🙄

Still dating…?

Got it in one!

I’ve also come to realise that girls who claim to love ‘all music’ are more likely to mean Rihanna and Kings of Leon than Ben E King and Slayer.

😆

“I’m as happy snuggled up on the couch as I am strutting my stuff in town”

“I like slushy chick-flicks as much as I like arthouse foreign independent cinema”

“I love reading….OK!”

It’s just terrible!

Also, it’s amazing how many girls seem to have been skydiving..massed ranks of them. And it would seem that for many, their lives won’t be complete until they’ve tried Zorbing.

I like the profile photographs that are obviously the result of one of those vanity modelling shoots you can buy. The end result always seems to be shots of girls sitting inside what appears to be a giant Polo mint with one leg propped against the sidewall!

Women’s Lonely Hearts Ads

…and the personal meanings behind them!

40-ish Really means…
48

Athletic Really means…
Flat-chested.

Average looking Really means…
Ugly.

Beautiful Really means…
Pathological liar

Educated Really means…
College dropout

Emotionally Secure Really means…
Medicated

Feminist Really means…
Fat; ball buster

Free spirit Really means…
Drug user

Friendship first Really means…
Trying to live down reputation as sl*t

Fun Really means…
Annoying

Good Listener Really means…
Borderline Autistic

New-Age Really means…
All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned Really means…
Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded Really means…
Desperate

Outgoing Really means…
Loud

Passionate Really means…
Loud

Poet Really means…
Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional Really means…
Real Witch

Redhead Really means…
Shops the Clairol section

Reubenesque Really means…
Grossly Fat

Romantic Really means…
Looks better by candle light

Weight proportional to height Really means…
Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate Really means…
One step away from stalking

Widow Really means…
Nagged first husband to death

on that basis

I’m out 🙂

Fark off with your DVD and glass of wine on the sofa! 😆

I like ******* girls hard and fast up the ****.

I’ve gotten beyond being addicted to first dates to just being addicted to arranging dates. I never go on them, but I could if I wanted to. 6 out of the last 6 I’ve cancelled. I’ve given up with it.

exercise is your new mistress and i claim my five english pahhhnds.

LOL.. she’s been my bitch for a long time. The abscence of Mary Jane has just meant I’ve been able to give my almost undevided attention to her over the last year or so.

Fark off with your DVD and glass of wine on the sofa!

This one is so ubiquitous that is makes me want to cry. I mean, really, if the most interesting thing you can think of to say about yourself is the same thing that ten million other people have already said, being that you like getting pissed, being lazy and watching films, then there is no hope.

The full, classic, wrist-slitting version is ” I [like/love/enjoy + nothing better than] curling up on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a DVD”. Presumably after a hard day’s zorbing and sky diving, you dipsomaniac old trout. Shoot me now.

I gave this shizzle up years ago. Mug’s game.

I like blinking.

Can we please see your amazing descriptions? 😉

“I have a passion for travelling” = I like going on holiday

“looking for a partner in crime” (which is used a stupidly high amount) = the closest I have got to illegal activity is crossing the road when the little man was still red

“I have an amazing group of friends” = my friends are now all married with kids and I’m feeling lonely and desperate

looking for an ambitious man = looking for someone with lots of money

romantic = you will take me somewhere expensive and you will be paying

I am a bit mad and like a laugh = I drink heavily and often embarrass myself in public.

I lol’d at this:

Also, it’s amazing how many girls seem to have been skydiving..massed ranks of them. And it would seem that for many, their lives won’t be complete until they’ve tried Zorbing.

So true.

“I like to laugh”

“I like having fun”

“I like eating out”

No shit! I hate those!

Modern love terrifies me

I’ll be gentle with you Dez.

Makes me party

The ‘love intelligent conversation’ and ‘looking for an equal’ terrfiy me… wtf’s that all about. Know where you’re coming from with the all types of music, it’s very disappointing to find that your date likes neither Dutch Gabba nor Conway Twitty.
Keep plodding, you never know who you may stumble upon. I’m on my third date and everything seems cool.

3rd date… NOOOB!

This may help:

http://tomcoxblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/online-dating-profile-cliches-decoded.html

I’d be interested to see how you’ve described yourself then….

Go on show us your profile 🙄

Don’t you think men put the same s**t too? Tall = 5’4″, athletic = skinny gangly legs and concave chest, close to family = mummy’s boy who still live at ‘home’, intelligent = reads something other than Razzle.

Go on show us I double dare you

It always amazed me the amount of men on dating sites that never seemed to read anything at all. “The last thing I read was the back of a cereal packet” seems to be quite a common assertion!
Anyway I’ve stopped doing all that now and couldn’t be happier!

DezB – Member
Makes me party

But I never wave bye bye

Don’t you think men put the same s**t too? Tall = 5’4″, athletic = skinny gangly legs and concave chest, close to family = mummy’s boy who still live at ‘home’, intelligent = reads something other than Razzle.

It’s Binner’s ad!

*is tempted*

A good few STWers have already seen the profile I had…

ive seen the massize .zip file of erotic photos you send to people but not the original add….

Phil… you’re in half those pics?

i know… but how many buttered up stoats did it take to get you to agree to show me them? it was unfair getting the photgrapher and cctv guys to send the stuff to your email and not to mine as well 🙁

I knew you’d want to edit it, change the order… and I’m more than happy with the Blaxpoitation soundtrack.

Sorry, I’m just being nosy really

Go on Plenty of Fish and search for “The Almighty Awesome!!!” if you’re really interested…

Go bagpuss!

Look, we understand that sometimes you guys need a helping hand …

We’re fine with our own helping hand. It’s when we need more than a hand that it gets tricky.

It’s Binner’s ad!

The word ‘skinny’ would never be used in any description of me. And to be honest mate, I’ve always found the prose in a Razzle a bit challenging 😉

The Almighty Awesome……?? 🙄

I started to go blind searching I’ve had to give up I’m afraid seemed they were all American I couldn’t find ya! However Bob from Kansas with his goatie beard and Slayer t-shirt with kebab down the front looks nice…. *sicks a bit in mouth*