After just a little bit of advice from the STW community.

A good friend of mine is just about to start chemo for breast cancer and apart from being there for her with support I am struggling to think of anything else that would help her – thoughtful/useful gifts etc. She has enough flowers now to envy Chelsea!

So for anyone who has experience or some bright ideas, your advice as always would be very welcome.

LHS.

Books, magazines, iPad, Kindle… It’s very, very dull.

Listen to her, talk to her the same as before, be there when she wants you, go when she wants to be alone.

Find out where her favourite local place is and take her there; a park, a lake etc. Take a blanket, some food and sit and chat. Don’t walk if she’s too weak, just sit and watch.

Be there for her. Having just got my father through cancer and out to the good side, this was the best thing I could have done. And I did. Good luck.

Banality. Seriously talking to her about something that isn’t anything to do with cancer, e.g. what you’ve been up to, will probably be a great relief to her. It certainly was when my mother was recovering from her bout with cancer.

Don’t be surprised if during visits that she doesn’t want to talk at all though.

We bought an iPod (and put some music on it) for my sister-in-law when she started chemo. I think (hope) it helped with the hours of sitting around.

My eldest sister went through Chemo after a double mastectomy, There are 4 siblings in our family, and to be honest, we all did different things to help. Chemo, as you know is a big thing, you feel ABSOLUTELY terrible, depending on the type of cancer and the drugs used for the chemo, tiredness, feeling nauseous, fingernails breaking off etc etc are all common. Initially I tried to make light of the situation, I had a huge pink afro wig that I gave my sister to wear when the hair falls out – that brought a laugh and helped lift her spirits a bit. You need to appreciate just how tired she will be, if she has kids, make sure they do more than just pull their weight, absolutely no arguments in the house etc. Also help by researching the type of cancer, know what questions to ask if you are going to the chemo appointment with her (she will unlikely be taking a clinical view to the proceedings so that task falls upon immediate family and close friends).
The need for support is huge, my mum moved in to do the housework, one of my other sisters ferried the kids to school, took care of the shopping etc.
External support (McMillan, Magie amongst others) are there also, not just for her, but for those supporting her through these tough times. They also offer good advice regarding clinical and financial support.
Above all, I would like to wish her all the luck in the world, if you want to have a chat, let me know.

Time. Cups of tea. Simple distractions. Calm re-assurance. Normality (as far as it is possible). There might be some practical things too, like transport, and lunch.

Be aware that chemotherapy can put some people at risk from otherwise minor infections for periods: between 7-14 days after each treatment. It’s well worth avoiding this so during these times she might ask you to keep away.

I’m learning too. Best of luck.

just being around is good, people disappear when your not what you used to be.
good on you keep it up.

Just be sure she knows you are there for her to help however you can.

Don’t make ANY assumptions about what it will be like for her. Different people, different cancers, different drugs . . . everyone reacts differently

I’m currently supporting my mum through chemo at The Christie, and whilst I won’t go so far as to say she’s enjoying the experience, it’s certainly not traumatic. Her only side effects are tiredness for several days, and pins and needles when touching anything cold. She looks forward to the hospital trips, and seeing her new friends

Obviously, it’s not like that for everyone, and the unknown is bound to be frightening. So just wait and see what happens, and what she needs from you

Esme

Depends so much on the treatment, so the things to deal with will vary. If it is hair loss and weight gain, just reassure her that things will return. Something like a few home made ‘vouchers’ where she can exchange them for you doing the shopping, taking her out for a drive etc. Also, something to look forward to when the treatment is finished – something longer term to focus on is so important.
Normal is also good. Not defining her life by the cancer or the treatment is a very positive thing – she is in control, not the cancer. That can help with getting through things.

My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year, bit of shock to say the least, on reflection what I didn’t do was listen, I suspect your friend will develop her own way of dealing with life/death/guilt/anger and what you need to do is respect her views however difficult you may find it.

Also do normal things just like you have done as well as little wacky things between chemo sessions

PS Chemo can only be described as shit, but it a means to the future.

EDIT: When people fade away from visiting step in and just be there…

Fiick all.

that the hard thing from your perspective.

make it clear to her you will do whatever she needs – fetch the shopping,hover the house – watever.

the hardest thing when its your pal is there is fuckall you can do

Thanks for all the advice. Group hug! 🙂