Worried Dad school issue (maybe)

My son, who some of you know is Autistic, and is now profoundly upset about going to school every day.

It’s impossible to question him effectively about why. Anyone got a suggestion in regards to asking the school? Thing is they are brilliant with him, and I don’t want to give the impression I’m not happy with the effort they, and the district education trust have applied.

He is in a main stream school thus far. I doubt he’s aware of his schooling being behind his peers, and his pediatrician suggests that the time to move him into a more specialist environment would be once this realization occurs to him.

Any thoughts?

i dont see how you enquiring about your sons health and attitude about going to school would give off and bad impression? i would have thought as teachers, they would try to do everything in their power to help you find out what the problem is. just ask them 🙂 see if they have noticed anything unusual as of late with him!

when you talk to them. say this.

Thing is they are brilliant with him, and I don’t want to give the impression I’m not happy with the effort they, and the district education trust have applied.

I know what you mean, but it’s almost a sensitive point as they are doing so much already. If you understand what I’m trying to say.

It’s more of the subtle insinuation that this means…

Just tell them you’re worried because he seems unhappy or unsettled. By the sound of it they’ll be fine – can’t get offended about a parent worried about their child’s wellbeing.

It’s more of the subtle insinuation that this means…

it means that you are a caring and proactive parent who responds to the needs and feelings of your child. You’ll get nothing but respect for that.

DTFU 🙂 , contact the school and arrange a face to face meeting this week. Explain how happy you are with their efforts, explain your concerns, explain what the pediatrician said and see what happens.

Does he have an assistant? if he’s autistic and had a statement then he should get help in the classroom.

DTFU indeed 😆

wilko

He has 2 assistants, one in the morning, one in the afternoon.

Both are lovely, and have yet to suffer the wrath of ‘the slow piranha!’

Or maybe he’s grown out of that

After a couple of incidents, I very quickly realised with my two that speaking to the nursery was going to be more effective than speaking to them. You have litte other option here really

I think as long as you have this discussion with the school in a non confrontational way and make it clear you’re very happy with how they are doing things and are not seeking to blame anyone. I see no reason why they should take umbrage.

Do you have a home/school book.

My wife teaches in a special needs school and it’s a good way fo keeping a dialogue going. The school can just write a few notes about what he did during the day, how he was behaving etc and if you have any questions or any issues occur at home they need to be aware of you can write in.

Has the structure of his days at school changed/become less routine recently?

Also, most primary schools are fairly chaotic at break times – is special provision made for him – I can imagine beign in a typical playgroudn woudl be upsetting for someone with autism – does he have somewhere quiet to go if he needs to?

You may want to look at the special school. A friend has a son with autism, same age as our son. Both went to the same main stream primary. When it got to the stage where he didn’t want to go to school they transferred him to the local special school.The improvement is unbelievable. He’s more independent, he goes away on school trips (for 3 or 4 days)he can ride his bike. It’s the things they don’t do in a mainstream school that have made a big difference, How to put on your coat, brush your teeth, organise yourself. The mainstream school was only interested in the 3 R’s. He now spends 1/2 of each day at a different Mainstream school and 1/2 the day at the special school.

Andy, my wife is a deputy at a school who teaches, and has regular interaction with autistic pupils. If you want an unbiased professional opinion then feel free to email me and I’ll pass it on to her to see what she thinks. Email in profile btw.
Hope it all works out for you and your son.

he moved to year two this year. But it’s a little more structured compared to yr1, so you’d think this was a good thing from an Autistic viewpoint.

The book is a great idea, and I’ll action on that one.

Break times are a concern, but I have no idea whats happening, but then I’d expect some confrontation issues with kids not in his immediate peer group, due to not being exposed to special needs in their year groups…this is probably where I want to investigate most…

rossendalelemming + Mulletus Maximus

Thanks, food for thought for sure…

Now will start to look at Autism schools, as he is not making friends that come and play, but then he doesn’t value friendships like that yet.

you sounds like a good dad 😀

(that’s all i wanted to say, sorry i can’t offer any advice thats different to what everyone else has said)

Further to what the rest have said, you should just go and ask at the school. I’m a teacher and I can tell you any parent showing concern for their child is welcome. As long as you don’t run in all guns blazing then no-one will (or shouldn’t at least) consider it an attack on the school. The more information the teacher has regarding your kid, the more they are able to help.

contact the school and arrange a face to face meeting this week. Explain how happy you are with their efforts, explain your concerns, explain what the pediatrician said and see what happens.

as a teacher this seems the best advice, I teach secondary and see a few kids kept in mainstream school and I do occasionally wonder if its te best place for them. Tough decisions, seek as much advice as you can, good luck

I thought it was a good idea to place him in mainstream, and TBH, there are limited school choices at his age group, but also he has got a lot out of being in mainstream too.

I suppose our choice will be mostly made on what makes the most sense.

Hardest thing is trying to plan effectively for his future education needs.

Just a thought, is it possible he is being bullied or picked on?

Kids can be cruel, even when they don’t really mean to be. That may explain why he gets upset at the thought of school.

that is also on my mind, it has to be there, but I hope not….but I am a realist

The book is a great idea, and I’ll action on that one.

We find the book/Diary very useful with out little one who has special needs and is in mainstream.

Hardest thing is trying to plan effectively for his future education needs.

mainstram school or special needs school was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, especially as my wife had different views to me at the beginning..

Hope it all works out good for you AndyRT & your son.

Andy, my wife is a deputy at a school who teaches, and has regular interaction with autistic pupils. If you want an unbiased professional opinion then feel free to email me and I’ll pass it on to her to see what she thinks. Email in profile btw.
Hope it all works out for you and your son.

Likewise, mails in the profile if it would help.

Something to bear in mind though is that there are an awful lot of children with no special requirements who also exhibit the same behaviour for extended periods. It may just be a normal developmental stage, But the school and his direct support are the best place to find out.

thanks brassneck, but he is statemented already, so its a defined ASD issue. The future is bright, but not sure yet, where the light source is…main stream or not.

Ski, thanks and tell me about it!

My daughters a teacher, and if you approached her like you approached the subject on this forum she would be more than happy to help. Generally what they get is “my child says and I’m going to sue you”, so anything thats on the pleasant side of that is more than welcome.

The future is bright, but not sure yet, where the light source is…main stream or not.

Glad I don’t have to make that choice. Good luck!

My younger brother isn’t autistic but does have learning difficulties and does have some autistic traits. He initially loved school and was doing really well (in primary school mainstream). Then he started one day getting stressed about going in every day, parents spoke to the school they said he seemed to be ok when he was there but was not toiletting himself properly (putting that politely) and that was happening at home too. Anyway, he was going to school by taxi and one of the smaller children piped up a few weeks later that the taxi driver had shouted at him and embarrassed him which is what we think triggered the stress. Little brother didn’t really put the two together but he got given a new, lovely taxi driver about a week later and almost overnight the problem went away. It may be something really, really small. Autistic children are very sensitive so it’s well worth going into the school and having a proper long chat about everything that’s going on around him.

I am not a fan of children with special needs in mainstream schools. It’s all lovely and fluffy for the ‘normal’ kids who learn how d nothing more than walk by without stopping tp take the mick but its no help to the child who has SEN. My brother is in secondary mainstream now and it breaks my heart to see how badly they are failing him. unfortunately my parents think that if he is in mainstream he will learn to be ‘normal’.

Berm Bandit – Member
My daughters a teacher, and if you approached her like you approached the subject on this forum she would be more than happy to help. Generally what they get is “my child says and I’m going to sue you”, so anything thats on the pleasant side of that is more than welcome.

Same here, class of 25 special needs kids. Prefers to have face to face with parents who are worried, have concerns. She gets almost 100% attendance at parents evenings and occasionally has to do extra nights to accommodate. However the area she works in she feels that she is sometimes spending more time educating the parents(extended families)rather than the children 🙁

“my child says and I’m going to sue you”

She could be very wealthy if she could sue the parents for every chair thrown at her, kick in the shin, spit,punch or play ground verbal assault(parents!! )
Have worked with special needs kids myself as a swimming teacher and recently cycle skills through an NHS group. This summers success has seen my neighbours autistic son go from biking in the garden to taking his dad into the small woodland near us every other day 😆
If you have a good relationship with the school then there should be no problem asking them if something in his routine has changed and maybe causing an issue. Assume nothing in his home routine has changed?

Ask the teacher and the school for an interview,they may know something you dont, and dont worry about upsetting them, if i was a teacher i would be more upset that parents didnt ask questions about their sons behaviour, especially if it suddnely changed, its probably something as sinmple as bullying, which is not that simple to stop though.

Hi mate,

I work for the the National Autistic Society (not with kids, with adults) but can get you loads info and support if you want it…

The NAS has helplines, parent to parent support and all sorts of info. Have a look at nas website for starters and email me andrew.lewis@nas.org.uk if you want…

Does he have a a treat/reward for school, worked for me and many of the kids i work with!

as a dad you sound great in all honesty. having been a teacher for a while and seeing the ups and downs of students and teachers alike throughout the year there are several things that could be affecting the school experience. if he was happy to start with in september and is now getting upset could it be a fatigue thing, there are plenty of very tired and ratty kids at our place and staff too.
the home book is a great idea and it sounds like you have a good relationship with the school already which is a massive barrier some people have to break down.
anyone going to school will have worries or fears which can come and go regardless of any condition. i see kids with all sorts of educational requirements throughout the day and i have changed my mind about specialist education. a good school can give a very high level of education, again regardless of condition. work with them and be open and honest.
good luck.

Some schools will provide “buddies” for play and lunchtimes, I’m experiencing something similar with my 8yr old, speak to the school.

Something else to consider:

Think about asking him to do 2 drawings of school, one about what he likes, and one about what he doesn’t like. Images and pictures are easier for people with autism to process than words. Also, does he have a visual timetable now he’s moved up to year 1? If not, that might help him.

gotta take my hat off to you guys….I find it hard enough dealing with ‘normal’ kids so in my book you’re pretty freaking awesome!!