a post on the rough pub etiquette thread got me thinking..

As a lad I used to occasionally stand on the terraces at Exeter City (The first match I ever saw at St James Park was with my grandad when I was around 7 years old – it was against Millwall in the late 70s and he warned me that we might have to leave before the end… we left before half time I think)

So after a long lay off, I started going again with mates when we were at secondary school… we loved standing in the Cowshed with the rowdiest songsters and singing our hearts out on a Saturday afternoon..

My favourite that had me giggling for days after each time it was sung was about local rivals Plymouth Argyle and had a Christmas theme..

In beautiful choir-like tones it would begin..

‘Away in a manger no crib for a beeeeeeeeeed… The little lord Jesus woke up and he saaaiiiid… WE HATE ARGYLE AND WE HATE ARGYLE WE HATE ARGYLE AND WE HATE ARGYLE… WE ARE THE ARGYLE HATERS!’

It would be pulled out at any match against any opponent at Christmastime.. the juxtaposition was a thing of sheer beauty

happy times

We are Leeds
We are Leeds
We are Leeds
We are Leeds

Quite poetic, I think you’ll agree.

West Ham to Liverpool: we’ve got Di Canio, you’ve got our stereos, we’ve got Di Canio, you’ve got our stereos.

Inverness to Ross county
‘The wheels on your house go round and round’

I think it was Birmingham vs Chelsea many moons ago and the fans were singing

“that coat’s from Matalan
that coat’s from Matalan”

to José Mourinho.

Genius.

Leeds fans to a very quiet visiting set of fans

“Shall we sing a song for you?”

What was that one I saw on the news tonight again……

“We are racist and thats the way we like it?”

A few seasons ago Everton had a young Russian in the first team, the chant was-
‘He’s quick and he’s game,
We can’t pronounce his name,
Russian lad, Russian lad.’

One of my favourite ones at the min are:
It’s Carrick you know, it’s hard to believe it’s not Scholes

Steve Gerrard, Gerrard. He slipped on his f*cking a*se. He gave it to Demba Ba. Steve Gerrard, Gerrard

Hats off to the City fans when Rio Ferdinand was banned for missing his drugs test. At the Derby, to the tune of the Duran Duran song of the same name chanted…

HIS NAME IS RIO AND HE’S SITTING IN THE STANDS!!!!

Another favourite, as it managed to be insulting and offensive in so many levels, was when Ji Sung Park played for United, and the chant went at the Liverpool game…

Park, Park wherever you may be
They eat dogs in your country
But it could be worse, you could be Scouse
Eating rats in your council house!

Genius!! 😆

Aberdeen fans to the rangers travelling contingent back in the 80’s, all waving one arm in the air…

‘Weve all got Stanley knives!’

To be fair to the scousers they’ve had some corners too. To Peter Crouch…

He’s big, he’s red
his feet stick out of bed!
Peter Crouch! Peter crouch!

And Robbie Keane….

He’s quick! He’s red
He talks like father Ted
Robbie Keane! Robbie Keane

Spurs fans to Dean Ashton:

“You’re just a fat Annie Lennox!”

[showing my age]

He’s here,
he’s there,
He’s *******” Dani Behr,
he’s Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs

[/showing my age]

Wasn’t that Rio Ferdinand?

(dating Danni Behi I mean, not Ryan Giggs)

The city fans had a belter about Tevez when he played for us. Google it, as its ban hammer material for even thinking about putting it on here. The only repeatable line is

“They put your head on back to front”

Preceded by a line that ended with a word that rhymed with ‘front’

Obviously it was immediately adopted by the United fans when the mercenary bastard went to city

I saw on QI, so it’s likely to be false, that Brighton once chanted “You’re better than us, we’re crap, we’re crap, we’re crap,” etc. etc.

“Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams” Celtic fans on Andy Goram after it was revealed the keeper was diagnosed with schizophrenia

wasn’t that Rio Ferdinand?”

Les Ferdinand iirc

I’m a big fan of the self deprecating song.

Such as

We only sing when we’re winning – sung whilst losing
Or

Six five
We’re gonna win six five – whilst getting gubbed 5 nil at home.

West Ham v Man City when we got thrashed “you’re nothing special we lose every week”
Was going to post Deano’s Annie Lennox one but beaten to it. Loads of other West Ham ones, but I doubt I would be around much longer if I posted them.

? COYI ?

Iirc the sprinklers at a leeds game suddenly went off showering mostly the opposition and within an instant the leeds fans chanted ” whats it like to have a wash, whats it like to have a wash”

When Sol Campbell went to Potsmouth, and there were rumours about his sexuality, the Southampton fans used to sing at him

You’re only here for the sailors!
Here for the sailors!
Here for the sailooooors!

Les Ferdinand iirc

That’s what I meant, sorry. I don’t do football. I can regale you with some Ice Hockey chants if you like?

“Were racist,we’re racist,we’re racist and we like it”
Oh sorry,you said genius didn’t you

We, piss, on your fish, yes we dooooo.

UTM

One from the footballing hotbed that is East Fife:

They come from near Lochgelly
They havnae got a telly
They’re dirty and they’re smelly…

Have to say even as a Liverpool fan the Man U ‘sign on, sign on…’ one is pretty good.

Les Ferdinand iirc

Just one of several iirc. Including Giggsy.

When you’re sat in row Z
And the ball hits your head,
That’s Zamora!

And not a chant but a shout from the olden days, when players got proper injured and then were treated on the pitch. As the players stood around waiting for the magic sponge to take effect, the bloke behind me (TBBH, every ground has one) suddenly yelled ‘don’t just stand there! Practise!’ Wouldn’t have made any difference, we were shit in them days.

Villa’s John Carew one was pretty darn good imo, & didn’t offend anybody

Willian’s one is good.

The s**t from Spurs, they bought his flight
But Willian, he saw the light
He got the call from Ibramovic
And now he’s off to Stamford Bridge
He hates Tottenham, he hates Tottenham,
He hates Tottenham and he hates Tottenham (repeat ad nauseum)

That Zamora one is fantastic! 😆

I remember when he first arrived, and used to loads of step-overs then fall over, all the away fans chanting ‘you’ve bought the wrong Ronaldo!’

Didn’t last too long, that one 🙂

He’s tall
He’s quick
His name’s a porno flick
Emmanuel, Emmanuel.

In a similar vein:

He’s Scouse,
He’s sound,
He’ll **** you with a pound
Carragher
Carragher

based on this:

http://www1.skysports.com/football/news/11669/2229335/carragher-apologises-for-coin-hurl

🙂

When FC United started off at level 10 of the football league playing teams from small backward Lancashire towns…

To the tune of the Adams Family.
Your sister is your mother
Your father is your brother
You all f*** one another
The Nelson (or any other small town with two syllables) family”

My favourite was the Man Utd chant for Sun Jihai

“Singing ai ai yippee Sun Jihai
singing ai ai yippee Sun Jihai
singing ai ai yippee
we’re going to the chippy
ai ai yippee Sun Jihai”

‘Two Andy Gorams, theres only two Andy Gorams’ ….after him admitting to being a bit deranged!
Best song though has to be the Scotch anthem 98 by Del Amitri Don’t Come Home To Soon’….Which they promply did!

Shortly after Norfolk farmer Tony Martin shot some burglars. To the tune of oops up side your head:
We shoot burglars,
I said we shoot burglars

Again, showing age:

Yip Jap Stan
He’s a big Dutch man
Get past him if you ****ing can
Try a little trick
And he’ll make you look a dick
Yip yap, Jap Stam