How do you say, "It's not me, its you?"

But in a nice way?

you say
"it's not you, its me"
and take it on the chin

you can't.

from your posts on the romance thread I think it's time you were honest with her about how you feel.

That sounds nice enough to me, no point beating around the bush (pun intended).

Just explain that you're not engaged with it, not into it or whatever.

assuming you don't work with her or have lots of mutual friends, just tell her straight and never see her again.

Tell her that you think the two of you need a break. Then when she starts getting all excited about where you might go, tell her that you didn't mean that kind of break.

50 ways to leave your lover

Say "This is not a spoon, but (insert fellatio reference here) or (insert go away instruction here)".

honesty always wins, it may hurt but it's the best way

Buy some hair grips, leave one on the shelf in your bathroom, one in your bed. You wont need to say anything… she'll not it's not her!

Dude, sounds like you have to man up and tell her the truth. If you love her give her the chance to do something about your issues. Failing that it is time to walk away. You struck me as a decent sort of chap when we went riding last summer so do the right thing.

Mutual friends are prety much my only circle of female friends (they intorduced us), so would probably rather burn this bridge rather than carpet bomb my entire social life.

At only 4 months your entitled to opt-out. Easily said, but with the benefit of my own experiences of nut-jobs.

The longer you leave it the more difficult it gets.

I know of 2 blokes who've just tolerated their girlfriend …just fell into moving-in together …eventually reluctantly agreed to marriage after years (sort-of-being)together, tried to ignore it and then called it all off less than 3 months before the massively-extravagant wedding.

You can imagine the fall-out….

On a serious note, just MTFU and be honest with her. It's definitely the best way and you won't come out of it looking like a sh1tbag.

The cowards option of just slowly being a worse and worse BF might seem easier but is for pu55ies.

I dont feel bad about letting you go I just feel bad about letting you know

That old conundrum
MTFU – or text her because you are a coward

I don't see why its so hard to say really, unless they're completely besotted with you, just start with "can we have a talk" – it'll set the tone and you can offload and work from there.

Stop washing.

'I think we should go out somewhere for a quiet drink'.. in a serious tone and your work is half done.

We do love each other, just sometimes she makes it so bloomin difficult (and usualy manages to blame whatever the problem is on me)!

Just asked her if she wants to come with me to my parents house for a weekend rather than go on the sun £9.50 holiday, hopefully that's enough of a comprimise, if not it's time for a talk.

Does she have a nice friend or sister? Hit on them.

We do love each other, just sometimes she makes it so bloomin difficult (and usualy manages to blame whatever the problem is on me)!

Hmmm… Believe me, I've been in similar situations and it can be much better than that. I'm now married to a great woman.

As a matter of interest how old are you both?

Is that a holiday from The Sun? That would be an instant disqualification from me.

Stop washing.

Good call. Just start acting like an asshole until she dumps you.

Given his posts on the romance thread I'd say he needs to grow some.

Temporarily relocate any pets around a friends house while you tell her.

IF you want to work on it, perhaps write a letter explaining the issues and ask for a letter back, don't discuss it until you have the letter back, it stops the confrontation. If you don't, just come out with it and see where it goes.

I'm 23, she's 32

Yup, Sun holliday, when you look at what's included in you'r £9.50 its actualy pretty crap value , you have to pay for a minimum of 4 people, and it's like Ryanair, everything is an extra (4 x £9.50 + 4 x 'service charge' + 'club room fee' if you want to go and sit next to a pool full of screeming kids + ……….) I could go on lastminute.com and get a cheep hotel for less!

Just tell her you only started to see her so you could closer to her Mother.

I'm 23, she's 32

You sound like a decent bloke with plenty of time to find a decent woman …..after travelling the world, buying fast cars and doing a lot of biking.

Yup, Sun holliday, when you look at what's included in you'r £9.50 its actualy pretty crap value

Quelle surprise!

Once the novelty of pulling an older, real woman, has worn off -which it obviously has-, your basic values are different to hers and she's got you making all the compromises and sounds to be taking advantage of you.

It sounds harsh, but do not waste your time with her.

23? ok still on the learning curve then

Once the novelty of pulling an older, real woman, has worn off

not the oldest I've dated :-p

not the oldest I've dated :-p

You've got a mother-complex?

Seriously, live a bit and don't waster time on someone you've nothing in common with.

kah!

that nothing. my mate is 21 and knocking off his landlady who is 38 and an underwear model. she also has an estranged husband with a history of mental illness (the bad kind) and violence.

somehow i don't thik he wants to give up what he's got….

Oedipus, ring your mother!

thisisnotaspoon – Member

We do love each other, just sometimes she makes it so bloomin difficult (and usualy manages to blame whatever the problem is on me)!

You might think you love her (but I'm not sure you can after only 4 months) but she certainly doesn't sound like she loves you.

Time to cut and run. Either be honest and tell her it's not working out or make her pissed off so she dumps you. Forget to call, turn up late for everything or even not show up at all and ring her with some excuse. She'll soon get fed up.

make her pissed off so she dumps you

Second recommendation for this! Don't do it! It's a really bad way to treat people and remember what goes around comes around. I've had it done to me, and it's a cowards way out of a situation you don't want to be in.

Telling someone you don't want to be with them is never easy, but if you really do want to end it, just be honest and say it's not working for you anymore. That way, you can both leave with more of your self respect intact than if you treat her so badly she's forced to end it.

alpin – Member

kah!

that nothing. my mate is 21 and knocking off his landlady who is 38 and an underwear model. she also has an estranged husband with a history of mental illness (the bad kind) and violence.

somehow i don't thik he wants to give up what he's got….

You're mate still seeing her then? 😉

I think the 'I'm just not that into you' phrase/approach (eg there's nothing wrong with you but it's just not clicking) is best since that's essentially the truth and most women seem to know about the phrase since it was in S3x and the City a while back and was portrayed as being acceptable…

Is that a holiday from The Sun? That would be an instant disqualification from me.

she reads the sun? or just buys it for the pictures?

Semi-tried the "treat her badly and see what happens approach"

for example;
The moment I don't show any affection she get's all upset and starts cuddlig up, the moment I give in and return the affection she's back to bored indifference.

Just asked if she want's to come away with me this weekend, apparently not, she's on call which means she has to cary a mobile phone and note book with her, which apparently percludes her from doing anything at all.

At 23 you shouldn't be dealing with a relationship with this sort of hassle. If it's not right, get out. And be honest with her – if you lie and try to sugar coat it she'll think there's still a chance for the two of you.

Finish it and get out there and have some fun. That's what I did, had my fun and then met my dream bloke at 27 🙂