a gentleman staggers in to a doctors,"what seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"I'll have to show you Doc, there's no way you'll believe me otherwise". With that the chap drops his pants to reveal a massive ruined and damaged back passage.
"dear god" exclaims the doc "I've never seen anything that bad, how the hell did that happen?"
"well I was on safari and one night I needed the toilet and slipped away from the camp for a discreet poo, what I didn't know was that there was a bull elephant with the horn in the bushes and he ran out, pinned me down and made mad elephant love to my bottom"
"hmmmmmm" says the doc " that still doesn't explain the amount of stretch related damage, an elephant's willy isn't that big"
"yeh, he fingered me first"