You can forget your cancer, laxative overdoses, amputated feet and snapped banjo

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 123 total)
  • You can forget your cancer, laxative overdoses, amputated feet and snapped banjo
  • Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    …I’ve got a spot in my ear.

    OUCH!

    donks
    Member

    Pahh…my nose idt blocked.

    I just plucked a nostril hair….

    ARGH!

    Premier Icon cardo
    Subscriber

    Bent a nail back ….. pain indeed!

    breathing in foamy toothpaste when its all frothed up in your mouth.

    Houns
    Member

    Bursting a spot in your ear is fun though, really loud ‘POP’

    philconsequence – Member
    breathing in foamy toothpaste when its all frothed up in your mouth.

    Yeah, yeah, we believe you. Of course it’s “toothpaste”….

    my foot slipped off my pedal yesterday on my way to work, pedal clanged me right on the shin… GAWD it hurt AND I’ve got a wound to show for it 🙂

    ski
    Member

    LOL

    You have obviously never had sack and crack wax 😉

    PeterPoddy
    Member

    Pahh. Pedal in the shin? Try that with an SPD. Reduces grown men to tears.

    jp-t853
    Member

    My moustache is killing me

    Premier Icon thisisnotaspoon
    Subscriber

    I just plucked a nostril hair….

    I do this infrotn of the missus with her tweezers, it makes her eyes water (and me sneeze)

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Pfft! You don’t know what pain is!!!

    I rode too close to some thorny prickly bushes last night. I now have simply frightful scratches down one ankle

    ski
    Member

    I do this infrotn of the missus with her tweezers, it makes her eyes water (and me sneeze)

    Your Mrs has nostril hair?

    😉

    Premier Icon scaled
    Subscriber

    cardo – Member
    Bent a nail back ….. pain indeed!

    this is the only one that made me wince…

    Premier Icon thisisnotaspoon
    Subscriber

    Your Mrs has nostril hair?

    possibly, I’d be too affraid to tell her if she did though.

    Junkyard
    Member

    Near fatal paper cut earlier today

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    i had stingy piss this morning

    ski
    Member

    [/quote]You can forget your cancer, laxative overdoses, amputated feet and snapped banjo

    Did I miss a banjo post on here?

    Premier Icon spawnofyorkshire
    Subscriber

    i got toothpaste in my eye once, absolute agony! My mate had to pin me down and wash it out

    spawnofyorkshire – Member
    i got toothpaste in my eye once, absolute agony! My mate had to pin me down and wash it out

    Yeah, yeah, we believe you. Of course it was “toothpaste”….

    Junkyard
    Member

    😀
    Sterling efforts Cpt

    ski – I posted one a while back.

    A mate of mine was “helping himself” in the bath and it all got a tad frenetic. Twang went his banjo string. He screamed. He bled. His mum came running in and thought he’d slashed his wrists.

    Ho ho.

    Premier Icon spawnofyorkshire
    Subscriber

    😯

    the toothpaste+eye=AAAAAHHHHHHHOMMYGODICANTFECKINSEE/THATHURTSSOMUCC/HHELPMEHELPME/GETSOMETHINGTOWASHITOUT moment was a forfeit in a drinking game. Said mate tried washing it out with vodka at first but that made it worse funnily enough

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    I ate too much soup for lunch and I now have indegestion.

    End of Thread.

    Premier Icon spawnofyorkshire
    Subscriber

    speaking of banjo’s – my uni housemates went twang at the vinegar strokes when with his mrs one afternoon
    Cue lots of screaming and us legging it in to his room to find him sat on the end of his bed crying whilst still wearing a condom with contents that looked vaguely like a raspberry ripple

    plop_pants
    Member

    Just tried to pop a saddle sore. The harder I squeezed the fainter I felt. Going to try lancing it next, once I’ve got my vision back.

    raspberry ripple

    Fantastically graphic. I feel like I was there.

    I once put 6% hydrogen peroxide solution directly into my eye. I mistook it for my contact lens saline solution. Jeez – my eye slammed shut like a vault door. Absolute agony.

    Premier Icon Mary Hinge
    Subscriber

    Meh! – I slept funny and have a slightly stiff shoulder!

    MTFU all of you.

    Premier Icon spawnofyorkshire
    Subscriber

    Fantastically graphic. I feel like I was there.

    it’s etched in my memory and one of those things you just can’t unsee despite years of abusing my brain with alcohol

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    my jumper is a bit tight under the armpits and its making my arms a little bit tingly and numb

    dan1980
    Member

    I stood on an upturned plug this morning, and my day hasn’t gotten any better 🙁

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    my jumper is a bit tight under the armpits and its making my arms a little bit tingly and numb

    Nasty.

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    Nasty.

    It think I’ll warm up a tin of chicken soup, see if that makes me feel better

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    my mate had a similar injury when a girlfriend polished his staff with more enthusiasm than technique. For reasons unknown he was sporting gentleman’s rainwear and also encountered the raspberry ripple effect. I don’t know why he shared the story with us, but in a later incident on a lads ski trip on ‘home made cocktail night’ we concocted one in his honour which included UHT milk and cherry brandy, and was christened the ‘Split Frenulum’

    enfht
    Member

    Whilst moving a filing cabinet by shuffling it from left to right I managed to trap a nipple in the top drawer and make it bleed. 😕

    It think I’ll warm up a tin of chicken soup, see if that makes me feel better

    Tinned soup? You poor, poor soul!

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    Whilst moving a filing cabinet by shuffling it from left to right I managed to trap a nipple in the top drawer and make it bleed, honest Doctor

    ftfy

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    Didn’t get injured, but a few weeks after leaving the shower naked the other day and having a shave, I dropped my Mach 3 and had a nervous juggle around the family jewels area as I attempted to catch it on the way down.

    Will be wrapping my loins up in a towel immediately on exit from now on.

    vorlich
    Member

    I did an asparagus piss at the weekend. Not painful, but most unpleasant.

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 123 total)

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