Nooooo, the pointy haired managers are in on the act....
"turnkey solution for corporate cycling", "behavioural economists", "company leaderboards", "robust understanding of your current cycle landscape", "great things a client can to laud to stakeholders"
HOUSE!
What tyres for riding over the opposition FOR THE WIN ?
Ah, '**** word bingo' eh?
I call it bullshit bingo and you don't stand up and shout "house" you stand up and shout "BULLSHIT". Got me on a verbal warning once..
It is a bit like those cheesy talent shows where a mate should really have spoken to most of them and told them honestly - 'No, you are crap'
Dear lord what a load of tosh.
not enough nerbs in there for me - needs frameworking to leverage incentivisation ?
Eh?
We have built a network of the best cycling professionals, suppliers, advertisers, marketeers, techies and teachers to create the world’s first corporate cycle brand: a one-stop-shop of high quality solutions which organisations can use to inspire and build value from cycling.PleaseCycle provides two core services to businesses and their employees for one annual fee:
A client-branded cycling intranet with exclusive content and assets covering education, market research, internal marketing, journey tracking and a store.
Bike Concierge: a portfolio of innovative, high quality cycle services specifically tailored to work within the corporate environment.
More eh?
A turnkey solution for corporate cycling.
Developed with industry veterans, cycling professionals, advertising experts and the very best market suppliers we have created the world’s first corporate cycling package. For an annual membership fee we provide everything organisations need to start inspiring cycling within the workplace. The PleaseCycle package includes:Employee Education – An online hub / intranet of engaging information from industry experts.
Marketing Communications – Inspirational cycle ads created by behavioural economists.
Journey tracking – Record, audit and incentivise bicycle journeys with company leaderboards.
Digital Research Surveys – Gain a robust understanding of your current cycle landscape.
PR pack – A top line doc which lists all the great things a client can to laud to stakeholders.
E-store – A discounted and simple online store only accessible to members of PleaseCycle.
Bike Concierge – A collection of cycling services tailored to the corporate environment.
Bike Concierge – A collection of cycling services tailored to the corporate environment.
I've just been sick.
What a pile of arse.
As I've just pointed out to HtS via email - what a crate of old tits.
I used to like the word "robust." But it's been tarnished by its corporate usage. I'm afraid it's entered the bullshit bingo ball bag as it were.
why is his helmet on his bars and not on his head?
How exactly can they state, in a factual manner, 'Cycling increases profits'
It increases their profits 
If anybody wants to send me money so that I can enourage them to ride a bike and tell them where their LBS is you can get me at takingmoneyofmugs@laughingallthewaytothebank.scam
There's a lot of buisness opportunities here:
http://www.pleasebirdwatch.com
http://www.pleaseplayswingball.com
http://www.pleaseexposeyourself.com
....etc...
"exposing yourself increases profit and energises individual development for deployment in new corporate arenas."
why is his helmet on his bars and not on his head?
You be foolish not to buy one, but then you'd be foolish to wear it due to rotational forces or some shit 
You might well ask where his spokes are.
geetee1972 - MemberAh, '**** word bingo' eh?
lol
For a small fee I will send you pictures of nekid people and a roll of Andrex and some comprehensive instructions for constructing the "runway".
I don't know what to think. If done well that could be quite a good idea. One of the main stumbling blocks with Cycle 2 Work etc is that HR put the brakes on it by saying things like "it's too difficult/expensive, we don't understand it, we don't have time, no-one would be interested" etc (all excuses that I've heard from various HR managers in my time). So a one-stop-shop like that could work - come to us, we'll do all the hard work, put you in touch with approved companies to build your secure cycle sheds, sort out your C2W, advise employees on safe routes to/from work, supply a list of local bike shops etc.
It looks like that's what they've tried to do except they've covered the website in utterly meaningless and very annoying wanky management speak...
Hello to all of Singletrack,
Given the comments above I simply wanted to introduce ourselves to the community, and stress that we're very much open to feedback from avid cyclists such as yourselves.
As you've rightly identified, we're targetting a very corporate market and as a result have had to use a certain style of speak. Although our package tries to get the entire workforce involved in cycling, the individuals who will make the ultimate decision to sign-up will be Human Resource managers. The type of language on our website reflects that.
I'm glad that crazy-legs (above) recognises that underlying intent, namely to get more companies focused on cycling and provide everything they need to do just that. It's somewhat disheartening to see keen cyclists (whom we feel our package also benefits) getting up in arms about a company which is ultimately looking to encourage a stronger cycling culture within businesses throughout the UK.
If any of you wish to have a direct discussion about it then we're obviously keen to hear your thoughts. Please get in touch through the website or email us at info@pleasecycle.com (I promise there won't be a "pointy haired manager" on the other end.)
I cannot stress enough that we're simply trying to get more people cycling to/from work - for a variety of great reasons - and hope you can understand our use of business-speak on a website which is specifically attempting to communicate with businesses.
Nice idea in principle (I think - i'm not 100% sure exactly what it does), although not something I imagine I'd ever feel the need for personally.
From a quick view of the site it's not actually clear what PleaseCycle does:
PleaseCycle is a British start-up with one purpose:
“Deliver tangible and intangible value for employers by inspiring cycling.”
This could be a spoof/parody. No normal person speaks like that
Brilliant. Just when my faith in STW to raise a smile was waning.
I actually want less people to cycle to my work cos there's only 1 shower.
is pleasecycle a regular under a pseudonym?
I checked google and this thread isn't showing up under searches for pleasecycle yet... so they're either monitoring the airwave in some complicated manner, or they were already here!
Dave
IIRC webmonkeys can see where people access your site from (other than typing it into the address bar), that link at the top that we all clicked on will link back to this page.
More people on bikes good thing, but management speak? Do PHBs really talk like that? Thought it was just made up for us coalface numpties to laugh at
alfabus - pretty easy to monitor the referring link for hits to your shiny new website and see loads of action from STW.
pleasecycle - why do you feel the need to write in buzzword bingo to reach management types? I often got flyers through where I'd read the first paragraph of that sort of langauge and still have no idea what the company did so it went into the bin. Some managers do appreciate a bit of plain language without 'harmonising synergistic leverages' etc. Plus if you want employees to find your company in response to the 'No we can't run C2W here' stance from their management then surely it'd be a benefit if the average joe could work out what you did as well?
My experience is that you need to speak in words of two syllables max if you want an HR Manager to understand it, not business drivel.
Laudable aims, but to me "Please Cycle" sounds entirely plaintive. Doesn't sound appealing in any way, just makes me think of a pitiful toddler that's about to burst into tears.
YMMV.
Thanks for your comments thus far - a lot of the points raised are very valid and something we obviously need to look at, especially the language style.
The site only went up last week and we haven't started promoting it yet for just that reason - it still needs tweaking. So keep your opinions coming and we'll try our best to take them on board. Again, feel free to drop us a line if it's easier and we'd be happy to chat.
As a general question, would you not prefer your employer to have a more positive outlook on cycling?
ay ay crazy-legs, you've got a friend
"we obviously need to look at ... the language style"
Whilst that stuff comes across as ghastly bullshit-bingo management speak to most people on here, you're not pitching to proles like us.
If that's what ticks boxes with the stakeholders who green-light your turnkey solutions then you need to strategically project that into the marketplace leverage its influence going forward.
If you gets me drift.
Innit.
PS I keep reading "turnkey" as "turkey", which kind of takes the edge off.
Given the demographic of STW, I think it's fair to say that the pleasecycle.com website is bordering on offensive.
Pictures of directors in Raybans and references to the CEO captaining the basketball club. Nah!
I can assure PleaseCycle that the UK CEO of the top 5 FTSE100 company I work for uses normal, simple language and would echo the views of most of the comments above. Our HR people are all fairly normal too.
However - we're not based in London, so maybe that's how they talk up there...
I can understand the concept, I can see a market - but although you have targetted appealing to a certain corporate audience through your style of language, the people directly using your output will be the normal employee who might be interested in cycling to work. Your site and corporate comms also needs to engage them, otherwise the moment they get the email from HR saying "we've hired PleaseCycle to help with our efforts to encourage riding to work" they'll be googling your site and coming to the conclusion in the thread title.
OK. I’ll stop taking the piss now.
One of the reasons why we didn’t have a 3rd party cycle scheme at our place is that HR couldn’t be bothered with all the ambiguous BS. All they wanted to know was how to set it up and how much it would cost/save. In the end we set up our own in house scheme and the first bits of kit arrived yesterday.
I (in my role of in house Ride 2 Work Czar) do the rules and the order vetting. Purchasing do the purchasing. Accounts do the accounts.
If somebody had offered a “plain English” alternative they may have considered it.
Whatever… Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. Fair play to you for coming on here and fighting your corner
As a general question, would you not prefer your employer to have a more positive outlook on cycling?
Yes. But isn't the best way to tell it like it is? "Right Boss, these are the scheme rules, this shop will give us 10% discount, the showers need upgrading and you'll need more bike racking. Does that make sense?".
Then again we are a Manchester based engineering firm. If you are chasing the buzz word and fixie market you may need a different approach.
Oldgit: looks that way doesn't it?!
I can see what they're trying to do and it's a great aim. But I can just imagine Alan Sugar looking at the people behind this and telling them that the idea is sound but their branding is crap, WTF does the language mean and by the way, you're fired.
Pleasecycle: honestly, it's a good idea, it's great that what I mentioned earlier can be found in one place, help businesses to promote cycling but you're out of date with the management buzzspeak. I thought most places had abandoned that kind of talk and (as others have said), if you want to promote it to the wider marker it needs to say exactly what you do in clear plain language.
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