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a post on the rough pub etiquette thread got me thinking..
As a lad I used to occasionally stand on the terraces at Exeter City (The first match I ever saw at St James Park was with my grandad when I was around 7 years old - it was against Millwall in the late 70s and he warned me that we might have to leave before the end... we left before half time I think)
So after a long lay off, I started going again with mates when we were at secondary school... we loved standing in the Cowshed with the rowdiest songsters and singing our hearts out on a Saturday afternoon..
My favourite that had me giggling for days after each time it was sung was about local rivals Plymouth Argyle and had a Christmas theme..
In beautiful choir-like tones it would begin..
'Away in a manger no crib for a beeeeeeeeeed... The little lord Jesus woke up and he saaaiiiid... WE HATE ARGYLE AND WE HATE ARGYLE WE HATE ARGYLE AND WE HATE ARGYLE... WE ARE THE ARGYLE HATERS!'
It would be pulled out at any match against any opponent at Christmastime.. the juxtaposition was a thing of sheer beauty
happy times
We are Leeds
We are Leeds
We are Leeds
We are Leeds
Quite poetic, I think you'll agree.
West Ham to Liverpool: we've got Di Canio, you've got our stereos, we've got Di Canio, you've got our stereos.
Inverness to Ross county
'The wheels on your house go round and round'
I think it was Birmingham vs Chelsea many moons ago and the fans were singing
"that coat's from Matalan
that coat's from Matalan"
to José Mourinho.
Genius.
Leeds fans to a very quiet visiting set of fans
"Shall we sing a song for you?"
What was that one I saw on the news tonight again......
"We are racist and thats the way we like it?"
A few seasons ago Everton had a young Russian in the first team, the chant was-
'He's quick and he's game,
We can't pronounce his name,
Russian lad, Russian lad.'
One of my favourite ones at the min are:
It's Carrick you know, it's hard to believe it's not Scholes
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard. He slipped on his f*cking a*se. He gave it to Demba Ba. Steve Gerrard, Gerrard
Hats off to the City fans when Rio Ferdinand was banned for missing his drugs test. At the Derby, to the tune of the Duran Duran song of the same name chanted...
HIS NAME IS RIO AND HE'S SITTING IN THE STANDS!!!!
Another favourite, as it managed to be insulting and offensive in so many levels, was when Ji Sung Park played for United, and the chant went at the Liverpool game...
Park, Park wherever you may be
They eat dogs in your country
But it could be worse, you could be Scouse
Eating rats in your council house!
Genius!! 😆
Aberdeen fans to the rangers travelling contingent back in the 80's, all waving one arm in the air...
'Weve all got Stanley knives!'
To be fair to the scousers they've had some corners too. To Peter Crouch...
He's big, he's red
his feet stick out of bed!
Peter Crouch! Peter crouch!
And Robbie Keane....
He's quick! He's red
He talks like father Ted
Robbie Keane! Robbie Keane
Spurs fans to Dean Ashton:
"You're just a fat Annie Lennox!"
[img] 
[/img]
[showing my age]
He's here,
he's there,
He's *******" Dani Behr,
he's Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs
[/showing my age]
Wasn't that Rio Ferdinand?
(dating Danni Behi I mean, not Ryan Giggs)
The city fans had a belter about Tevez when he played for us. Google it, as its ban hammer material for even thinking about putting it on here. The only repeatable line is
"They put your head on back to front"
Preceded by a line that ended with a word that rhymed with 'front'
Obviously it was immediately adopted by the United fans when the mercenary bastard went to city
I saw on QI, so it's likely to be false, that Brighton once chanted "You're better than us, we're crap, we're crap, we're crap," etc. etc.
"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams" Celtic fans on Andy Goram after it was revealed the keeper was diagnosed with schizophrenia
wasn't that Rio Ferdinand?"
Les Ferdinand iirc
I'm a big fan of the self deprecating song.
Such as
We only sing when we're winning - sung whilst losing
Or
Six five
We're gonna win six five - whilst getting gubbed 5 nil at home.
West Ham v Man City when we got thrashed "you're nothing special we lose every week"
Was going to post Deano's Annie Lennox one but beaten to it. Loads of other West Ham ones, but I doubt I would be around much longer if I posted them.
? COYI ?
Iirc the sprinklers at a leeds game suddenly went off showering mostly the opposition and within an instant the leeds fans chanted " whats it like to have a wash, whats it like to have a wash"
When Sol Campbell went to Potsmouth, and there were rumours about his sexuality, the Southampton fans used to sing at him
You're only here for the sailors!
Here for the sailors!
Here for the sailooooors!
Les Ferdinand iirc
That's what I meant, sorry. I don't do football. I can regale you with some Ice Hockey chants if you like?
"Were racist,we're racist,we're racist and we like it"
Oh sorry,you said genius didn't you
We, piss, on your fish, yes we dooooo.
UTM
One from the footballing hotbed that is East Fife:
They come from near Lochgelly
They havnae got a telly
They're dirty and they're smelly...
Have to say even as a Liverpool fan the Man U 'sign on, sign on...' one is pretty good.
Les Ferdinand iirc
Just one of several iirc. Including Giggsy.
When you're sat in row Z
And the ball hits your head,
That's Zamora!
And not a chant but a shout from the olden days, when players got proper injured and then were treated on the pitch. As the players stood around waiting for the magic sponge to take effect, the bloke behind me (TBBH, every ground has one) suddenly yelled 'don't just stand there! Practise!' Wouldn't have made any difference, we were shit in them days.
Villa's John Carew one was pretty darn good imo, & didn't offend anybody
Willian's one is good.
The s**t from Spurs, they bought his flight
But Willian, he saw the light
He got the call from Ibramovic
And now he's off to Stamford Bridge
He hates Tottenham, he hates Tottenham,
He hates Tottenham and he hates Tottenham (repeat ad nauseum)
That Zamora one is fantastic! 😆
I remember when he first arrived, and used to loads of step-overs then fall over, all the away fans chanting 'you've bought the wrong Ronaldo!'
Didn't last too long, that one 🙂
He's tall
He's quick
His name's a porno flick
Emmanuel, Emmanuel.
In a similar vein:
He's Scouse,
He's sound,
He'll **** you with a pound
Carragher
Carragher
based on this:
http://www1.skysports.com/football/news/11669/2229335/carragher-apologises-for-coin-hurl
🙂
When FC United started off at level 10 of the football league playing teams from small backward Lancashire towns...
To the tune of the Adams Family.
[i]Your sister is your mother
Your father is your brother
You all f*** one another
The Nelson (or any other small town with two syllables) family"[/i]
My favourite was the Man Utd chant for Sun Jihai
"Singing ai ai yippee Sun Jihai
singing ai ai yippee Sun Jihai
singing ai ai yippee
we're going to the chippy
ai ai yippee Sun Jihai"
'Two Andy Gorams, theres only two Andy Gorams' ....after him admitting to being a bit deranged!
Best song though has to be the Scotch anthem 98 by Del Amitri Don't Come Home To Soon'....Which they promply did!
Shortly after Norfolk farmer Tony Martin shot some burglars. To the tune of oops up side your head:
We shoot burglars,
I said we shoot burglars
Again, showing age:
Yip Jap Stan
He's a big Dutch man
Get past him if you ****ing can
Try a little trick
And he'll make you look a dick
Yip yap, Jap Stam
Shoe shoe shoe bomber
Newcastle fans to Middlesbrough's Egyptian striker mido due to his resemblance to Richard Reid the shoe bomber
Your just a shit Andy Carroll
England fans to zlatan just before he scored a hatrick
Proper lol guys, MrsBouys looking at me sideways whilst I giggle.
There's only one team in Talinn, one team in Talinn... When Estonia just decided it wasn't worth turning up to play Scotland, they'd rather watch it on the telly
Christian Nade: "You're just a fat Eddie Murphy"
Jordan Slew "You're just a thin Christian Nade"
Genero Zeefiuk: "You're just a fat Christian Nade".
Then "You're just a good Christian Nade"
Though, it does give the impression that Christian Nade was the first black man a lot of scottish people ever saw.
The Hearts Europe Song. To the tune of My Way:
And Now, The end is near
We've followed Hearts from Perth to Paisley
We've travelled far, by bus and car
And other times we've went by railway.
We've been, to Aberdeen
We hate the Hibs, they make us spew up.
So make a noise you Gorgie boys
We're going to Europe.
To See H - M - F - C
We'll even dig the channel tunnel
When we're afloat on some big boat
We'll tie our scarves around the funnel.
We have no cares, for other players
like Rossi, Boniec, or Tardelli
When we're overseas,
the hibs will be in Portobelly.
We all can laugh at Hibs
When we play Chelsea, Metz or Inter
They'll travel far, to see Stranraer
and visit Airdrie in the winter.
While Hearts, go marching on
and show the Hibs the way to do it,
they lost at Ayr, and we don't care,
we're going to Europe.
The days, not far away
when we will reach the heights of glory.
We'll follow Hearts through foreign parts
and Gorgie boys will tell the story.
How we scored three, at Napoli
took care of Bierhoff and Vi&ldots;erri
when we're overseas,
the Hibs will watch us on the telly.
And ok, using gay as an insult is crap, but there's still no sound like tens of thousands of people singing OHHH PAUL HARTLEY IS GAY to the tune of Seven Nation Army
Is it true that when Man City were looking at being relegated the kippax were singing "we're sh*t and we know we are"
Also re Ji Sung Park:
He shoots, he scores,
He'll eat your Labradors!
Ireland's fans singing "We all dream of a team of Gary Breens"..."and number 1 is Gary Breen, and number 2 is Gary Breen..."
(To the tune of Yellow Submarine)
Not sure if this one is true, but I heard that Utd fans used to sing about goalkeeper Tim Howard, who suffers from tourettes:
Tourettes tourettes
He's in our nets
Fu*k, fu*k, fu*k
"Your teeth were offside, your teeth were offside, Luis Suarez, your teeth were offside", when Suarez was on the wrong side of a dubious offside flag in front of the Bobby Moore Lower.
The whole stand doing Rocky impressions at our goalkeeper always makes me laugh as well "Adriaaan!"
Also when Graham Rix was assistant manager at Chelsea and was up in court for an under age girl. "There's only one Graham Rix, one Graham Rix, with his packet of sweets and his cheeky smile, he's a dirty paedophile". To be fair, I could only get a ticket in the home end at Stamford bridge for that game, and once the west ham fans started singing it, the whole Chelsea end fell about laughing then immediately joined in.
Also liked the one about Stern John.
He’s big / He's fast / His first name should come last / Stern John / Stern John 🙂
Sang at Molineux to Brighton fans
"We can see you holding hands"
To which they replied "Your too ugly to be gay"
Posh Spice Is A Slapper
She's Shagging Roond The Toon.
When She Thinks Of Beckham...
She Thinks of Craigie Broon
Craig Brown era of Scotland !
Bolton fans, to the tune of 'No Limits' by 2 Unlimited:
Mixu,
Mixu, Mixu,
Mixu, Mixu,
Mixu Paatelainen
"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams" Celtic fans on Andy Goram after it was revealed the keeper was diagnosed with schizophrenia
Was actually first sung by Morton fans who were the first team he came up against after the announcement.
This is the match [url=
aw naw no annoni oan anaw noo
At the kop whenever Liverpool looked like scoring the spurs fans chanted
"Calm down calm down
Calm down calm down"
Seemed to last the whole ninety minutes
To Arsene Wenger (not at all pc) to daydream believer
Cheer up Arsene Wenger
what can it be
to be a French homosexual
with a shit football team
Genius football chants... Oxymoron 😉
More please 😆
Not sure if this one is true, but I heard that Utd fans used to sing about goalkeeper Tim Howard, who suffers from tourettes:
Tourettes tourettes
He's in our nets
Fu*k, fu*k, fu*k
Yeah IIRC it was
"Howard howard is in our nets,
Howard howard has Tourettes
S**t, F*ck, Sh*t, F*ck"
"we're not brazil we're northern ireland" is the most famous one round here.
Spurs fans to Leighton Baines at Everton last year:
You're just a sh!t Bradley wiggins...
Chelski wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with John Terry
His Dad deals coke and his mum steals tea
And he cries when he misses a penalteeee!
When FC United started off at level 10 of the football league playing teams from small backward Lancashire towns...To the tune of the Adams Family.
Your sister is your mother
Your father is your brother
You all f*** one another
The Nelson (or any other small town with two syllables) family"
The visiting Bolton fans worked out that this was also quite good for Wigan a few years back too 🙂
The 'Van Persie, when a girl say's no' chant always makes me wonder.
To make it fit with a random 90's Garage tune takes quite a talent.
I've been to one premiership match. Newcastle v Arsenal.
At half time Arsenal were 4-nil up, Newcastle pulled it back to 4-4 by the final whistle.
The chant went
"Four nil and you ####ed it up, four nil and you ####ed it up.."
Neville Neville, they're in defence
Neville Neville, their future's immense
Neville Neville, they ain't half bad
Neville Neville, the name of their dad
Neville Neville your future's immense
Neville Neville you play in defence
Neville Neville you ain't half bad
Neville Neville is the name of your dad
(Sung to the tune of David Bowie's 'Rebel Rebel')
Gary neville your face is a mess
Phil Neville your face is a mess
Was on holiday once and some celtic fans turned up. In amongst the religious cap was
"When the ball's in the net, if it's not Jorge cadete it's diCanio"
Two of my favourites were at a cup game Hereford v Tranmere-
Hereford - clap your hands if you all hate scousers - then bemused when the Tranmere fans started clapping
It was during the BSE scare monger phase -
Tranmere fans - We only eat beef from Ireland, eat beef from Ireland
As a Liverpool fan from a family of scousers - the Man U Park song should bother me, but it is really quite funny to be fair
One of the few redeeming features of being a Newcastle supporter is the quick-witted humour of the crowd. Often at the expense of Middlesborough. The best example I can think of is a match quite a few years ago at St James Park. The clouds cleared and the sun came out, and the whole ground spontaneously turned to the 'boro fans and sang 'What's it like to see the sun?'. And of course the away fans wearing gas masks and chemical suits at the Riverside [url= http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/gas-masks-banned-football-ground-1643217 ]which was sadly banned by the killjoys[/url].
A lot of toon songs are a bit sh*t but the best is probably the Fabrizio Coloccini song (to the tune of 'I love you baby' by Frank Sinatra):
Oh Coloccini, you are the love of my life,
Oh Coloccini, I'd let you shag my wife,
Oh Coloccini, I want curly hair too...
Rafael Scheidt when at Celtic had a rather obvious one.
"Ooh ah Cantona, I say ooh ah Cantona"
Showing that not all Leeds fans are mindless hooligans* when Cantona didn't turn up for Man U the Leeds fans changed the chant to -
"ou est Cantona?"
*Before anybody complains I should point out I have the misfortune to be a Leeds fan myself.
Cider swilling Bristol City fans sing this to the tune of KC & the sunshine band's give it up:
Na na na na na na na Natch
Cider in a can, in a can
Cider in a can.
Don’t blame it on the Biscan,
Don’t blame it on the Hamann,
Don’t blame it on the Finnan,
Blame it on Traore,
He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet...
I cried with laughter the first time I was at the County Ground to see Swindon v Watford and heard the Elton John chant, which clearly cannot be reproduced.
Also, have we done:-
Celery,Celery
If she don't come I'll tickle her bum with a bunch of celery
And:-
In the Liverpool home, in the Liverpool home
They look in the dustbin for something to eat,
They find a dead cat and they think its a treat
In the Liverpool home
He cheats, he dives, he hates the Jackson 5, Suarez Suarez.
Stoke v Liverpool in the FA Cup a few years ago.
Celery, celery...
Didn't that result in heads of celery being banned from some football grounds?
Your mums your dad,
Your dads your mum,
You're interbred,
You Burnley scum.
Also:
Small town in Yorkshire,
Small town in Yorkshire,
You're just a small town in Yorkshire.
Also sung to those inbred Dingles.
If you cannae beat the hibs beat your wife....
Sung to Gazza after Rangers took a thumping by the hibs ...and Gazza smacked up his missus
Oh Balotelli he's a striker…
He's good at darts
He's allergic to grass but when he plays/ He's ****ing class.
Drives round Moss Side/ with a wallet full of cash
Can't put on his vest. But when he does he is the best
Goes into schools Tells teachers all the rules
Sets fire to his gaff With rockets from his bath
Doesn't give a **** Cos he did it for a laugh
Runs back to his house For a suitcase full of cash
Oh Balotelli
Many years ago just after Leeds Utd had declined to sign Asa Hartford after a medical showed he had a possible problem with his heart when he next played at Elland Road the Leeds fans sang:
"You've got a hole in you heart dear Asa a hole"
Also after Peter Shilton got caught s****ing a woman who wasn't his wife he had to endure 90 minutes of Leeds fans singing "Does your wife know you're here?" and "Did you use a condom?"