[Closed] Loss, Impending and done.

You "wore" it or "wrote" it?

Is it blooz?

I wrote it, not blooz for all its trapping, dsyleckia maybe, did you listen to it?

I'm on phone. Only giving me lyrics.

put it in your ears, i'd be interested as to opnion?

Jayzus. Less of the Cash's last album humbug. Where's the bass? Your guitar sounds like it's being played in a tin can. The lyrics are good, the realisation is piss-poor. (I'm listening on bass-heavy speakers and there is no bass).

The vocals suck big-dogs'-cocks. Raise your voice and shout a bit!

Does it need a middle eight? Does a jobby need a wee bit of lube as it exits?

Having said all that, the more people playing guitar and singing, the better. Keep it up Mr Nutt.

Cowell has spoken.

I liked it, in a dirgy sort of way, don't listen to cowall up there, he'll make you get a boob job, don a miniskirt, and put you in a kiddyband, and you'll end up being called gingernutt!

It made me sad.

Which probably means it 'works' as a song.

I prefer stuff that sounds like it was recorded in a tin can - too many years listening to music in acoustically crap venues I think.

I'd have liked it spoken, like Waits, with dirtier guitar. But all in all, it was splendid.

It really, really does need that bridge, and possibly played on a piano or accordion.

Work on the accuracy and consistency(pressure) of your fingering, it's all over the place.

The vocal sounds forced,it sounds like your voice is trying to work at a higher pitch and you're forcing it to go low and as a result, the overall timbre seems to drift about quite a lot. You might need to accept that you have a higher pitched voice than you'd like.

Having said all that, I quite like the lyrics and what the song could be with a little work though.

I'm waiting for the Simon R cover version.....

You might need to accept that you have a higher pitched voice than you'd like

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It's concise, uncluttered and the lo-fi 'here and now' recording gives it a particular location and through that it carries your connection to it's content and meaning. I don't think the shaky voice is an affectation though the accent might be (can't find other songs on that site to compare).

It's personal and close and that comes through. Form and content. I don't think it needs a bridge.

I hope writing the song has a cathartic effect and helps you through a difficult time.

Right, listened to it now 🙂

Definitely work on your precision on the guitar. Get a drum machine maybe and have something light going on in the background whilst you practice?

And the accent.. sounds a bit like you're trying to be Texan but you might be from Northern Ireland which would work. Been listening to Snow Patrol much? 🙂

My advice would be

1) Practice the guitar part - hard.
2) Use a capo - 3 frets would ease your voice up a fair bit but still keep the low easy style.
3) Really concentrate on singing in your own voice. Fake accents really bug me, and you end up sounding really refreshing. Personally it's a joy to my ears to hear someone's real voice, not some identikit American accent. It's surprisingly difficult to do actually, cos we've been listening to popular music sung the same way for so long.
4) Use more air when you sing, if that makes sense.

NB I am not an accomplished musician so I might be talking rubbish.

I do like the song though quite a lot. Reminds me of something that I can't place.

OK so I may have been a little harsh last night. It's better than 90% of the crap on the radio, so tune your guitar properly and try again.

I thought it was pretty good - given the dodgy recording and slightly out of tune guitar - but that's par for the genre and adds to the autheniticity, no?

Def' needs some kind of modulation/bridge/chorus/interlude somewhere. Maybe just before the repeat of the first verse.

Overall though, I liked it.

SB

I like it.

Sounds an awfull lot likes Nine in Nails/Cash's "Hurt". Liked the lyrics but not the delivery. Guitar out of tune and too may errors. Assuming however this is a rough sketch of wht you have in mind it's a good start.

its a rough sketch sure enough, I'd recorded it just as I'd written it, on a park bench, in 20 mins. Oh and the capo is on the 4th fret.

I'm gonna develop it, it'll have bass and I'm looking for a cellist for a part I have in mind, if it doesn't work I'll bin it.

It's been emotional. And that's all you can ever ask for, from a musical perspective.

I fear it may be classed as "Country" have I wandered away from the blues and folk and into hitherto land of prosthetic breasts and tassels?

If you sent over a decent recording I'd add bass for you and send it back 🙂

I would do, but I think Daz my 6ft+ bass player may turn me into some kind of soup! 😀

And the results will probably be better with Daz. Your whites will be whiter, certainly.

Practice guitar more, get another vocalist.