt that impressed with you sunbathing in your bikini so why not have a few goes naked & she'll probably put up a new fence herself!

Posted 7 months ago #
PeterPoddy - Member

We've got a massive beech hedge on the front too, that the last owener(s) let get out of hand.

It's 7-8 ft high.

Soon it's chainsaw time, and it'll be 3-4ft high, then when I have the money it's coming out all together, and a low wall or fence going in.

I like to be able to see out, and have light come back in, too.

Posted 7 months ago #
fasthaggis - Member

Don't bother with a fence ,just wear this for a while

Posted 7 months ago #
PeterPoddy - Member

IIRC you can do it inside the boundary line on your side up to 2 m high anyway so it is a bit of a moot point

Yes, maybe you CAN..... but SHOULD you?

It's a horrible, horrible, horrible thing to do to your neighbours. It's THE best way in the world to annoy them and make them dislike you.

Why not just talk to the bloke over the fence? He's probably really nice, and you might make a friend. Why shut yourself off from the world?

Posted 7 months ago #
avdave2 - Member

There's an elderly lady (80'ish) who lives with her creepy son and he seems to faff around in the garden tending the roses.

I think you might be my next door but one neighbour!
Just to confirm it does he have Tourettes and did your husband catch him recently masturbating in his front garden?

Posted 7 months ago #
avdave2 - Member

Oh and generally speaking if you are looking out into your back garden the boundary on the right is your responsibility.

Posted 7 months ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

Knock on and tell the old biddy that her creepy son is perving at you?

Try "oi, Grumpowski, your pervy retarded son keeps looking at my norks. Get him to put up a proper fence or I'm gonna poke his eyes out with a rusty pitch fork"

No thanks necessary, I've got to dash off to the middle east after sorting out a couple of issues for a silly minister or two.

Toodle-pip.

Posted 7 months ago #
crikey - Member

Why not just talk to the bloke over the fence? He's probably really nice, and you might make a friend. Why shut yourself off from the world?

If you're really lucky he might nip round and shag you every now and again.

Posted 7 months ago #
fasthaggis - Member

Peter ..good call

He might start wearing this

Posted 7 months ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

What a hoot

Brilliant, I knew I could rely on you guys.

Posted 7 months ago #
vinnyeh - Member

Take pp's advice...

Why not just talk to the bloke over the fence? He's probably really nice, and you might make a friend.

FWIW we did the thing where we put a 6' fence inside the boundary. Worked well for us, but it's a pretty extreme solution.

Posted 7 months ago #
emsz - Member

avdave2 eeeeeuuuuuwwww

really? that's gross

Posted 7 months ago #
xiphon - Member

Bikini you say? Pics or it didn't happen....

Posted 7 months ago #
TuckerUK - Member

Do you only wear your bikini in private then? Not at the public beach/swimming baths?

Posted 7 months ago #
sofatester - Member

lives with her creepy son and he seems to faff around in the garden tending the roses

I live with my mum and like to help with the garden because she can't always do so due to her osteoarthritis. Sometimes I just wear my bib shorts, straps up of course; whilst sporting a rather fetching pair of orange gardening gloves. I will not look around in future and only go out on overcast days. Sorry if I offended any self conscious sun bathers in the past.

I will admit I am quite creepy though

Posted 7 months ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

Pete, yeah you're right - this privacy thing is oh so British so may be I'm just getting paranoid. Don't get rid of your hedge though cos it's nice and probably the wildlife appreciate it. That would have taken donkey's years to grow.

Actually the dog suggestion is a good one - yep, it's gonna be a big hound so a 6' fence should do the trick.

As regards the s**g***g, ugh.

Posted 7 months ago #
hora - Member

cinnamon_girl thank you lucky stars that you don't live next to me

Posted 7 months ago #
sharkbait - Member

Chez CGs earlier

Posted 7 months ago #
hora - Member

particularly when I am sunbathing in my bikini

Posted 7 months ago #